Emma, were going to be late!
One second, Dad! Emma hopped on one foot, wriggling her sock into place.
The socks were ridiculous. Completely mismatchedone bright pink, the other an electric green. Auntie Sophie had given them to her, along with a pair of equally mismatched trainers, claiming it was all the rage now.
Emma trusted Sophies style judgments. Her aunt was the familys trendsetter, always ready with some quip about making up for a lack of model good looks with other brilliant qualities.
About that, Emma politely disagreed. Perhaps Sophie didnt meet the latest ideals of beauty, but so what? She was slim as a whippet, with wild dark hair and stormy blue eyes. Sophie had so much presence that Emma would just roll her eyes and laugh when all the heads inevitably turned in Sophies wake.
See? You say nobody notices you, but look at thateveryones twisting their heads!
Who? Sophie would stop dead and glance wildly around, putting on a show.
Emma would howl with laughter, marvelling at how much of a child Sophie still was inside. Though older, Sophies innocence let Emma feel oddly mature when they were together.
Sophies naivety could be staggering.
He told me he likes me! Emma, I dont know what to do!
Well, do you like him?
Very much! But Im scared.
Whys that?
Hes too handsome. Every woman at the office trails after him! But somehow he sees something in me. Its absurd!
Sophie, thats not absurd! Youre clever and lovely. Why shouldnt he notice you?
It was one of those rhetorical battles Emma fought and lost over and over against Sophies armour of self-doubt. It infuriated hersometimes to tearsbut she couldnt change it.
Sweetheart, its hard to undo whats been years in the making, her dad, Edward, would sigh as he tried to comfort his adolescent daughter.
Whose decision, Dad? And why? Why turn a gorgeous girl into someone so unsure of herself? You didnt raise me that way!
I didnt, no. But I wasnt their main influence.
What about Sophie? Dad, I know youre talking about Gran, even if you never say so directly.
Edward hesitated, rubbing the worry lines from his face. What do you expect me to tell you? That my mother raised Sophie all wrong? That helps nothing. Youre old enough to know about respect for ones parents. She raised me alone; my father left when I was little. My stepdad, Peter, came along later, and I loved him for everything he did, especially giving me space to grow. He barely let your gran interfere in raising me. Said men should raise men.
Wonderful, but why wasnt it the same with Sophie?
Because she was a girl, and my mother made all the decisions. Dont judge her too harshlyshe had her reasons.
What reasons? When I look at Sophie, I just want to cry. Shes so lovely, so strictly proper, but so… trapped by her fears. Shes afraid of everyone, Dad! Why?
Edward ran a hand through his greying hair, trying to find the right words. Your gran always worried sick about Sophie. Right from the start. She nearly lost her, you knowthe pregnancy was hard. Maybe she clung too tightly after that. She dragged Sophie everywhere by the hand up to secondary school. Why, I can only guess. Maybe she thought, If I dont hold on, something might happen. For months on end, Peter was boiling broth for her, squeezing pomegranates, up with the dawn heading to market for fresh liver. Thats probably when I understood what it means to love someone, and what a real man should be. Peter was never one for wordsyou barely remember him, do you?
Not really, Dad but I do remember the rocking horse he made for me.
Edward laughed. Yes! He made it while we were waiting for you to arrive. He was handy like that, always working, afraid he wouldnt finish in time.
Is it still here?
Up in the attic. Ill fetch it if I ever have grandchildren.
Dad!
What?! Someday youll make me a grandfather.
Not for ages!
Phew! What a relief!
Dad!
Alright! Alright! Edward grinned and fended off his daughters playful swats, relieved the inquisition was overat least for now. Their family was complicated; Sophie once called their home a paper house as a child.
Why paper house, Soph? Edward, a lanky, spotty teenager back then, always found time for his little sisterher wild mind fascinated him.
Because its like the paper tulip you made me! Sophie spun the delicate origami tulip between her fingers. Look how beautiful it is! But if you do this
She flattened the flower between her palms.
Edward leapt back at the sudden clap. Why did you do that?
Its empty inside, see? Make another one.
Will you do the same?
No, I want to show you something.
Sophie poked colourful modelling clay through the tulips base, packing it inside until the flower was solid.
See? Now I cant crush it. Its made of paper, but its strong. Our house isnt. Its missing something insidesomething strong.
