Guardians
Madam, would you let me through, please!
Someone gave Helen a nudge in the back, and she instinctively took another step forward, gripping the handles of the wheelchair tightly to avoid slipping on the slick pavement. Her coat, as always, played its usual nasty trickits open panels billowed about, hiding the very reason she moved so carefully through the middle of the path.
Oh, sorry!
The flustered young woman sped past Helen, pausing in her hurry only when she noticed James wheelchair. James sat there, arms folded, not even attempting to assist his mother. On a day like this, hed only get in the way, his hands on the awkward wheels of the chair slipping in the icy slush.
Helen sighed and nodded at the girl. No harm done. Off you go!
She watched the woman dash away, adjusted James woolly hat, and resumed her grip on the wheelchairs handles. Shall we carry on? Weve got a little time left, but as usual, not much.
Mum, can we find time to do something other than just go to the surgery? James eyed the end of the pavement and then reluctantly began to push at one of the wheels.
James, just sit still for a bit, alright? I can manage this bit! Its only tricky here. Lookonce weve crossed the road, its all clear, no more snow. After that, you can go yourself!
Alright!
But hang on, what was it you wanted to do? Why the rush?
James hesitated. Its justIan said theyve opened a new model shop on King Street. Theres a paint there I really need.
James, well never make it there in this weather. Theyve forecast more snow by evening, and getting you down and up again, Helen trailed off as she saw the disappointment cloud his face. Hed agree with her, of course, but it would upset him. Look, how about I go myself? Write down which paint you need, and Ill bring it back. You can stay with Gran Vera while I go.
But why Gran? She mentioned shes got plans today! Shes repotting her plants.
Exactly! She wants a rematch. You beat her at chess three times in a row, and now she demands a battle. She reckons no ones ever outplayed her like that, and now she feels embarrassed! Besides, she promised to teach you poker.
But thats a card game, Mum!
Oh, son! Its not just a gameits practically philosophy!
Can you play it?
A little. Gran Vera taught me, too. But Im no good at sums, not like you. I always lose. You have to calculate, think a few moves ahead.
Like chess?
Almost!
Alright, Ill stay with Gran. But
Son, I know you want to go to the shop yourself. And I promiseIll take you there, closer to spring. Then we can stroll out that way every day if you like. Theres the park nearby, and your favourite ducks So, agreed?
Alright
Brilliant! Tell me, which paint do you need?
Red! But not like my Hussars red, a different shade
James became animated, explaining to his mother exactly which paint she had to find. His hands fluttered as he gestured, finally letting go of the wheels. Helen resumed her steady, relentless push, inwardly calling this their crusadewhat else could she call it?
Her life had split in two, before and after, two years back.
That day, shed been given a bonus at work. She was already daydreaming about how shed spoil her son and husband, when her colleague Julia burst into the office, white as a sheet.
Helen, they cant get hold of you
Helen felt her hands going cold and her vision darkening.
Whats happened?!
James Helen, dont panic! Hes alive! Hes being taken to the childrens ward at Royal.
Helen first saw the driver whod hit her son only at the trial. He never lifted his eyes, but she simply didnt care. Shed heard hed tried to visit the hospital and meet her, but she had no time for that then.
What could his apologies do? Open the intensive care unit doors? Return James health? Rewind time and erase that dreadful minute that had upended their family forever?
Why were you driving so fast? was the only question Helen asked.
My mother She was dying. Never told me about her illness Kept it secret Called me just a few days before, just to say goodbye Im guilty. I am.
I know.
It gave her no solace. All her thoughts were for James. The frightening door marked ICU, which she could not cross, was in the past now, but that didnt make things easier. She had to be there, with her son, not listening to this mans confession.
Did you make it in time? she asked from the doorway.
No
They never spoke again. Helen was replaced by her husband at the hearings, and she left for the hospital, never to return to court. She had far more pressing matters.
Its difficult The consultant shuffled papers without meeting Helens eyes.
What could he possibly say to a mother who wanted only one answerthat everything would turn out all right?
It wouldnt.
