Mum
Oi, Whiskers! Who do you belong to? Emily stood frozen, eyeing the large ginger tomcat perched by her doorstep.
Naturally, the cat didnt reply. In fact, he didnt even acknowledge Emilys presence. He didnt so much as twitch, save for his torn ear, which flicked, as if to say: Yes, yes, I hear you! But Im afraid you wont get an answer!
Well, I didnt want to talk to you anyway! Emily huffed, her feelings a little bruised, and dug in her handbag for her keys.
The cat, seemingly understanding her purpose, shifted slightly but remained firmly on the doormat, keeping his eyes fixed on her.
At last, she found her keys and fumbled with the lock, glancing with suspicion at her uninvited guest.
Emily and her husband, Daniel, had only bought their flat a couple of months before. It was small, just two rooms, but it had been everything theyd dreamt of. Some would say one shouldnt settle for an old five-storey place, that one ought to aim higher. Maybe there was something in that. But Emily and Daniel would have simply laughed. Only half a year ago, their own place had seemed impossible. Theyd been crammed into her grandfathers box room in a shared house and were over the moon just to have the space to themselves.
Emily, just go easy on the neighbours! Daniels mum, Helen, had warned as shed helped Emily scrub the room before their wedding. Theyre good people, even if they do like a drink.
Im not sure how anyone can be good while half-cut most of the time, Emily had replied with a wry smile, wringing out her cloth and pushing curls from her face.
Her wild mop of hair delighted Daniel but made any sort of cleaning a nightmare. No matter what she did, it had a mind of its own, forever slipping out of clips and bands and forming a mad cloud at her forehead.
Its hard to explain, Helen had sighed. Theyve just had a rough deal in life, and not everyone knows how to handle that with grace.
Emily understood. As an orphan raised in foster care, she knew all too well how people could wallow in self-pity and forget the vulnerable in their wake.
Her mum had abandoned her when she was just three, left her at a railway station with a note in her pocket and a battered, one-eared teddy she called Ted. Emily sat on the wooden benches of the waiting room, as instructed, clutching Ted to her chest, desperate for the toilet but terrified to move, convinced shed be scoldedor worseif she disobeyed.
But her mum didnt come back. Instead, a large policeman in a crisp uniform approached, asking her questions. But Emily wouldnt speak, shaking her head in silence. She was cold, wet, hungry, and past the point of tears. The man kept asking things she didnt understand, until at last he tapped Teds ear and said:
Whats your friends name, then?
Emily finally unfroze. She looked up and whispered, Ted.
He gently stroked both Teds head and then her own, and asked: Has your mum been gone long?
At that, Emily couldnt hold back any longer; she began to wail so loudly that the officer, flustered, called for backup, and a few waiting passengers eyed her with surprise. There were plenty of people about, but no one had thought to check on a child alone for so long.
It was years later before Emily learned why her mum had done it. A strange woman had approached her outside school, crying, Darling, I found you! Give your mum a cuddle, Ive missed you so much!
Emily was living with a foster family by then, one of seven children of varying ages under one frazzled roof. Their carers ensured they were all fed, clothed, and busy with activities or schoolwork. But everyone knew that by their eighteenth birthday, it was time to move along, making space for the next child.
There was little affection at home, just duty and care, so when her mother reappeared, arms outstretched, Emily didnt run to her, though she longed for it more than anything. How shed wished, in the long quiet nights with Ted close by, to be lovedfor someone to come, take her home, and cherish her. No child should have only a stuffed toy for family.
But confronted with sobs and pleas from the woman she dimly remembered, Emily didnt believe a word. Adults told her often enough that she couldnt possibly remember the station or the bench, but she didimages etched more as feeling than memory, but real, nonetheless.
Her foster sister, Natalie, who was in Emilys class at school and had been abandoned by her father, stepped between her and the woman.
Whos this? Natalie demanded, blocking Emily from view.
