Mother would often pull her close, shower her with kisses and think, Who does she look like? The question would hang in the air with each sigh. Friends and family often mused over the same thing. Perhaps a friend had put odd thoughts into her husbands head, or perhaps she herself had sown a seed of doubt, for one evening, James came home from work looking dour and clouded.
James, what are we going to do? Mary asked anxiously. Its too soon. Lily has only just turned two, shes only just out of nappies. I havent even caught my breath.
Straight from one maternity leave to another, Mary fretted. Lily is still a little one, always wants to be held. How will I carry her with another baby on the way?
Therell be four of us, but youre the only one working. Why not wait for another child? she ventured, startled by her own words.
James fixed her with a severe look. Dont say such things, his tone softened. Im sorry, its my fault, but well manage. Ill pick up extra work.
If its a girl, therell be no bother at all. Weve plenty of clothes saved from Lilywe wont even have to buy a new pram. They wont be far apart in age, theyll be friends. And if its a boy He paused for effect. Ill put in for more space from the council, he grinned at Mary.
And so it was decided. Mary adored and doted on Lilyher first, long-awaited daughter. She couldnt help herself from picking her up, pressing her close, kissing her, even as her belly grew round and full again. Secretly, somewhere deep down, Mary hoped the second child, so eager to arrive, might not survivethough never aloud, not even to herself.
But fate had different plans. The pregnancy progressed easily, and right on time, another girl was born into the Harris family.
The first time they brought her to feed, Mary was unsettled by the soft golden hair atop the babys head. Both Mary and James had dark hair, and Lily was born with hair black as coal, though it lightened a little as she grew. Perhaps this one will darken with time, Mary thought.
Fair and blue-eyed, the baby was a vision, drawing exclamations from everyone who saw her. The happy parents named her Millicenta rare name. The sisters would share initials, and to the parents, that felt somehow significant.
No one could say how two such different-looking girls could be born to the same family. Millicent was unlike her sister, and indeed, unlike either parent. The older she grew, the more obvious it wasas if some wandering wind had blown her into their home.
Her hair did darken a bit, settling into a light, ashen brown. Plump and serene, Millicent gazed back at the world through those cloudless blue eyes.
Mary drew her close, kissed her, and wondered, Who does she resemble? Her sighs were echoed by friends and neighbours, all as puzzled as the parents.
Perhaps a friend had stoked James suspicion, or Mary herself had, or perhaps James harboured his own doubts about his wife. One evening he returned from work, glowering. He was silent so long, it unnerved Mary, then he accused her outright of unfaithfulnessremembering that bright, pleasant man with the pale hair whod courted Mary years ago. Had she rekindled things with him?
Or perhaps, if she hadnt strayed, the hospital had mixed up their babies. Rare, but not unheard of.
I never once betrayed you. Shes our daughterno one switched her, Mary sobbed and pleaded, smarting from the unfair suspicion.
Now quarrels became daily affairs. They inched towards separation. Mary seriously considered leaving, even began to pack, but at the last moment, James relented.
He did love her. If she left with the girls, hed be aloneand the thought chilled him. He only wanted the truth. The stares, the inquiries: How did you come by such a fair, blue-eyed child? Shes neither her mother nor her father All of it stung his pride.
He begged Mary to stay but warned hed seek a paternity test. Mary wept afresh.
How can I stay if you dont trust me? Test Lily as well, for all you know, I could have dallied for both! Perhaps we should simply part ways now.
James carefully collected a sample of Millicents saliva and a lock of Lilys hair, delivering them himself to the laboratory. He badgered the technicians for assuranceswas mix-up possible? Could samples be swapped, results cheated? He was told it was not.
The girls heard the arguments. Millicent, only four, understood enough to sense she was the cause of their parents strife.
Lily soon said, You arent my real sister. You were left on our doorstep. Mum and Dad are always fighting and want to split upall because of you.
Millicent sobbed, and though Mary lifted her and tried to soothe her, she couldnt be comforted for a long while.
Lily ruminated on how to rid herself of her sister. Perhaps, she thought, if Millicent were gone, their parents wouldnt quarrel and would stay together.
One afternoon, with Mary delayed at the grocers and James at work, Lily dressed her sister and suggested they go for a walkleading Millicent ever further from home. When Mary returned and found them missing, she tore through the streets, frantic. The neighbour below had noticed the sisters leaving, but hurried onher favourite programme was about to start.
Mother bounded through alleys calling for her children. James joined the search when he returned. As evening crept in, the girls remained missing. At last, the police were called. Within an hour, both were found. First Millicentsomeone had phoned in about a lonely child crying in a courtyard. Lily was found later, lost in the dusk, unable to find her way.
Their parents, overwhelmed with relief, didnt even scold them. Lily, of course, never confessed her intentions.
The arguments resumed. James blamed Mary for leaving the girls alone. Mary accused James of never being at home. What if the girls had been struck by a car, or spirited away?
At last, James received the test results: both girls were indeed his own. No infidelity. The doctors explained: sometimes recessive genes surface unexpectedly. Fair mothers may give birth to dark-skinned children, for examplequirks of ancestral inheritance.
