Keys
I love him! And youre bothering me with all these silly things! I wont listen to any more! Youre just jealous, thats what it is! Cant you leave me alone? Go focus on your own life!
Charlotte wasnt just yellingshe was absolutely bellowing. Even old Mr. Wilkinson, virtually deaf and currently inspecting his prized Austin Mini in the driveway, paused to squint in her direction. The man was not known for curiosity, so if hed noticed, Charlotte was definitely going overboard.
There were, in her mind, plenty of reasons for this.
Falling in love, for Charlotte, was a lifestyle, almost a calling. When she had breaks between relationships, they were so short that even people who knew her inside out would barely spot the gap. And honestly, there were only two people who really did: Charlottes mum and her sister, Lucy. Given their mum was no longer around and Lucy had long since given up trying to understand her sister, Charlotte was left to muddle on alone.
Without that magical, fluttery feeling? Charlotte barely lived at all. Her eyes would glaze over, her thoughts flitted everywhere, and her nerves frayed until colleagues started dropping concerned suggestions at work:
Darling, would a nice cup of tea calm you down? Youre a bit fraught lately, Char.
Charlotte would purse her lips, grind her teeth discreetly, and internally grumble about those odd women with their perfect houses, husbands, and energetic kids galore. She had well, none of it. No house, no husbandnever even glimpsed on the horizon. She did have a son, true, but if Charlotte was honest, he wasnt exactly a roaring success story.
Especially compared to Lucys brood. Her eldest, Jack, was a school football star and top of his year, while little Molly was already touring the country with her dance group and collecting ribbons like carrier bags. The ten-year-old had already seen more of the world than Charlotte ever would.
That, too, rankled. Why did things always seem easier for Lucy? Charlotte had tried a dozen clubs as a child, but never stuck to anything, flitting off whenever she was bored. You have to follow your heart! shed exclaim. No ones going to walk up and hand you happiness: Charlotte, darling! Dont be shy. Its all for you!
Shed learned that truth young. While Lucy crammed for exams, Charlotte prepped for the school disco, giggling,
Lucy, if you study this much, whos going to marry you? Granny always said a woman shouldnt outshine her husband. Look at you, boys never even look your way!
And thank goodness for thatwho needs boys now? Granny never said that, anyway.
Didnt she? I remember she did!
Not like that. She said a clever woman never shows off to a man she loves. Completely different.
Oh, just help me with my hair! Daves waiting for me!
Charlotte dashed out into the night; Lucy curled up with another book. The rare silence in their flat was pure bliss.
Lucy did, in fact, love her sisterwhat choice did she have? She understood her, too. Charlotte wasnt spiteful, just a bit scrambled and insecure and utterly lacking in timekeeping. If anything, Charlotte was softer, kinder than Lucy. Shed bring home strayscats, dogsall rescued from the street. To Charlottes credit, the two cats and a scruffy terrier she adopted managed to live long, pampered lives, since she took complete responsibility for their care.
Sometimes, Lucy suspected Charlotte liked animals better than people.
Char, Mum said we should go help Gran this Saturday. She needs a bit of tidying up.
Cant you do it? Im busy!
Doing what?
Oh, you know things! Buddys limping, needs the vet.
Hes been limping for a week.
So? Are you telling me to choose Gran over Buddys sore leg? Shes not even that old, shell manage. Buddys a rescuecant look after himself!
Theyd argue; Lucy went to Grans and Charlotte slipped on her best blouse for a non-existent vet trip. Dave would be waiting outside, after alland Buddy was just a convenient excuse to dodge dusting knickknacks in Grans flat.
Lucy finished school with flying colours; Charlotte staggered across the line somewhere in the middle. As for career choices, Charlotte had only one dream: to be a cake decorator. Even as a child, she was glued to bakery windows, marvelling at tarts and sponges. She cared little for eating themshe just admired the icing flowers, copying them later in Play-Doh.
Again, their paths diverged.
Lucy moved in with their ailing grandmother, whose flat, conveniently, was near Lucys university. Gran got company and help, Lucy got an extra hours sleep in the mornings, and, most importantly, peace and quietespecially when she fell in love with and then married James, quickly bringing him round to meet Gran.
