Just Carry On
Sophie, a little mischief-maker with two wild pigtails, raced around the spacious, sunlit conservatory of her family’s country house on the outskirts of Bath. Her eyes sparkled with delight, and her rosy cheeks glowed after a burst of laughter-filled games. Noticing her older brother’s friend heading leisurely towards the door, Sophie skidded to a stop, chest heaving, and dashed after him.
Without hesitation, she skipped up to him and wrapped her small, warm hands tightly around his. Tilting her head back, she gazed up at him with the unflinching sincerity that only children can muster, and giggled loudly:
Im never letting you go! When Im grown up, Im going to marry youpromise youll wait for me!
The young man paused, eyebrows raised in surprise before his face softened into a warm, good-natured smile. He looked down at the little whirlwind with a gentle fondness and just a touch of amusement. With a light, playful tone, he replied:
Ill wait.
He ruffled her hair kindly, making her pigtails even messier. Sophie squinted at him for a second, then broke into another huge smile, still clinging to his hand.
But for now, he continued, crouching a little so they were at eye level do your best at school and listen to your parents, alright? That way, youll be worthy to call yourself my fiancée one day.
His voice wasnt stern, just kindlycarrying the gentle warmth adults sometimes use when speaking to children. Sophie acted as though she was seriously considering his challenge, then nodded vigorously, gripping his hand even tighter:
Ill be the best, I promise!
There was a sense in the air of a carefree summers day, full of laughter, golden sunlight, and childhood dreams that, just for a moment, felt entirely possible and real.
*************************
Years later, Sophie was slumped at her desk, idly thumbing through her maths textbook. Outside, dusk settled quietly over the Somerset fields, and the house felt oddly silent, save for the muffled voices from her brother Elliots room. By accident, she caught the name Jack. Suddenly alert, Sophie pressed in closely, straining to listen. Elliot was going on about a date at some café, about her smile There was no doubthe must be talking about Jacks new girlfriend.
Acting on pure instinct, Sophie sprang from her chair and tiptoed to Elliots door. With an ear pressed to the cool wood, she hung onto every fragment of conversation that drifted through. Her chest squeezed painfully, but she fought back the anxious thoughts. Maybe its not what I think she told herself desperately.
When Elliot hung up and appeared in the hallway, Sophie jerked upright as if caught in some mischief. Too latehed already seen her.
Jacks got a new girlfriend, hasnt he? she blurted, not waiting for his questions. Her voice trembled, but she tried to sound casual.
Elliot studied her somberly and let out a tired sigh. Instead of annoyance, there was a kind of worn-out compassion in his eyes. Hed known for ageshow his sister brightened up when Jacks name was mentioned, how she secretly scrolled through his photos online.
Still on about Jack? he rolled his eyes, leaning in the doorway. Come on, Sophie, youre sixteen now. Cant you let go of this old crush? Youre just holding onto some childhood fantasy.
Sophie tossed her head defiantly, her blue eyes flashing. She folded her arms, standing her ground with stubborn pride.
Never! she snapped, golden hair flying as she shook her head. You dont understand! Hell love me, youll see! Its not just some silly crush. Its real love!
Her words were resolutealmost challengingbut deep down, she was struggling to convince herself. She recalled every fleeting look, every rare smile Jack had ever given her, every accidental touchshe treasured each one, piecing together hope.
Elliot watched her, silent. He recognised the determined set of her jaw, the shine in her eyes, and he realisedreason had no place here. What had started as childhood whimsy had become something much deeper for Sophie.
***************************
A stray ray of sunlight slipped through the curtains, filling the room with warm golden light. Sophie fluttered into the lounge, swept up by a sudden rush of excitement. Her face shone as if she could outshine the morning itself. Her eyes sparkled like tiny stars, her grin so big her cheeks were almost too round.
Breathless from dashing down the stairs, she flashed up to Elliot, who was lazily sipping tea and flicking through his iPad.
He asked me out! Sophie burst out, barely able to contain herself. Her voice tinkled like a bell and her hands clenched tightly in giddy fists. Can you believe it? Jack gave me this beautiful engraved keepsake box for my birthday and said that now Im eighteen, he can finally tell me how he really feels. Jack loves me!