Helen realised that almost immediately, from the moment their conversation began. The doctor spoke about rehab and new methods, but all she heard was the drumming of one awful truthJames would never walk again Not ever No specialist could help. It just wasnt possible. Sadly Terribly A lost future, gone forever
She didnt think of herself, or her husband, or the newly budding cracks in their relationship. Theyd always been together, and suddenly now they went their separate ways: one accepting reality, the other unable to do so.
Dont you see? We have to try anything! Helens husband almost shouted.
That chance doesnt exist Dont you see?
Nonsense! If these doctors cant help, well find others!
Fine. Lets look.
Im working! When am I supposed to sort all this out?
Listen to yourselfhes your son.
Hes yours too!
So Helen searched. Doctors, clinics, any treatment that might get James on his feet again, but sometimes miracles go missing somewhere along the way. Its as though fate, carrying a basketful of hope, consults a long list, only to lose a miracle here or therea misstep, a skipped line among the needy, a little hope dropped along the pavement while fate, brushing off her fancy dress, parades on.
So the miracle meant for James got misplaced. Helen quickly understood that theyd have to keep living with what they had.
To say it was difficult barely scratches the surface.
Her work, which she had to leave to care for her son; the half-spoken arguments with her husband that later became screaming rowsrows which James overheard, making him so sick at heart he wanted to run away. She tried to keep it in, but the cold accusation from the man she once thought the dearest in the world was unbearable.
If youd been waiting for him after school, like other mothers, none of this would have happened!
Those words crashed between them like a block of ice in the heat of yet another fight. Her husband quickly regretted it, apologising at once, but Helen already felt the cold shards in her heart when that block shattered, filling their home with chill. The cold settled in.
Leave
And another blow followedone that couldnt be measured and couldnt be forgivenwhen her husband packed up and left, slamming the door so hard that James woke up.
Mum, whats happened?
Sleep, darling. Trouble has gone.
For good?
For good. It wont trouble us anymore.
Did it make her feel better?
No. If anything, everything got more tangled. Helen saw how hard it was for James to cope and did everything she could to help.
It was then, by chance, she bought him his first box of toy soldiers.
Look, James!
Whats this?
Toy soldiers. But theyre not finishedyou have to paint them.
Why?
So they look real.
Why are they dressed so strangely? James turned over a little rider Helen took from the box.
Theyre Hussars. Not modern soldiers.
What were they like?
Ill tell you!
Theyd sit together with books open, trying to decide how best to paint the figures, and every time, Helen held her breath, watching her son come alive again. It turned out to be a brilliant idea.
Within a year, James had a whole army, and at nightfall he and Helen staged battles, arguing over the role of Dragoons or infantry in this or that encounter.
Mum! Youre Napoleon! Play properly!
Dont boss me around! Youve got your own army!
But youre rewriting history! James would huff, watching his mum push the painted toy troops over the carpet.
If only that were possible, sweetheart, Helen would mutter, obligingly moving the Gorchakov regiment at her sons direction.
James father disappeared from the boys life entirely, shortly after a new baby was born in his new family. Helen was told by her former mother-in-law, Vera, who struggled to find the right words, wanting to soften the blow.
Helen dear, Im so sorry for everything.
Heavens, why you? Youve always been there for us! I dont know how wed have managed without you!
Theyre moving away
Where? Helen almost dropped the kettle she was holding.
Abroad. Everything readypapers, home But Im not going.
Hows that? Helen sank onto her haunches, closer to the woman whod never once left her side.
Just not wanted. Not needed. The new wifes mum is very involved, and only let me see the new baby once. Thats it. Theyll manage on their own I had a family, and theres nothing left.
Are you trying to say youre leaving us? Were not strangers, are we? Is James not your grandson anymore?
Helen love, dont push me away. I understand, as a mother Nothings how it should be, but
Who knows Maybe things are just as they ought to be. Theres no need for us to have anyone around who never had a place in our lives, even before well
Yes, before all this
So you see? Maybe fate isnt such a villain. Sometimes you must get rid of traitors at the right time. The betrayal was his, not yours. This between usour familyhasnt changed. James needs his gran, I need your help. Were family, unless you want otherwise. And I dont want to lose my family! Do you?
Vera didnt answer.
She embraced her daughter-in-law, finally making peace with the question that had tormented her for so long.
