Droplets
“And shes not scary at all! Shes beautiful! Max, back me up!”
Sophie clung to the scruffy, stick-thin cat in her arms, bawling so loudly that the neighbours gathered around had to cover their ears.
Full-throated and boisterous like everyone else in her big family, young Sophia always made herself heardif not always sensibly, then certainly at a volume no glass could withstand. At five, she was unmatched on the estate for her ability to shriek with enough force to make the windows rattle.
The neighbours, long used to Sophie and her tribe of siblings, barely batted an eyelid at their antics, knowing full well that their mother, Julia, couldn’t always rein in such a crowd. Julia worked such unpredictable shifts that any other woman in her place would have long since torn out her hair and gone to dangle herself over the fence in defeat.
That fenceornate and wrought iron, separating their Victorian converted block from the streetwas the houses pride. Julia, alongside the neighbours, painted it every spring, earning herself full leave to hang over it anytime she liked.
But she never took the privilege, only sighing:
Were all workhorses, arent we? Sturdy, clever, but weighed down. No point grumbling; no one else will carry your load. All on your own! And me, girls, Im the immortal pony: cantering in circles, not knowing the destination. Why? That Ive worked out. But where? Who knows? You just plod along, nose to tail after the next, hoping for night to fall: the children all in bed, fed, clean, happy. Sink emptybecause someones already washed up. And odd as it is, that emptiness thats happiness.”
Julia was a woman of odd reason and poise, surprisingly attractive to boot. But who looks twice at a woman with six kids under her belt and no outside help to speak of? She had long ago written off the idea of love affairssometimes just surviving was quite enough.
Being a mother of six isnt a simple handful of raisins, after all!
Not that anyone held it against her, knowing well enough how Julias patchwork family had come about.
Sophie, as well as three more of Julias children, had come to her through less-than-ordinary means.
No, Julia hadnt swooped in to rescue them from a care home, inspired to give them wonderful futures. Maybe she could have, in other circumstances. But not then, not alone. She had her own plans for life, and motherhood to six children, especially as a lone parent, hadnt featured even in her worst nightmares.
But life is crafty and never waits for your permission to upend everything, tossing you trials that test your faith, grit, and heart. And so, Julia had to think; had to decidethough, honestly, it was always clear which way shed jump.
All of Julias children were her inheritance.
And inheritance, as everyone knows, you either accept or you dont. Julia couldnt say no. She herself hadnt been abandonedso why let down children whom fate had shortchanged? Especially when they were relatives; hers, undeniably.
Her reasons for such thinking were solid enough for her; she never cared if anyone else thought so.
Julia was a child of the 90s.
Her mother had been the belle of a small town just outside London, the envy of every girl about. Barely eighteen, shed had the fairytale wedding in a dress envied by all, to a man whose business ventures were better left unmentioned.
Julia never remembered her parents.
She visited their graves with her grandmother: polished headstones with faded photos, which little Julia traced with her finger, whispering secrets so Granny wouldnt overhearabout the drawing her teacher praised, or about the red-and-white scarf Granny had knitted.
What happened to her parents, Julia learned only at sixteen.
Your father, my love, was a wrongun. Went too soonand took my daughter with him. I know I shouldnt speak ill of the dead, but Ill never forgive him for your mother. Oh, how I cried! How I begged her to stay away from that man! No she wouldnt listenshe loved him, you see. And, curse him, he loved her too. Protected her when they came for him, so they said. Maybe he did love her who can say now? They left you, at leastthats a little light left from my girl
It made sense of the strangers who sometimes visited Grannys small flat, sitting in silence, clutching mugs of tea and listening as Granny recited Julias musical and school achievements. Then theyd leave thick envelopes quietly behind and slip away.
Granny never turned down the money, but she never spent it eithersaving up until, when Julia finished her A-levels, she bought her granddaughter a roomy flat in central London.
There you are, love. Your inheritancefrom your mumand your dad.
Julia didnt want to live there, so she stayed with Granny.
Why, darling? Its a lovely place! Right in the centreso close to your school, you could walk. And the jobwell, five minutes stroll and youre there! Why be stubborn?
I dont want it without you. If you wont come, Ill stay here!
It took a while, but eventually Granny agreed, prompted by the arrival of her niece, Helen.
Julia, let Tommy and me stay there. Please! Ive got the kids, and youre not using the place; its just sitting empty. Ill pay rent, and itll help you and Granny out a bit. Help us get on the housing registercant get the kids into nursery otherwise.
