A Bit of Banter
Ellie! Ellie, let me copy yours!
Lydias whisper somehow echoed through the whole classroom, prompting Miss Warren to lift her eyes from the register.
Lydia Smith! Behave yourself, wont you? Do your own work!
But Miss Warren, its so hard! Lydia grumbled, always quick with a comeback.
No one said it should be easy, did they? And anyway, Ellies got a different set of questions today. Youll get nothing from her.
What? Shes right at the front!
Thats right! Miss Warren smiled, mimicking Lydias whining. I gave her her own paper, just for her.
Great. Thats not fair! Lydia sulked over her workbook but was already sneaking glances for another way out.
No one noticed Ellie shrinking behind her desk, too nervous to look up or even turn around.
Every teacher knew Ellie was the classs lifeline. The clever kid everyone relied on, happy to help but never wanting to cause a fuss. It was impossible to say no without falling out with half the year.
Of course, Ellie did let people copyeven tried to be clever about it so teachers wouldnt twig, just like her mum had advised.
Ellie, love, I know youre a kind girl, her mum would tell her at home. But you need to look after your own interests too. You need good marks if you want to go where you want for sixth form. Dont mess up just because someone else cant be bothered to learn their spellings.
Her mums advice was sensible, but Ellie always found herself sighing. If only her mum knew how tough it was to be the top of the class when nobody else cared about anything.
Ellie had moved to this school after her mum divorced her dad. There were plenty of reasons, but one was the complicated arrival of Ellies little brotherborn in her dads new family while Ellies parents were still together.
No one sat Ellie down to explain. Grown-ups got on with their dramas while shed sit in her room with paper and a pencil, covering page after page in black crayon, making sure not a glimmer of paper showed.
It was Ellies gran who noticed first, barging in and making a fuss.
What are you lot playing at? Poor girls beside herself!
Gran, her dads mother, curiously sided with her mum in the break-up.
Hes just like his dadcouldnt keep on the straight and narrow. But at least my John always came back. Never brought a kid home though.
And you took him back? her mum asked.
What choice did I have, Helen? I loved him. And I knew he loved me. Why else would he keep coming home? I never really forgave him, but what can you do? No one asks for this mess, and you cant put the clock back.
Shed then turn to Ellies mum. If it helps at all, I reckon you should be glad your Martins made a clean break this time. You wouldnt have thrown him out, would you? Youre too soft, just like me.
I dont know was all Helen could muster, it hurts
Gran sighed. I get it, but little Ellies left in the middle. Its not fair on her. Youre a good woman, Helen. Just make sure shes alright, thats all.
So, Helen did the last thing anyone expectedshe sat Ellie down and told her everything, straight out, when she was only six.
Ellie, sweetheart, Dad isnt going to live with us anymore.
Why?
Were splitting up. But youll see him on weekends, when theres time. Please dont cry, darling. Hes still your dadhe always will be! I promise!
And you? Ellie sniffled with tears, hating how adults always did whatever they liked.
Im not going anywhere, El.
Please, dont go.
Suddenly Helen understood her daughters black drawingsher fear that everyone was leaving.
It took ages to get her out of that dark place, explaining again and again that she hadnt been abandoned. Eventually things settled somewhat. Ellie still saw her dadless than shed like, but enough to work out that hed left mum, not her. He still spoiled her, and he and Helen managed to keep things as alright as they could for Ellies sake. Holidays with her dads family, rough-and-tumble games with her brother, and even managing to get along with her stepmum, Alison, who wasnt at all wicked, was fond of kids, and never minded Ellie being around.
Still, it all left its mark. Ellie sometimes wondered if her dad had left because she wasnt good enough, because she wasnt like her brother, maybe. Mum and Gran assured her she was loved, but that little worm of doubt always gnawed, especially when things got tough or she really needed to believe in herself.
At first, it wasnt obviousjust wobbly knees reading a poem on stage in Year 1.
Shed rehearsed for a week with her mumin the mirror, with all the facial expressionsand was sure shed ace it; she always had the hardest parts in the nursery plays. But something about that morningstanding in assembly, searching the hall for her mum and granmade every line disappear. She burst into tears, unable to say a word.
The deputy head crouched down beside her, brushed away her tears, and whispered, Can you tell it to me later, quietly?
Ellie nodded, unable to do anything else.
Miss Warren didnt forget. After school she waited on the steps for Ellie.
There you are! About that poem. Id love to hear it.
It might sound petty, failing to recite a simple poem, but for Ellie it was huge. She took a breath, let go of her mums hand, and recited the lines perfectly, earning applause from all the teachers nearby.
Well done! I knew you could do it!
But I couldnt do it, Ellies voice was trembling.
Of course you could! Look at useveryone clapped. It doesnt matter where you said it. You did it. Be proud, alright?
I think I get it
Ellie never forgot that moment, and later, when Miss Warren became her form tutor, she was glad. Miss Warren was one of her ownsomeone whod always support her.
Miss Warren looked out for Ellie, too.
