Socks
Oh, you are just the sweetest! My lovely boy! Why are children so delicious when theyre little, eh? Margaret beamed at her grandson, fussing and dazzling the phones camera.
Six months since little Jacks birth, and the celebration was fit for a royal garden party. Entertainers, balloons, a grand, beautiful cake. Gran and Grandad had spared no expense. Ellie wasnt entirely on board with this extravaganza. Of course, it was nice that her parents wanted to spoil the baby and her a little, but just like when she was young, she tired quickly of the hubbub. Jack, it seemed, took after her; within half an hour he was wailing desperately, so Ellie had to whisk him indoors. She pulled the window shut, sat with her boy in the armchair, and within minutes he was fast asleep.
All worn out, arent you, love. These parties are a bit much for you just yet.
Margaret strode upstairs, picking up her gift from the hall table as she went.
Is he asleep?
He was exhausted. Mum, I told you its all too much for him.
Nonsense. Hell get used to it. Ellie, we can afford to throw a little party for our special grandchild. After waiting so long! Look what I bought himjust darling, isnt it?
The rustling paper disturbed Jack and he wriggled, fussy.
Mum, can we leave it for later, please? Ellie started pacing, soothing him.
Oh honestly! I picked it out, thought for ages, and youre not the least bit interested! Margaret put the box down in a huff.
No, Mum, truly, I am interested! Im sure its wonderful! Ellie tried to smile, peace-making. Could you bring me a glass of water? Im parched.
Put him down and come get it then.
Hell wake up.
Let him! Well just go outside for a walk again.
Mum, if he wakes now, hell be crying for ages. Not ideal, dont you think?
Oh for heavens sake, Ellie, children need to learn early on. And well brought-up children dont cry!
Ellie hesitated a moment, then continued her gentle dance about the room, rocking Jack. Her movements flowed so smoothly they looked rehearsed. Well brought-up children dont do what adults dislike. Well brought-up girls must be perfect: straight backs, lifted chins, first position! No arguments!
Ill go join the party. You put Jack down and come too. Honestly, you cant just vanish at your own do.
Please, Mum, fill in for me.
Margaret left, and Ellie sat back, hugging her son close. What a journey shed had to bring him into the world.
Ellie was born into a perfectly respectable family. Granddad was a professor, Gran a leading surgeon in one of the top hospitals in London. Her father followed tradition and became a doctor too. Ellie never understood how this clever, confident man somehow ended up shaped by her mothers will. Margaret had little time for academia; she eked through university, stuffed her diploma away, and set off to find a husbandor rather, Gran set off to find one for her. And Lydia Turner did the job perfectly. The parents met at Margarets parents anniversary, things moved on seamlessly, and soon Margaret had charmed David, and there was a big wedding, after which the newlyweds moved into a flat bought by their parents. Ellie arrived two years later and was immediately claimed by Gran. Lydia took charge of the nanny and personally selected every class Ellie would taketwo languages, ballet school, private piano lessons.
A child should be perfection in every way!
Weekends meant museums and theatre under Grans watchful eye. Ellie saw little of her parents; her dad was always at work, and her mum had just enough time to kiss her goodbye before flitting off to another party.
Grans efforts paid off: Ellie was accepted to a top academy, then a renowned theatre. Her career began promisingly, and thats when she met her future husband. No one in her family approved of Benexcept her father.
A mismatch! Oh, darling, really think about it! What will you do with an uncouth lad like that? He can barely manage a proper sentence! Gran would clutch her temples, sighing dramatically.
Gran, hardly anyone can manage a straight answer when youre around. Ellie curled up in an armchairnormally a punishable offence, but Gran was wound up about other things.
Sorry?!
I mean, Gran, you set such a high bar very few can reach you.
Gran eyed her suspiciously.
And anyway, Bens not just someone I like. I love him, Gran. And surely you know its love that powers the arts?
Stuff the arts! How do you plan to live with him?
For a long time. And, with luck, happily.
Ellie defended her choice, not without strugglenot without endless nagging to come to her senses. But locking eyes with Ben, she said yes, and ended all further debate. To Ben, Ellie was a dream made real, a delicate, gentle soul with surprising inner strength. He wanted to enfold her, protect her, keep her safe from the world.
I dont have much to offer yet. But Ill give you everything I can. I can love you, at least.
It was enough. Ellie finally felt like she was needed just as she wasnobody demanding she fit some role.
