Measure With Your Heart, Check With Your Head
Oh girls, my mother-in-law has completely lost the plot! Yesterday, she waltzed in with a pot of her own shepherds pie! Can you imagine? Apparently, mine just wont do anymore. My darling boy got used to hers! Where do they come from? Honestly! Do you reckon well turn out like that? If so, just pack me off to the woods and hope I never find my way home! Sophie pushed aside her coffee cup and reached for her wine glass.
Calm yourself, Soph! Lizzie said, patting her friends hand reassuringly. Maybe shes got the menopause or just a bad case of boredom. Hes her only son. What else has she got to do now but cause well-intentioned chaos? Honestlya homemade shepherds pie isnt the end of the world! Just say thank you, ask for seconds, and let her knock herself out. That means less cooking for you.
Oh yes, wonderful! Then shell just move in altogether! I can barely cope with her as it is. Do you remember that set we bought before Christmas?
You mean the gift?
Exactly. She threw it away!
What? Lizzie nearly poured tea into the sugar bowl from the shock, splattering the tablecloth a delicate shade of Earl Grey.
She said it was unhealthy! The knickers werent, quote, womanly enough! Sophie let out a nervy laugh. I didnt dare tell her how much it cost, or shed have swallowed me whole.
You are never happy! She worries about your wellbeing, and you moan. Lizzie was almost crying with laughter, but then she sobered up. Still, why was she rummaging through your underwear?
You tell me! Sophie flicked a napkin onto the table and began dabbing the tea puddle. Oh bugger! Thisll never come out in the wash!
Breathe, Soph, Olga said, grabbing the napkin and moving Sophies coffee closer. Youre all on edge lately.
You would be! It was fine when we were just renting. She wouldnt just drop by. I could spend half the day wandering in my pyjamas, thinking about work, and no one disturbed me. You cant explain to her that working from home actually IS work. And she refuses to accept I earn nearly as much as her precious son. But ever since we bought the flat, I feel like an amoeba under her microscope. She just turns up whenever she fancies. Does as she pleases. All because she, apparently, helped with the deposit. So Im her servant now. Honestly, I feel like a lifetime prisoner. Sophie whimpered.
Change the locks, said Lizzie.
Cant. My husband would just give her another set. After all, shes his mother. The guilt trip would be one for the ages! I might as well get divorced!
Because of this? Pull yourself together, Soph! There wasnt a sharper tongue than yours back in school. Wheres it all gone? Lizzie demanded.
To the bonfire of dashed hopes. Sophie took a large gulp of wine and exhaled. Right, enough whingeing. I need to toughen up, get radical. Otherwise, Im going to scare my own child. Yesterday, he asked why I was so cross. What do I sayBecause your granny is driving me round the bend? Youre right, girls, I cant go on like this
Of course you cant! Ill have to find myself an orphan to marrysomeone with no mother to invade my kitchen! Lizzie signalled to the waiter. Lets get some pud, shall we? My nerves need sugar.
Oh go on then. Sophie dabbed her eyes and smiled. Want to see the cake I made for the last wedding? Even I was impressed with myself!
Heads craned over Sophies phone as her friends gasped.
Blimey!
Sophie! What is that? How did you get it to float like that? Its stunning!
Trade secret! My boy gave me the idea. Was building his Lego, and I had a lightbulb moment. Delivering it was another story, but now Ive got six orders lined up. I just dont know how Ill keep up.
Get your mother-in-law to watch her grandson! Give her something useful to do.
Oh Lizzie, you sweet summer child! Sophie laughed. Shes not interested. Suddenly develops pains everywhere if you even mention it.
What if your husband and son go visit her instead? Olga suggested.
Sophie froze, her hand hovering over her coffee. Olga, youre a genius! He gets proper granny-grub in the right crockery, on her turf. I just need to stuff my lad with a few sweets beforehandshould keep her on her toes!
The friends laughed, well aware of Sophies sons sugar-fuelled antics. At birthday parties, Sophie was eagle-eyed about his sugar intake.
How about you, Olga? Lizzie turned to her friend. Youve been quiet the whole time. Is your mother-in-law letting you live?
She barely has time! Olga finally smiled. Weve only just had the wedding. You wouldnt believe the amount of sugar they packed into the meringue
Why dont you show em how its done! Lizzie started to laugh, but stopped, noticing Olgas distant look. Whats up?
I dont know, girls. Its justquiet. Listening to Sophies stories, I wonder if its meant to be so easy.
Maybe you won the mother-in-law lotteryone of the normal ones! Highly sought after! Lizzie shrugged.
Im not sure Olga suddenly recalled her wedding day and what her new mother-in-law, Marion, had said.