Edward sat quietly, rolling the flower between his fingers, amazed by this strange wisdom from his little sister.
Hed learned to make those flowers from Alice, his classmateserious, always fiddling with paper when she thought. By lessons end, thered be a tiny zoo of origami birds and frogs on her desk. The teachers, knowing Alice always had the right answers, didnt mind the distraction.
Edward pilfered Alices creations, taking them home for Sophie who marvelled at each new wonder.
How does she make these?
Shall I ask her to show you herself?
Yes, please.
He asked permission for Sophie to come with him to the park, knowing better than to invite Alice homeGran never approved of visitors.
Margaret, his mother, was formidableperhaps too much so. Edward always justified it by thinking she was only afraid for her children.
Edward! You have to plan ahead! No one owes you anything. Im your mother, Ive done my duty. Now youre on your own. I still have Sophie to look after, and Peter isnt your real fatherdont forget that.
Edward didnt argue. He knew if things ever went truly wrong, Peterthe only Dad hed ever knownwould step in for him. Any lectures from Gran were always reserved for times when Peter was out.
Familys the best thing I ever did, Peter said once. Its meant to be good for everyone.
But everyones idea of good differed. Where Peter lavished love and affection, Gran relied on strictness. And fear.
Margaret worried twenty-five hours a day. As a boy, Edward heard this odd phrase constantly. After Sophie was born, it became the family refrainIn case, just in case.
In case someones mean to Sophie!
Friends, teachers, everyoneno one measured up to Grans standards for her daughter. Strictly professional, shed say. No hugging teacherswho do they think they are? Everyone else was a potential threat.
For years, Edward could only guess at the paranoias source; he saw how Gran shifted jobs to have the right schedule, learned to drive purely to shuttle Sophie to clubs and lessons herself. He helped where he could, but by the time Sophie grew independent, Edward had carved out his own life.
And in that life was Alice. Then, eventually, their own little girlEmmawho arrived before Edward was even twenty-five, much to Grans horror.
Edward! What are you doing, so young, so impractical Youre still at university! Margaret was shaking on the kitchen floor, arms wrapped around herself.
Mum, Im not a child. Alice is having my baby. Ill take responsibility.
There are optionsyou could still
Stop. Youre about to say something I can never forgive, Mum. Just think about what Ive said.
Edward left the kitchen, said his goodbyes to Sophie, and made for Peters room. Peter had been ill for monthspainful, gritting his teeth not to worry the family, letting only Edward see glimpses of his struggle.
That night, with a bone-breaking squeeze, Peter pressed house keys into Edwards palm.
Well put the paperwork in order this week. Your mum and Sophie can have the cottage; Ill leave this flat for you. The estates going up in value, so theyll be alright. But you, you need a homeone that lasts. Understand me?
I do Dad. Thank you.
Peter never met Emma, passing just a week before her birthsilently, without complaint.
Without prompting, Edward took charge of the family, giving Sophie space to breathe a little. She always knew he kept that paper tulip above his desk.
Why? Sophie would brush the stiff, clay-filled petals.
It reminds me not to be hollow, Soph. I need to fill our lives with something realsomething more than emptiness. For Emma and Mum and for you too.
Thats complicated, Ed. She wont ever listen.
But I have to try.
You can try…, Sophie would sigh, always steering the conversation away.
Conflicts with Margaret were fraught. After Peters death, she closed off something deep within. Sophie couldnt grasp it; Edward knew all too well, remembering the day his father lefta shattering of glass, broken vases, weeks of being grounded, his mothers moods swapping from rage to desperate hugs and apologies. But he was always a bit of a tortoisehard to break.
Thick-skinned, lad! You never crydoesnt Mummys feelings matter? Margarets brow would arch curiously, but shed finally be satisfied seeing him bite his lip, on the verge of tears. I knew Id brought you up right. Come here! Mummy loves you too!
Edward strove to shield Sophie from manipulations like these, but that would have required living under the same roof as their motherand Alice was too delicate for chaos. She belonged with her quiet crafts, like the paper menagerie she used to make.
Mum, just be grateful Emma was born healthy. Poor Aliceher heart was so weak, so unfair. And you, worn out, juggling home and work, a small child Choices matter. The right choices
Edward ground his teeth and warned, Mum, enough, or well argue. I mean it.