Shes a sensitive one, your girl, she told Helen. So bright, but she needs a place where more kids are like her. Shed be happier in a school with more emphasis on maths, maybeI just worry, she spends so much energy trying not to stand out. Its like wrapping her up in three duvets and hoping shell grow.
Helen got it, but couldnt do much. No one could take Ellie to a grammar school across the other side of town. Helens ex was busy, Gran was getting poorly, and Helen was working two jobs just to save up for a slightly larger place. Their little flat was getting a bit too small.
Can you stick it out here a bit longer, love? Helen would sigh, cuddling up to Ellie on the sofa.
Honestly, Mum, dont worry. Ill manage.
Hows your day?
Okay! Ellie would try to sound chipper, though inside she felt anything but.
Okay, schmo-kay! her mum would tickle her. Come on, details, missus!
Giggling, Ellie would eventually spill everything.
No one ever bullied Ellie outright. But shed hear the comments:
Oh, Ellies showing off again! Did you hear her quoting dates in history? After that, how are we supposed to get top marks?
Not to her face. Not yet.
But one day, everything changed.
Ellie, five minutes! Im never going to finish this! Lydia hissed. That was enough for Ellie to sneak her rough paper towards her.
Miss Warren was distracted by a message pinging in on her phone, so she didnt notice.
Her desk-mate, David, quietly nudged his book towards her so she could see Lydias trouble spot.
Thanks, she whispered, quietly pointing to the wrong bit.
No explanation neededEllie and David had shared a desk since Year 2 and knew each others brains inside out. A jot of numbers, a nod, and David was off fixing his mistake.
Ellies rough draft drifted over to Lydia, and the rest of the lesson passed in silence.
Then, at the bell, all hell broke loose.
Is there something wrong with you?! Honestly, freeze up like a statue, do you? End of term and you cant even help? Some friend! Lydia banged on Ellies desk.
Lydia, youre not being fair, Ellie was calm but a wave of frustration was building inside her.
Why did she always owe everyone something?
Her gran had a phrase for ita polite way to swear: What on earth? (She had banned Ellie from ruder words as a childYoure a lady, not a docker!)
Gran, you call yourself a lady but you still swear!
Not quite the same, love! Old ladies can get away with it, but not teenage girls. It isnt pretty. Boys can get away with more, thats lifea bit of discrimination, you see. And you dont want to marry some lad who sees you as one of the boys, do you?
Why not?
Because proper blokes marry the mysterious ones, not their mates. Trust me.
Gran never told her the whole story about her parents. Ask your mum or dadthey can explain. Women need a bit of mystery. Swearing spoils it. Take it from me.
Just then Ellie wanted to spit out something as sharp as Lydias jibes, but something held her back.
Leave her alone, Lydia, David muttered, shoving his physics book into his bag. Its not all about you, you know.
Some mate you are. Friends are meant to stick together! Lydia snorted.
Thats not true! Ellie couldnt stay silent. David does his own worksometimes I just help him check. I helped you, didnt I? Stop having a go!
Ellie stuffed her things into her rucksack, barged past Lydia, and bolted from the room, desperate not to cry in front of everyone.
Lydia didnt follow, but muttered under her breath, Weve all had enough of you, Ellie Green. Your time will come.
They didnt speak that day, or the next, or for a week. Lydia went frosty, and the class held its breath, wondering what shed cook up.
Lydia was known for her tricksshe could make someones life unbearable for the smallest mistake.
Ellie waited for trouble, but Lydia caught her off guard.
Ellie, come on, stop sulking, will you? Two weeks now! Lets just make up, Lydia grinned openly, and Ellie found herself softening.
Im not sulking.
Yeah, clearly! Anyway, forget it. Are you seeing in the new year at home, or going away?
Lydia sounded so normal that Ellie relaxed. Probably just one of those fallouts, she told herself.
She shouldve known better. Lydia wasnt one to forgive or forget.
When Ellie found that odd note in her rucksack, she never suspected Lydia.
Ellie, I really like you.
David
It looked exactly like her desk-mates handwriting. She never realised that Lydia had spent a week in the English office, helping lug composition books for Mrs Andrews until she discovered whose writing matched Davids, then roped in friends from the other Year 7 form to pinch a note. With no real David signature, shed simply faked it.
Now youll get whats coming, Ellie dear. Not just me left in tears.
While Ellie smashed volleyballs in the gym, Lydia and her crew kept her busy.
Come on, Ellie! Harder, youre barely trying!
No one let on as Ellie pulled out the note.
Whats that? Ellie! Oi girls, check thatDavids got a thing for Ellie! Lydia snatched the note and did a little dance, waving it high.
Give it back!
Oh relax! Or actuallyno, youre right! Lets do this properly. David! Yoo-hoo! David! She swung out into the boys’ changing room.
Ellie went white.
No one knew about her crush on Davidexcept, perhaps, her diary and her mum.
Is that bad, Mum?
Why would you ask that?
Isnt it too soon?
Too soon for love, El?
Would you call it love?