Hardly able to keep still, she fussed with her hair, making sure her fringe sat just right. The joy radiating from her was so infectious it felt like even the air pulsed with happiness.
Elliot put down his cup, a warm, genuine smile spreading across his face. Hed seen this moment comingnot just for his sister, but for his best mate too. For months now, Jack would ask after Sophie, ask what she did at weekends, what flowers she liked, or muse about how nice itd be for everyone to visit the lakes together.
Shes so beautiful, Jack would always say dreamily. And smart, and kind I just cant wait until she turns eighteen. You dont mind if we get together, do you?
Elliot would say the same thing every time: As long as shes happy, thats all that matters. He trusted Jacksteadfast, honest and good. And now, looking at Sophie, almost glowing with delight, he knew shed made the right choice.
Congratulations then, Elliot said, getting up to hug her. Im genuinely happy for both of you.
She held onto her brother, unable to believe it wasnt all a dream. In that instant, it felt as if the whole world had become brighter, kinder, and full of promise. And somewhere in the background, like a soft echo, the old ginger cat purred contentedly on the window ledge in the sunlight
*******************
Sophie sat alone on a plastic chair in the narrow corridor at Bath General Hospital. The blank beige walls felt suffocating, the ashen grey daylight from the window seemed to drain all colour from the world, as though the weather itself mourned with her. She stared ahead blankly, not seeing the scuffed linoleum at her feet or the brisk nurses sweeping down the corridor, but gazing into some unreachable distance.
Her hands lay limply in her lap, her clothes tumbled and foreign, her hair normally pulled neatly back, now falling in tangles around her shoulders. She seemed a broken dollmotionless, empty, stripped of all her usual warmth and sparkle. The last memory played over in her mind: yesterday, shed sat with Jack at the dining table, wedding hall sketches fanned out between them, arguing about which colour ribbons matched the ivory drapes. Hed joked, laughed, promised everything would be perfect. But now, today, Jack was gone.
It happened so suddenly, so pointlessly some reckless driver lost control, three cars twisted into wreckage, no survivorsneither Jack, nor two others, not even the driver. One careless momentand her life shattered, the reflection of all their plans smashed to pieces.
The sharp sound of footsteps broke the silence. Elliot rounded the corner, face drained, his eyes red-rimmed. He crouched next to his sister and gently wrapped his arms around her shoulders. His hands trembled, but he tried to keep steady for her sake.
Soph? His voice was barely above a whisper, as though any louder might shatter what little composure she had left. Soph, talk to me. Please.
Sophie turned her head slowly. Her eyes were dry but filled with such pain that Elliots heart twisted. Her gaze seemed to look right through himpast him, into a far off place he couldnt follow.
About what? she replied, her voice flat, the words falling out more from habit than will.
Elliot swallowed, searching for words that wouldnt wound her further.
About anything he squeezed her shoulders a little tighter, desperate to anchor her back here. Tell me what youre feeling. Or just cry, Soph! Dont keep it bottled up!
Sophie shook her head silently. Her lips shivered but not a sound escaped. She looked down at her own hands, as if puzzled by their stillness.
I cant, she finally whispered, with a strange, distant calm. There are no tears left. AndI dont want to go on.
Her words drifted in the air, heavy as the threatening rainclouds over the city. Elliot closed his eyes, fighting back his own cry of anguish. He knew, now was not his time for weakness. He needed to hold her together, even if he felt the ground slipping beneath them both.
Afterwards, it was as though Sophie disconnected from the world. Her gaze frozen, expression blank, shoulders sagging as if the weight of her grief was too much to bear. Elliot tried talking, touching her hand, calling her name, but nothing pierced through. Even when doctors entered to check on her, Sophie made no sign of response. She simply sat there, hunched in her seat, as silent as the fading daylight.
A nurse finally decided she needed a sedativea gentle hand on her arm, and slowly her senses dulled. She felt herself growing heavy, eyelids drooping, thoughts fragmenting and dissolving like ink in water. Restless, uneasy sleep swallowed her whole, bringing neither comfort nor escape.
She awoke not in the hospital, but in her own bedroom. Familiar curtains, shelves stacked with novels, a framed photo beside the lampall clues she had come back to a place she once called home, now somehow distant and unfamiliar.