Their road wasnt easy. Ben had no connections, no rich relatives. His dad had died long ago, his mum had raised him alone. Susan Barker had devoted her life to teaching primary school, later becoming deputy head. Her pupils adored her; Ben was in awe. She always found just the right word, the right encouragement. Thanks to her, he got into one of the best universities, and excelled. Susans unwavering faith pushed him forward. When she moved to a smaller place, she handed Ben the difference to help him start out, and within a couple of years, his business was turning a tidy profit; ten years later, it was one of the best in the field. Even Lydia Turner had to grudgingly admit Bens worth, and properly thawed after the birth of her great-grandson.
Ellie longed for a child. She didnt want greatness, just simple, honest happiness. But fate seemed to have other plans. Years of tests, two operations, and nothing. Ellie sobbed quietly at night, hiding her tears from Ben, thinking he deserved to be a father. She made a decision, and as she told Ben, was taken aback by his laughter.
Sorry! Sorry, love! Ben pulled her close, holding her as she tried to wriggle away. Its justI cant believe youd think my whole world with you comes down to having a child. You are my world! Havent you realised yet?
Ellie cried in relief, clinging to him. Realizing a child might be out of reach was one thing; accepting it was entirely another. She tried to make peace, but couldnt. Her mother fuelled the fire, sighing about how all her friends were grandmothers while she was just footloose. Friends invited Ellie to childrens parties, and she agonized over gifts. Time passed, and the pangs dulled. Ellie stopped gazing after the children in the park and started her own ballet class.
I have to do something or Ill go mad!
Ben didnt fully understand, but Susan intervened.
Ben, do you realise how hard this is for her? She loves you, and for a woman in love, giving her man a child means everything. Shell need all your support, wherever her interests take her.
I get it, Mum.
He found her a bright, airy studio, and Ellie clapped her hands in delight.
Perfect! Youre wonderful!
All the admin, the children, the classesall this helped distract her. She missed the early signs, blaming them on stress. Delays werent unheard of.
Ellie, may I ask you something? You dont have to answer if you dont want. Susan eyed her shrewdly over coffee. Are you expecting?
Ellie tensed, glaring almost with hatredwhy poke at such a sore spot?
Dont be cross! Its just…it crossed my mind
You thought wrong, snapped Ellie, standing up, nearly fainting as she sat back down; their favourite café suddenly felt oppressive. The headache, the nauseanone of it was normal.
Susan fetched her water.
Stay here.
Moments later, she handed Ellie a small box.
No sense guessing, is there?
The staff watched with surprise as, not long after, the two women hugged, half laughing, half crying, dancing a silly little jig. The happiness on their faces was so evident that everyone burst out smiling too.
Jack was born healthy and strong, giving the doctors no end of worry at his delivery.
Ballet dancer, is she? the doctor said, peering at the tired Ellie.
Mhm.
Turned out a smashing lad.
Youre surprised?
A little. Thought thered be more trouble. But hes just grand. Well done, Mum!
Now Ellie woke every morning feeling so utterly happy, she started to worrysurely one person shouldnt be allowed so much joy?
Youre not on your own, love. Theres two of us now, Ben murmured, gazing down at their boy, snug in the lace blanket his grandma Margaret had bought for the hospital homecoming.
Jacks homecoming became a traumatic circus for Ellie. Despite Bens protests, Margaret ran the show: photographers everywhere, relatives and friends crowding around. A feast was waiting at home.
Ellie, in agony, could only long for a warm shower and rest.
Mum, all thiswhy?
Darling! This is as it should behes made me a grandmother! Im thrilled!
Ellie quickly learned arguing was useless. Climbing her own stairs tired and hurting, she groaned at the waiting crowdnot all had made it to the hospital earlier.
These are your nearest and dearest, love!
Ellie caught Susans eye in the hallway; she grimaced in sympathy. Standing much longer was nearly unbearable.
May I steal Jack and his lovely mum for a moment? Susan cut in, determined, and took Ellie upstairs.
Lie down. Ill fix you something, you go have a shower. Hungry?
Ellie nodded, watching her husband settle their son into the cradle, then tensed.
I ought to head back down.
Says who? Susans brow creased. Theyll manage. Youve done your duty.
Ellie sighed with relief, unexpectedly overcome by sleep. She curled up, watching Susan bustling round the room.
