When I grow up, Ill be a fairy!
Emily, why a fairy?
Because thats what I want!
Emily hopped off her mothers lap, having just finished her fifth birthday congratulations, and gave her frilly skirt a little twirl.
Mum, fairies are always pretty and clever! And they can do anything! So I will too!
Of course you will! Catherine reached her arms out to hug her daughter, but Emily had already darted aside.
What about cake?
Soon, promise. Go on and play with your friends for now, and Ill call you when its ready, all right?
All right!
Catherine smiled as she watched the carefully curled ringlets shed managed that morning bounce on Emilys shoulders.
Shes got some real determination! And so switched on. Not many children her age can say exactly what they mean. Isnt it something? I can do anything!
The trick is not to break that faith in her, said Catherines best friend, Sarah, nodding sagely. Some parents hear stuff like that and immediately jump in with you have to be realistic or lifes full of hard lessons. I say believe in them! Thats how children accomplish things. I should know. When my little Lucy went to her first session at dance school
Oh, Lucy is just lovely! Catherine laughed, spinning on her heels as she headed towards the kitchen Ladies, can you help me slice up this cake?
The large, bright house echoed with the laughter and noise of children. The floor was littered with colourful confetti and popped balloon scraps. A rather sad-looking bunch of daffodils had been chucked in a corner, and Catherine frowned as she passed. Her mother, Veronica, had ordered the flowers to wish her granddaughter a happy birthday. Veronica lived with them now, but hadnt always. In the past shed much rather have Emily visit her place.
I just dont feel at home here, love. I worry Ill break something or mess something up. Its all a bit too posh for me.
Mum, stop that. Posh! We only have what we can afford! James works all hours, and so do I. So, no reason we shouldnt have nice things.
Still, Im simpler at my place.
Whatever you say. As long as Emilys alright, thats the main thing.
Veronica had cared for Emily since she was born.
I havent got the time, Mum, Catherine would say, hurriedly fixing her makeup before work. If I stop now, Ill lose everything Ive built over these last five years. Lifes a race, and its not just my own money Ive got people relying on me. That matters, but I have to put Emilys future first.
Isnt it more important for her to have you close, at least while shes little?
Mum, please dont start! I know what Im doing! Who else is going to look after my child? Pay for her?
What about James?
Mum, honestly! Of course he helps, but hes a man. Here today, off to someone else tomorrow. Who knows?
Why are you being like this, love? Has something happened?
How would I know? Have I had time to check? Maybe he has. Havent heard. Pregnancy and all that Ive been barely holding it together. Gotta keep up, Mum. Youll help me, wont you?
Of course I will, Veronica smiled, peering into the cot at her grandchild. Shes so tiny. You were chubbier as a baby.
Theres nothing wrong with that. Tiny is fine. Shell grow.
Emily was often under the weather as a child. Colds never seemed to stop, but Veronica wasnt flustered anymore; shed just get her trusted GP on the phone. Catherine, always busy, left those worries to her mum.
Mum, its not even a high temperature! You two just sort it out. Ive got a meeting.
Emily would clutch her grandmothers neck with her warm little hands, burying her nose in Veronicas shoulder, and whimper quietly.
There, there, my darling. Ill make you some squash and read you a story. Fancy a fairy tale today?
About a fairy?
If you like.
Yes, please!
Emily had a lovely book her dad had brought back from Oxford. The pictures were brilliant.
Peter, its all in English! Veronica flipped through the pages.
And? Shes getting used to another language. You taught at university for ages, Mum. Im sure you can handle a childrens book!
Of course, I can manage. Guess Ill have to start working on Emilys reading earlier than I thought.
Time with her granddaughter, all the little joys and sorrows, became Veronicas whole world and she welcomed it. At last, life had meaning again.
