Look at her, all dressed up! Normal people are off to work in the morning, as they should be, but her? Swanning about in white trousers on our muddy street!
She never walks, does she? Always in that car of hers! Might as well be a bloody bus.
Well, at least shes properly dressed! Have you seen what shes got on her neck?
No, whats there?
A tattoo! Thats what! Who does something like that? Looks just like shes been inside! So young and already tattooed all over! If her mother saw it, shed have a fit. Lost soul, honestly no one looking out for her.
The gossip started up on the bench outside, all eyes following Julia as she strolled off.
You cant blame them for wagging their chins their shopping bags were already resting by their feet, and there was hardly a rush to get inside, where it was all just more of the same. Same faces, same old routine kids, cooking, cleaning nothing to look forward to except the odd holiday. Real joy doesnt come easy for folks like us, does it? We get by on worries and thoughts about how to feed the kids, how to help them if theyre struggling, and hope we can spoil the grandkids now and then thats real happiness, hugging those warm little ones. Not that everyone gets that either. Take Mrs Gregory, for example her kids told her not to expect grandchildren, not fashionable these days. No, these days it’s all about going off to sunny resorts and not having a care in the world. How do they do it? Maybe they’re like Julia here Natalies daughter.
And Julia always seemed so normal! She was a good kid at school, did well, always polite. But now? After her mum died, she lost her way. Wanders about, doesnt work not even studying! Apparently, Julia’s into something unspeakable now tattooing! Opened her own studio, I heard. What is the world coming to?
When Julias dad turned up a few years back, everyone hoped hed set her right. Maybe teach her about life. But what happened? He bought her that great hulking car that blocks half the carpark and then disappeared, leaving Julia on her own. And shes still only twenty! How can you just leave a girl like that? Next thing you know, shell bring home some wrong’un, and thatll be the end of her mums flat and that wretched car everyone keeps moaning about.
Oh, there she goes again! Where to? Who knows Didnt even look back. Such a little madam. In her white trousers, too.
Julia didnt care a jot what the neighbours whispered. She had enough on her own plate. Her diary was crammed from start to finish. Sometimes she wished there were a few extra hours in the day her mum always said, Julia, you just cant use your time right, but youll have to learn.
Ju, it makes all the difference! Some people run about lost, never getting anything done always moaning, always jealous of the ones who succeed. The secret is simple, love: if you can manage your time, you can do anything maybe everything.
But how, Mum?
Dont waste it. Decide what really matters, spend as much time as you need on that. Leave a bit for rest and a bit for fun thats important too. People cant just get on with the must-dos all the time. Now and then, you need a rest, a good laugh. If you ignore that, youll burn out.
Why?
Because youre human, darling! If you push yourself too hard, youll break. Who benefits? Not you youll be tired, miserable, snappy Thats how it goes. Therell always be more jobs to do. If you finish these, others will crop up. But dont rest forever either, youll start to rot, lose yourself. Find a healthy limit for rest and stick with it. Trust me, it feels good to have things in order. And Ill feel calmer, too
Julia remembered her mums advice, though she found it hard to follow. Shed got herself a planner not that it always helped. She had three lectures to get to and only time for one, since two clients had booked in, plus she had to swing by Kates, and if Kates around, sos Sasha, and that was never a quick visit. Shed promised to help Tom pack, and with new clients to check on too, she was rushed off her feet.
The traffic barely shifted, but Julia pressed the accelerator gently. The car responded, smooth and kind, as if it was promising her, dont worry well get everything done! Thats why your dad gave me to you, wasnt it? To save you a bit of time.
Julia stroked the steering wheel with a smile.
Thanks, Dad.
If anyone had told her a few years ago that shed be thanking her father, shed have laughed in their face. Shed hated him for as long as she could remember.
Not that her mum ever said a word against him she always said hes so clever, Julia, and youre just like him.
But Julia could never understand how such a clever man could abandon his baby and disappear, never bothering with her again.
Shed brooded on that for years, feeling anger for the parent who left, who should have been there to love and protect her.
At nursery, shed scale up in the corner, watching the other girls dance with their fathers at parties, with no partner herself. It hurt so much, she couldnt even cry, just watched with dry eyes and wouldnt let herself look away.
At school, shed grit her teeth and stand up for herself, eyeing those girls with envy who could shout, Ill tell my dad!
The last straw was before leaving school, when she had a blazing row with her best friend Natalie, after Natalie dropped, Dad says I can pick whichever university I fancy. Hell pay if I dont get in on grades and if I do, hell get me a car with the savings.
Natalie had known Julia since they were three, and at that moment Julia realised their friendship was over. It wasnt jealousy it hurt in another way. Natalie knew how much Julia wished she had a dad, and couldnt help but prod at that wound
Truth be told, Julia never envied anyone else. Why should she? She and her mum did alright even went abroad on holidays, and she had a lovely phone for her sixteenth.
