A Difficult Man
Oh, for heavens sake, Edward! Youre such a difficult man! You make everything so complicated! Why cant you just do what I ask for once?
The young woman scolding her husband is not just beautifulshes truly striking. Tall, with endless legs, deep blue eyes, and such an exquisite figure that men nearly trip over themselves every time she strolls down the Sunhill Park paths next to the hotel.
Her husband, by contrast, is decidedly unremarkable. Nearly a head shorter than his wife, barrel-shaped and sturdy, with long arms, shortish legs, and a receding hairline. The only beautiful thing about him is his eyeslively and intelligent, as though he can see straight through people. Thats why it seems odd to see the pair together: a capricious beauty alongside the man who understands everything about her.
They are like an unlikely Hephaestus and Aphrodite, except instead of a mallet, the mans most common accessory is a child in his arms.
Their daughter resembles her father so closely that theres no doubting their connection. Her mother has only given her those spectacular blue eyes and a wild mane of copper curls. The ringlets are so untameable and abundant that the mother no longer bothers battling them. The girl, maybe five, becomes a whirlwind of ginger through the hotel, occasionally glancing back at her father as he hurries to keep up.
Hannah, if youre that keen on this tour, just go ahead. I really dont think Katie is old enough for it. Its a long journey, and its sweltering outside. Shell start crying, get fractious, and ruin your day outyou know she will, Edward tries to reason.
And what about you, then? Hannahs tone is sharp. I came here with my husband! I already cant move for all the attention in this hotel. Doesnt that bother you? Do you not care at all?
Hannahs voice reaches the brink of hysteria, so Katie clings tightly to her dad, burying her face in his neck.
My darling, you know Im madly jealous, Edward teases gently, brushing a hand over their daughters curls. Lets think of something else fun. How about a yacht trip or a spot of diving? What would you like to do?
I want the pyramids! Hannah snaps, turning her back. You two stay. Ill go alone.
Its an expertly staged row, and Edward simply shrugs as his wife glides off towards the pool, promptly forgetting both husband and daughter.
Edward is used to this. Their life mirrors that of many couples in their circle: he is wealthy and perpetually busy, while she is young, beautiful, and happy to be admired.
Hes never quite understood how he became a fashionable husband. He never did well with women, though not because of appearance. The problem lay elsewhere: Edward simply couldnt find common ground with women unless they were business partners or colleagues, and then he was charming enoughpolite, witty, even gallant. But let him fall in love, and hed become awkward, unsure of what to say or how to win a womans attention. It was so uncomfortable, Edward eventually stopped trying to build a personal life. He lived for his work, spent time with his mother in the countryside, and one day concluded it was his fate to remain a bachelor.
He occasionally dated for healths sake, as his mother put it, and that broke up the solitude a bit.
But things might have gone on the same indefinitely, if his mother, Rosemary, hadnt decided it was time her son settled down and gave her grandchildren.
Edward! Ive admired you bachelors long enough. Youll never marry off your own back. We need a matchmaker!
A what? Edward almost choked on his tea with mums homemade raspberry jam, dribbling some on his new blazer, out on his mothers country house verandah.
Youve ruined a perfectly good jacket, Rosemary mutters, scrutinising him. Youre a wonderful mansmart, well-mannered, successful, but outside of me, who does that help? No one! Thats not right. Youve managed far more than most your age ever dream of, but youre miserable. I can see how you look at Marinas children, and while my niece has no head for anything, as a mother shes first class. I adore those children, but I still want my own grandchildren. No, I long for you to hold your own child in your arms so youll finally understand true happiness. I know it. Your father knew it. Nothing brought us more joy than you. All this here? she gestures at the estate, It doesnt last. The house will fall one day. Only the living endures. Thats where you find reason, emotion, and memory. Thats real life, my dear. Do you understand me?
I do, Mum. But where does the matchmaker come in?
Because youll never find someone on your own. You havent learnt how. Sorry, but I must be frankhavent I always been? Youre hopeless with women. I blame myself. Ill fix it, and since Im useless at matchmaking, well use professionals. Get a pen and paper.
To do what?
Write down everything you want your future wife to be.
Oh, dont start. This is ridiculous.
Not at all! Hand it here if you wont. Lets start easyeye colour?
That evening, they talked until dusk. Edward knew his mother wouldnt let up, so he answered her questions, idly thinking that detective was hardly a womans trade. His mother teased out even his half-buried dreams and fears, shaping them neatly on paper. Edward read what emerged with surprise.
Nobody like that exists.
Well see! declared Rosemary, confiscating the list.
And she did find him a bride. Hannah was exactly what hed picturedat least in looks. The rest, hed have to discover once married.
It didnt take Edward long to realise their union was purely contractual. With time, he found these arrangements werent so unusual among his peers. Hannah had no intention of staying home to make him stews. She was all about herself. In the large house Edward bought after their wedding, they had separate bedroomsHannah declared his snoring intolerable, though Edward never knew for sure if he snored. It hardly mattered. Edward would have done anything for the woman who became his world.
At first, Hannah had no wish for children, but knowing that was part of the deal, she asked Edward for a postponement.