The past ten years, ever since Catherine graduated and married, had drifted by in a fog for Veronica. She barely saw her daughter Catherine never had time to visit. After enough rebuffed attempts, Veronica stopped pushing. She missed the days when Catherine would slump onto the old kitchen sofa after school or university, tucking her legs under herself, sipping the special mint tea her mum made just for her, and chatting about her day. Catherine was everything to her.
Veronica had been a young mum herself, only just turned nineteen when she had Catherine. The hurried wedding to a fellow student ended in divorce a year later, leaving Catherine as Veronicas one real treasure. When Catherine turned two, Veronica had to start caring for her own bedbound mother, losing more than a decade to hospital corners and forgotten memories alongside a small child who needed attention. She saw her own tired reflection and looked away. Never a beauty, but her angular features still had something arresting; impossible to forget.
Where she just hinted at good looks, Catherine inherited it in full. Veronica would catch herself smiling with pride. What a result! Now, she just needed to make sure none of it was wasted. She took Catherine to ballroom dance, music lessons, taught her English and French. By the time Catherine finished school, Veronica knew shed done her best as a mum. The only trouble was Catherines stubbornness. She never let anyone talk down to her, and her wants always came first, even if the whole family had to tighten their belts.
Mum, I need those shoes. I cant go to my first interview in these. I need to look the part. It matters!
Veronica would hand over the holiday savings, thinking oh, never mind the seaside. Catherine must have every chance.
The wedding to James was the cherry on top. Veronica wiped away sweet, unexpected tears as she watched her beautiful daughter walk down the aisle of the best hotel in Oxford, arm-in-arm with her groom. Did she like James from the off? Not especially. But she put it down to never mixing with big city businessmen and remembered what Catherine had said before the wedding:
Mum, this marriage isnt just about emotions. Theres a contract. Its important. Arranged marriages last longer than gooey romances.
You really believe that?
I do.
Whats the contract about?
Equal partners, from the wedding day. Of course, I dont want his pre-marriage stuff. All I really need to do is
What?
Have a son for him. Then the contract will work more in my favour.
Thats so strange
Its the way of the world now, Mum. Relationships change.
Well, I just want you to be happy.
And I will be.
After that, the subject was dropped. Catherine withdrew into the business James had set up for her, and focused on solving the health problems that stopped her fulfilling her side of the deal.
Emilys birth took Catherine by surprise.
Why trust all these new-fangled tests?! she folded away the blue blanket shed carefully chosen after being told three times she was having a boy. Three times, Mum! And look at her! Does she look like a boy?
Darling, whats wrong with having a daughter?
Of course its not bad, Mum! Just not what I expected. Thats all. Plus, theres that agreement
Youll have a son someday, Catherine. Just a bit later.
I hope so…
But nothing worked. Catherine dashed between clinics, trying to catch up, but nothing changed. After a string of private doctors, she just shrugged:
I have no idea what else to try, Mum. Ive tried everything.
Maybe its time to focus on the child you already have?
Mum!
What? Emilys almost five now. Shes wonderful. And who says dads only care about sons? Youre clever, Catherine. Just change your deal.
Catherine hesitated. There was sense in what her mother said.
Alright, then Emily should be at home.
Catherine
Mum, thats not up for discussion. She spends more time at yours than here.
But she loves it with me!
Who ever said she has to stop? Catherine waved it off, leafing through Emilys scrapbook. Pretty good drawings. Ill put her in art school.
Shes already had a private tutor for a year Veronica nearly wept.
Mum, dont make a fuss. Youll still see plenty of her. Why get a stranger when she could have her granny? She can have a driver, everything she needs. Maybe you should move in? Its a big house, weve got space.
No! Veronica shook her head. Best I keep my own place. But I do want to see Emily as much as ever.
Life, of course, had other ideas. Emilys first fever after moving home properly forced Veronica to move in too.
Mum, this is so much easier. More space. And I dont have to worry while Emilys here with you.
Veronica surveyed the guest room shed occupied for more than a week and nodded reluctantly.