Olga, Im neither a saint nor a pot of gold. You dont know me yet. Im a tricky old bird. Well probably struggle to find common ground. But just so you know, family comes first with me. And if my boy chose you, there must be a reason. All I see now is youre smartfinished at the top of your classand very pretty. The rest, I suppose, well discover in time. I wont stick my nose in. If you need help, say so. The rest, well, lets see.
Marions bluntness threw Olga. All that, after barely a dozen visits.
Olga and Alex met at a mates wedding. Olga, avoiding the mob of girls keen to catch the bouquet, stood quietly to one side. A compact, sturdy fellow approached.
Why arent you catching the bouquet? Dont fancy getting married?
Not really.
Whys that? Isnt it every girls dream?
Marriage? Olga smirked. Strange idea youve got there. Maybe some do, but most just want to love and be loved.
So youre not joining in because?
Because I can barely stand upright on these heelslet alone jump!
They chatted all night. Alex saw her home and kissed her hand at the door, begging her number.
Half the night, Olga lay awake, stroking her hand where hed kissed her, wondering what her gran would have said.
Shed have said, At last! Olga chuckled softly, picturing her grandmothers sharp eyes and kind smile.
Her gran, Sarah Tilley, had single-handedly raised her after Olgas dad died and her mum moved to London for work, taking everything but Olga. For the first couple of years, her mum sent letters, cheap presents and the odd fiver, then vanished. Sarah almost reported her missing, but instead got a letterremarried and expecting a child. At first, Olga was pleased. But after a while, she realised her family was just herself and Gran. Mum sent nothingno letter, no call. At the time, Olga was ashamed of how shed actedsulking and taking it all out on her gran, making her life hell. No need to go into detail. The important bit was thisno matter what she did, she always came home to a bowl of soup and gentle hands stroking her hair. She never wanted to let go.
Then Sarah got ill when Olga was fifteen, and the world turned upside downno friends now, except Sophie and Lizzie, no parties. Just hospitals, medicines on schedule, and schoolwork. Olga grew up overnightlistening to her grandmother struggle to speak, Olivia gripped her hands, desperate not to cry.
Study, Olga! Youre on your own now, I cant help anymore. However long Ive got, promise me youll keep goinggive me peace of mind when I go.
Olga marvelled at her grans fight. She lasted three years, not one, and died while Olga was at uni.
Her mother only showed up two months after the funeral.
Couldnt leave the kids, she muttered, eyes down.
She was furious when Sarah left the flat and tiny garden to Olga.
It isnt fairyou should share it, love.
Olga remembered shouting, crying, telling her mother everything shed held in for years. Night after night at her grans bedside, begging her heartKeep going, dont stop! If you work, she stays!
It was selfish, but she was terrifiedonce Sarah was gone, shed have no one. Her mother listened, then quietly packed her bag and slammed the door. She never came back.
For a while, Olga floundered, then pulled herself up. She had promises to keep. Academics came naturally, but juggling work and studies was tough. Lizzies dad, who owned a big furniture firm, sorted her with a job.
Dads not convinced, but I amyou wont let me down.
Glamorous, clever, high-flying Lizzie had a disastrous love life.
All the men seem soodd. If only one good one would turn up! Im practically due my third child by now, and hes off somewhere! Cheek!
Lizzies dream was a big noisy family, preferably in Sussex, which shed have swapped for her law firm in a heartbeat.
Lizzie and Sophie were Olgas closest friendstheyd stuck together since school. Lizzie had her posh family, Sophie was raised by her mothersometimes there wasnt even bread in for lunch. And Olga, stuck in the middle. Sophie almost lived at Olgas, and Lizzie would pile round, tucking in to the same soup and fluffy scones Gran baked best. Lizzie helped too, when Olgas mother tried to contest the will.
Let her try. Ill wipe the floor with her in court!
No need, Liz. She knows she hasnt got a leg to stand on.
Lizzie, in secret, had a word with Olgas mum. Nothing ever came of itand neither did her mother.
But there was Alex. They dated for two years, then got married. Lizzie caught Olgas bouquet and, looking like a cat with the cream, linked arms with Alexs best mate.
Dance with me?
Olga and Sophie giggled, fingers crossed for Lizzies luck. Alas, a month later, shed dumped the bloke with a curt, Hes not for me. They knew better than to ask. It was clear.
Max did still come round, but Lizzie kept her distance.
But why? He seems nice enough, said Olga.
Watch out for the nice ones. Theres something shifty about him.
Olga couldnt figure it. Max was friendly, funny, always lending a hand. He had nothing but praise for Olga, by the bucketloadeven in front of Marion, who visibly winced every time he started.
A year went by. Then another. Olga suddenly realised she was pregnant. Doctors had warned her shed never conceive without help, but nature played a blinder. Alex, knowing the odds, had already decided on IVF. And then, surprise!
Its a miracle, Alex! Olga blubbed in front of Marion, whod popped round for Alexs birthday. A present for you!