Theres nothing better than truth between people. You cant love someone and keep a stone in your pocket. Its not that you might throw itrather, youll always be afraid the one you love has a stone too, and youll worry for no reason. We only judge others by ourselves
From then on, Helen knewshe had James and Vera. No one else. Even Julia, once her closest friend and support, had quietly drifted away. I just cant stand seeing James like this, shed said.
Helen didnt argue. Julias own life had finally come right, and in her new reality, there was no room for anothers sorrow.
Helen saw Julias wedding pictures online, and was genuinely glad for her. Why not? For nearly a decade theyd been inseparable.
When Julia eventually phoned to ask after them and see if they needed help, Helen simply didnt answer. She didnt want to turn her worries into a burden for someone whod see them as just that.
And there were plenty of worries.
Helen and Vera dealt with most on their own, but some problems were impossible to tackle.
Vera never left their side. Because James could be left with Gran for several hours a day, Helen eventually went back to work, entrusting her sons care to her former mother-in-law. Vera helped with meals, the flat, helping Helen get James out whenever she was at home.
Getting the wheelchair down from the fourth floor of the ancient block where they lived was no small feata building with no lift, no ramp. For now, Helen managedJames, for his age and height, was still lightbut time would come when the road outside would be beyond him.
Helen went from office to office, trying to get permission for a ramp. It proved harder than pulling the moon from the sky. Her requests were repeatedly rejected, and she realised something had to change.
Helen love, maybe we should look for a house? Out in the country, therell be more fresh air for James, Vera would soothe her after yet another failed council meeting.
Gran Vera, what about the treatments? The physiotherapy? School? James is into programmingwhere would I find a decent teacher in a village? Weve seen what we can afford out there, and theres no internet, let alone broadband. And even if we got it installed, the expense! No, we have to stay in the city. James is growing; he needs opportunity! I cant take that from him just for convenience.
I dont understand, but, all right. If thats how you feel, my job is to support you. Well think.
We must Helen agreed, but saw no solution.
Could they swap their flat for something else?
Modern buildings had ramps and lifts, but those flats were so expensive Helen recoiled at the prices. Even if she could take out a mortgage, with James medical expenses, it was impossible.
Two estate agents just shrugged their shoulders. Ground floor for ground floor is a rare exchangeand, frankly, your little two-bed isnt in high demand.
Try to understandthis kind of property just doesnt sell these days! Theres nothing we can do.
Helen was thankful for their effort, but inside, she seethed.
Why? Why cant I arrange my sons life as I see fit? Why must I depend on fate, which weeps, then laughs, and never lets us rest, never gives us even a moments peace?
Perhaps fate wasnt such a villain after all. Distracted, perhaps, a little clumsy, but not cruel enough to forget a woman like Helen and a boy like James. Somewhere at the bottom of fates basket of lucky tickets, one for them remained. One day, absent-minded, fate pulled it out, examined the odd bit of paper, and, with a whimsical air, shaped it into a paper plane, letting it fly into the breeze, wishing it would bring happiness to someone
And this time, it worked.
The very day Helen was nudged by the rushing stranger, a new figure entered their life: Mr. Ivan.
Madam, would you like a hand?
The voice behind Helen, as she wrestled James wheelchair out of a pile of slushy snow near the crossing, was elderly and hearty.
Oh no, thank you! I can manage!
Helen nodded courteously at the little old man, but he ignored her refusal. With brisk efficiency, he manoeuvred around the wheelchair and reached out to shake James hand.
Im Grandpa Ivan. Why arent you helping your mother? She looks worn out!
I tried. She told me off.
I see. Well now, young lady! Let me have a go!
He gently nudged Helen away from the handles, handed her a bag of clementines, and declared, Hold theselove them! Behave well and Ill let you have some! Off we go!
The wheelchair slid forward easily, and Helens mouth fell open in amazement. With hardly any effort, the man tackled the pile of dirty snow, crossed the road, and kept up a cheerful commentary to James. Helen hurried after them, astonished at how this stranger accomplished what he felt was right.
Where shall I wheel you to? Im in no rush! Mr. Ivan parked James on the clear pavement across the street.
Oh, you neednt have! Well be alright from here.