But that present wasnt the best part of that birthday. When she was still fiddling with the wrapping, the person shed dreamt of seeing appeared in her doorway.
She kicked off, proper strop yelling, crying, shoving her mum away.
Youre a traitor! Whys he here? I dont want him!
How could she have known that her mum already had her diagnosis theyd built their lives up brick by brick, and in a heartbeat it would break, crumbling away with all the comforts she clung to. Their foundation was not as solid as shed thought. Jelly underfoot the kind shed loathed as a kid. The future sucked down, quicker and quicker, and hope vanished, until mum insisted she listen.
Its my fault, Julia! The split with your dad, not letting him see you Me, you see? Blame me!
Why? Mums hand was cold, but Julia couldnt break away she knew she was finally about to learn why shed spent her life guessing in the corner.
I was hurt
Hurt by what? Mum, answer me! What could hurt so much to take my dad from me?
Ill tell you. Just dont interrupt its hard enough to get the words out.
And so Julia learned
How her parents had married young and not all that wisely, about all the bitterness from both families, about how Julia wasnt wanted on either side an inconvenience that changed everyones plans for the worse. Her dads career fell apart as he dropped out to support a family, her mum never returned to her own course. Resentment simmered, turning into open argument, and the final spark Julia being a girl, not the boy theyd hoped for saw her mother leave for her aunts. Her dad didnt even know he wouldnt see Julia again.
He looked for you. He wrote, called But I told him you werent his.
God, mum! Why?
Everyone told me to, so I thought fine! Let it be so, if thats what they want.
Who told you? Who wanted that?
Everyone Julia, love, Im sorry. I cant talk about it anymore I know how foolish it sounds, but at the time, I thought it was right. I didnt want anyone saying to you the rotten things they said to me Kids dont deserve to grow up resented. I was trying to protect you I see now it was wrong, but back then I thought I was doing the right thing
Julia wrenched away, smashed her fist on the window sill. Her cactus, from Natalie, nearly toppled, and she stared at the spilled soil each grain was like one of her mums words. A mess to clean up and always harder than you think.
Julia got the cloth. She wiped up the dirt, sat beside her mums bed, dry-eyed, and ordered, Tell me everything. The truth. No more lies, agreed?
I promise
And thats how Julia finally learned the truth. Even if questions still outweighed answers, she began to realise lifes a strange thing. One day everythings crystal clear, and the next, something new fractures your perfectly polished world. And then, you have to decide what to do with it no one else can choose for you.
Julia still wasnt sure shed forgiven her mum. Maybe she had, although she never felt completely certain.
One thing she was sure of: she was grateful her mum found the courage to tell her. Maybe not the whole truth, but enough. She knew the rest lived on behind closed doors and in quiet nights, in her father grasping her mums frail wrists when nothing else dulled the pain, and in his silent tears, trying to hide his grief from Julia.
Julia never asked her dad what had been said privately in those last days. She didnt want to open old wounds. She was far too busy anyway. They had to learn how to live together her dad had refused to leave her with her aunt.
Ill go away, if you say the word, but only after you turn eighteen. Until then, Ill keep out of your way.
Oh no you dont! Youve been invisible for too long already. Stick around! I want you to, Dad
Her mum lived almost two years after the doctors had warned her time would be short. It was tough, but Julia knew those years were the happiest and also the hardest of her life it broke her that time gave them so little.
That was when she started drawing.
Shed never really thought about art before, just scribbled in old textbooks from time to time but during those months, it poured out of her.
Not bad!
Her dad caught her sketching and gave a low whistle.
Look!
He pulled off his T-shirt, and Julia gasped. On his back, a full tattoo so beautiful her own doodles felt childish in comparison.
My mate did it. Want me to introduce you? See what he thinks of your drawings maybe hed teach you?
Id like that!
Nobody noticed when Julia slipped away for a while. She spent a year in London, learning everything she could, before finally returning home.
I want to be home, Dad
He understood right away. Instead of talking her out of it, he only asked her to stay a bit longer, then went off somewhere. When he came back, he helped her pack and, after unloading boxes in her flat, handed her his car keys.
Its yours now. And this, too.
He put a folder on the kitchen table. Julia raised an eyebrow.
Whats that?
Your salon. I sold my flat and bought you a place in town. Its small, but thats all you need, right? Les, your tutor, helped with the equipment. Work hard, and keep studying too a bit of experience is good, but you still need a proper qualification. School isnt enough, you understand?
Julia listened in disbelief, even when shed cut the ribbon on her new studio, after the bearded biker-next-door, Chris, gave her a hearty congrats. She couldnt believe her life was finally coming together.