No idea Emily managed, her mind spinning.
Youre mistaken, madam! Off you go, we dont know you! Natalie said firmly, grabbing Emilys hand and pulling her away from the school gates. Ill tell Mum what happenedleave us alone!
Despite their usual coolness, Emily squeezed Natalies hand in gratitude, and they made it home still hand in hand. When the foster mother noticed, they shrugged in unison: What?
And from that day forth, they were sisters.
Natalie had her own pains to bear. She wanted family, though not by blood, perhaps, but something close enough.
Emily did meet her birth mother a week later, the woman now calm, merely asking to speak with her.
Emily found the darling grating, but Natalie shrugged.
Let her call you what she likesits just words, she advised, then urged Emily to talk.
You stand to lose nothing. At least demand the truthyou might never have another chance, and maybe, then, youll stop blaming yourself.
How did you know I did?
Natalie gave a sad smile. We all do, dont we? We all wonder what was wrong with us, for our parents to leave.
You never said
Neither did you. No one ever does. We just cry about it in secret. I do. But Ill have to stop soonits time to grow up.
The talk with her birth mother changed little for Emily.
You left me.
Im so sorry, darling!
Dont call me that. It makes me furious.
All right, all right. Ill stop. Please dont be angry.
Why did you do it?
It was too hardI had no help, no one. Your father threw me out.
Why?
I told him you werent his.
Was that true?
No.
Then why say it?
I was furious. We fought all the time. We split up
And then?
I argued with my mum and decided to leave. But where was I to go with a child? So I left you, but I knew youd be taken care of. I left a note, see
And you thought that paper made everything all right? What sort of person are you?
I know I was wrong! But if youd let me set things right
You cant give me back the years without you. Even if I forgive you, I cant forget! Do you see? I never will.
But what is there to forget? You were just littleyou cant remember!
At that, Emily stood and walked away, deciding that no one would ever again tell her what she could or couldnt feel.
Natalie applauded her stand.
Your life, your decision. If you believe its right, dont regret it, just move on.
Natalie, youre so wise
Not quite yet. But Ill get there. I want to studymaybe psychology. Then maybe Ill work out lifes answers.
They laughed over that years later, when Natalie was married with a baby.
Its rubbish, all of it, she declared. No one has the answers. Not you, not me, not anyone.
So how should we live, then?
Just with joy! Make sure your own feel loved, warm, and secure, and dont give strangers any reason to envy you!
You do a good job of that.
I try! Natalie grinned, cradling her daughter.
Seeing Natalie helped Emily be kinder to herself. So what if they lived in a tiny flat? At least it was in central London, close to work. The patch-up theyd done made the place feel almost perfect. Helen was rightthe neighbours, though troubled, werent bad people at all.
Helen and Grandad helped her learn that everyone deserves a little compassion.
Helen was formidabledetermined, no-nonsense, but big-hearted. One of her greatest kindnesses was accepting Emily as her own, something Natalie called a true feat.
Dont get your hopes up too much, Em, Natalie warned before Emily met Daniels relatives. Youre not exactly a catchno family, no property, and the council never gave you that flat you were promised.
We managed to get on the list, though!
You know how long those lists are? Dont count on it. Anyway, dont go telling your future mother-in-law about it. Best to keep quiet till its real.
Why?
Because when you finally do get it, then you can celebrate. Until then, play it cool. And dont expect Helen to take you in right away, but dont be prickly either.
You think Im daft?
Not at all. I just mean people take time. Shes got no obligation to love you, even if Daniel does.
That part Emily understood. At first, she didnt much care for Helentoo loud, too energetic, always trying to brighten everyone elses day. To Emily, whod rarely been looked after, the constant kindness felt like an attack.
Emily, my coats looking awfully threadbare. Will you help me?
How?
Come to the high street with me? Help me choose something new? Id ask Daniel, but hes hopelesshates shopping, barely tolerates it, and always snatches the first thing he sees. And Im rather on the big side, as you can see, so it takes time. Cheers, love?