Im still so young, havent seen the world. Will you show it to me, darling?
Edward agreed. They travelled, made friends, settled into their life, and learned to tolerate each other.
Katies birth brought peace between them for a while. Edward was radiantly happy, hurrying home each evening to see his daughter. Only one thing disheartened himHannah was a rather indifferent mother.
I wont breastfeed! Why wreck my figure only to need surgery later? No chance! Hire a nanny or get formulamillions of kids grow up that way. Even your mother says you did and look at you! I see no issue with it.
Neither Hannahs mother nor Edward could persuade her. Katie happily sucked her bottle while Edward started looking for a nanny.
Ill go mad! Locked indoors with a screaming baby all daywhat a joy! You go to work, with people and purpose, while Im stuck here! Ill lose my mind with post-natal depression! Hannah moaned.
Her mother, Margaret, when she heard Edward was searching for a nanny, protested.
Why? I know your mothers busy teaching, but I can be a proper granny. Why bring in a stranger?
Edward embraced the idea; for the first time, he seriously quarrelled with Hannah.
Why have my mum here? To tell me how to live? Are you joking? I thought you wanted to help, but thisEdward, why are you impossible? Dont you love me at all?
I do! But I love our daughter as well! You barely go near her. She deserves at least one person besides me who loves her.
He wasnt wrong. Hannah showed little interest in her daughter; her concern amounted to Katie having the finest toys, pretty dresses, and a tastefully decorated nursery to show off to her friends. The nursery was mostly for display, though. Katie had slept in Edwards room from the start, with her cot, her things, and her favourite toys.
I love my child! As best I can! Hannah finally burst into tears, but Edward didnt back down.
Your mother stays. Shell look after Katie when Im out. If you ever want to take over, tell me and well change things. But for now, it stays as I say.
After some thought, Hannah decided compromise was better than conflict and that having her mother around was a small price for her freedom.
Margaret moved in, and became a second universe for Katie after her dad. She knew her mum, spent the obligatory ten minutes on her lap for friends visits, but then dashed off to find her dad or grandmathe ones she was always sure loved her.
So that was life. Katie grew. She tried ballet, attended a private nursery that Margaret drove her to, travelled the world with her parents, and quickly got used to planes and hotels, as long as she was with those who always made her feel welcome.
This particular trip was bland until Katie spiked a fever and developed a headache.
Well, thats the holiday ruined! Hannah paced, waiting for the doctor Edward had called.
What are you talking about, Hannah? Your child is ill!
Just a normal coldserves you right, giving her ice cream! I told you soanything to please her! Now what are you going to do, Father of the Year?
Wait for the doctor.
Edwards reply was so firm that even Hannah quietened.
Fine. No need to get worked up.
The doctor saw Katie and wasnt concerned.
Shes overtired. She needs rest and sleepshell be fine.
Edward nodded, but once the doctor left, he told Hannah to start packing.
Were going home.
Why? Hannah protested, tears threatening. The doctor said its nothing serious!
Hes not infallible. I dont like how she is. A five-year-old shouldnt have headaches. She knows how she feelsno arguments, were going. Pack up.
Tests at a London clinic proved Edward right. Life stumbled, held its breath.
One hospital, then another, then another. Katie never worsened, but she also didnt improvestill, that was something. Edward left work to his assistants and basically lived at the hospital, dashing home only to shower and change. Hannah sat with them but doctors soon realised the beautiful, smiling woman was just decoration. She knew nothing about her daughter, simply shook her head and hid her tears. People thought she was grief-stricken and avoided upsetting her, instead going to Edward for information.
The truth was more melancholy.
Hannah wasnt especially worried. She understood the doctors were doing all they could; her anxiety was for her lost freedom. She ached for her old life. She loathed hospital smells, even though Katie was in the very best hospital Edwards money could buy.
Her patience snapped when she discovered Edward was selling their house.
Why, Edward? Dont you have enough money?
No.
He was so matter-of-fact, Hannah was stunned.
But why? Youve always had
A lot? Was that why you stayed for so long? I didonce. But, my dear, Katies treatment is expensive. She needs an operation, and not one British doctor will attempt it. Shell need a top European clinic, and that means moneya lot of money. So, the house goes, the businessanything. Ill do whatever it takes for my daughter to get well.
And me? What about me? Hannah cried quietly, already dreading what Edward would say next. Unruly, capricious, difficultsure, but she wasnt stupid.
And you? You think I dont see youre unhappy? Heres what Ill do. Im giving you your freedom. You can live as you wish. Ill leave you enough moneya car, a city flat. But you must visit Katie at least twice a week. And when we go abroad for her operation, you come with us. Whatever you are, youre her mother and she needs you, even if you have to act compassionate. At least try to pretend you care. Just this once.
For the first time, Edward let his frustration and fear explode. He was terrifiedto the point of clammy hands and mindless panic. Everything that mattered lay behind that hospital door, curled up with a teddy bear and a drip in her arm. And at that moment, Edward knewthe only thing keeping any connection between him and this mascara-streaked woman was their child.
