Monday, 5th February
I never thought this day would comethe day Id finally introduce my girlfriend to my mum. Sitting in the drawing room, I tried to sound casual, but the nerves crept into my words. Mum, this is my girlfriend, Emily. It sounded so mundane, but honestly, my hands were shaking.
And were hoping well you know erm I trailed off, cringing at my awkwardness.
Mum peered over her glasses, giving Emily the up-and-down. Ive known for ages what you want, she remarked wryly. But the question is, does the lady feel the same? Emily, do you actually know my son?
Oh, I know him wellinside out, Emily replied, with a grin that didnt falter for a second.
Mum looked so put out that she even switched to calling her Miss. Excuse me? Do English girls usually talk like that?
Emily smiled, quite unbothered. Its an expressionjust means I know him better than he knows himself. But we dont need to talk about Will all evening, do we? Maybe we should get to know each other, Mrs Watson. Its entirely possible we wont get on.
Mum looked thrown. What do you mean?
Emily didnt miss a beat. Well, we might find ourselves waiting up together at night while Wills out gallivanting with his friends. Probably listening to his tipsy snoring together too.
Hang on, why me? Mum protested, clearly trying to regain her authority. Youll be in your own room, wont you I hope?
But youll be there at the door, worrying. All mums do, dont they?
I was flabbergasted, listening to them both gossip about me as if I wasnt there. Oi, whats all this? I tried to interject.
Quiet! both women snapped in perfect harmony.
Anyway, Emily leaned in and asked, So, Margaret, can I ask, do you ever lose your temper? Because Will wont tell me.
My mums eyes grew wide. Lose my temper? Surely English ladies dont fight?
Oh, youd be surprised, Emily said with a laugh. Some wives really give their husbands what for!
Mum nearly covered her face with her hands. Goodness gracious! What sort of talk is this?
Come on now, Emily said, glancing at my mum with a knowing look. Be honest, havent you sometimes wanted to give your husband, or even Will here, a telling-off?
Mum nearly confessed but caught herself. No, never, she said, but I could tell she was stretching the truth.
Emily gave her a knowing smile. I admire you for pretending, but Im not convinced. Honestly, howd you manage with a lad like Will and never want to bop him? Did you ever give him a smack as a boy?
Absolutely not! Mum said this time, and I knew she meant it.
I tried to get a word in, Emily but they immediately silenced me again.
You were too soft with him, Margaret, Emily said playfully, giving me a gentle nudge. A lad with a bottom thats always looking for mischief shouldnt get off so lightly Still, your Wills a good one. Hes got room for improvement, but hell get there. Shall we have some tea? Ive brought a cake and I think tea always makes these chats easier.
That evening, once Dad had come back from work, Margaret announced, right in front of me, Darling, our Will is finally getting married!
Blimey! I dont believe it! Dad exclaimed, genuinely delighted.
I quickly corrected them, Hang on, its not decided yet. Were just thinking about it.
No, son, Mum said in her determined voice. This time youre definitely marrying her. And if you change your mind, Ill adopt Emily myself.
I couldnt help but chuckle. Mum, shes not an orphanshes got her own parents.
Thats fine, Mum replied, stone-faced. In that case, Ill take you back to the hospital and say they gave me the wrong baby. And your dad will be there to back me up.
If I mustabsolutely, I will! Dad grinned and shook his fist playfully in my direction.
Honestly, what a familyThe room erupted with laughter, Dad snorting tea from his nose and Emily clutching her sides. Even Mums stern façade cracked as she wiped away tears. For the first time all evening, I relaxedfeeling, maybe for the first time ever, that home was big enough for all of us.
Emily reached across the table, slipping her fingers into mine, warm and certain. Looks like Ive been claimed, one way or another, she whispered, so only I could hear.
Mum topped up our teacups, but her eyes lingered on us, softer than Id ever seen. Well, she announced, voice still a little wobbly, since everyones settled, I suppose all thats left is for you to make my boy an honest man, Emily.
Emily winked at her. Only if I get Margarets recipe for lemon drizzle cake.
Mum grinned, all primness forgotten. Dealprovided you promise not to let him eat it all in one sitting.
Dad raised his mug in a toast. To new beginnings, and a daughter who knows how to keep us on our toes.
And just like that, the walls Id imagined between old and new came tumbling down, replaced by something messy, noisy, and imperfectly wonderfula family, knit together one awkward joke (and slice of cake) at a time.