Not yet, I suppose. Its called having a crush. Stunning thing, really. It’s just like standing at a doorway, peeking in and wondering what all the fuss is about. Theres joy there, pain, discovery. Maybe even heartbreak. But thats life! Love is everythingexciting, scary, and irresistible.
What if I get hurt?
You might. But its worth it. The thrill alone is worth it. Theres nothing else quite like it. Well, except the day you were born, maybe.
So its good, then?
Of course! So long as you keep your head.
Go on then, tell me about this David, her mum would tease.
And so her crush was Ellies own secreta fragile treasure she didnt want to share.
But now Lydia had guessed. The way Ellie hurriedly folded the note, the nervous glance towards the changing rooms. If shed been less panicked, shed have realised David couldnt have done it; hed been in volleyball too, on her team.
Boys burst out of changing and cracked up watching Lydia parade around with the note, Ellie pinned against the wall trying not to faint.
Whats all this? Miss Warren appeared, as she always did at precisely the wrong moment, and the room instantly shrank two sizes.
Miss, weve got some news! Lydia puckered her lips, kissed the note, and waved it. Guess what, Miss, got a love story in the classbride and groom already!
Miss Warrens eyes narrowed. Lydia, what is that? Stop fooling around!
Its a note! David wrote it. Said he likes Ellie!
The giggles barely started before Miss Warrens voice cut through.
Alright, settle down! Ellie?
In that moment, Ellie vaguely remembered that shaky morning all those years ago, Miss Warrens encouraging look. Youll be alright. Youll manage.
Instinctively, Ellie separated from the wall and stood by Miss Warren, who looked at her with a kind, slightly worried smilejust like her mum.
Lydia took the note. I didnt want anyone to see it.
I see. David? Miss Warren turned to the boysand what happened next shocked everyone.
Yes, it was me, he piped up.
He brushed off the teasing lads, stomped over to Lydia, and yanked the note from her fingers.
Its not right to read other peoples letters, Lydia.
You liar! Lydia screeched, realising her plan had gone sideways.
Her whole plot to make Ellie miserable and embarrassed had done the exact opposite.
Lydia never guessed that Ellies air of confidence was always just a cover for her nerves, her inner voice that never quite believed she belonged.
But at that moment, something shifted in Ellie. She straightened, not from fear, but from a strange, fizzy feelinglike the first warm day of spring after months of drizzle.
What was that? Surely not wings growing, she chuckled internally. People cant fly!
But she felt light enough to, for once.
Lydia? Miss Warren raised an eyebrow.
What? It was only a joke! Hes fibbing! Lydia nearly burst into tears.
Give it back. David took the note, neatly folded it, and pressed it into Ellies hand. Its yours. And maybe keep my next one to yourself, yeah? Miss, are we doing those compositions today? Mrs Andrews said we would, Im not ready!
Good on you for admitting it! Yes, we are, but on a different topica rather topical one, Id say. Right, off you go! The bells gone, youre late!
And so Year 7 scrambled away, not caring about Lydias scowl, or Ellie and Davids nervous little grins, or the tiny note clutched safe and sound.
Ellie pasted that note into her diary, storing it and every secret for years, right until her wedding day, when she handed that dog-eared notebook to David.
Here you go, husband.
Whats this, wife?
Our storys beginning
Youre letting me read it all? Really?
You know it already anyway!
Not everything.
Whats left to know? Ellie leaned into him, ignoring the sound of Speech! Kiss! echoing through the hall.
Remember telling me about that threshold, about looking through the doorway?
Yeah
Did you ever step inside properly?
Ellies eyes shone and her reply was so soft, David heard it only because he was listening for her above everything else.
Definitely. And I closed the door behind me. Im not just besotted any more.
Really? David grinned.
Absolutely. I love you. Thats the truth.
He grinned wider. Well, now I know. Want a kiss, Ellie?
She laughed. Id love one!And when he kissed her, in the bright, buzzing hall where friends and family cheered, Ellie felt every scattered piece from all her yearsher mums warmth, Grans fierce pride, Miss Warrens steady beliefslot together like sunbeams through stained glass. All that time wanting to disappear, fearing she was too much or not enough, the shaky poems, the black crayon nights, the note she once wished would vanish None of it mattered now.
She looked out at the facesold friends, even Lydia (winking sheepishly from the back), her mum dabbing tears, Gran blowing her nose heroically, her little brother making faces at the cake. Ellie grinned, feeling suddenly invincible, as if life had dropped confetti over all her ragged years.
The applause washed over her, and she squeezed Davids handanchoring her in the present, opening doorways to every beautiful after.
Maybe shed never stop being the clever girl who cared too much. Maybe shed always tremble a bit, loving the world as hard as she did. But now she knew: that was the very thing that made her strong enough to walk forwardnot just through one doorway, but into all the bright rooms ahead.
And so, with a giggle and a happily-ever-after kind of wink, Ellie danced her way into her new beginningher heart full, her eyes sparkling, and, finally, every page of her story her own.