Want to sleep? Susan grabbed a fleecy blanket for her legs. Have a nap! Ill watch Jack.
For Jack… Ellie drifted off, missing Susans soft, affectionate smile. Jack was Bens fathers name.
Margaret appeared minutes later, appalled to find Ellie napping instead of greeting guests.
And whats this supposed to be?
Its called being a young, breast-feeding mum. She needs her rest so our boy gets proper milk.
Oh honestly! When I had Ellie, I hardly fed her myself for two days. She turned out sturdy. Ill just She made to enter, but Susan stood firm.
Lets have a little toast to our shared promotion, shall we? After all, we waited so long! Do you think hell call us Granny or use our names?
Ben closed the door after them, quietly grateful. His relationship with Margaret was always difficult. She took everything he provided for granted, but never gave his opinion much weight. Calm and conflict-averse, Ben just about managed to keep the peace. With David, his father-in-law, he found common ground easily enoughDavid respected Bens business sense and let the family matriarchy slide without comment.
No sense making a volcano at homecant change her anyway.
Ellie woke an hour and a half later, momentarily confused. Then Jack squirmed, laughter echoed from below, and she came to. She fed her boy, caught up with Ben, and at last ventured into the hot bath. Later, sitting at the window, she devoured Susans homemade soup and pestered her for baby care tips.
They gave me a crash course at hospital, but its barely anything. Im terrified! Ellie put down her spoon, anxious.
Eat! And dont be frightened. Kids are tougher than they look, and youre his mum. Let the fears go. When I had Ben, no one was about to helphusband gone, family nowhere nearby. Made mistakes, but who doesnt? Remember: you know best what your baby needs. Never doubt it. Big speeches, I know, but its true. Youll see.
Time proved Susan right. Ellie soon managed, and while her nerves never entirely vanished, she definitely worried less.
The first six months flew by. Susan came twice a week to help with the baby, but inevitably ended up cooking and tidying. It bothered Ellie at first, but Susan reassured her:
Its only a short window of time, Ellie. Catch every smile, every new thing. Dont waste it. I can still scrub floors and cook.
Margaret visited less but made a production of every arrival.
Ellie, look at the pram I found! Isnt it marvellous?
Mum, our pram is perfect!
No comparison! Dress Jack, were taking it for a test spin right now!
Margaret refused to call her grandson Jack for months.
Where on earth did you dig up that name? Couldnt you pick something else? Jack! So plain!
Mum, its a royal name. Whats wrong with it?
Its him whos got to live with it! Hell be teased at school!
Maybe well go to a regular school! Anyway, isnt naming a child up to the parents?
No. Your name was picked by your grandmother. Id have called you something else.
Well, luckily I chose my own sons name.
Margaret would huff, take Jack for a walk around the village, all pride: shiny pram, pretty baby, youthful-looking gran, murmurs of What a charming baby, and what a lovely young mum! She liked that people mistook Jack for hers. But in time, everyone in the village caught on, and her walks stopped. Now she popped round for a coffee, pecked Jack on the head, and hurried off on business.
Ill be his party-granny! Shed deposit another flashy toy in the nursery.
Eventually, everyone found their place in the family.
The grand party for Jacks half-birthday nearly sparked a row.
Ellie smiled at her newly-woken son and reached for Margarets box. Inside, a beautiful silver rattle.
Jack, look! Isnt it lovely?
He turned it in his little fists and grinned, showing the first nubs of teeth.
And what did Granny Susan give you? Ellie opened the carrier bag Susan had leftinside, a soft, white knit outfit.
And socks! Look how gorgeous, Jack. Such skill, your Grannys got!
Margaret, entering at that moment, gasped in delight.
Oh! How adorable! A designer piece?
No, Susan knitted it herself.
Margaret examined the jumper. Honestly, couldnt she have picked something better? Its his first milestone, really! Should at least have bought something. Stinginesshonestly!
Mum!
Well, am I wrong?
Ellie blushed, glancing at Susan, who stood in the doorway and had heard it all. Giving a small nod, Susan quietly set down the glass of squash shed brought, and left the room. Ellie, busy calming Jack whod got fussy, followed after a few minutesSusan had already slipped out.
Ben! That was mortifying. Im ashamed!
But it wasnt you who said it. Why should you feel bad?
I should have nipped it in the bud! I didnt!
Please dont worry. Mums got sense, shell understand.
Ellie tried to find a chance to mend things, but Susan always reassured her, turning the conversation elsewhere.