Her dad organised the setup, kept an eye on the decorators, helped her advertise then he packed his bags.
Where are you off to?
To my parents they need me now. But you know, right?
I know Youre still here for me but, Dad, cant you stay?
I wish I could, love. But youll be fine
After she saw him off, Julia threw herself into her studies and the shop. The bookings rolled in, and she took on two assistants just to keep up.
During that whirlwind, Julia met Kate.
Kate wandered in late one day, when Julia was impatiently waiting on a no-show.
Excuse me, can I speak to the artist?
Thats me.
Come off it, love, no need to joke. Wheres the grown-up in charge?
Julia took a better look. Kate might have had posh clothes and an expensive haircut, but she looked rough no make-up, tired eyes, bitten nails, a haunted expression. Julia recognised that kind of hurt.
She fetched an album.
These are my designs. If you like them, tell me what you want.
A name. Here
Kate rolled up her sleeve and showed her wrist.
So I can always see it.
That was as much as she could manage. When she started blinking away tears, Julia quietly locked the door just as the late client pulled up outside.
Take a seat, she said, pulling down the blinds. Well do it.
Itll hurt, wont it? I know.
Kate slumped into the chair, and as Julia started, she whispered one word:
Sasha
Julia didnt ask questions. Two days later, she bumped into Kate at the county hospital while visiting her aunt.
You?
Me. Thank you I really like it.
Its beautiful. Sasha likes it too.
He?
She. My daughter.
Kate offered her hand, almost shy.
Kate.
Julia.
Want to meet Sasha?
Definitely!
A little girl with thick glasses and tape over one lens instantly charmed Julia, grabbing her hand and tugging her along:
Have you got nuts? Or seeds? What are you going to feed the squirrels then?
What squirrels?
The ones in the park loads of them! I feed them so many nuts mum says theyll fall out of the trees from being too fat!
Not a chance. They jump about too much to get fat.
Really? The little girl peered at Julia, then giggled. Youre smart!
Not really.
Why not?
Im still learning.
Ah, okay. Oh, I nearly forgot!
The girl stuck out her little hand very seriously.
Alexandra Nicola Evans.
Lovely name, Julia said, shaking it gently, taking care not to touch the bandaid. Julia Ann Platt.
Now were friends!
Her bell-like laugh brightened up the hospital gardens, and Julia saw, just for a second, the shadows leave Kates face.
Next time Julia visited, her pockets were full of nuts.
It took Kate a while to open up about Sashas treatment. They built trust bit by bit, cautious as if skating on thin ice.
Is there anything that can be done?
Yes. Its not hopeless not anymore. Kate cupped her tea in the little café near Julias salon. The night I came to you, Id just been told there was hardly any hope left.
I see
But then a new doctor arrived. Dr Tom and he said theres more to try
So why are you crying, Kate? Thats good news!
Sasha had her op yesterday. Shes in ITU, and they kicked me out for the night I feel so alone and frightened, Julia. I have no one to talk to.
Are you on your own? Wheres Sashas dad?
He left before she was born. Im not perfect, Julia. I had Sasha for myself, picked someone just for the genes. I never loved him, and he knew so he moved on. Thats why its just us, you understand?
I dont really, but its okay. Its all behind you now. Theres Sasha to think of
Exactly, theres Sasha.
And there will be. Dont you dare give in! Do you hear me? Julia, almost yelling, grabbed her wrist and twisted it lightly. Look at your hand! Cant you see? I picked those colours so you can read her name. You have to push on, so her name doesnt become just a memory.
Please, dont shout I get it
If you get it, stop the waterworks! You need to act, not mope!
Kate sobbed like a child as Julia, with a steely look, shooed away concerned waitresses.
Just a glass of water, please.
They spent that night at Julias studio, sometimes talking, sometimes quiet, sometimes laughing and crying until, the next morning, Julia bundled her friend into her car.
Im coming with you.
Do you have time?
Kate, youre being daft Here brush your hair, or youll frighten the child!
Sasha pulled through, thanks to Toms hands Julia was calling him just Tom by then.
Will I be able to see the squirrels soon? Sasha asked, frail but hopeful in her hospital bed.
Soon. Once youre out, well all go to London with Julia. There are parks full of squirrels there!
Why London?
Because you need to teach your eyes to see properly now, and the best rehab is there. Uncle Les, Julias friend, arranged everything so you can go straight in.
For what? Nah, dont tell me! Ill ask Julia myself!
By then it was clear any adventure would be more fun than that dreary ward and those empty trees outside.
Mum!
Yes?
Is Tom coming with us?
No, darling, hes got too much work! And Ive told you, you cant just call a grown-up by their first name.
Oh, I can!
Whys that?
Because he loves Julia!
Sasha laughed as Kate gaped.
Little chatterbox! Where did you get that idea?!