Sophie turned her head gingerly and glimpsed Elliot. He was huddled on the edge of the bed, stubbled, eyes puffy and tired. He murmured softly with their mum, who had rushed back from a business trip. Her face was grey, eyes ringed with shadows, but her voice was resolute.
Im worried about her, Sophie caught a snippet of Elliots hushed words; he spoke as if afraid to disturb her, not realising she was already awake. Shes been obsessed with Jack since she was a kid, she never looked at anyone else. How is she ever going to?
Time heals, their mother replied, but without conviction. She knew it sounded hollow. Her daughters whole life had been woven around Jackhis smile, his laugh, their plans for a future together. That foundation, now yanked away, left everything upended. Well see to her, she added with more determination, as though trying to convince herself as much as her son.
Sophie listened to them but couldnt summon the strength to let them know she was awake. Inside she felt hollowed out, as though someone had scooped out everything that had once made her alive. She squeezed her eyes shut, feigning sleep, because she didnt know how to answer, how to explain the ache that wouldnt lift, that only retreated behind a veil of exhaustion.
After a while, Elliot rose quietly so as not to disturb her. He exchanged a meaningful nod with their mum and slipped out. Their mother remained, sitting by the bed, occasionally stroking Sophies hand as if she could impart her own strength through the touch. The room filled with heavy silence, broken only by the soft tick of the mantel clock and Sophies uneven breathing.
*******************
Nine days Forty days Time seemed to crawl, thick and slow and suffocating. Throughout it all, Sophie barely movedsitting in the window seat day after day, knees hugged to her chest, gazing out at the nearly empty garden.
Her eyes drifted to the old wooden bench beneath the spreading sycamore. It was there that Jack, flustered and stumbling, had fumbled his way through a proposal one warm September evening. She remembered it allhow his hands shook as he pulled out the ring box, how he started and stopped, and finally blurted everything at once, terrified hed lose his nerve. Shed laughed with happiness and said yes before hed even finished.
Now the bench looked abandoned, the trees bare, the garden stark and silentautumn long since surrendered to winter, not that Sophie noticed. Her world stopped the moment she received that call.
Sophie, come and eat something? Her mothers quiet voice broke the suffocating hush.
She approached tentatively and rested a cool hand on Sophies shoulder. It was as if some inner frost had seeped into her bones. Her mothers eyes glistened but she kept her tears backknowing now was no time for weakness.
Im not hungry, Sophie replied, not turning from the window. Her tone held no emotion, as if she were speaking about someone else entirely.
You need to eat, her mother tried to steady her voice, but a tremor ran through it nonetheless. You hardly touched your food yesterday either. You must keep your strength up.
For who? Sophie finally faced her, her stare still empty. I dont owe anything to anyone.
Her mother paused, as if the words were a physical blow. She opened her mouth, searching for a reply, but none came. She sighed, shoulders slumping, and stepped helplessly away from the window.
Stopping at the door, she looked back once more at her daughter, who had already returned to her vigil at the glass, then slipped out silently. In the hall, Elliot was waiting. He shook his head, his face drawn and serioushed overheard it all.
I spoke to Dr. Foster, their mum whispered, twisting the edge of her apron. Were going to need help, real help. We cant do this alone.
Elliot nodded. Hed known for a while, but admitting it aloud was hard. Watching his sister dissolve, so lost, so utterly apart from the world, was agony. He clenched his fists, forcing himself to stay steadythey needed action, not emotion.
Ill call Dr. Foster now, he said, getting out his phone. She promised shed come if Soph got worse.
Their mother only nodded, glancing back at the still silhouette in the window, as if Sophie had become as immovable and cold as the sash itself.
That night, when the sky was fully dark and a pale moon hung over the rooftops, Sophie finally mustered the effort to get up. Her legs were weakshed grown so frail these past weeks even basic movement was a trial. She crept to her bed, pulled off her cardigan and slid beneath the covers, drawing them up to her chin.
The house was hushed, just the faint sound of her familys voices in the other room. Sophie closed her eyes, hoping sleep would come quickly this timebut it carried her to a far rougher place.
She dreamt of Jack. He stood before her, just as he had been: that warm, familiar grin, his favourite grey hoodie. But his expression was serious, almost stern.
