I’m just a simple guy. Let’s say my name is A. Ever since I was a little boy, I was raised on the principles of honor and virtue. My grandfather (God rest his soul) was a wonderful man (they used to say “golden” about people like him). Until the very last day, he did everything he could to make me a decent man. I hope he succeeded. Why do I hope so? Because I’m not sure of anything anymore, nor do I trust absolutely anyone.
Many people would probably say after this sentence that I am an “insecure wuss. Although it is fundamentally wrong. Because I am not confident in myself, but in our society. In which, unfortunately, lies, self-interest and the like rise above logic, common sense and humanity. Although right now I don’t really care what anyone thinks or says about me…
I work as an architectural photographer. I take pictures of beautiful buildings, interiors, unique buildings, statues and other stuff like that. In my spare time I practice other kinds of photography and lately I also do video. It would be more correct to say that I generally live photography and creativity. In addition to photography and videography I am also engaged in graphic design, writing literary texts, recently became interested in the dubbing of books.
I am quite a creative person and partly a dreamer. For me the decision to get up at 4 am and go into nature to take pictures of sunrise or just enjoy nature is absolutely normal. I love hiking in general. My love of photography and all things creative was passed down to me from my grandfather, who also at one time was fond of it and also earned it.
And now about the bad and sore spots. I am a really good person, in the truest sense of the word. From more or less conscious age and to this day I have always tried to do good. From little things like giving way to the elderly, lifting strollers to transport, helping with heavy bags and luggage and the like. To really serious things like saving someone’s life or honor or something like that.
For example, one winter day on my way to work, which I was late for, I saw a not-so-old man get sick and slip on the ice and fall, right into the streetcar tracks on which the streetcar was running. Not giving a damn about work and forgetting everything, I rushed to the rescue and barely made it. Many years have passed, but we often meet up with the man at this stop. We talk about life and stuff. And every time I see him, he says thank you.
I also had a chance to save a girl from a late-night rapist. Helped a friend with his exams, for which I came to his technical school with the necessary study material, with a fever of 38. To protect an innocent man by taking the full brunt of the aggression poured out on him. There were many such cases with me. And in each of them I never pursued a selfish goal. Not giving a damn about myself, I did everything in my power to help.
There was a time when I was obsessed with fortune-tellers and psychics. Because I was sure I was cursed. Why was that? Because no matter how much good I did, the “boomerang of life” always came back to me with only bad consequences.
My first girlfriend, cheated on me literally a week before our wedding, explaining that I don’t drive or have a car, because I am allergic to horses, because I am not a cynical person and show kindness in absolutely everything. It’s funny. The night I rescued her and carried her in a ten-degree cold all bloody to the hospital, she had a different opinion.
Between the ages of 18 and 25, I met people who became my best friends, but each time those people died under the worst of circumstances. I lost four of my best friends in seven years. Then I met my future wife, with whom I lived for 10 years. And all those 10 years I was a good caring husband, giving my wife the last thing I had. And it seemed that faith in the good and the bright began to return. Exactly until the moment I found out that at least 5 years of our life had been a lie.
The same thing happened that had happened to the first girl. Sneaky cheating. And as if that wasn’t enough for her – by machinations and lies she shamed and besmirched my name. And this, taking into account the fact that I did not feel any anger towards her for what had happened. And was ready for any of her wishes in the divorce. It’s been over 6 months since the divorce, and I still can’t get over what happened.
Because life has put sticks in the wheels again! What am I left with? Loneliness. And a lot of nervous breakdowns. So bad that not even my love of art can save me. Because of the loss of my best friends, it’s very difficult for me to meet anyone at all. Because I’m afraid it will happen again with new acquaintances. Because of my ex-wife, I don’t trust women anymore. I do not believe in the sincerity and honesty of their feelings. Because what is important now is not the soul, not the essence of the man, but his shitty wealth and appearance, phone, car, yacht, connections and other things. A face like a Korean boy and zero in the head is the standard of a modern, reliable man. Ugh, disgusting!
I called this story “Survivor” because everything that is going on right now is the ultimate apocalypse. A degradapocalypse, to be exact. The world has gone so crazy that it is frightening to realize that this situation is only getting worse. And I personally do not see any light at the end of this road. Not only on my path, but on the path of the whole world. So why “Survivor”? Because I am a survivor, or try to do so. Because I really want to meet a nice girl with a clear mind. But I realize that it’s probably impossible, and will never happen. Because I don’t have anyone else. Because now people’s minds have been taken over by stereotypes, prejudices, various labels, and prejudices. Because the mediocre is worshipped, and real art fades into oblivion. Because ugly, rotten people are considered Apollo and Aphrodite, and real good people become enemies of the people and outcasts of society.
Why don’t I believe in God? Because I don’t understand why I have to go through such trials! What prevents me from not drinking beer while lying on the couch? What’s to stop me from cursing? What’s stopping me from looking for perfection where there’s none? Nothing. Nothing waving at people, to be human beings, not the animals that the vast percentage of the population has turned into. Because I can’t be sure that tomorrow the whole world won’t be dragged into this idiocy.