Slowly, peace returned to their home. Still, Millicent always felt out of place. The girls never grew closeLily held on to her resentment. In every squabble, Lily reminded Millicent that she was unwanted, not a real sister.
They always buy me new frocks, you only get my hand-me-downs because youre not really family, Lily would taunt, irrefutably.
Millicent cried, but never complained to her mother. Lily would often set her upcause mischief and pin it on Millicent.
And who do you take after? Mary would sigh. Look at Lily, always so quiet and well-behaved, not naughty in the least.
After that, Millicent decided there was no use in complainingher mother loved only Lily.
Millicent would retreat to a corner, close her eyes, and imagine that if she couldnt see the room, she wasnt really there. It was her escape from Marys disappointed glances and Lilys cruel words.
Lily was first to finish school, but saw no point in universitywhy should a pretty girl bother? At a dance, she met a young man, soon married him. He had a flat of his own and worked with his father, who dealt in used foreign cars.
Mary loved Millicent, of course, but couldnt help comparing her to Lily, always putting the eldest on a pedestal. Millicent grew up feeling she could never measure upLilys childhood jibes stuck in her mind. She truly did wear her sisters old clothes.
Look at Lilywhat a catch shes made. You should take notes. Instead, you sit about all day, dreaming, sketching things. Go out into the world, Mary would admonish.
In her final year at school, Millicent drew the attention of a boy. Craving affection, she responded. Only later did she realise she was expecting a child. She told the boy, fearful, and he decided they should inform his family. Thus their secret came out.
The boys mother arrived at the Harrris home, urging Mary not to let her daughter spoil her sons future, imploring Millicent to end the pregnancy.
Unexpectedly, James stood up for his daughterperhaps to atone for old failings, or out of sheer compassion.
Shell keep the child, he declared. I wont have her life ruinedwith all shes suffered. If you dont approve, well raise the child ourselves.
The boys family sent him away to finish school in another town. Millicent studied from home. The school kept things quiet, lest the inspectors blame the teachers for neglect and poor guidance. She took her exams at home under supervisionno need for the other girls to see her in such a state.
Her English teacher, full of kindness, helped her through. Millicent scored exceptionally well in her exambut what use to her now? Soon shed be a mother herself, her attentions occupied.
Not long after, James died unexpectedlyoverworked and burdened, his heart gave out. One evening, after tea, he lay down to watch the telly and never woke again. Mary found him, still warm. The flat filled with wails and the ambulance soon arrived.
The shock triggered early labour for Millicent. The day James left them, she gave birth to a sona fair, blue-eyed boy with silvery downy hair, just like herself.
Millicent missed her fathers funeral, still in the hospital. At her discharge, Mary came to fetch her, grief-stricken and haggard. At home, Mary blurted out that Millicent had pushed her father to his death. Nothing but heartache from you since the day you were born, she said. Yet, even so, she loved the newborn.
After all, who couldnt love such a darling, angelic child? Though she worriedwho would ever marry her youngest daughter now?
I dont need anyone, Mum. If my own father doubted me, how could a stranger ever love my son? Millicent replied.
The boy was clever, well-behaved beyond his yearsa gentle soul. When he was five, Lily re-entered Millicents world.
Unlike her sister, Lily could not conceive a child, much as her in-laws longed for an heir. Her husband, coaxed by his parents, began to wander. Lily suffered, but did not leavewhere would she go? Back to her mothers? She had grown used to comfortand Millicent and the boy now lived there.
Millicent had completed a course in hairdressing and now worked, while her son, Henry, attended nursery.
Once again, Lily schemed to be rid of her sister. But you couldnt lead an adult off as you did a child. Instead, she plotted to find Millicent a husband. A young computer repairmanhandsome, singleoften visited Lily and her husband. Lily herself had tried flirting to spite her husband, but he rebuffed her outright.
So she decided the next best thing was to pair him off with her foolish sister and her child. She messaged the repairman, Richard, to meet her for coffee, then told Millicent she wanted to introduce her to someoneYou cant be alone forever. The boy needs a father.
Lily was sure Richard wouldnt like Millicent; shed seem awkward and silly. Hed be expecting Lily, after all. Men hate plump women, especially with baggage, she assured herself. If, perchance, he fancied Millicent, at least shed move out, and Lily could return home. Either way, shed win.
Millicent dressed nicely, styled her hair, but left her face barelet him see her as she was. In the café, she spotted Richard at oncesitting alone, engrossed in his phone.
Are you Richard? she asked.
Yes, and you are?
Im Lilys sisterMillicent.
He raised his eyebrows, then invited her for coffee.
Theyve marvellous cakes. Would you like one? he asked.
How do you know? she replied, surprised.
I often meet clients here, he said, glancing at his phone, trying to ring Lily.
Millicent watched himtired eyes, a shadow of stubble, tousled hair badly in need of a trim. She fought the urge to reach for her scissors. Unsure how to behave, she listened to him fiddle with his phone, barely acknowledging her.
Am I in your way? she asked at last.
No. Is your sister not coming? he asked in turn.
I dont understand. Lily said youd be expecting me. Perhaps I should go.