Good heavens, Edward! Im just frank, thats all.
Too frank Edward would collect Emma from her grandmothers for the weekend, forgetting in the hurry to ask Sophie about anything in her own life.
But Sophie never complained, sharing her fathers stony reserveso like her dads: closed, serious, opening up only for family.
Relations with their mother skittered along thin ice, love and trust threatening to plunge at every misstep.
Alice died five years after Emmas birth. One morning, Edward prepared for work as quietly as he could; a boiling kettle nearly scalded the family cat, startling him into slipping on wet tiles. But there was no rush anymore. He only had to glimpse the untouched stillness of the bedroom to know. His world stoppedall that remained was the single thought: *Emma.*
He moved as if in a dreamclosing the bedroom door, walking to his daughters room. Emmas favourite plush cat sat on the pillow. Shed spent the night at her grandmothers, leaving the toy behind, dropped off by Edward after nursery. Clutching the soft little ear, he broke down, howling against the pain that burned out his soul and air.
The next weeks were a blurroutine, cooking, just managing to care for Emma. The little girl, knowing her fathers pain, clung tight, hardly asking about her mum. Only when Emma snuck into the sealed bedroom, talking in a hush to her mums photo, did Edward realise that she understood.
He didnt step in, waiting instead for Emmas quiet exit, before scooping her up, face pressed to her messy plaits.
Who told you?
Grandma. She said you needed cuddles, and to leave you alone about Mummy.
Edward hugged her tightly until she squeaked, then quickly loosened his grip.
Im sorry, sweetheart! Im so sorry! You can talk about Mum with me whenever you want. Ignore everyone elseonly listen to me, alright?
Emma collapsed into sobs, and Edward realised how alone shed been with her pain. He cursed himself for exposing her to it.
His anger morphed into rage a night later when Sophie arrived, dripping wet from a relentless autumn rain, eyes wide.
As soon as he opened the door, she stumbled into his arms, clutching him as tightly as hed held Emma.
Soph? What happened?
It hurts she whispered. He swept her up, understanding at once that something irrevocable had happened.
The ambulance came half an hour later; by then Sophie was asleep on Emmas mattress, never even managing to say what had happened.
The next morning, Edward saw the bruises on her arms.
Whats this?
Sophie tried in vain to pull down his old T-shirt sleeves, but the blotches were plain.
Soph?
I dont want to talk about it, Ed.
Youll have to. I cant help you otherwise.
Her blue eyes filled with tears as she shook her head hopelessly.
Was it Mum? he forced the question, dreading it, knowing the answer.
A tiny nod, then she grabbed his hands, pressing them to her cheeks.
Dont make me go back, not now! Please, Ed. I cant.
Edward soothed Sophie as his mind raced. If he kicked up a fuss, things would only get worse. Their mother had finally crossed a line, clinging to the one person she could truly claim as hers.
Tell me, Sophie. Just tell me, and well think it through. Ill do everything I can. Do you believe me?
If Sophie hadnt nodded then, Edward would have lost faith in himself. But she didsitting up straight, so reminiscent of their father that Edward felt a chill. He could not disappoint Peter. If his sister needed help, who else would give it?
Mum found out I was seeing Tom. Remember him?
The one with the wild hair? Edward pushed a cup of tea and a sandwich her way. Eat.
I cant. Later. And yeshim. But Ed, we only went to the cinema, for a walk in the park. In the afternoon! He hasnt even tried to kiss me, honestly!
Sophie, please. I believe you. What happened with Mum?
She screamed at me! Shook me, said such terrible things Ed, I cant even repeat them! What did I ever do to deserve this? I always listened! I know Im too young for anything serious, but she said Id end up like you, with a baby and nothing else… Oh, Ed, sorry, I shouldnt have said that, but
Sophie broke down, and Edward gathered her into his arms as if she were Emma, soothing her with gentle words.
Thats enough tearsnobodys going to hurt you again, Soph. Not Mum, not anyone, alright?
Her tear-swollen eyes met his.
Not even Mum, Edward promised. I gave Dad my wordthat nobody would hurt you. Do you think Id break a promise?
Sophie shook her head.
Good. Now, Emma will be up soonhelp her with breakfast while I have a word with Mum.