Thats enough. Go wash your face and dont frighten Katie. She needs to be calm, do you hear? Youll get what you want, but right now, youre earning it. Go, Hannah! Dont make me repeat myself.
What had changed in this short, odd-looking man? Hannah didnt know. He seemed to have grown taller, broaderan unscalable rock nothing could break. But behind that rock, nothing would ever threaten those protected by it.
She turned silently and hurried down the corridor to pull herself together, missing the moment Edward opened the door. Katie stirred on her pillow.
Dad
Margaret, sitting with her granddaughter, stood and beckoned Edward out.
If youll let me stay
Margaret, you never need my permission. Edward embraces his mother-in-law. Thank you. I have no idea how Id cope without you.
Im so ashamed, Edward. I failed. I spoiled her. She was always so bright and prettyknew just how to say and do the right thing. But now she seems like a stranger, or maybe I was simply blind. How did I lose herand when?
If only we could know before the fall I wasnt much use myself. Was it possible she doesnt love Katie at all? You were a good mother to Hannah, you gave her a fine example. How do I avoid failing Katie?
Always lay straw, Edward. Margaret wipes her tears and fixes her hair. Thats enough gloom! If Katie catches on, shell have us both running ragged. She mustnt worry. Why dont I settle her down for a nap, and you pop to the shop? Shes been off her food, but might fancy some ice cream. And Edward, I know its hard, but dont rush to cut Hannah off, all right? Give it time. I cant believe she doesnt care. I just cant.
Katies operation happens months later. Rosemary gives up work to travel with them and help.
Six months on, Katie comes home with her father and both grandmothers. Hannah stays in Europe.
Two years of rehabilitationhope flickering, flaring and dimming, but never going out. Until Katies consultant finally, glasses in hand, massages his nose, then smiles: Youve made it
Life stutters, rethinks, resets on a new, steadier path.
On Katies fifteenth birthday, Hannah appears. Still beautiful and impeccable, she pecks Margarets cheek, acknowledges Edward, and glides towards where classmates chant Happy Birthday!
Darling
Identical blue eyes half-narrow, surveying Hannahs face.
Mum
Hannah rushes to stammer justifications, but Katie stops her.
Dont. Not now. Later.
But I wanted
I know. It can wait.
Katie, please
Fine. Follow me.
Katie nods at the guests, leads Hannah to her fathers study. She pulls back a heavy curtain, climbs onto the windowsill, and shrugs.
Im listening.
Goodness, you look so much like your father
What, Mumam I just as difficult?
Thats not what I meant.
But I am. And do you know what else? The man you always thought was beneath you, whom you insulted and abandoned, not once spoke badly of you in all these years. Not once! He never brought another woman into the house, so he wouldnt upset me. He didnt even divorce you. Always said I had a motherthough, in truth, you never were here. And do you know what else, Mum?
What? Hannah whispers, watching the daughter, grown into a young woman with a steel note in her voiceso like Edwards when pushed to the edge. Hannah realises: one wrong word and shell lose her daughter for good.
That difficult man taught me forgiveness. Not to cling to resentment. Im not sure how well I do, but Im my fathers daughterI always finish what I start. I cant promise Ill succeed with you. I hardly remember you. I dont need you, Mum. I have my dad. I have my grandmothers. Theyve taught and explained all I need as a woman. So I see no reason to make an effort for you. But for Dads sake, Ill tryIll give you a chance to become a real person, Mum.
And beforewhat was I?
Anythinga doll, a pretty picture, a heartless ghost. Is that cruel? What did you expect? Even as a young child, I remember falling asleep to Grandmas lullabies in hospital, holding Dads hand, not yours. I remember when they shaved my head and Grandma Margaret sobbed, and Grandma Rosemary brought me a hideous pink hat. We put it on my bald scalp and laughed so hard I didnt make it to the lavatory in time. You werent there I remember starting school a year late, finding it so hard. My grannies took turns doing homework with me because Dad worked late. I remember Grandma Margaret sewing me a real tutu and buying a swans crown, although she knew Id never perform as I once dreamed. I danced in our lounge, and the applause I got there outshone Covent Garden. Grandma Rosemary brought me a huge box of paints, brushes, you name it, and we painted for hours. Thats my painting thereI gave it to Dad for his birthday. It won first prize in a show. You werent there
But Im here now, darling Hannahs voice trembles.
Why? Why have you come?
To be there for you
Why dont I believe you? Katie traces patterns on the windowpane. Edward watches from the garden below. Katie waves, then turns back to her mother. Dont know? Neither do I. So I wont think about it now. Prove I still need a mum, and Ill consider forgiveness. Until thenwelcome. Make yourself at home. The cakes in an hour. I need to see to my friends. Sorry.
Katie hops down, smooths the curtain, and at the door glances back.
Whats wrong, Mum? Am I a difficult person?
Hannah just gazes at her daughter, afraid to disturb the fragile hope in the air.
Good. That means I really am like Dad. And thats brilliant. Thank you. Thats the best compliment you could have given me. I think Im ready to consider. See you around.
A flicker of copper curls vanishes through the door, while Hannah lays her palm on the window, over the marks her daughter left on the glass.
