Gran always Favoured One Grandchild
And what about me, Gran? Id quietly ask.
Oh, Lucy, youre doing just fine as you are. Just look at those rosy cheeks!
The walnuts they’re for brains, Tom needs them for his studies, hes a lad, after all, the future of the family.
As for you, off you go and dust the shelves. Girls need to get used to a bit of work.
Lucy, are you serious? Shes on her way out. The doctors have said a couple of days. Maybe hours
Tom stood in the kitchen doorway, car keys twisting nervously in his fist. He looked dreadful.
I am serious, Tom. Fancy a cuppa? I didnt even turn round, just kept slicing an apple for my daughter. Sit down, Ill pop the kettle on.
Tea? Now? Lucy, shes lying in there with all those tubes, wheezing…
She called for you this morning. Lucy, she said, wheres Lucy? Made my heart squeeze. Arent you going to go in?
Shes our Gran! Its the last chance, dont you see?
I stacked the apple slices on a plate and finally turned to look at my brother.
Shes your grandmother, Tom. Youve always been her golden boy her pride, her only heir.
But me for Gran, I simply never existed.
Do you really think I need this goodbye?
What am I supposed to say, Tom? What am I meant to forgive, or for her to forgive me?
Oh, just let those childhood grudges go! Tom slammed his keys on the table. Yes, she did love me more. So what?
She was old, had her ways. But shes dying! You dont have to be so cold.
Im not cold, Tom. I just dont feel anything towards her. Go on. Sit with her, hold her hand, your company means far more to her than mine.
Youre her darling. Shine on for her, right until the end.
Tom gave me a look, spun around and walked out. The door banged behind him.
I sighed, grabbed the plate of apples, and went to the childrens room.
***
In our family, everything was always fairly divided. Mum and Dad loved both of us me and Tom equally.
Our house was always noisy, warm, full of the smell of pies and endless daytrips.
But Agnes, our grandmother, was cut from a different cloth.
Come here, darling Tom Gran would say softly when we visited at weekends. Look what Ive got for you.
Walnuts, shelled myself! And proper Cadburys chocolate! Fresh, too.
I was seven, standing by, watching Gran pull a secret paper bag out of the old sideboard.
And me, Gran? Id ask, barely above a whisper.
Shed give me a sharp, clipped look.
Oh, Lucy, youre robust enough. Just look at those cheeks of yours.
The nuts they help with brains, Tom needs to learn, hes the man, our backbone.
Off you go and dust the shelves. Girls should get used to keeping tidy.
Tom, red with embarrassment, would slip away with his sweets, and Id be left polishing shelves.
Funny enough, I never minded. Truly little Lucy just thought it was like the weather.
It rains sometimes and Gran loves Tom. That’s life.
Normally, my brother would be waiting for me in the hallway.
Here, hed stuff half the chocolate and a load of walnuts into my hand. But dont eat them in front of her or shell moan.
You need them more Id smile for your brain.
Sod that, Tom would say, pulling a face. Shes loopy, bless her. Come on, eat up.
Wed sit on the stairwell to the attic, munching our forbidden bits. Tom always shared. Always.
Even when Gran used to secretly slip him a five-pound note for ice cream, hed dash over to me:
Theres enough for two 99s and a pack of stickers. Come on?
My brother was my anchor, his love more than made up for Grans coldness, so I barely felt the lack.
The years went by. Agnes got older. When Tom turned eighteen, Granny grandly announced she was signing her spare two-bed flat in central Oxford over to him.
The man of the house needs his own place, she declared one family council. So he can bring his wife home.
Mum just sighed. She knew her own mothers temper and didnt argue, but that evening came to see me.
Darling, dont think we havent noticed Your father and I have decided something: the money weve been saving for a new car and extensions, its yours.
Your deposit for your first home. To even things out.
Oh, Mum, honestly I hugged her. Tom needs the flat more. Hes planning to marry Emma. I can stay in halls a bit longer.
No, Lucy, that isnt right. Gran has her oddities, but we as your parents cant favour one of you. Please take it.
In the end, I didnt.
Tom moved into Grannys flat right after his wedding, and there was more space at ours.
I took over his old room, filled it with my books, my paints, and for once enjoyed a room where love wasnt split into real and not quite.
Tom and I never fell out over inheritances. In fact, Tom always seemed a bit guilty.