Its obvious! Mum, youre hopeless! Julia doesnt believe me either!
Anyone could see how Tom looked at Julia when shed visit Sasha. Yet those two carried on like nothing was going on, talking about the weather or Sashas progress, neither making a move.
Even after Kate and Sasha transferred to London, Julia kept in touch. She realised she could help not just Sasha, but other kids too. Les, her old teacher, backed the plan, and soon Tom was waving off more kids, watching as Julia with her delicate tattoo peeking out drove them away in her big black car.
Got everything? You and your mum comfortable? Right off we go!
The car became a real home on wheels, packed with everything the children could need, from wipes to a big tablet loaded with cartoons.
Tom never had the nerve to ask Julia why she did it all; he just marvelled in silence. Neither would admit how they really felt.
And who knows when either would have acted, if not for Sasha. After coming back from her rehab, she persuaded her mum to visit the hospital.
What for, Sasha?
I want to say something to Tom.
What?
Oh, Mum, honestly! I do!
And me?
Youll find out!
Tom welcomed Sasha, as always.
Alright, what do you want to talk about?
Kate watched them natter, wondering what could possibly have stirred her daughter so much. When Tom finally leaned across, Sasha pulled him down and whispered, making him burst out laughing.
Stop it, you little rascal!
Well, I have to try! Right, Im off!
She grabbed Kates hand.
Come on, lets go!
Where to?
To Julias!
But shes working!
Thats okay! Shell be happy to see us!
Kate just laughed and ordered a taxi.
And, sure enough, Sasha had a heart-to-heart with Julia too. The result wasnt long in coming.
That evening, as Julia was locking up the studio, she was full of resolve. If even little Sasha had spotted what she wouldnt admit, maybe it was time to stop wasting her life.
She almost missed seeing Tom in the darkness, tall and familiar as he walked over.
Hi, he said, and it sounded like music.
A few months on, and the womens bench in Julias courtyard had new material for their running commentary.
Shes got herself a bloke! Who is he? No idea! Hes moved his stuff in, and nobody knows a thing about him. What if hes fleecing her, eh? Young girl, on her own!
He seems decent.
Oh, what do you know, Gregory! Your lot seemed decent and look at the mess they made you said so yourself!
Someone should ring Julias dad! Hell sort things out!
But he’s here already!
What? When?
Saw him the other day. Somethings up, Im telling you!
Like what?
Well see!
And see they did.
They saw Julia in a stunning white dress, giving all the nosy neighbours a proper look at the tattoo that crept down her back even Mrs Gregory was impressed.
Tom was there, leading his bride, sneaking a mock warning at Sasha, who proudly announced shed sold Julia to Tom and was very pleased about it.
Kate couldnt stop crying tears of joy this time, she kept insisting as she fussed with Julias veil.
And there was the curious crowd who came to the flat with flowers, hugging Julia as though she was family. No one quite worked out who they all were.
And nobody quite knew why, as Julia was about to get in the car, she abandoned her high heels for trainers, announcing, I need my Converse theres no way anyone drives in those torture devices!
So Tom scooped up his bride, popped her in the car, and tied her laces with a grin as Kate fetched the trainers from the boot.
Nothings ever by the book with her, is it? the neighbours hummed, watching the cars pull away.
Thats our Julia! An original!And as confetti rained down, Julia caught her dads eyehe was standing a little apart, hands in his coat pockets, pride crinkling the corners of his eyes. She slipped away from the fuss and hugged him tight, holding on for a moment longer than she meant to.
Dont you start crying too, Dad, she teased, blinking back happy tears herself.
He grinned, handing her a little velvet pouch. For luck, he said.
Inside was a tiny compass, old and worn, its needle trembling in her palm. From when you were little. I always hoped youd find your way home.
I did, she whispered.
Tom whistled from the car. Sasha was already buckled in, clutching Julias old plannerher good-luck charm now. Kate handed Julia her bouquet and squeezed her hand.
You changed our lives, Kate murmured. Promise youll never change, not for anyone.
Julia laughed, light as air, as Tom opened the passenger door with a flourish. She swung her legs in, trainers and all, feeling the crowds eyes on her.
As the car pulled away, the neighbours stood waving, their mutters fading into fond smiles. Through the open window Julia shouted, Back soon! Save me a seat on the bench!
Sasha stuck her head out too, grinning ear to ear. Dont forget the nuts for the squirrels!
Julia leaned into the rush of summer air, her hair whipping loose. In the rearview mirror, the street grew smaller, but the warmth stayed with hera hundred hands holding her up, a thousand hearts wishing her well. Shed left some sadness behind, and maybe not every chapter was perfectly neat. But around her, joy spilled over mess and mud and old wounds, shimmering in sunlight like something brand new.
And somewhere inside, the needle finally settled north.