Yes… Emilys close
She focused on her granddaughter and tried not to pay attention to the grown-up goings-on in the house. She saw that Catherines marriage was fraying, but left it to them adults who barely noticed Emily dashing about with her hair always slightly untidy.
Gran, theres loads more space than yours! Emily spun around in the huge living room. Can I get a dog now?
Im not sure, love. Best ask your mum and dad.
Why? Isnt this your house too?
No, sweetheart, this is your mum and dads. Ive got my own place, where I make the rules. Here, not so much.
So you cant even say no?
Depends what it is. If you spill milk all over the table at breakfast, I can tell you off. But I cant get you a dog.
Got it!
Emily sat down on the floor, thoughtful. Veronica recognised the look Catherine got it when plotting something tricky. Usually, shed win in the end.
Ill talk to Dad! Emily decided, nodding and standing up.
That evening, she marched into her fathers study, ignoring his frown:
Do you love me?
James was taken aback. He hardly knew what to make of Emily he rarely saw her, and their time together was nothing more than a Hello, darling! On the odd occasion Veronica suggested bonding, hed just nod distractedly and forget all about it. Her question floored him.
Of course. All parents love their kids.
But Im not all kids. I want you.
Do you want a new toy?
No! Emily huffed. I want a dog!
You mean a robot dog?
Emilys eyebrows shot up behind her wispy fringe:
Why would I want a robot? I want a real dog!
James closed his eyes, rubbing the bridge of his nose:
A big one?
Doesnt have to be. Just as long as its a nice dog.
Pick one and well see. You can have your dog.
Catherine wasnt thrilled with this idea. She and James argued for ages behind closed doors not knowing that Emily was listening outside. Veronicas blood pressure shot up; she put Emily to bed early and disappeared to her room, not realising Emily was wide-awake.
Its not a toy! You cant let a child have everything. A dog takes looking after.
Theres your mum. Theres the housekeeper. Give them extra for dog-walking. Its fine the dog will have somewhere to live. The more, the merrier. Good for the child.
What about the vets? Competitions? Everything else?
Loads of vets around. Open your own if you like. Competitions just get a mongrel and thats sorted. Catherine, what do you want from me? I barely see my daughter as it is. I can grant a simple wish.
But its not a simple wish. Its responsibility. Wanting everything right now.
And why is that bad for my child? If she wants something, why shouldnt she have it straight away?
Catherine said nothing. Emily edged away from the door. She knew then shed get her dog, and that was that.
A tiny Pomeranian turned up for Emily two days later. Two months after her birthday, just a week later, they moved back to her grans flat. Catherine, quiet as shed ever been, would drink her morning tea in silence and disappear until late, refusing to explain anything to her mum or Emily.
Gran, whats wrong with her?
Not now, darling. Mummy will tell you herself later. Veronica stroked Emilys hair, then the puppy.
Why are we with you again? Or is it just for a bit?
No, Emily. I think its going to be for a long while
Veronica was as in the dark as Emily. When Catherine came into her mothers room a few days after Emilys birthday party, heart pounding, Veronica knew something was off. Catherine simply pulled out her mums suitcase from the wardrobe and placed it in the middle of the room:
Pack up, Mum. Were leaving. And do Emilys things, please. I havent got time.
Veronica took a step towards her daughter but changed her mind when she saw Catherines eyes.
Alright, love Give me half an hour.
That evening, Veronica made Catherines favourite tea and tried to catch her daughters eye as she sat curled up, staring into space.
Dont ask, Mum. Were getting divorced.
Veronica gasped, glancing at the door. But Emily was watching TV, oblivious.
Hes got someone else. And a son…
Catherine buried her face in her knees. Veronica stepped forward to comfort her, but when she saw her daughter laugh, she stopped.
