He wandered through the sleeping city, swaying and stumbling after a generous dose of whisky. Where had he ended up this time? He couldnt have cared less. It was his home cityhis legs would know which way to go. He was far more concerned with holding forth, philosophising to the empty streets.
Why, why is this the shape of my life? he wondered aloud. Im twenty-seven; my mates have kids in primary school, while all the women in my life run off within a month, if Im lucky. Am I rude? Maybe a bit. Well, maybe more than a bit. But thats what a mans supposed to be, he smirked. The only real success Ive had is in business. Millionaire? Not by a long chalk. But I live comfortably enough.
Suddenly, he halted, clutching his head. Tears sprang to his eyes.
So much money down the drain on that consultant, and all for, Sorry, nothing I can do. Heres a top blokes address in London, but I doubt hell help either. Well maybe I will go see this top consultant tomorrow. Why not?
He found himself approaching a bridge, staring down into the black water of the Thames.
Should I end it all? The rivers deepeverything straight into the water, he mused, squinting into the darkness. Nah, not tonight. Too cold. And Socrates hasnt been fed yet. Best be getting home.
He started to cross the bridge, but halfway across he saw a womanshe was barely more than a girl, reallystanding with a baby in a sling across her chest. She stared into the water, then climbed onto the railings, arms outstretched. He lunged forward, managing to grab her by the waist just in time, yanking her away from the edge. They landed in a heap on the grimy paving stones, the baby wailing.
Are you mad? he barked, sobered at once.
What do you want? Why poke your nose in? she screamed, breaking into sobs.
It just seemed to me you were a bit young for dying, he said, nodding at the crying baby. And what about him? Listen, get up and go hometo your husband, your mumwhoever!
Ive got no home, no husband, no mum. Ive got no one! she wailed.
Just what I needed, he muttered, hauling them both to their feet. Come on.
Im not going anywhere with you. You could be some psycho for all I know!
Youre not scared about jumping into the Thames but worried Im a nutter? Come on, take your pick! He took her arm and steered her on.
***
They walked through the city at night, the babys cries echoing in the empty air. Eventually, he lost patience.
Whys he screaming his head off?
Hes hungry, she replied, pulling the child closer.
So feed him, then.
Ive got no milk. No money either.
And clearly not much sense. He scanned the street. Looktheres an all-night shop. Come on, well get milk.
***
The cashier and the security guard eyed them warily as they stepped in. But he strode up and gestured for her to follow.
Wheres your milk aisle? he asked the cashier.
Down there, she pointed.
They reached the fridge.
Grab what you need, he instructed.
She picked up a small carton.
Take more than that. However much you needget it, he waited while she filled the basket. Anything else?
Nappies.
Nappiesright, which ones?
Over there. A hint of a smile flickered across her face.
Get them.
And wet wipes, if thats all right?
Thats fine.
At the till, he handed over his card.
Sorry, cash only, said the cashier.
He pulled a half-creased wad of fifty-pound notes from his pocket and handed one over.
No change, Im afraid.
Just give us some chocolate then, he said, jabbing a finger at a bar. That one.
***
Home again, she stopped in the hallway, looking around in surprise while he kicked off his shoes and made straight for the fridge to grab a fish, tossing it to his waiting cat. After gulping down orange juice, he turned to his guest.
Youll stay in this room, he pointed. Kitchens there, loo and shower over here. Im off to bed.
He climbed the stairs and paused to look back.
Whats your name?
Im Alice, she replied.
Jack. Goodnight.
***
Doesnt seem like a psycho, she thought, as she switched on the kettle. God, what an idiot I am! I nearly drowned myself. If not for that madman? I dont know what Russ and I would have done sleeping rough all night. Wed have frozen. Hell throw us out in the morning anyway, but at least were warm tonight.
The kettle boiled. She dashed to the spare room to lay her still-sniffling baby on the bed, pulling a little bottle from her backpack. Back to the kitchen, she washed up, filled the bottle, and diluted some milk.
Russ gulped it down hungrily, finally drifting off. She wiped his face with a wet wipe and fastened his nappy before he fell properly asleep.
After using the bathroom, stomach rumbling, she returned to the kitchen and found herself reaching into the fridge for a slice of smoked sausage, shoving it into her mouth while cutting herself a hunk of bread and cheese.
After the hunger ebbed, she realised shed been rather cheeky helping herself, but she shrugged, curled up beside her son, and was asleep within minutes.
***
Morning. Shed been up twice in the night feeding Russeight months old, always hungry. She heard Jack get up, clattering around in the kitchen.
Time to go, she thought, moving carefully so as not to wake Russ. Couldnt expect this to last.
He was busy at the stove. Quickly, she washed up and went to the kitchen.
Sit down, Jack nodded to a chair. Done you an egg.
Let me, she nudged him aside, sprinkling fresh parsley over the eggs. She cleaned the glasses, scrubbed them well, and made coffee.
The whole time, he was on the phone, giving out orders and snapping at people, barely seeming to notice her. He ate, drained his coffee and stood up.
Alice tensed.
Right, hell kick us out now.
Alice, listen carefully! said Jack, picking up his coat. Ive got to go away for a week. All you need to do is feed the cat. His names Socrates. Dont you dare give him some supermarket rubbishhe only eats fresh fish, proper stuff. Dont go in my study. Otherwise, suit yourself.
A babys cry came from the bedroom. Alice jumped up.
Go on, Jack nodded.
Five minutes later she came back carrying Russ. Jack had left several fifty-pound notes on the table.
That should do you for the week, he said, nodding towards the cash. Im off.
He made for the door. Suddenly, the baby reached his arms out and burbled something that sounded almost like Da-da. Jack wondered if hed imagined it. Something clenched in his chest. Hed never be a dad, not ever.
Alice, can I hold him? he asked, a bit surprised at himself.
She handed Russ over at once, a smile flickering across her face. Never held a baby before?
No.
Well, like this.
The baby gurgled and flailed his arms joyously. Jack stared at him, mesmerised.
Ill never have a son of my own, he thought. His face darkened as he handed Russ back to Alice.
And then he left.
***
On the way home that next week, Jacks mood was grim. The London consultant had confirmed it: hed never have children. What was the point of it allmoney, the four-bedroom flat, the Land Cruiser? A mans supposed to provide for a family, but all he had was mess and chaos at home and seven seats in his big old car.
He opened the door to his flatspotless. Alice met his eyes with a small, apologetic smile.
Da-da! Russs little hands reached out to him.
Jacks bag hit the floor, and he found himself, before he quite knew what he was doing, scooping the baby up in his arms.