Helen was persistent, the type Granny called a charming blagger. Granny was wary.
Dont let her push you, Julia! She may be my niece, but shes as slippery as an eelbetter stay clear.
But Granny, shes got little ones
So? Let her look after her own! Ive got to think of you.
Julia listened, but couldnt bring herself to push away little Max and Lizzie, who clung to her, hopeful for every scrap of affection, sulking to be taken from her room every night.
Come on now! Buck up, you lot! Julias not your nanny!
Julia would hug the children, thinking it unfair to keep a big empty flat to herself when others were struggling. Helen never let her forget: they were family, and you dont abandon family.
Shed grown up hearing that if her dad had lived properly, her mum might still be alive. It hurt deeply, driving Julia to live up to Grannys ideals.
Thats good, Julia! Do it properly, like folks used to say. Im proud of youyoure growing into someone to be proud of!
For Julia, that was the best praise. She wanted to handle things with Helen the same waybut Granny surprised her.
Its different this time, Julia! Dont say yes.
But is it fair to have Helen struggle with the kids in a rented flat while mine sits empty?
Yes! Because shes not youand because you forgot the story of the sly fox and the ice house! I havent forgotten it at all!
Granny
Shush! Dont argue. Helen wont live in your flat. Thats that! Well be the ones in it.
But you never wanted to move!
Well, looks like its time now. Youre right, its not right to abandon family. But giving away everything at the first ask is daft! Helens resourceful; shell land on her feet. Give her a rod, not a fish, Julia! Remember thatalways give a rod, never a fish! If you give too much, it does more harm than good.
Why?
Because then people never strive. Why bother, if its all handed over? Let Helen in now, and you’ll never get your flat back. And you wont want to kick her outbecause you offered. She knows how to play the system, Julia, believe me. Shell claim its all for the kidsand who doesnt want a nice life? Not eventually, but right away. Understand?
I think so.But Granny, is it right to think so little of people?
I dont know. Maybe not. But wed think much worse later, once regret set in. And who needs that?
No one!
Then dont risk it. Time will give her other opportunities. You keep out of it, promise? For the childrens sakeeven Helens kids need a loving aunt. Someone wholl always care. Thats what matters, my girla child has to have someone who cares.
She loves her kids, Granny!
Of course she doesshes their mum! But whats wrong with them having someone else who loves them, too? Every droplet of love in life is a treasure. Never forget that, Julia!
Time proved Granny right as ever.
Helen only sighed at Grannys suggestion that she move into her little council flat.
Knew youd never let Julia down.
Were you planning to?
Of course not! Ive got no family left but you two.
Well, then stick close to us. Were here for youyou know that.
I do
Helen, I understand. But my Julias alone now. And no one should abandon an orphanGod sees to that. My daughters waiting for me above, and Ill have to answer for her child. So, heres what well do: have my flat. It’s little, but decent, and a good neighbourhood for the children. Schools just up the road, nursery nearby. What more do you want?
Thank you, for the honesty and for the homefor me and the kids!
Youre family, Helennever forget it!
So Julia and Granny relocated. But time doesnt pause; it races ahead, regardless of plans or wishes.
Julia hoped it might slow down and let Granny enjoy some peacebut fate would have it otherwise.
Grannys regular visits to the local surgery, like going to work, shed joke, only showed her health wasnt great. Julia fretted, but Granny always brushed her off.
What, am I completely decrepit? Its barely a walk down the road! Get on with your work, loveIll manage.
Julia would later regret not being more insistent…
It was a winters day that changed it alltheres no escaping the English winter, after all, with its icy pavements. On her way back from the surgery, Granny slipped and hit her head. Passers-by hurrying about their pressing business ignored the old lady awkwardly slumped by the kerb.
A cabbie, finding Grannys address in her bag, called an ambulance and rang Julia. But it was too late
Granny passed away a day later. Julia spent that day in the hospital corridor, clasped in Helens arms, Helen having left her children with a neighbour the moment shed heard.
How am I supposed to cope without her, Helen?
Youre not without her, Julia. Hold onhave hope. Helen tried to comfort her, knowing there wasnt any.
Doctors darted around, avoiding their gaze, and soon Helen understood hope was lost.
Shed hate seeing you like this!
What?
All this moping! She was strongand raised you to be tough, too, didnt she?
She did
So wipe your tears! Shed want you to hold togetherfor her.
I will
A day later, Julias world changed again. Now she alone would be answerable for all that happened next.
And there was much.