Live together, my dears! Theres plenty of room, Gran had said, smiling.
They had a small, merry wedding, then settled into Grans flat. Gran was never secretive: Lucy, the flat will be yours. Charlotte can have Granddads old room in the house-share. You two will manage. I only wish I could see your children!
She did, in fact, meet her first great-grandson before she diedJack was two then. Gran fought against her illness for a year but in the end, Lucy wept as she said goodbye to the woman whod always been the true heartbeat of the family.
No one disputed Grans wishesLucy had more than earned her inheritance. Charlotte, meanwhile, couldnt have cared less; she was swept up in yet another romance. Who cared about flats or family arrangements? She had love!
Well, love was perhaps a strong word. Charlotte burned with passion, her current muse barely glancing in her direction. He didnt mind her popping round to clean and cook, but she was never invited to stay the night.
Im a lone wolf, Char. Old habits, you see.
Hed sigh artistically and send Charlotte off after shed tidied his studio, lamenting:
Art, darling, is a jealous mistress. She claims all my time and energy! Love, responsibility, chores its all a bit much. Im drained.
Charlotte played along, remembering her own lopsided portrait (now gathering dust in his corner): evidence, she thought, that she could inspire a man. She received it as a keepsakeher great loves parting giftwhen she nervously announced she was pregnant.
She skipped down the street, soaked in golden sunlight, head dizzy with new dreamsuntil her beloved looked up sharply during her excited speech and snapped,
A baby? Are you mad?!
Their break-up was as anticlimactic as an afternoon in Milton Keynes. Charlottes dreams crumbled into dust, and the humiliation wasnt something shed ever bother to repair. Shed nodded, requested her portrait back, and, with a fierce little speech, shredded it into a thousand pieces that same night.
Just you wait. Ill have it all in the end! Younever.
What became of her erstwhile paramour? Charlotte never bothered to find out. She soon had her hands full. When her sonPeterwas born, he didnt exactly set her heart on fire. She searched relentlessly for signs of the fathers genius, but Peter just played football and joined the school chess club, shrugging at her endless questions:
What on earth do you even like about chess? So dull!
To him, it was far from dull. Even when puzzling out a tricky endgame, Peter sometimes twirled about the room, lost in the logiclike his moves sang a kind of music only he could hear. He only danced when his mum wasnt watching, though; Charlotte disapproved.
Boys dont dance, Peter! Stop it!
His cousin Molly was the only one who truly understood his peculiar way of seeing things. Family feuds meant he hardly saw Jack or Molly, but Gran always insisted that family was familyno matter how messy. Sometimes, Peter would mutter, Why cant Mum see how lucky she is to have Aunt Lucy? Molly would just listen, offering a supportive word and a sisterly twirl to match the melody in his head.
Not that it often made a difference; after yet another pointless spat with Lucy, Charlotte would ban her son from seeing his cousins. Peter retaliated with silent protests, hunger strikes, and full-on boycottsknowing eventually Charlotte would throw up her hands and sigh,
Oh, do what you like, for heavens sake. Enough whining!
He never quite understood why Mum and Aunt Lucy always fought. He didnt know, for example, that after he was born Lucy tried to help, but was cast out following a particularly bad rowright after Charlotte learned how Gran had left her that precious flat.
Its not fair! Im just as much her granddaughter as you are!
I never asked for anything! Want to sell the flat and split the money? I dont want us to be at odds.
I dont need your charity! Gran always loved you best! She gave you everything! Me nobody ever really loved me.
Thats not true! What about me? And Mum? And Dad?
Thats not love if you dont understand me. You think I care about some flat? No! I just need to know someone in the family loves me.
Charlotte
Thats enough! I dont want to hear anything else!
The grudge made itself at home between them, gleefully picking through old resentments, big and small: that time Lucy got the pink dress for her doll when Charlottes was only green (You never forget these things! Lifes a patchwork of dolls, clothes, make-up and missed birthdays!).
So, Charlottes wall of remembered slights became a veritable fortress, impossible to breach, while Lucys side was more a haphazard lean-to, held together with a few twigs and held up by the occasional sigh. And Lucy tried, always, to blow away the past and reach her sisters heart. Shed gasp for breath after every row
Youre not my sister! Who does this to family?!
