My husband and I have been married for 6 years and have been trying to conceive for 4 years without success. All the stages have been passed, no cause has been found. Also two unsuccessful IVF attempts. The last one was a little over a year ago, and I don’t want to try again yet. This is a real nightmare for me.
I’m in my 30s, my husband is almost 40. My despair reached such a climax that I could not live normally, work normally, because at work there is a big team of women, someone gets pregnant, someone gets out of maternity leave, tells about everyday life with their babies, for me it was akin to torture. I even began to work with a psychologist, which began to bring me some relief, it was not so hard, but still completely reconciled to the idea that my husband and I will never have children, it did not work.
My husband is more tolerant of it, never giving up hope, and he even suggested that I consider adoption, but I don’t want to raise someone else’s child and am unlikely to love him. But that wasn’t his worst offer yet. Six months ago, a woman rang our doorbell and there was a boy standing next to her. It turned out that she had gotten pregnant by my husband eight years ago, but had hidden it. By then she had married someone else and decided not to tell him anything. But her husband, as time went on, didn’t see his features in the baby and decided to take a test, which showed no kinship. There was a loud scandal and a divorce. This woman lived in another city, but because of what happened, she decided to move, found my husband, found out where he lived. She said she did not want, and will not impose on us, but for the first time she needs help. After all, she was now left without support.
Of course, the first thing we did was a test. At two different clinics. When it was confirmed, I was in such shock that I didn’t immediately realize what had happened, I wanted to just take all my things and run out of town. My husband didn’t want to be in close contact with his former mistress either. He had no feelings for her, and the child was a complete stranger. But after a while, he began to communicate with the boy more and more often himself. Calling him to visit us (his mother worked overtime and there was no one to leave him), going for walks with him.
The child was not immediately receptive, he initially treated me with some anger, but I tried to abstract myself from this situation, even though I told my husband how unpleasant it was for me. But my husband, as if he didn’t hear me, answered that he had such a responsibility that he couldn’t just give up on his son. I understand everything, but it was possible to get by with only material help. The child has a father, though not his own, because he brought him up for so many years.
I understand that my husband is dreaming of having children, that this may be his last chance to be a father. And it hurts me, too, because I can’t do anything or help him in any way. I put the question to the point: if he needs a boy so much and wants to take such an active part in the child’s life, we may have to get a divorce. I do not want to think about it seriously, because he is my own person, the closest to me, but I can not accept another man’s child in addition to his mother in my life either.
So far my husband does not give me an answer, he hesitates, he asks me to wait, but I see that every day he becomes more and more attached to the boy, he communicates with his mother, which also worries me. I started to sit on her page a lot, looking at pictures, listening to her music, involuntarily comparing myself to her. I feel in the background, not good enough for my husband because I couldn’t give him a baby.
It feels like I’m losing my mind. More and more often I stay at home, I do not want to have any contact with anyone, I started to make more digs in myself, go to the doctors again and repeat all the tests. I have grown estranged from my husband. It seems to me that if we continue like this, it might come to divorce.