Ellie, dont trouble yourself. My feelings arent hurt.
Still, Ellie couldnt shake the feeling that something had broken, and desperately wanted to fix it.
Ellies worst day came when Jack was asleep upstairs, no one else home. She dialed Benhis phone was off. At work, no signal. Her father was at the hospital, probably in surgery. She called her mumMargarets cheery voice burbled down the line.
Hi, sweetie! All all right? Hows Jack? Feels ages since I saw yousince the party, I suppose? What a smashing day! I knew we needed it, everyones been raving!
Mum
No need to thank me! I am his Granny! Oh, sorrycall waiting! Margaret hung up. Ellie stared at the phone, tried calling a few more times, only to get the engaged tone.
The pain grew sharper. Terrified, she rang 999, then managed to get Susan.
Ellie?
Please the room spun, and Ellie realised she was about to pass out. Jack
Susan had never sprinted so fast in her life. Still in her slippers, grabbing her bag, she dashed out, flagging down a startled taxi.
Reckless, are we? the driver exclaimed, dodging her just in time.
Pleasemy daughter-in-laws unwell! Please hurry!
Hop in!
Susan clutched her bag as they tore through the streets.
Dont panic. Thirty years drivingnever crashed. Well make it!
The ambulance arrived at their house just after Susans cab.
This way! she called, flinging open the door for the paramedics.
Ellie came to a few minutes later.
Were taking you in.
Where, why? Ellie was barely lucid through the pain.
Its all right, love. Ill look after Jack. Bens on his way.
The operation was a success. Two weeks later, Ellie still wanted to rush home, but her dad was insistent.
Dont be sillyyour health isnt a joke. Jack needs you strong!
Back home, she scooped Jack into her arms and called her mother.
Mum!
Ellie! How are you?
Still not brilliant. Ill need help.
What do you need me to do? Margarets voice wavered.
I need you to stay with us for a bit. I cant lift things, and need help with Jack.
Oh, darling, of course. Only, I didnt imagine thisIve a holiday booked, flight is the day after tomorrow, non-refundable. Ive been dreaming of this trip!
Ellie closed her eyes, then hung up. Shed have to cope herself. She fed Jack and lay down, drained. When would the pain go for good? The doctors said it should ease, but her stitches still ached.
She woke to the sound of someone moving about.
Oh! Sorry, didnt mean to wake you! Susan, arms around Jack, smiled. You hungry? I made your favourite soup. Plus Ive got jelly and fresh buns. Ill pop Jack to Ben and bring you everything. Mind if I stay here a couple of weeks until youre back to yourself?
Ellie burst into tears at that.
Now, now, sweetheart, dont! The doctor said you need good cheer. So lets focus on that, alright? Look what well show you.
Susan set Jack on the floor, let goand Ellies tears vanished instantly as she watched her boy totter toward her for the very first time. She scooped him up, beaming at Susan.
Hows that for good cheer? Thats the spirit! Susan laughed. Now come on, Im going to feed you up. Youll need all your strength once this young man starts to run!Ellie lay back, clutching Jack tight, their laughter ringing like bells. Susan stood by, eyes crinkled with pride. In that sun-warmed, ordinary room, everything settledlove, loyalty, the bright, impossible joy of small triumphs.
Later, as dusk crept across the window, Ben tiptoed in, make-believe frown on his face. Are you two causing trouble already? He grinned at Susan, then scooped Jack onto his shoulders, whooped as Jack shrieked with delight, and pressed a kiss to Ellies brow.
For a long moment, they just looked at one anothera mess of tangled hair, flour-dusted jeans, pajamas. A family, complete in their imperfect, dazzling way. There was no grand celebration, no applause, but Ellie felt something take root and blossom: gratitude, immense as summer, delicate as knitted socks.
Dont worry about milestones or parties, Susan murmured, arms folded, soft as a lullaby. The best gifts are the ones made quietlywith patience, with hands, with heart.
Outside, the street lamps blinked on, one by one. Jack, already nodding off against Bens shoulder, clutched one small sock in his fista reminder, soft as hope, that in this patchwork world, the stitches that held them together were love: plain, patient, and lasting.
Ellie nestled deeper into the armchair and closed her eyes, content at last. Tomorrow would comeuncertain, noisy, full of interruptionsbut tonight, her heart was full, and she was exactly where she belonged.