It felt like being beached: the waterlove and warmthwas right there, but forever just out of reach.
Their parents died the same year, as if in some tragic pact, and grief swallowed the sisters whole.
Lucy, how is this fair? They were so young! Why?!
Char, fate doesnt check your calendar. We did all we could. Some things are just out of our hands. Lucy hugged Charlotte as she sobbed.
Its so wrong! So unfair!
Lifes not exactly known for fairness, you know. Doesnt matter what you think you deserve, you get what you get
Too right! Life does what it wants with us
After giving up her inheritance share, Lucy found a little peace. Charlotte settled on the paperwork for their parents house.
I thought youd nab that one, too, Charlotte muttered, not quite looking at her.
They stood outside the solicitors office, waiting for James.
Why are you like this, Charlotte? Were family, arent we?
Suppose so. But youve never understood me, Lucy.
Nor you, me Not that it even matters?
Of course it matters! Charlottes arms flailed dramatically. If you dont understand each other, whats the point?
Maybe the point is to try, even when its hard? You should know by now, nothing comes easy.
Oh, I know all about that, thank you very much! Your lifes a doddlehusband, house, children. Im alone! Always alone!
Thats not fair, Char. Theres Peter
Peters barely ever home. He spends more time with your lot than in his own house.
Hes happy with us. Theres peace.
Exactly! Lucy, youre impossible! Stop making me out to be a bad mother. Whatve I done to you?!
Stop it, Charlotte! When did I ever call you a bad mum? Youre making things up!
James arrived to find Lucy waiting outside, wiping away frustrated tears.
Why does she treat me like this? What have I done?
Bad temper and a bit of bad luck, lovethats all it is, he chuckled, trying to lighten her mood.
Lucys bravado faltered. Dont say thatshes still my sister. If I dont care for her, who will? Peters just a child.
A shaky peace was always, always better than a dramatic feud. Lucy did everything she could to keep the truce alive, the thread between them fraying but still there.
As for Charlotte, men would come and gobarely leaving a dent apart from the ever-familiar sting of not being enough. None ever picked up the keys to her happiness, as she called itshe kept offering, they kept declining.
During her flings, Peter spent more time at Lucys. No one minded; hed become part of the family. In Jacks room, a bunk bed and two computers across one desk set the scene for nightly tournaments, as the kids shouted,
Molly! Youre too fast! Team play, or its not fair!
Lucy, updating Charlotte on Peters progress, sighed:
Hes so cleverwhy not switch him to the grammar school?
Leave him where he is, its easier. And you keep an eye out.
Its a pain for him, though. He barely sleeps if he stays at yours instead of with us.
He can stay at yours for a bit. You know my situationeverythings only just starting to settle down.
Alright. Hes always welcome.
Thank you! Simon is marvelloushes embraced Peter, wants us to be a proper family!
Hes proposed?
Not yetbut its on the cards! Dont get in my way, Lucy! Help me! This is my chance at happiness!
Of course, Charlotte
Lucy was telling a white lieshe didnt like Simon one bit. He was snooty, with a dubious sense of humour; Lucy was never sure if hed made a joke or thrown an insult. Charlotte was besotted, oblivious to her son becoming more distant, spending every spare moment at Lucys instead.
Lucy tried to protect her nephew, tread carefully around Charlotte, but it all came to a head when Lucy learnedquite by accidentthat Simon wanted to sell Charlottes inherited house.
One evening, Lucy came home to find muddy trainers all over the hallway.
Honestly, lads! Whos home? Whats this mess?!
Molly poked her head out of the boys room, looking guilty.
Mum
Whats happened, darling?
Dont get upset, but um, its Peter.
Whats wrong? Molly, just tell me!
Hes in there, on the top bunk. We put ice on it we tried but
Lucy hurried up, changed out of her work clothes, and climbed up to the bunk.
Budge up. She squeezed next to her nephew, gently touching the swelling bruise on his cheek. Simon? she asked quietly.
Peter sobbed against her. It was enough. A man had struck him, told him not to meddle when grown-ups talk, and Charlotte had stood by, speechless.