Then came Edward, her partner for nearly five years. They parted quietly, leaving Julia with two childrennot with heartbreak, at least. Edward, always unwavering, made it plain when he found someone else.
Well always be friends, right, Jules? he said, packing his things.
Yes Eddie, do you even hear yourself? Julia felt as numb as the day the cab driver called about Grannys fall. She couldnt even resent him.
What cause was there? His honesty? Finding another love? Thats life. These things happeneven if its hard for the kids.
Julia didnt know what to say or do. She just helped him zip up his bag, then went to phone Helen.
Helen, still living in Grannys old flat, now the head nurse at the hospital, had just helped her daughter with a school project and was ready to snap, but hearing Julias fragile voice only said, On my way! Half an hour later, she was holding a sobbing Julia, cursing Edwards entire family tree under her breath.
Dont cry! Good riddance! Hed have left you sooner or later anyway.
Why? What did I do wrong?
Oh, lovenothing! Thats just the breed of man he is. Sorry to be blunt, but its true. Hed have left whoever he was with, sooner or later. At least he didnt abandon the kids. I thinkhell keep his promise and help out. It means a lot, even if its not what you want to hear. My ex turned out to be a ghost, ignoring the kids altogether. Maintenance payments are a jokeyoud be better off keeping them!”
“And Lizzie will manage, but Maxhe needs his dad, and its like the man never existed
So what do I do?
Dont fight. Thats my only advice. The rest will shake itself out with time.
And youll tell me time heals, right?
No. It doesnt. But youll find something newit won’t take away the pain, but it’ll cover it up with new worries.
How are you so wise?
Thank your granny! She knew how to explain life so you understood. Her wisdom, not mine! Shes still here, you know? As long as we remember her, shes with us. When I talk to you, I can hear her by my ear
Thank you, Granny, Julia murmured, grabbing a dry tea towel. But why does it hurt so much?
Thats normal! Helen snorted, wiping her friends tears. Id worry if you didnt feel at all!
Helen was right. Time passed; Julia had no time left for heartbreak.
Edward saw the kids, took them at weekends, making sure they didnt feel left out.
And when he announced another child was on the way, Julia took it in stride.
Wellthats good news for you, Ed.
Thanks, Jules.
For what?!
For being amazing. You always are!
As if I didnt know! Julia mustered a wry smile.
No sooner than Edwards news was another curveball.
Helen! Really?!
Oh, Julesyou know how these things happen! Helen joked, though fear flickered in her eyes.
Very funny. So whos the father?
Doesn’t matter. He disappeared the moment I mentioned a baby. Typical, really! Could have given him a proper fright, too, if hed stuck aroundIm expecting twins. What do I do, Jules? As a nurse, I know whats coming. But with two more? No home, no money and Max and Lizzie need attention alreadyhow can I handle two more?
Helen, on the verge of tears, rushed to the loo, while Julia, staring at the children raiding the sweet bowl, came to a decision most would have called madness.
Youve lost your mind! Helen stared at the deeds in her hands. I cant
You can. Julia, sharing a look with the solicitor, grinned. Its right, Helen. And Granny wouldve agreedyour children deserve a home. For now, itll have to do.
Grannys old flat passed to Helen, and the whole strange family braced for the arrival of the twins.
Sophie and Molly were born on the dot, tiny as dolls, and made their presence known at once.
Lungful pair, these girls! Whatll you call them, Mum?
One after my mumSophia. The other for my auntMolly.
Mustve been a special aunt, to name your child after her?
The very best! If it werent for her, none of these children would even exist!
Helen was met home from hospital by her children and Julia.
Well! Theres a bit more of us now, Julia whispered, peeking under the lace blanket, Arent they beautiful?
I just hope they’re happy Helen clung to her children, hiding her worries.
If shed told Julia or seen a doctor in time, things might have gone differently.
But mothers rarely have the luxury of worrying about themselves, do they?
Helen collapsed a week after discharge. She beckoned Max, readying for school, nodding toward the cots where the twins slept.
Watch them for me. Ive called the ambulance. Ring Julia. And dont cry! Dont frighten Lizzie. Not yet
Helen couldnt be saved. Her heart, which had never caused trouble before, failed her.
Once again, Julia faced an impossible choice. How could it be otherwise?
Youre the only relative, obviously, a weary woman from social services said, shaking her head. Butfour of them! Youve two of your own! We have to consider this very carefully.
Julia didnt argue.
There was nothing to argue about. It was the hardest thing shed ever faced, but she couldnt let Max, Lizzie, and the twins go into care or some other familynot a chance. Her granny had taught her: youre responsible for every choice, every word.