No, please
I have to. He pressed the sandwich into her hands. Eat, then wash your face. Dont scare my daughter.
The confrontation with Margaret was brutal. She shouted, demanded Sophies return, then dissolved into tears, begging Edward to restore her world.
Mum, Sophies staying here, he said, holding up a hand at her protests. For now. Let her calm down. You need to as well.
But her lessons! Tests soon! Terms end is coming, Edward!
Are you listening to yourself? You didnt even look for her all night! What if she hadnt come here?
I thought she was in her room!
Youre so obsessed with control youve stopped seeing us as peoplemaybe you never did. Ever consider were not dolls?!
Edward, what nonsense
When did you last speak to me as your son, not a subordinate? Did you ever ask how I am, after Alice died? Yes, you help with Emma, Im grateful, but you treat me like staff. Same with Sophie. Were your childrennot employees! Youre a brilliant manager, but as a mother? Well, thats for me to judge. And right now, youre failing. Sophie was sobbing last night and you care about a trophy on a shelf! Thats not right! Keep quietI know your speech about the future is coming. Well, Sophie has me. Even if she fails her exams, Ill see she gets to college. Did you know she wants to be a vet? Not a doctor, a vet. She wants it, Mum. Ill make it happen.
You cant decide for her! Im her mother!
And that gives you the right to break her? Edwards voice grew calm.
What stood before him was just a confused, crumpled woman. For once, the certainty was gone.
He put his hands on her shoulders and looked her in the eye.
Mum, do you want to end up alone? Im not threatening, just warning. If this keeps up, you wont have either of us. Ill never abandon Sophie, but what about you? Think on that.
He kissed her forehead and left, slumping on the familiar stairs outside. How many times had he run up and down these steps, light-footed or heavy-hearted? Now, he just sat, numb, counting each step in the flight…
How many years running up and down, never really knowing the number? Strange.
His mobile buzzed, snapping him out of his trance. Edward rose, counting the steps as he went, and left for home, knowing at last what to do.
The wait workedMargaret caved within two days, appearing on his doorstep ready to make amends, though the road to healing was slow.
Sophie couldnt forgive instantly, and for five uneasy years their relationship swayed on uncertain ground, never quite settling.
Margaret triedrealising her children had grown, unwilling to sit and wait for her to return to sanity. Now, the refrain was: There are two of them, together. And me?
Sophie became a qualified vet, starting at a reputable practice, while Emma giggled helplessly watching her aunt arrive with her latest patient.
Sophie! Thats a python!
So what? Ed, look how lovely he is! And warm! Pet himgo on! See, not scary at all! Its only for a weekhis owners away, and poor George gets lonely.
George? Good Lord, hes got a name?
Of course!
Emma would laugh and threaten to follow in her aunts footsteps.
Not on your life, Edward moaned theatrically.
Work, home, awkward reunions with MumSophie floated in limbo, Emma forever pestering her dad to set Sophie up with his mates, to no avail.
And then the news came.
I want you to meet my boyfriend. Sophie blushed, gaze down. But no laughing at me!
Good grief, Sophie, we should be crying for joy! Emma wrapped her in a bear hug.
The right traineryesterdays victim of Sophies latest animal wardwas recovered from under Edwards bed, and Emma, lacing the battered shoe, giddily dashed to the hall.
All set!
Really? Edward looked her up and down, pretending disbelief. No need to rushSophies never ready on time.
Dad! We still have half an hour!
They spotted the couple in the parks avenue from afar.
Dad, Dad, is that him? The shaggy one?
Emmas whispered excitement wasnt exactly subtle, and when Sophie heard, she shot her a warning glare.
Tom.
Edward.
A handshake, a smile, a nod.
Emma.
Shaggy! Tom chuckled, then glanced at Sophie. Hey Soph, dont frown! Smile for melike that! I wish youd always look happy. Wow! Look at those trainersI want a pair!
Emma caught her fathers eye and burst out laughing, only then realising what had changed in Sophies face. The steely blue had melted to pale silver. It was beautiful; Emma applauded, astounded, surprising her soon-to-be uncle.
What? Were all a bit mad in this family. Youll get used to it!
Relieved to hear it! Ill fit right in as a colleague? Or is family the right word?
Family, Tom. Family! Emma winked at Sophie and tucked her arm through her fathers.