At that moment, their coffees arrived.
Well, since youre here, do have some, he suggested.
Ill pass, Millicent replied, pushing the plate aside.
Worried youll get fat? Nonsense, you look splendid as you are, Richard said.
But men prefer slender girls, she answered.
Who told you that? What do you really know about men? he replied with a chuckle.
Nothing, Millicent admitted. I have a son. Hes five. Didnt Lily tell you? she asked suddenly.
Should she have? Richard seemed taken aback.
Though Millicent rightly imagined Lily had set her up for another fall, Richard insisted on walking her home. They talked as they walkedwell, Richard talked and Millicent listened, rapt. At her door, he asked for her number.
Why? Millicent wondered.
Id like to see you again. Ive told you about myself, but know little of you. Ill call.
A whole week passed before he did.
Sorry, works been mad. Tonight Im free. Fancy a stroll?
Millicent hesitatedher life orbited her son. Yet Richard made no apology, no question, just the simple offer. With a flutter, she agreed.
In the café, Millicent tentatively shared her storythe fretful youth, the quarrelling parents. As she spoke, she seemed to gain a new understanding, as though viewing life through Richards eyes.
On their way out, a stray dog fell in step. They stopped at a shop, Richard buying bread and sausages for the animal. At the till, a pensioner in front of them fumbled with her coins; Richard quietly paid for her groceries, tossing in a bar of chocolate, sausages, and an ice cream.
Whats the ice cream for? Millicent asked.
My gran loved ice cream, but she rarely bought it for herself, he said.
Millicent, suddenly self-conscious, asked, You helping me toofrom pity, the same as that lady or the stray?
No, of course notyoure bright and kind. I simply help animals and old folk when I can. I have the moneywhy not do some good?
The dog, having devoured the treat, trotted off about his business.
How did it go? Lily called that evening.
Very well, Millicent answered.
Whats so good?
Were seeing each other. Thank you for the introduction.
Oh? That brute? You actually liked him?
Hes kind, interesting. He said he likes me.
Lily muttered and hung up. She turned up at their flat not long after. Millicent put Henry to bed but overheard her mother and Lily talking in the kitchen.
That simpleton is always lucky, Lily griped. I meant to embarrass him, to pay him back for spurning meand he falls for her.
What are you saying? Youve a husband, Mary scolded.
Hes looking for my replacement. Divorce is inevitable. What can I do, Mum?
Are you sure youre not making mountains out of molehills?
No, Mum. Why does she get everything? Shes chubby, a bit dim, always tinkering with hair. Even has a sonwhile I cant conceive.
He was meant to fall for me. She should be gratefulthey met because of me. Wouldve been better if Id pushed her down a manhole cover back then!
What manhole? What are you? Mary began.
Mum, are you alright? Lily screamed just as Millicent burst into the kitchen. Mary clutched her chest, gasping, her eyes rolling back. Millicent called the ambulance.
Thanks to swift intervention, her stroke proved mild. Two months later, Millicent married Richard and moved with Henry into his home.
Yet she visited her mother almost daily. Lily quarrelled with everyone and disappeared, seeking happiness elsewhere
Parents imagine children are oblivious to such things, quarrelling before them. But children see and hear, and they draw their own conclusions.
Often, the battle between sistersfor parental love, for boysturns fierce. But spite and malice have a way of turning against those who sow them.
Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them. James Baldwin
The words a daughter hearswhether supportive and caring or woundinglodge themselves as truths about herself and about what binds people together.But what is sown can also be transformed. In her new home, as Henry grew and laughter returned, Millicent found she was no longer the shadow of her sister, but her own selfquiet, yes, but steady and warm. It was not grand gestures or easy luck that brought happiness, but a daily, gentle choosing: to speak kindly, to forgive, to try again.
On Sunday afternoons, Mary would sit by the window, watching Henry and his mother run in the little park across the street. Sometimes, Richard brought tea and a slice of cake, and Mary felt tears prick her eyesnot from grief or regret alone, but from relief that, at last, the cycle had been broken. She thought of Lily, wherever she was, and hoped some gentler wind might one day bring her home.
Millicent never told Henry the whole story. Instead, she taught him to notice the worlds bruised places, and to answer them with imagination, patience, and care. Whenever he asked who he resembled, she only smiled and traced his nose, cheek, brow: You look just like yourself. And thats more than enough.
In time, the space Lily once filled grew quieter, less jagged. Sometimes, a postcard arrived from a distant countrysometimes, not. Millicents heart ached, but she did not chase what could not be caught.
Instead, she baked on Saturdays, tended her small garden, cradled her son, and let love echo more softly, reshaping old wounds into something like hope. The Harris womenMary, Lily, Millicenteach carried scar and memory, but the youngest proved: belonging isnt in faces, but in the warmth one passes on, from generation to generation, no matter the storms that came before.
And if, sometimes, late at night, Millicent pressed her son close and whispered him dreams that neither started nor ended with sorrow, it was because she had learned: the truest family is found where theres room enough for everyones different lightno matter whose hair is golden, whose eyes are blue, or how the world first looks upon you.