The best one ever! Alex grinned, hugging herfrowning a bit as Marion shook her head.
Whats wrong, Mum? he asked, driving her home later.
I dont know, son. Its all justsudden.
What are you saying?
She turned to him, her face set.
Do you trust your wife?
Mum!
Well? Do you?
With my life! I never want to hear anything so ridiculous again! Any other mother would be delighted.
I am delighted, sondelighted now Marion gazed out the window, lost in her own thoughts.
Little Harry arrived, and Olga was swept away with motherhood. Marion never imposed, but always helped when asked.
Olga! Earth to Olga! Lizzie waved a hand in front of her, bringing her back. Are you okay?
Oh, just woolgathering. Olga shook herself. Lets talk about something elseyour admirers, Lizzie?
She checked her phone. Two hours, and not a single text from Marion to check when shed be home. Genuinely golden, as mothers-in-law go. It had even been Marions idea for Olga to meet up with her friends.
Go on! Have a night out. Ill look after Harry. Youre starting to grow moss.
Thanks Olga didnt know what else to say. She and Marion got on, but there was always a tiny pebble between themsmall but sharp enough to sting if you step on it. Olga could never pin down what that pebble was.
She half-listened as Lizzie recounted her latest romantic drama, restlessly fidgeting with her glass. Something felt off, she just couldnt grasp what.
Her mobile rangloud enough to startle her so much she nearly spilled her wine.
Olga Marions voice was barely recognisable, flat and shaky. Olga
The rest became a blurshe barely remembered Lizzie and Sophie slapping her cheeks awake, bundling her into a taxi, trying to sort things out, and forcing iced water down her throat. They brought her home, where Marion, aged overnight, handed over Harry and begged, Come with me. Im scared
Alex had crashed his car, hitting an open manhole. The car flipped, then rolled onto the other side straight into an oncoming lorry.
Olga disappeared into a fog of grief. She wept in secret, cleaned the flat to within an inch of its life, tried to distract herself. She offered for Marion to move in for a while, but she refused.
I cant His things are still there, his room. Sometimes I think I hear him in the hall, asking for pancakes.
He never asked me
We all kept something special, didnt we? Marion smiled. He never let me make them for him when you were aroundsaid yours were better.
Little Harry tottered between mum and grandma, touching their cheeks, puzzled by their sadness.
Watching Marion melt with Harry, Olga began asking for more help with the baby. She knew it was right.
Six months on, with Christmas approaching, Olgas spirits dipped again. It should have been their first Christmas away together in the mountainsAlexs dream.
Ill conquer the slopes, you and Harry can build snowmen!
Youve got to learn to stand up on skis first! shed tease.
Doesnt matter. I won you, didnt I? The mountains should be a doddle!
It took everything for Olga not to howl with pain. She was about to cancel their holiday when Marion suggested, Lets still get away. Just us three. It may help us, and Harry might remember his first Christmas
Olga reluctantly agreed.
They arrived in chilly Aberystwyth, to miserable, unending rain. Only once did they make it to the seaside, to watch grey, menacing waves crashing onto the blustery shore.
Cheery, Olga muttered, adjusting Harrys bobble hat. He squealed with delight as the water chased his boots, looking expectantly at his mum to share the joy.
Powerful stuff, Olga, Marion said, arms wrapped around herself, eyes never leaving the waves. Olga surprised herself by hugging Marion, resting her chin on her shouldera level of familiarity unthinkable before.
Marion leant into her.
Im so glad I still have you both
Still?
Yes, Olga. Still. I almost lost you, too, after Alex.
What do you mean? Olgas brow furrowed.
Max. Marion spat the name, and Olga flinched.
What about Max? She tried to recall when shed last seen Alexs friendrealised he hadnt come to the funeral.
He came to see me a week after Hed been away, or so he said. Wanted to talk.
To help?
No, darling. To tell me that Harry wasnt Alexs.
It felt like someone had brained Olga with a brick.
He said what? She looked at Marion, aghast.
He said Harry wasnt Alexsthat you had him with somebody else. Rather implied himself, but wasnt brave enough to say it outright. Said he knew about Alexs health, and youd solved itsomehow.
Olgas arms dropped as she stepped back.
And you believed him? Her voice was icy.
Oh, what do you think? Marion stepped closer, gripping Olgas hands before she could pull away. Would I be here now if I believed that mans filth?
Olga just stared, speechless.
I threw him out, Marion said simply, drawing Olga in for a hug.
But why?
Because I saw he was lying. And, more importantly, Alex believed youutterly. We barely knew each other while Alex was alive, Olga. But if youll let me, Id love to stick around, and perhaps well understand each other better. I know you may not want that, but I do. Please
No need! Olga caught Marions eye. Dont beg. Were family. Like my gran always said, whats a family worth if it isnt together? Otherwise, its just air.
