The Conditional Mood
“A proposal? Are you telling me hes proposed? Juliet, are you mad? What is there to think about?!”
Its complicated, Olivia
Oh, is it really that complicated? Olivia dropped her coat over a chair and collapsed into the seat. Goodness, I dashed here! I have half an hour before I need to run Martha to dance and take Leo to his football practice.
Ollie, the boys nearly six. How much longer are you going to call him Leo?
He should be grateful I do! Can you believe, yesterday he comes home from school and tells me hes in love! With Lizzie from the next flat! Says hes going to marry her. Can you imagine?
And? Seems perfectly ordinary for your boy. Remember yourself at that age!
Thats not the same! Do you remember what my mum was like when I told her I wanted to get married?! Olivia chuckled. How old was I, fifteen?
Fourteen! And you nearly gave her a heart attack. Mum, Ive made up my mind! As if you had! And the whole time Paul, your Paul, never even looked your way then.
So what? In the end hes my husband, and Im paying the price for that mad crush. Mum couldve punished me worse. Washing up for a whole year for the family pfft! Not much of a punishment. She shouldve banned me from going out!
As if that wouldve worked. Besides, she knew you wouldnt do anything silly, and all your dramatic tantrums were just for show. Youve always had a good head on your shoulders!
Oh, really? Clearly you dont remember our fights as kids. I couldnt stand you, Jules! Miss Juliet, the clever beauty, and Olivia the wild one!
Mum never said things like that.
No, but Gran made up for it! Always saying Id end up pregnant before I was sixteen. And look how it all turned out!
Oh, yes! I certainly wasnt the golden child in that respect
Juliet pushed her cup aside and sighed.
Jules Olivia reached for her sisters hand. Whats wrong?
Ollie, Im scared
For heavens sake. Scared of what? At last, youve found a decent man and now youre chickening out? Whats not right?
I dont think hell accept Max
Olivia frowned. Why do you think that?
Its simple. Last night, after all those roses and the lovely ring, he asked if I could send Max to Mum and Dads for a while
Juliet glanced out of the window, twisting the ring on her finger.
It was beautiful, expensive even.
But then, that was to be expected from Cyril, Juliets boyfriend. Successful, into sports and music, fond of women but surprisingly settled since meeting Juliet, hed decided she deserved only the best. He was never stingy, remembering his mothers advice:
A woman might put up with hardship and support her man if things go wrong. But shell think twice if the trouble isnt necessity but unwillingness to share. Doesnt make her a bad person. If shes thinking of a future with you, the question will inevitably be: If he holds back from me, wont he do the same for my child?
But Mum, why would she think that way? Whats that got to do with children?
Son, do you remember the story of patient Elsie? Well, most women are a bit like Elsiealways worrying about the future. Sometimes its silly, but the ones that do are less likely to end up alone.
Cyril took his mothers teachings seriously. How could he not, having grown up with a strong woman who lifted herself from the gutter after his real father left almost as soon as he was bornthrew her out, baby in arms, for another love. He didnt care where shed go.
Cyrils mother, Natalie, had nowhere to turn. Her parents lived in a remote village; she had fled at the first opportunity, counting days, then hours, until she left. After that, she never looked back. She lived in a hostel, worked wherever she could, and learned to fend for herself.
She married, not for love but for security, but never told Cyril. What was the point? Let her son believe life could be built on different values.
Perhaps because she was used to overcoming difficulties, she didnt panic. She found work with the help of friendsand soon was a housekeeper for Professor Alexander Bennett, a widower whod lost the will to live:
Mr Bennett, you must eat! Shed set soup in front of him.
Later, Natalie, later
No, now!
You think?
I know! You must.
And if I dont want to?
Imagine youre a child again. For Dad, for Mum
My grandmother used to say that
So pretend Im your gran. Such a bright man, yet you ignore the simple things! No one can live on air. Your late wife will never forgive me if you waste away.
You sound just like her You could have said before
What?
About her being gone.
Your gran said it? Then its true: time heals, but some things are forever.
Natalie, youre a philosopher!
Oh, hardly! Ive no time for philosophy, Mr Bennett. Now I must feed Cyril.
Yes, yes. The lad needs proper grub.
With no children of his own, Bennett quickly grew fond of Cyril, and when Natalie wasnt looking, did something unexpected. He called her in, made her sit, and paced the room:
Natalie! Either tell me what you want or let me gotheres laundry waiting and I still need to cook dinner.
Natalie, he said finally, glancing at his wifes portrait, Im offering you my hand and all I can give to you and Cyril. My heart belongs elsewhere, you know that, but it doesnt mean I cant do right by a boy I think of as a son. Now dont argue. Ive thought this through. Youve no home, no living. Your wage is drops in the ocean compared to what youll need to raise and educate Cyril. Take some time. I have no close relations. Use your good sense and think about it.
Natalie paused, searching his eyes, then nodded. Thank you. I know what this means for you. I accept. Not for me, for Cyril. Youre right. He deserves a better future.
They married quietly months later. For Cyril, he became a father not just on paperbut in every way that mattered.