I thought you were crying
Fat chance! Thats that, Mum. It didnt work out for me…
Why James left for another family was a mystery to Veronica, but he was decent about the divorce and didnt make it messy. Within six months, Catherine bought and decorated a big new flat right next door, and they set about building a new kind of life narrower, not so easy, but at least familiar.
Emily grew up clever and stubborn; anything that mattered to her became the familys main concern. Catherine stopped fighting it and gave in to most whims, never even trying to curb Emilys will.
Catherine, thats not the way.
What do you want from me, Mum? Shes smart, tough shell snatch her own slice of the cake if she wants it. Thats what it takes these days. Look after yourself first.
I dont agree. It worries me.
Doesnt worry me. If Id thought more about myself, maybe Id have stayed with James. Instead, I thought about him. Silly…
Silly is never seeing your own child! Veronica would finally snap. She needs a mother, not just things.
She has you.
Thank heavens! But shed be better off with you too.
Whats the point, Mum? She listens to you.
Because I can say no. You never do.
I want her to grow up knowing anything is possible. I dont want to be the one who always says no. Better to be her mate than her guard dog, right?
Veronica would give up, sighing. No point arguing. Catherine would never change. And even Emily, knowing her mum was on her side, would keep doing things her own way. Gran loved her, so why worry?
Catherines work kept her away, but sometimes theyd go shopping together.
You should look your best. Youre not exactly a natural beauty, but that doesnt matter. The right clothes and makeup, and youll turn heads. Mind this is important.
This, Emily took on board. Catherine had great taste, and while Emily didnt look much like her mum, she inherited her figure. Soon Catherines wardrobe was routinely raided by her daughter.
This, this, and maybe this one. Nothing else age-appropriate. Catherine selected what Emily could wear. Everything in moderation.
Emilys classmates envied her fancy makeup bag. How did Catherine let her have such luxury?
Your skins important; dont ruin it with cheap rubbish. Respect yourself. Catherine binned a budget mascara a friend had given Emily. Whats this?
It was a present.
Not all gifts are worth keeping. Say thank you and throw it away. You have to value yourself, Emily.
Veronica saw what was going on but didnt get involved anymore. She just tried to ease Emilys sharpness with little luck. After school, Emily got into the same course Catherine and Veronica had studied. Soon, she was barely home, tossing herself into the wild world of student life. Veronica hardly saw either of them and learnt of the latest changes in Emilys life last of all.
Youre getting married? To who? Her hands shook, her favourite mug slipped from her grasp, smashing on the floor.
William Emily sang, curling up, watching her gran pick up the shards. Well, Will. My Will!
Who is he, love?
Oh, just a lecturer. Not mine! Dont give me that look he just works at the uni.
He
No, he isnt old. Actually alright, you know.
It was only later that Veronica discovered, via Catherine, that William was married.
Oh, goodness And youre so calm about it?
Why shouldnt I be? Why should I worry about his wife or his kid? Mum, I only care about Emily. Shes in love and wants this man.
Catherine where did I go wrong? Veronica leant heavily on the table, panic in her chest. It’s not right…
Whats not right?
Breaking a family up!
Hes not a sheep on a lead, for goodness sake. You talk nonsense, Mum! Catherine shrugged, topping up Veronicas water. Calm down! Just think about your granddaughters happiness.
Will she find it? Veronica finished her water and sent the glass flying against the wall.
The wedding was a sombre affair. Williams parents boycotted it, refusing even to meet Emilys family. James, long relocated, didnt come, just sent a flat as a gift. Catherine kitted it out with furniture without even checking with Emily. As for Emily she couldnt care less.
Mum, look! The dress is a dream! I absolutely want it! Emily twirled in front of the mirror.
Its called Fairy, said the boutique assistant, showing the veil to Catherine. Shed already guessed who would be deciding.
A sign, Emily! Remember wanting to be a fairy when you were little?
And now I am! Lifes a complete fairy-tale now! Everything will be perfect!