And I dont want us to be just air. Marion scooped up Harry. Whats wrong, darling, getting chilly? Lets get moving, or well be late for tea. Tell me more about your grandmother, Olga.
They walked through the drizzly streets, talking and talking. For the first time Olga spoke to Marion without reservation. At a pause, she finally asked:
But why did Max do it?
No clue, love. Some people do evil things for no reason. The only thing is not to sink to their level. I could see it in his eyes. He and Alex went back yearsschool, wrestling classes together. Alex always edged ahead. Maybe that was the reason. Maybe not. I dont know, and frankly, I dont want to. Im just glad hes out of our lives for good.
Me too
Olga never told Marion what happened when Max came to see her. Lizzie, installed as emergency flatmate, had answered the door and sent Max packing after a spectacular row.
What happened? Olga asked from her pillow.
None of your business! Lizzie snapped so fiercely it gave Olga goosebumps. If he comes here again, chase him off. Hes neither friend nor enemy, Olgaworse.
Now, Olga was beginning to understand what Lizzie meant.
The rest of the trip passed in a whirl of conversation. Harry, not fussed which womans neck he hugged, gazed into their eyeschecking if theyd changed. They showered him with hugs and spoke of Alex, the past and the future.
Half a year later, Olga unearthed long-abandoned heels, winced as she squeezed them on.
Chinese torture! she squeaked.
Suffer to be beautiful, Marion laughed, fastening the back of her dress.
Cant I look lovely in ballet flats?
Only if you want to scrub the dance floor with your hemtake some with you and change when you get there. Marion picked up the flowers, took Harry by the hand, and gestured to the door.
Lets go, or well never hear the end of it.
Oh, please, no! Lizzie will never let me forget itsays shes waited her whole life for this, and if Im late, Ill never live it down.
Lizzies wedding was a riotfast-paced, flustered, and full of joy. The registrar was late, ring exchanges were rushed (with Harry gleaming as ring-bearer), guests got shunted about, and gifts piled up in a whirlwind.
At last, Olga, as chief bridesmaid, found Sophie fluffing around the cake.
How are you? she asked gently, eyeing Sophies baby bump.
Best ever! Made up with the mother-in-law just in time. Otherwise, Lizzied have been cake-less. You have to do everything yourself; you cant trust anyone!
What happened?
Look! Sophie discreetly nodded at the cake. Somebodys bashed the edge. I spent three days on itcouldve cried.
Its a masterpiece, Soph!
Agh, you scared me! You trying for godmotherhood early? Lizzie bustled over, grinning. What are you moaning about now?
Just grumbling Sophie edged in front of the cake, pretending to fuss.
Lizzie circled a finger in front of her face. I admit it! Couldnt resist a slice. Delicious cake!
You! Sophie gasped, mock-offended.
Kill me laterIve a dance waiting! Lizzie dodged away, and soon swanned onto the floor.
What can you do? Sophie gave a laugh and flopped into a chair. Shes an agent of chaos!
Wheres your lot, Olga?
Dancing over there.
How are you, love?
Fine, Soph. Really fine.
Calling her Mum yet?
Still feels weird.
Dont be daft! If only I had a mother-in-law like yours
Olga paused, watching Marion as she whirled around with Harry, the two of them laughing. Sophie was right. The word carried weight, but it fitted this woman perfectly.
Mum
She said it softly, letting the feel of it settle, caught Sophies eye, and then nodded to herself, saying more confidently,
Mum.Marion turned, catching Olgas gaze, her eyes crinkling with the depth of an understanding only grief and love could forge. Without a word, she opened her arms and Olga, grinning through new tears she didnt bother to hide, stepped into her embrace.
The band played on, and all around them, friends and family danced, laughter swirling between the lights like confetti. Sophie scolded Lizzie half-heartedly for the cake, Lizzie winked conspiratorially, and Harry squealed as Marion spun him in dizzy circles, his little suit jacket flapping behind him.
Somewhere, for a moment, Olga glimpsed her gran in the crowda gentle face nodding, satisfied, before blending back into memory.
Maybe it wasnt how any of them had imagined, but standing thereheels pinching, cheeks flushed, heart padded by all the bruises and blessingsOlga found she wouldnt trade away a single misstep or awkward silence. Even pain had built something lasting, something real.
As the music swelled, Marion pressed her forehead to Olgas and whispered, Families are tangled, darling. But hearts know their own measure.
Olga smiled. They all did, in the end. Because the best families werent inheritedthey were chosen, worked for, forgiven, and fiercely held. Because lovemeasured with the heart, checked with the headwas never less for being complicated, only more.
And behind her, Sophies cakeslightly crooked, a little battered at the edgestood radiant and unspoiled at its center. Just like them.