Emily usually went along reluctantly, then ended up confused by the time they returned, arms full of shopping bags. Strangely enough, most of the new things werent even for Helen, but for Emilynew boots, a jacket, even a handbag shed never have dared to choose herself.
Protesting was pointless. Emily would sort through the gifts, quietly thanking this peculiar woman.
For, truly, Helen was unusual. She wasnt really her mother-in-law, yet cared as if she was. In fairy tales, maybe mothers-in-law welcomed daughters-in-law with open arms, but Emily remained wary. She remembered Natalies advice, so she kept her guard up, polite but reserved.
Helen seemed to understand, and stopped pushing, even accepting Emilys wish for privacy, and arranged for Daniels grandfather to move in with her, freeing up his room for the newlyweds.
Grandad took it all in stride, nodding wisely through the plans and then waking Helen for park runs and cold water dashes at weekends.
Mum, did I do the right thing? Helen would ask, exhausted after tending to her father.
Of course! hed reply. Best to let the young make their own mistakesdont interfere unless they ask for help!
But Emily came to me with nothing, not even decent shoes.
Thats different. Thats just a mothers right, but dont overdo it. Shes proudmind you dont cross the line.
Helen heeded him. She visited Emily and Daniel only when invited, offering help gently, remembering shed once been young and lost too. She could recall clashing with her own mother-in-law, only for things to thaw when Daniel was born. Then, her mother-in-law became indispensable.
Youre the mum, love, shed said to Helen, calming her shaky hands as she dressed the newborn. No one knows what to do at first, theory or not. But no mother can ever really hurt her childjust trust yourself.
Thank you
Oh love, were all in this together! My lot helped me, too.
Although Daniel barely remembered his own father and grandmother, whod passed away when he was a toddler, Helen always told him: You were so loved! Your grandma adored youcouldnt put you down for a moment. And your dad, he was over the moon waiting for you, always buying footballs!
Mum, how did things go so wrong, then? Dad was careful, a good driver.
I dont know, sweetheart. The fog that day was awful. Your auntie was ill, living alone family comes first, doesnt it?
Do you still miss him?
Oh, every day, my love. I dont know what Id have done without you and Grandad. I loved your father so very much.
And did he love you?
I know he did. Absolutely.
How? How did you know it wasnt just convenience?
Convenience?
You know, people stick together for the rent, the routine, not real passion
Daniel!
Come on, Mum, Im not a kid. Convenience is everything for some people. All this passion business is for stories.
Well, I suppose Im old-fashionedIve never seen living together as just a matter of splitting bills. And I hope you dont either, do you?
No, Mum. I want what you had. I want to love, and to marry for love, not duty.
You will, my dear. Just dont rush. Someone special will come along.
Maybe thats why, when Daniel brought Emily home, Helen made no objection. If her son had chosen her, then what more was there to say?
Living with Helen took some adjusting, but in time, Emilys prickliness faded, and she could look on her with something like friendship.
When Grandad suggested selling his room, Emily felt miserable.
Whats the matter? Grandad asked as they sorted through paperwork together.
Im not worried about where well live. Well managerent something, see what our incomes allow. Daniels only just changed jobs, and my wages would only stretch to another box room. Id have loved to buy this room if Id had the money. But thats barely a daydream. We have a goal, at leastweve managed to save a bit. My sister Natalie always says even a little savings makes you feel more secure.
Well done, you. I like the way you think.
Did I say something funny?
He simply patted her cheek and asked for a cup of tea.
Put the kettle on, up for a natter. Youre not letting Helen bother you, are you?
Goodness, no! Shes never been anything but kind.
There now! Youve gone all blotchy! Calm down, love.
Why do you say that?
Well, shes your mother-in-law!
So?
What about all those tales of wicked in-laws? Or have I been lied to?
All rubbish, as far as Im concerned! Maybe it happens, but not to meyou already know that!