Everything will Catherine echoed, nervously crumpling the lace veil in her hand.
Veronica barely made it through the ceremony, and called a taxi to go home.
Im not well. I dont want to spoil your day.
She kissed her granddaughter goodbye and walked to the cab. As she climbed in, Veronica looked back. Emily was skipping next to her new husband, waiting for the photographers signal to release the white dove. Veronica shivered. Emily suddenly looked like that frightened bird desperate to escape the hands gripping her too tightly.
What can I do, Lord? Theres nothing left, is there? Veronicas breath caught, but she straightened up. Give me strength. Ill still need it
Emily separated from her husband before their baby even turned one. William had a new girlfriend, another student. He was hardly subtle Emily, heavily pregnant, caught them together in a university office. She closed the door quietly at first but then slammed it hard enough to rattle the windows.
Whats happened there?
Oh, just pest control, Emily waved her hand at the office shed just left. Bit of a cockroach problem.
She rang her dad for help.
What, tail between your legs now? Catherine reproached. Did you ever try to fix things?
Why bother, Mum? Emily, cold-eyed, sorted through her daughters things. Whats right, anyway? Is it right just because I want it? I spent forever thinking Id always get what I wanted, but I never stopped to think what its like when someone else wants something too
What do you mean?
I mean, the woman before me probably wanted a dad for her child, wanted love Then I showed up like the fairy I always dreamed of being, assuming they needed none of it. Now someones decided the same about me. Thats your right, Mum.
Nonsense! I never thought youd act so childish in a pinch.
No, youre wrong. Im not a child anymore. Thats the sadness of it. The fairys grown up my wings arent enough to hold me anymore.
Catherine was still talking, but Emily had stopped listening. She had a life to sort out.
Veronica packed up the babys clothes, wiping away tears, minding her great-granddaughter at the same time.
Its alright, darling. Mummys strong. Well manage.
Catherine didnt come along. Veronica left her the flat keys, asking her to keep an eye on the plants, then waved it off.
Dont worry. Just look after yourself.
A few years later, a young woman walked along the path in an old park. The little girl who sometimes ran, sometimes skipped at her side was clearly her daughter.
Look what we made at nursery today! the little girl rummaged in her rucksack, handed to her by her mum, and produced a stick with a crumpled foil star on the end. Oops! Its a bit squished
Whats that, Sophie?
My magic wand! Like the one the fairy in the story had. But, well its bent.
So what? Emily straightened the star and waved the wand. See? Works fine! Nothing to worry about.
How do you know it works? Sophie peered up at her mum, mouth open. What did you wish for?
That everything will be alright for us and that everyone will be healthy.
Didnt work Sophie hung her head. Grans still in hospital.
Not anymore. Shes home now.
Really? Sophie bounced excitedly.
Really. Youll see when we get back.
Oh, give it here! My turn! Sophie snatched the wand and, after a few magic twirls, whispered something to it.
What did you wish?
Not telling!
Thats not fair! Emily laughed, brushing Sophies curls back under her hat.
Ill tell you one of them. Just one. I wished lots.
Go on then, tell me.
I wished that well always be together Sophie whispered, and Emily dropped to her knees.
Sophie, you mean your gran?
The little girl nodded quietly.
I cant promise you that, love. Im not a real fairy just a little bit of one. And not everything is up to us. But we can be together as much as possible, and love each other even when were apart. When youre at nursery, or Im at work, we still love each other, dont we? Even if were not together every minute, we think of each other all day, right?
Sophie nodded and brandished her wand again.
Then Ill make another wish, is that okay?
Of course!
I wish gran gets completely better, and that well be together for absolutely ages. Is that alright, Mum?
Emily stood, brushed the grass from her skirt, and nodded solemnly.
Thats the best wish yet! Now lets go and show your magic wand to gran. I bet shes got a wish too. Shes the real fairy godmother.
Really?
Absolutely. The best one in the world.