Youre beautiful but stubborn! Mr Ivan peeled a clementine, halved it, and handed pieces to Helen and James. Surely an old man can enjoy a walk with good company? Or do you object?
Not at all Helen didnt quite know what to think, but found herself liking the old gent.
They made it to the surgery.
The next day, around noon, there was a knock at Helens door.
Good afternoon! Do you accept callers?
Helen stared in confusion at her acquaintance from yesterday. James made the decision.
Grandpa Ivan! You came for me? Brilliant! Come on, Mum, dont just stand theresay hello!
In just a few days, Helens world shifted. This curious gentleman began solving nearly every long-standing issue shed struggled with for the past year.
Helen love, Ive spoken to the neighboursthe Marshalls, in the next block. Their flats just like yours, but on the ground floor. Well theyre up for a swap. Theyll be over tonight to see your place. Dont you undercharge themand ask for a bit extra for redecorating. Yours is much nicer, you knowlook at this kitchen! Dont worry about their place; Ill help sort it out. As for bits and bobs for the walls, well need a bit of cash for paper and glue, but otherwise
What if they dont like it?
Theyve already agreed. Just mention it. I chatted to the husbandhes a straight-dealing chapword is bond.
How do you know?
The lads at the garages told me. Theyve known him since school. They wouldnt be wrong.
How did you manage all this?!
Youve got to talk to people! Thats all. Lookyou never even asked how I found your place when I visited for the first time.
Oh, thats true! How?
Just asked aroundWho lives here, that stunning lady with the big eyes and a boy who doesnt want to get up?
Grandpa Ivan! I want to! I just cant!
Ah, James, if you want something badly enough, youll even learn to fly!
Hows that?
When summer comes, Ill show youits too soon to say now.
Cant you give me a hint?
No! And stop pestering, youre not a girl!
I wont!
Thats my boy! Now off you go! I need to talk to your mother. If we do things right, youll be able to go out on your own come summer.
Hooray!
My word, what a racket! Even I heard that, and Im half-deaf! Ivan chuckled, watching James spin his chair. Hes strong, Helen, but its not enough. Ive found a good physiotherapista retired Army doctor. Knows all sorts of techniques, trained in the Himalayas. We need to get James to see him.
Its hopeless, Mr Ivan. Weve been told what to expect, and whats possible.
And youre just giving up? the old man squinted at her, shaking his head. No, Helennot while youve got hope. Anythings possible. Im living proof.
Will you tell me your story?
Why not? Sailed the world I havenearly drowned three timeslearned to fly too, built my own glider Ill tell you everything, later.
Why not now?
Not got time today. George in number 32s only off work one day, and hes a wizard with a welder! Promised to help me with the ramp.
But Mr Ivan, you need permission for that! Its not allowed otherwise!
Have a look at this. Mr Ivan fished a white form from his pocket. Heres permission, signatures from all the neighbours. All good people, your lot. And for those whod forgottenwell, we gave them a nudge.
Whos we?
You think I managed all this alone? Not a chance, love. The manager, your Vera, the other ladies I was spoilt for choice! Never had such luck in my twilight years.
Oh, you old charmer, Mr Ivan!
Guilty as charged, Helen! Sailors privilege! Had I been a younger man, Id have married you on the spotwomen like you are one in a million!
Oh, come on! Helen burst out laughing.
Not this timeyoure stuck with me! If Ive taken you under my wing, thats how itll stay! You, James, VeraIll do what I can! Its not right, a woman with a lad, left on her own!
Mr Ivan kept his promise. In just a few weeks, Helen and James moved into the new flat. Helen wandered the echoing empty rooms, close to tears, looking at the wide doorways made by Mr Ivan and the neighbours, so that James chair could pass through.
When the collapsible ramp was first fitted, Helen hurried to apologise to the neighbours.
Sorry for the trouble. You knowits just essential, thats all
To her surprise, not one of them grumbled.
Helen, honestly, all the best to your boymay he be healthy!
Helen, whod often felt the discomfort of others at James thin frame and his chair, asked Mr Ivan quietly,
Why are they so friendly? They dont grumble or glarewe usually make people uncomfortable. Most look away when Im with James.
Theyre scared, love. Thats all.