A year after their wedding, Natalie asked for his blessing to go to university.
Quite right, Natalie! A degree is importantsets a good example for the lad.
She agreed, though her thoughts were on building a different life. She had no intention of cleaning floors and making soup forever.
After a few years, she got her degree and founded a small business providing cleaning services and catering. It prospered, and she threw herself into her newfound career, secure knowing Cyril had someone to watch over him at homeperhaps even better than herself.
As for Cyrils birth father, he was quick to relinquish all claim: Found yourself someone new? Good luck! Dont tell the lad anything bad about mebetter he doesnt know I exist.
Natalie kept that promise. Cyril only learned the truth after Bennetts death, when he was already nineteen.
Mum, but he he loved me
Oh, he did, darling! I doubt many love their own children as much as Alexander loved you. The two of you gave each other so much. Bloods no guarantee theyll accept and love youIve learned that for certain now. Your real father never even asked about you. Alexander gave us both home, security, and freedom from bitterness. Thats not nothing, believe me!
Natalie meant it; she was long past resentment. Fate had been harsh, but otherwise her childs life couldve been very different.
She retired to her cottage, left the city flat to Cyril and waited for grandchildren.
But as the years ticked by, Cyril never seemed to find the right woman.
Cyril, what exactly are you looking for? Natalie would sigh. How many girls now?
Plenty, Mum.
Exactly! And many were lovely and clever. Like Alice or Lydia, you brought them round to meet me. Whats wrong with them?
I dont know, Mum. Theyre not for me. Alice is brillianta fantastic lawyer for my firmbut shes focused only on her career. She doesnt want kids or a home. You should see her flatall like a show home, but I cant even drink coffee there, I just want to escape! Living with Alice would be living by a colour-coded sock schedule and a strict calendar.
And thats so bad?
Its unbearable, Mum! Id suffocate. So whats the point?
And Lydia?
Lydias wonderful, but I just dont love her. Is that enough?
It is.
So why worry?
When Juliet appeared in his life, Natalie was relieved. He was thoroughly grown but still single. The fact that Juliet had a child didnt deter her.
Cyril, are you ready for the responsibility?
Mum, dont you trust me? Do you think I forgot who raised me? Only
What?
What if the boy doesnt accept me?
Oh stop being childish! Work at it! If you want this woman, win her sons trust first. Its not so hard. Any proper mother puts her child before any pair of trousers!
Mum!
What?! Dont tell me I shocked you. Sometimes plain speaking is needed. Propose if youre sure, and start getting to know the boy. As far as I understand, theres no father, so youve every chance. But think hardraising a child isnt a lark. Juliets strong and could cope if you left, but the boy Think, darling! Dont play games with other peoples lives.
Cyril took it to heart, and put the plan into action.
He proposed, and now Juliet sat in her favourite café with her sister, wrestling with her doubts. Love is all very well, but she couldnt bear the thought of living with someone who didnt accept her son.
Olivia squirmed, debating if she should lecture her sister; she couldnt hold out:
So, what exactly did he say?
Who? Juliet blinked, lost in thought.
Who do you think? Cyril! What did he say when he asked you to send Max away a week?
Nothing clear. Just said, could I arrange for Max to stay with my parents for a week after the wedding.
In un-Juliet fashion, she threw her teaspoon onto the table. The bang turned heads, but Olivia waved the waiter away then reached for the spoon, licked off the foam and rapped her sisters forehead just as she did when they were kids.
Ow! Juliet glared, rubbing her head. What are you playing at?!
You wont bruise. Old habit, remember?
I do! But, really, Olliewere not children anymore.
No, we stopped being children when? When you found out you were expecting Max? Or earlier?
Earlier, probably
Exactly! What did Gran used to sayfast growing, early blooming? Thats you. Have you learned nothing?
What do you mean? Juliet snatched the spoon, pressing it to her brow. It WILL bruise
Well cover it up. Now, tell me, what would have happened if youd told anyone about your thing with Nicholas? Not just Mum and Dadme!
I dont know but whats the point in guessing?
Maybe none, but I always wonder what it will take for you to start speaking out to people who love you.
Juliet sighed, laying the spoon down. Maybe youre right
No maybe, Jules. You are! Should I remind you how Max was born?
No need! I remember it all.
I bet youve forgotten!
Juliet turned away and took a deep breath. Olivia could be unbearable, but right now she was spot on. Max was here not because but in spite of circumstances, and Olivia knew that well.
Juliet and Nicholas were in the same class. Shed melt at a glance, lived to hear him say Hi. She went to school early just to wait by the mirrorknowing hed give her those precious words, even if not just to her. The truth about her idol shed only realise later.
Eventually, Nicholas noticed her. At prom, he took her hand and walked her out of school, fully aware her parents werent home.
Why she gave in she never could explain. Always an open book at home, but about this first love, she never breathed a word. When her parents took her on a family holiday, she sat by the Thames, wondering what to doher secret already too heavy to keep. The river seemed to reassure her: See, I started as a trickle and grew. Do the sameyou neednt be afraid to choose life, even if only you care about it at first
She knew almost instantly Nicholas had used her. Still, she clung to hope. Eventually, with no options left, she had to tell.
