My neighbour, Gregory, is fifty-one and has lived alone for twelve years. Yesterday, I asked himWhy dont you look for a woman? He offered six reasons, and I came to understand why he might be right.
Yesterday, I knocked on Gregorys door to borrow a drill. He answered in slippers, grey joggers, and a faded t-shirt.
Come in, just finished tea, he said.
His flat was surprisingly neat, roast chicken aroma still hanging in the kitchen. A laptop sat open beside a glass of red wine.
Gregorys fifty-one, divorced for twelve years. Been on his own all that time. Works as an engineer. Pulls in about £2,900 a month.
Weve known each other five yearsever since I moved into this block. Never once seen him with a womannot even as a visitor.
He handed me the drill, poured a whisky.
Sit down, since youre here. Havent seen you in ages.
We settled in. Had a drink.
I asked, Gregory, why are you always on your own? Not looking for anyone?
He smirked. Not on purpose. Michael, Ive spent twelve years alone. Im better off this way.
Whys that?
He refilled our glasses. Sunk back in his chair.
Ill tell you. Six reasons. Clear as daylight. I learned them the hard way.
Reason onea ruinous divorce
He began, I divorced twelve years back, after being married eighteen years. Had a daughter, shes twenty-eight, off living her own life now.
He took a thoughtful sip.
We split because she cheated. A work colleague, as it turned out. I filed. The courts split our flat down the middle, never mind I paid most of the mortgage. So we sold it, split the money, I bought this little one-bed.
He looked at me.
Michael, I lost half my assetsover her affair. And the law says thats fair. I worked, paid for that place, she was running around, and still got half.
Thats divorce for you
Exactly. So tell mewhy would I gamble again? Lets say I meet a woman, we move in. Stay a few years, tie the knot, buy a car. Then she ups and leaves. Why would I risk everything again?
I said nothing. He carried on.
Reason twodreams left to decay
Michael, I have a dream. I want to buy an old motorbike. Fix it up. Ride the countryside at weekends.
Sounds lovely.
Ive been saving a year; half a year more and Ill have a BSA from the seventies. Ill tinker with it myself.
He poured himself water.
When I was married, I had dreams too. Wanted to learn guitar. Bought one, signed up for lessons. Sarahmy exsaid, Whats the point? Youre forty, not Eric Clapton. I gave it up. Wanted a canoeing trip in Cumbria. Sarah says, Youre mad, weve a mortgage, and you want to play boyhood games. Never went.
He gazed out at the dark.
Women dismiss mens dreams. Think them stupid. Living alone, I do as I please. Soon Ill have a motorbike, and no ones about to call me a fool.
Reason threesky-high standards
Gregory went on.
A few years ago, I tried dating online. Honest profileage, job, pay, my hobbies.
How did that go?
Messaged some women. One, Jennifer, forty-six, ran a beauty salon, made £900 a month. Wrote to me: Youre interesting, but I want someone who earns over £4,000 a month.
He chuckled.
I replied, And what do you make yourself? She blocked meoffended, apparently.
Seriously?
Dead serious. Michael, most women nowadays act like princesses. They make £900, rent a poky flat, yet demand a man with £4,000, a car, a house. Most bring nothing to the table but feminine energy.
He drained his whisky.
I make just under £3,000, own my flat, have a car. Still, for most women, Im a failurebecause Im not a millionaire. Why bother if theyll never appreciate you?
Reason fourdomestic skills arent needed
I asked, What about home life? Dont you miss the cosiness, the cooking?
Gregory laughed.
Michaellook around. Tidy, isnt it? I clean weekly, an hours enough. I cooktonight, chicken and veg. Takes half an hour. Washing? Machine does it, I just load it.
He gestured at his orderly kitchen.
I manage fine. And do you know how many women nowadays cant cook for toffee? Maybe half. They order in. Or live on ready meals.
Surely there are homemakers?
There are, rarely. But if a woman demands I support her fully, just so shell keep houseits easier to do it myself.
Reason fivefear of lies and manipulation
Gregory poured more whisky.
Michael, after my divorce, I dated two women. Both lied.
How so?
The first, Olivia, said she was divorced. A month on, I found out she was marriedwanted a side fling, as her husband was flat broke.
He sighed.
The second, Rebecca, told me she had no kids. Two months inturns out, she had two. She hid it, so I wouldnt bolt.
Thats a lot.
Indeed. Im tired of deception. Women think its normalhide things for their own sake, then wonder why we dont trust them.
Reason sixthe price of showing interest
He slouched in his chair.
The last time I tried, about a year ago, was in a Waterstones. A woman, mid-forties, browsing classics. I approached: Afternoon. See you fancy the classics. May I recommend something? She shot me a look like Id crawled out from under a rock. Thank you, Ill manage, she snapped and marched off.
Gregory smirked.
Any move from a man these days is seen as harassment. Say hellocreep. Message onlinestalker. Invite for coffeegold-digger.
Not all women are like that
Not all, but most. Im fed up of rejection and cold stares. I dont make the first move now. If a womans keen, she can show it. I wont grovel.
Why I thoughtand what I realised
Gregory finished his whisky. Looked over.
Michael, Im not saying all women are bad. There are decent ones. But finding thems like finding a needle in a haystack. Get it wrongyou lose money, your mind, years of your life.
He stood up.
Im fifty-one. Good job. My own place. A car. Hobbies. Friends. Happy alone. Why risk throwing it all away for a relationship thatll likely end in divorce or ruin?
I wandered home. Lay in bed, reflecting on his words.
Im forty-nine, married twenty-three years. My wife and I are content, but if I was alone would I take the path he has?
Perhaps I would.
Is Gregory rightliving alone for twelve years out of fear of lossor is he just afraid of connection?
Is it true that divorce ruins English men even after a wifes infidelity, or is that overblown?
Is it justified for a man past fifty to shun relationships because the price of error is too high, or is it just selfishness and fear?
Do women really scoff at mens dreams, or do men simply keep picking poorly?