Of what?
Dont you see? Theyre frightened it might happen to them. Thats why they get angry or step away from someone like you. But not all, you see.
Not all Not you, or these neighbours. Why?
Maybe they just remembered theyre human, Helen, Mr Ivan chuckled.
Of course, he knew the real reason. Hed made rounds, visiting each neighbour and asking, All well at yours? Good health? Wonderful! You know the lady Helen, with her son James? What an amazing mother! If you need anything, just ask! I knew you were good folk!
Helen didnt know about these talks. Nevertheless, she already had countless reasons to thank this strange man whod come into their lives uninvited, and stayed.
Most important was the chance, slim as it was, that the doctor Mr Ivan introduced her to gave James.
Please, understand, Helenits only a sliver of a hope. Barely worth mentioning. But you mustnt waste it!
But where?
To London. My colleague, a genius surgeon, works there. If he cant do it, no one can. Ive spoken to him alreadyhell see James.
See him?
Yes. Its a drawn-out process, will take time and preparation.
Im afraid I cant possibly pay
Dont worry about that, Helen! Vera, whod overheard, broke in, heedless of Ivans look. What, Ivan? Dont give me that! Ive decided!
What have you decided, Gran Vera?
Ill sell my flat. I called my son, toohell help. Dont argue! Dont refuse! Pride is useless nowJames needs to be well. My sons been useless in some ways, but hes James father. Yes, he forgot, but I reminded him. Youre a clever woman, Helenyou always know whats what. So, understandwe have no other choice. We must come together. Maybe itll work
Helen nodded. She didnt wish to argue. Vera was right. James came first! Tears, pride, all that meant nothing in the face of even the faintest hope.
Six months later, James had the operation. Though full mobility hadnt yet returned, the ramp that Ivan once made was now unnecessary. Helen found another family in town who desperately needed it.
And your boy? asked the mum, pausing as her daughter showed off a shiny new chair for James to admire.
He walks now. On crutches still, and slowly, but its a start.
Do you think The woman looked thoughtfully at her daughter.
Ill give you the doctors details. Who knows? Maybe he can help your little one too. If theres any hope at all, you mustnt waste it!
How did you bear so muchso many problems, so much pain?
It wasnt me. You know, lately Im quite sure angels exist. And they dont always look like you expect. Ive had so manyguardians, all of them.
Truly?
Yes! And theres a chief among them. Fierce, strong, uncompromising. Though on the outside, the gentlest of men. He believes all people are good, just need reminding sometimes.
Whats his name?
Mr Ivan. Ivan Edwards. My guardian angel; mine and James. Isnt that right, James?
James, squinting at the sunlight, would struggle up from the bench, and wink at the little girl who chattered like a magpie.
Yes, Mum! Can I go for a stroll with Sophie? Not far!
Helen would touch the girls mother on the arm, seeing her nervous start, and smile.
Of course. Shall we join them, if you dont mind?
Alright. Lets! Theres plenty of ice cream for everyone!
And in one more family, a hush would settle.
And with it, a tiny seed of hope would take root.
But dont be afraid.
Give hope a little room and a gentle nudge, and it will start to grow, not by the day but by the hour, changing lives wherever it finds shelter. And while expectations dont always match reality, sometimes its enough that laughter returns and misfortune, sulking in the corner, eventually slips away, unobserved, slamming the door behind it. Not that anyone would notice. Their ears would now be tuned to something else.
And that sound, faint at first, will grow stronger, ringing like a crystal bell. Hope will take a step, then another, and soon shell dance, copying the moves of a little girl for whom James will make a silent plea to fate.
Pleasejust one more ticket You helped me, didnt you?!
And fate, pondering, will grant the determined lads wish.
Why?
Shell answer to nobodyshell simply rummage in her basket, fold one more paper plane, and let it soar into the sky, humming softly to herself, and wander on down the path, her new dress brushing the earth, wondering to whom shell grant another slice of happiness next.
And so, life reminds us: we cant choose what happens, but if we open our doors to hopeand to each otherwell find that kindness never runs out. In the end, its not luck or miracle that matters most, but the courage to be kind, the wisdom to accept help, and the strength to keep going, together.