I do. And I know Helen thinks of you as a daughter, too. Dont be shylet her in. She cant help being soft-hearted.
I dont need anyones sympathy!
Why ever not?
Its weak.
Is it now? Well then, maybe I wont come round anymore!
Why not? Emily almost dropped the teapot.
If you think sympathys bad, well, whats left for me here? I liked coming round, thinking you felt a little for me as an old man.
I do butsympathy just seems wrong. Doesnt it?
Depends how you see it. Sympathynot just loveused to cover all the feelings we had for those close to us. If someones ill or troubled, what matters most? Grand shows of love, or a bit of gentle understanding?
Probably the understanding
Exactly! And if their soul aches, a little sympathy is whats needed. But make no mistake, sympathy isnt always useful. If your husbands a drunk and you go easy on him forever, you do no one any favours. Or if your child causes trouble and you never call them out, out of sympathy, it can ruin them. Sympathy must be wise, Emily.
I do sympathise with you
I know. And I cherish that. Youre kind not because Im old, but because you like me as I am, eh?
Very much so.
And I feel the same about you!
Thank you. How do you know who to feel for?
Follow your heart. Family, friends, pets but think before you act. No good feeding a stray cat once on your way out of Tesco. Take them in, give them a homethats the sort of deed that matters. The good you do comes back around.
As Emily remembered this, she looked down at the ginger tom, still sitting by the flats door. Thanks to Grandad and Helens help, it was their flat now, and it seemed this cat, too, was just waiting for someone to care. The cat let Emily stroke his head, but when she invited him in, he darted up the stairwell, leaving her puzzled.
Suit yourself she sniffed, just about to shut the door when the cat reappearedthis time not alone.
The kitten he carried by the scruff was a tiny likeness of his father.
Well, I never! Emily scooped up the mewing little ball, and saw the tom dash upstairs again.
The second kitten, just as ginger, was a real handful. He squirmed so wildly in his fathers grip that the tom dropped him twice but never stopped trying to bring him to his new home.
Oh, youd make a terrible mother! Emily laughed, rescuing the kitten and opening the door wide. Coming in, are you? Or is there more to fetch?
The cat eyed Emily cautiously as she cuddled the kittens.
Go on then, in you come! Youre safe here. Wheres their mum, hmm?
The tom offered no response but busied himself, gently herding his family into the hallway.
Oh, wait! Of course, I need to find something for them Emily ran off to fetch an old tray, watching as the tom diligently directed his kittens onto it and began to teach them how to use the litter box.
You really are playing mum, arent you? Emily beamed, covering her mouth so as not to frighten the kittens as they tumbled around the newspaper lining. Sorry, let me see what food Ive got for you lot.
Clearly, the tom approved, and Emily headed for the kitchen.
That evening, she called a family meeting.
Helen, if you say no, Ill try to find new homes for them. But I cant throw the kittens out. Theyre so small. I dont know what happened to their mother, and its strange that a toms caring for them.
Helen, stroking a kitten on her lap, smiled. Why are you asking me, love? This place is yours and Daniels. You decide.
Emily coloured. Sorry, Helen. Youre right. Anyway, theyre drinking milk fine. Ill look for a home for one, but I think Ill keep the tom cat, if thats all right. He has a thing or two to teach me.
Oh? Like what? Helen raised her eyebrows.
Daniel smiled and nodded at Emily, letting her share the news theyd been keeping for a week, waiting for Helens birthday.
How to be a good mum Now Ill have two teachers: you, and this little fellow right here.
Emily tickled the cat behind his torn ear, and as Helen drew her in for a hug, Emilyfinallylet herself cry.
Sometimes, the family you choose helps you heal the wounds the world has dealt you. Its not about bloodrather, its about opening your heart, whether to a lost ginger cat, a child in need, or anyone willing to belong. Compassion, when guided by wisdom, is what turns a house into a home.
