Yesterday I popped round to my neighbours flat to borrow a drill. He answered the door in his joggers and a t-shirt, looking relaxed.
Come in, I just finished my tea, he said.
Inside, everything was tidy and the delicious smell of a roast chicken still lingered in the kitchen. There was a laptop and a glass of red on the table.
David is fifty-one and has lived on his own for twelve years now. Hes divorced and works as an engineer, earning around £2,500 a month. Ive known him for five yearssince I moved into this buildingand Ive not once seen a woman at his place, not even as a guest.
He handed me the drill and poured us each a whisky. Take a seat, mate. Its been ages.
We settled at the kitchen table and had a drink. I couldnt help myself and asked, David, why are you still on your own? Not interested in meeting someone?
He grinned, Its not like Im actively looking. You know, Mark, Ive been living alone for twelve years and honestly, it suits me.
Really? Whys that? I pressed, and he leaned back with his glass.
There are six reasons, he said. Real ones. Ive earned every one.
First reasondivorce can ruin you financially
He started with, I divorced twelve years ago after eighteen years of marriage. We have a daughtershes 28 now and has her own place.
He took a sip: It was all because she cheated. Caught her with someone from work. I filed for divorce.
And? I asked.
The judge split the flat fifty-fifty, even though I paid most of the mortgage. So, we sold up, split the money and I bought this one-bed.
He looked straight at me. Mark, imagine losing half your stuff because of her affairand thats just how the law works. I paid, she cheated, and she still took half. Why would I put myself in that position again? Say I meet someone else, we move in, get married, maybe buy a car or whatever If it goes wrong, she can walk away with a chunk of my life. Why risk it?
I nodded, and he carried on.
Second reasonwomen rarely support mens dreams
You know, Mark, Ive got this dream to buy and restore an old Triumph motorbike and ride it at weekends.
I smiled, Sounds brilliant, mate.
He said, Yeah! Ive almost saved enough. Just six more months and the Triumphs mine. But when I was married, I had dreams like that too. Wanted to learn guitarbought one, signed up for lessons. Sarah told me, Why bother? Youre forty, not John Lennon. I gave it up. Wanted to go kayaking in Lake Districtshe said, Are you mad? Weve got the mortgage to worry about, not adventures. Never went.
He gazed out of the window. Women just dont get mens dreams, they really dont. They think its daft. But now, living alone, I do what I want. No one to laugh at my plans. Ill buy that motorbike, and no one will roll their eyes.
Third reasonwomens expectations are sky high
David shrugged, A few years back, I tried online dating. Made a proper profileage, job, hobbies, salary. Chatted with a few women. One, Lindaforty-six, works as a receptionist, makes about £900 a monthtold me, Youre interesting, but Im after someone on at least £3,500.
He laughed, I said, And what do you earn? She got offended and blocked me!
Really? I said.
Absolutely. Most women these days think theyre royalty. Earning a grand, renting a room, but expect a man with a house, car and a top job to sweep them off their feet, while they bringwhat? Feminine energy?
He finished his whisky. Im doing alrightown flat, car, make decent moneybut to lots of women Im just a failure because Im not a millionaire. Why bother with people who wont appreciate you?
Fourth reasonits easy to run a home on your own
I asked, But dont you miss a bit of homely atmosphere? Someone to share cooking and chores?
David chuckled, Mark, have a look aroundspotless, isnt it? I clean once a week, takes me an hour. Dinner? Roast chicken with veggies tonighthalf an hour, tops. Washing? The machine does it! I just press go.
He pointed around his neat kitchen.
I dont need a woman to keep my home in order. And lets be honest, a lot of women nowadays cant even cookthey live on ready meals or takeaways.
But there are women who like looking after a home
Rarely, and even then its often in exchange for full financial support. Id rather just fend for myself.
Fifth reasonfear of manipulation and lies
He poured us another drink. After my divorce, I dated two women. Both lied to me.
What sort of lies?
The first, Julia, said she was divorced, but I found out a month in she was actually still married and just wanted someone on the side because her husband didnt make enough. The other, Amy, claimed she had no kids, but after two months I learnt she had two and never mentioned it, probably thinking Id run.
Thats rough, mate
Exactly. Im tired of being lied to. Women think its fine to keep things hidden to get what they want, then wonder why men are wary.
Sixth reasonbeing punished for making a move
He leaned back again. Last time I tried to chat someone up was a year back, this woman in Waterstones. She was about forty-five, buying some classic novel. I said, Hello! Im a big fan of classics, can I recommend you something? She looked at me like I was a creep and said coldly, Thanks, but I can manage, and walked off.
He shook his head. Mark, nowadays if a bloke makes a move hes seen as a weirdo. You say hicreep. Message onlinestalker. Invite someone for a coffeegold digger! Im sick of cold shoulders and awkward silences. If a womans interested, she can let me know. Im not grovelling.
So, I left for my own flat later, lay in bed and just thought about what hed said.
Im forty-nine. Ive been married for twenty-three years and were alright. But if I were single would I do what hes done?
Honestlyprobably, yeah.
Is he right to stay single, wary of losing everything, or is he just scared to take a risk? Do divorces in this country really ruin men even after infidelity, or is that exaggerated?
And is it fair for a man in his fifties to bow out of relationships because the cost of a mistake is too high, or is it just fear talking?
Do women really crush mens dreams, or have men simply picked the wrong partners?