After the row, Peter packed his books and new hoodie and moved straight in with Lucy.
Within minutes, Lucy was calling her sister. When that call went unanswered, she called her husband.
James, where are you? Dont come up, just pick me up. Were going to Charlottes, now!
Lucy sent the kids to be with Peter and stormed out.
Alright, whats happened? James asked as she slammed the car door.
Ill tell you on the road.
The confrontation started badly. Charlotte was howling on her doorstepSimon had stormed out with a parting diatribe.
You dont understand! I love him! she yelled at Lucy, unable to answer any further questions or explain herself.
Love? Whom, Charlotte? The man who hit your son? Is your brain taking the day off? How many chances do you want? You keep chasing happiness and you dont even notice its right next to you! Whats Peter done to deserve this? Hes your son!
Hes more yours than mine these days! He never comes home, barely speaks to meeverythings your fault! Youve taken everything!
What have I taken?
My life! My keys!
What keys?
Lucy stopped in confusion as she realised how ridiculous it all lookedtwo grown women, shouting in the street. Was this how their parents wouldve wanted it? How Gran raised them? What tie remained?
Her voice softened, What keys, Charlotte? What do you mean?
The keys to happiness… Charlotte said, wiping her tears. You have them! Ive got nothing!
Oh, Char Lucy suddenly understood. She stepped forward, gathered her sister into a rare, tight hug, and whispered, Come here, you daft thing…
Stupid, you mean? Charlotte said, but didnt pull away.
No! Not stupid. Sensitive. Gentle. You need more love than most. I do get that. But dont ask me to understand how you can pick someone over your own child. Thats not right, Char, and you know it. As for keys I never took your happiness. Keeping track of my own is all I can manage! But yes, there is a difference between us.
What difference? Charlotte finally let herself lean into her sisters hug, burying her tear-streaked face in Lucys shoulder.
Youre always trying to give your keys away, while I hold onto mine.
So, which of us is right?
Not a clue. Time will tell.
It already has… Charlotte sniffled. What now? Nobody needs me.
I need you. Peter needs you. Isnt that enough?
I dont know
Well, start there. The rest will come in time, Char.
And if it doesnt?
Then youre probably trying the wrong doors with the wrong keys. Youll just end up stuck in the hall, never discovering where youre really supposed to be.
No!
Theres my girl. Are you going to see Peter?
He wont forgive me
Oh, Charlotte! That boys got more sense than either of us, no question. But it wont be easy, Ill warn you. Hes very hurt.
Figures
So, go do what needs to be done! Youre his mum, arent you? Or just the familys dramatic aunt?
Lucy!
No, seriously! Into the car, now! Jamespass her some tissues from the glovebox, shes a state. Pull yourself togetherchildren are waiting!
Eventually, Peter would get a stepdad, but not for a good while. Charlotte would, at last, find something like the happiness shed chased: her son might choose to stay with Lucys family and new baby sister may fill the new flat with noise, but Charlotte would make sure he always felt loved and wanted. Her new partner proved far wiser, toohe gave Peter time and, gradually, built a bond stronger than blood alone.
And, on the platform before departing for his first station as a soldier, Peter would hug his family, shake his stepfathers hand, and say,
Look after Mum.
The tall man with a hint of grey at his temples would nod solemnly and reply,
And you look after yourself, son. Well be waiting!
I know.
Charlotte waved until Peter was gone from sight, then pressed her hand to her heart, feeling for painbut there was only the odd, bright ache of pride. Lucy slipped an arm around her shoulders, and James gathered Molly close, all four together, one wobbly, patched-up unit against the leaving trains roar.
For once, Charlotte did not wonder who was watching, what was missing, or whether shed chosen the wrong door. She just stood, surrounded by the warmth of her sister, their laughter and their worries, her sons hopeful promise still echoing inside her.
Somewhere deep down, Charlotte realised: happiness wasnt a key at all. It was the messy, mismatched family that kept showing upno matter how many doors she slammedalways returning, always forgiving, always opening their arms as wide as the world.
She smiled, swiping a tear, and squeezed Lucys hand. At last, she let herself believejust for a momentthat she, too, was exactly where she was meant to be.