Come round, hed say, dropping in on weekends, Emmas baked pies. Gran called yesterday, by the way, checking I wasnt wasting her money on gifts for you.
And what did you tell her?
Said Id put it all in the arcade machines and booze, Tom gave a sly grin. She huffed for ages, then said: That Lucys always a bad influence on you!
Naturally! Id laugh Who else?
***
When I married Oliver and we had a baby, housing became urgent. Mum played diplomat again.
Listen kids, she said. Our old house is big. Tom has his flat. Lucy, you and Oliver are renting.
Lets do this: well swap our house for a one-bed and a two-bed. Dad and I will take the one-bed, Lucy, you and Oliver can have the two-bed.
Mum, Tom cut in. Ill give up my share in our place. Ive got Grannys flat, Im sorted.
Let Lucy take it all. They need it now, especially with the baby.
Tom, you sure? Oliver was stunned Thats a lot of money.
Sure. Lucy and I always shared everything. After Granny, she got less affection. So, please, just do it.
I burst into tears. Not over the square footage, but that my brother is simply the best soul alive.
So, we split the property. Everyone was happy.
Mum often came to help with the baby. Tom, Emma and their boys visited every Sunday.
Gran, meanwhile, lived alone. Tom brought her groceries, fixed her taps, listened to her endless complaints about her health and my ingratitude.
Has she ever called? Gran would ask, lips tight. Ever asked after my blood pressure?
Gran, you never wanted to know her, Tom would say, patient. You havent said a kind word to her in twenty years. Why would she call?
I was trying to teach her! Gran would snap. A woman should know her place! Shes stolen the flat, forced her mum out.
Tom only sighed. Reasoning was pointless.
***
Id sit in my kitchen, memories popping up unbidden.
Theres Gran batting my hand away from the jam jar. Praising Toms wobbly pictures and ignoring my maths award.
She was queen at Toms wedding, but didnt show up to mine, citing illness.
Mum, why dont we visit Gran Agnes? my daughter peeked round the door. Uncle Tom said shes terribly ill.
Because, sweetheart, Gran Agnes only wants to see Uncle Tom I stroked her hair Thats what keeps her calm.
Is she mean? my daughter asked, frowning.
No, I mused. She just couldnt love everyone at once. Her heart only had space for one. It happens.
That evening, Tom called.
Shes gone, Lucy. About an hour ago.
Im sorry, Tom. It must be so hard for you.
She was waiting for you, you know, he lied. I could tell. Out of kindness, hoping maybe, just at this last point, wed find peace. Said, I hope Lucys alright.
Thanks, Tom Come round tomorrow. Well have tea, Ill bake a cake.
Ill be there Lucy, do you regret it? Not going in?
I didnt lie.
No, Tom. I dont. Why pretend? Neither of us wanted to see each other…
Tom was silent.
Maybe youre right, he sighed. Youve always been the sensible one here. Right, see you tomorrow.
Her funeral was quiet. I was there for Mum and Toms sakes. I stood a little way back, in my black coat, staring at the drizzly grey sky, just as it always seems to be at funerals. When the coffin was lowered, I stayed dry-eyed.
Tom came over, hugged me.
You all right?
Im fine, Tom. Really.
You know, he hesitated sorting through her flat I found a box. Inside were old photographs.
Yours were in there, too. Loads. All clipped carefully out of family pictures. Shed kept them, separately.
I raised my eyebrows, surprised.
Why?
Pure guess. Maybe she felt something after all, but couldnt show it? Maybe she worried that if she accepted you, shed have less for me? Old people are strange.
Maybe, I shrugged. But it doesnt really matter anymore.
We walked to the cars in the rain big, sturdy Tom and little me, sharing an umbrella.
Listen, Tom paused as we reached the cars Ive decided to sell her flat.
Ill buy us a place, something for the kids, and the rest Shall we set up a charity fund? Or help the childrens hospital? Make Grans money give someone else a bit of happiness, for once.
For the first time in days, I smiled properly at my brother.
You know, Tom That would honestly be the perfect vengeance on Agnes. The kindest revenge in the world.
Deal then?
Deal.
We each drove off our own way. I listened to the radio, the city sliding past, and inside me, at last, everything settled into calm.
Tom was right. Let some of that old money cure a sick child. Thats fair. Thats just.