Olivia had kept an eye on her, enlisted Paul and the others, and one evening hugged herignoring Juliets confusion.
Its okay, Jules! Forget him I dont even want to waste a word on Nicholas. He got what he wanted, fine!
Who got what? Ollie, what are you on about? Juliet shouted, pushing her away, andoverwhelmedshe fainted. She didnt see their mother rush in.
She soon recovered but lay, eyes shut, as her mum stroked her tear-stained cheek.
Why didnt you tell me, Juliet? Was this better?
They wept togetherfirst with Mum, then Olivia. Their dad broke the scene when he got home:
Whats with all the drama?! Girls, youre mad! Be happya grandchild, or maybe a granddaughter, is on the way! Jules, keep calm!
She never felt such gratitude or relief as in that moment. The shame was sharp, but mingled with pure relief that she hadnt been condemned.
And so Max arrived in a family not traditional in the mum and dad sense, but surrounded by people for whom his existence was absolute happiness.
Thanks to support from her parents, Juliet finished her degree and made a solid life for herself and her boy. Along came Cyril, tossing all that security up in the air, and her worries were only natural.
Could she risk Maxs future for her own desires?
Shed made that error once, and knew the consequences. If not for her parents and Oliviawho helped with Max even during her A-levelswho knows where she and her boy would be? Juliet already had a family, with little need for more Did she dare ask for better?
Her worries were written all over her face. Olivia, chuckling, called to the waiter: Could we have a soup spoon? And two more eclairs, pleasewe need calming down!
Pushing Juliets beloved eclairs towards her, Olivia shook her head:
Jules, learn to talk to those close to you. Especially Cyril. He seems reliable. Just ask him why he wants Max to stay with your parents. Is it really so hard?
I dont know Maybe youre right. Just ask?
Yes. Now! Go on, call him.
Ollie, hes in a meeting!
So? Now youll see how much you matter!
Olivia, its not done.
Nonsense! Dont want to calltext him.
What will he think of me?
Does it matter? Youre wearing his ring. You accepted, or are you dithering?
Im dithering
If you havent refused, youve accepted! Olivia snapped. Do you really want a marriage with someone you cant even ask a basic question? Hes not a telepath! Be clear about what you want. Enough if onlys. Make up your mind!
If only I knew what I wanted Juliet almost wept, but took the phone anyway. Just ask?
Just ask, Olivia replied, tired but firm.
The answer was instanther phone pinged, and the message made Juliet smile.
Well? Satisfied? Olivia smirked, checking the time. Oh, late as ever! Some of us have holidays, some just endless errands. Chin up, sis, itll all work out. Hes got it all plannedone week together as a couple, one with Max. Youre not just a mother, youre a woman, too. Im honestly a little jealous. Paul would never have thought of that. Right, Im off. And talk to your sonI get the feeling he wouldnt mind calling Cyril dad.
You think so?
I know so! Not that I ever said it.
Olivia snatched her coat and hurried out. At the door, she glanced back, stuck out her tongue, and tapped her temple. Think! she mimed.
Juliet did think.
Three years later, a proud Max took his newborn sister from his stepdads arms and nodded, grateful, to the man hed now been calling Dad for years.
Careful, Max! Juliet fretted, but Cyril gently held her back, arm about her shoulder, stopping her from interfering with brother and sisters first meeting.
Dont worry. Itll be fine. Wont it, son?
Dad! Give me some credit! Max carefully lifted the lace of the fancy blanket he and Cyril had painstakingly chosen together and grinned. Mum, shes beautifulHis eyes shone with a pride beyond his years, his voice wobbly but sure. Dont worry, Mum. Ive got her.
Juliet looked at Cyril, searching his gentle smile, and realizedafter all the worry, the endless what ifs, the conditional moods that haunted her daysher heart had simply made its choice, in spite of fears. She watched as Max, so cautious, whispered promises only siblings could share, and as Cyril squeezed her hand, she finally let herself believe: maybe she really did deserve happiness, and so did her family.
Above the new trio, sunlight streamed through the window and settled, dappled and golden, upon their heads. In that quiet hush, Juliet felt certainthere would be stumbles and tangled mornings, laughter and tears, and more questions with difficult answers. But at last, she was ready for themnot alone, but together. There was no more if only, just a gracious, grateful, unconditional yes.
Maxs face was rapt, his eyes never leaving his baby sister. Were going to show her everything, Dad. Every good thing.
Cyril nodded, his own voice thick. We will, son. All together.
And as Juliet watchedher son, her husband, her new daughtershe knew: some families were built with brick and blueprint. But the best ones, the strongest, were made from hope, from forgiveness, from finally asking the question and daring to listen for the answer. She lifted her daughter, nestled her close, and smiled through new tears as Max and Cyrils laughter echoed. It wasnt perfect, it was betterit was theirs.
And that was all the future she ever needed.