If that was right, there was nothing more to think about. The children had to stay together, period!
Edward helped. He found a decent solicitor, helped with the paperwork, minded the kids while Julia ran from office to office, proving she was capable.
Does your wife mind? Julia asked.
Not at all. Shes a mum too. And besides, she knows by nowyoure not having me back, are you?
Im not.
So whats there to worry about? Edward shrugged. Juliaare you sure?
About what?
Six kids its a lot.
Im not sure about anything, Edward. Im scared to death! But I cant do otherwisethey’re all mine now. How can I choose? Or hand them over?
So what are you afraid of?
As if there’s nothing! What if I cant manage? Im on my own
Youre not. Not if you let me help. I owe you that much, remember? Edward wiped Julias tears. Dont cry! Well manage. And, you know, Julia
What?
“I’ve never met a woman better than you! Never met a soul like you. People like you just dont exist, you know? Dont be afraid, youll manage. Anyone elsemaybe not. But youyou absolutely will!”
If only the Lord agrees, Edward!
I think He hears us already. Besides, your grannys up thereif He doesnt get it, shell explain it!
She will, wont she! For the first time since Helens death, Julia managed a real smile.
After that life was hard.
Julia coped, more or less, breaking down now and then at night, like a child, clutching her pillow, teeth sunk in the corner so the children wouldnt hear.
Granny, what do I do? What next? You always knew what to dohelp me find the way!”
And it was strange; somehow an answer would always come to her, if usually half-formed, more a hint than a solution, but her tears would ease and sleep would come. The children grew, and there was no one in the world closer for them than Julia. Each of them knewwhatever happened, they could run to her. Shed listen, and forgive if she must, but shed never cause them pain.
So, just now, Sophie pressed the rescued cat to her chest, scowling at the neighbours warning:
“Julia will kick you out with that filthy cat, Sophie! Just look at itcovered in muck, probably ringworm too! Leave it!”
No! Sophie threw a desperate look at her older brother, then at the entrance door.
That day, Julia had planned a family trip to the zoo. Shed risen extra early, cooked breakfast, roused her brood, and somehow assembled them all within an hour ready to leave. Then she sent the younger ones outside with Max while she finished getting ready.
Take them to the swings, Max! Give me two minutes! Where did I stash the old trainers?
Check Lizzies wardrobe! She was having a clear-out! Well be outside! Max shooed his sisters out and called back, Mum, dont forget to do your other eyeit looks odd. And dont rush it! Ill watch them.
Julia hastened about the house, found the shoes, did not only her other eye but her lips toosomething she never usually bothered with at the weekends. Work was one thingat weekends, who cared?
But, for some reason, that day, looking in the mirror she thought: No, that wont do. Yes, Ive got a mountain of children and worries enough for a lifetime, but whats the use of moping? Better straighten myself out, not go frightening the zoo animals and visitorsthen have a day thats actually for us.
It was something Julia had worked out in recent years.
You could follow your kids all day, nagging about muddy shirts and wearing out your last nerve on silly triflesor you could do things differently.
Buy a candyfloss for yourself, another ice-cream for the children, and announce:
Im off to see the elephantswhos with me?
And remember how her Granny took her to this very zoo, sharing homemade squash, eating sandwiches on the bench by the elephant house. Remember how she squeezed Grannys hand and wished the day would never end.
Now she brewed the squash, packed the sandwiches herself. Someday, her own children would do the same for theirs. And that was right.
Julia glanced in the mirror once more, slung on her rucksack and dashed from the flat.
The neighbour passing on the stairs smirked. Go on, Julia! Theres a surprise waiting down there!
Sophie came pelting up, thrusting out her treasure.
Mum! Mum! Look! Isnt she lovely?
And what answer could Julia possibly give?
None worth saying!
She took the cat by the scruff, examined her, and sighed.
Zoo trips off. Weve got our own little tiger now. Max, wheres the nearest vet? Off we go!
And it really would be a good day. Julia wouldnt get her children to the zoo that afternoon, but thered be plenty to do regardless.
And the scrawny, mangy cat Sophie proudly dragged home before the whole estate would, in a couple of months, become a beautiful, glossy, purring lap-cat, ushering yet another droplet of joyand an entire ocean of happinessinto Julias home.
And no one would be surprisednot Julia, not her childrenfor it was all perfectly obvious. After all, theyd long since learned a simple truth: in a loving home, theres no such thing as too much love.