Sophie, his voice rang with startling clarity, as if he really stood beside her. Look at yourself. What are you doing?
She opened her mouth to answer, but found herself speechless. He took a step closer.
Have you seen yourself lately? Youve let yourself go completely. You cant carry on like this.
She wanted to reach out but her hand grasped only airhe was just a shape, a memory.
I cant do this without you, she choked, fresh tears slipping down her face even in sleep.
Yes, you can, Jack replied firmly. Youve always been strong. You have to keep living. Do you understand? Just keep living.
He closed the space between them, and for a fleeting moment, Sophie thought she felt the ghost of his hand on her cheek.
Theres still so much ahead of you. Therell be good days, and hard onesthere always are. But you mustnt stop. Ill always be close, just look upIll be there, among the stars. And if youre struggling, call out. Ill hear you.
Sophie sobbed, desperate to hold onto him, but Jacks shape was fading, growing more and more translucent.
Dont go! she cried, arms reaching. Please!
But his voice receded on a whisper:
Live, Sophie. Promise me.
She woke with a jolt. Her room, unchangedthe same bed, the same shaft of moonlight on the floor. Her pillow was soaked with tears, and she felt a storm inside too fierce to bear.
Without thinking, Sophie sobbed out louda sharp, wracking sound that shattered the silence. In a heartbeat, her parents and Elliot were at her side.
Darling, whats wrong? her mum clutched her hands, searching her face.
Are you hurt? Where does it hurt? Elliots voice trembled, anxiously scanning for signs.
But Sophie couldnt answer. She curled up, crying soundlessly, shaking with grief. She still saw Jacks face, stern but loving, and heard again his final plea.
Promise me rang through her head.
And through the pain, shivering and hoarse, she whispered,
I promise
Her mum gathered her up, rocking her like a child again, while Elliot stood close, hand on her shoulder. There was no comfort they could offer, except their presence.
And Sophie, pressed into her mothers embrace, wondered: how does one live on? How do you breathe, eat, walk, smilewithout him? But deep down, the tiniest flicker of hope began: if he believed in her, if he begged her to carry onshe should try, if only for him.
At least, for now.
*************************
One gloomy evening, the family gathered in the lounge. Her mum set out cups of tea, but nobody touched themnobody really cared about tea just then. Everyone sat knowing a decision had to be made.
We should move, Elliot said quietly but firmly, looking to Sophie. Every nook in this place is a memory for you. Every step down these streets brings you pain.
Sophie curled up on the armchair, knees tucked under her chin. She didnt argue or resist, just stared blankly at the rain streaming down the window, blurring the outline of the houses shed grown up with. Her face was pale but no longer empty.
Itll be easier somewhere new, her mother agreed, gently stroking Sophies hand. Different surroundings and different faces. It might help you start over.
Sophie slowly raised her head. Her voice was quiet, but no longer numb:
Where would we go?
My mates up in Birmingham, Elliot explained. Theres a job at his firm I could take, and we can rent a flat for now until were settled.
Their mum added,
Theres a good college there for you too, love. Well sort it all out. The main thing is to help you heal.
Sophie fell into silence. Memories flashed: she and Jack laughing on the bench by the flat, strolling hand in hand down the familiar lane, him bringing her flowers by the school gates. Every place, every home, every treea reminder. And every reminder hurt.
Alright, she said finally. Lets move.
It cost her dearly to say itthere was heartbreak but a tiny sliver of hope too. It was a choice, her first real choice in a long time.
The next weeks were a blur of packing. Sophie hardly took partmostly she watched as her mum and brother cleared drawers and boxed up treasures. Sometimes she picked up a trinketone of Jacks gifts, an old photo, a cinema stub from their first dateand lingered over it before setting it aside.
On the day they left, she stood on the balcony for a final look at the courtyard where it had all started. There was pain in her heart again, but this time she wouldnt let it swallow her whole. I can do this, she whispered to herself. I have to.
The new city greeted them with drizzle and bustling streets. The flat was bright and airy, but unfamiliar. Sophie spent ages at her bedroom window, searching the faces of strangers in a world that felt completely new. No history herebut somehow, that emptiness was a strange relief. There was no past; only a blank page waiting for her story.
The first few days were rough. Sophie woke most mornings feeling as if none of this was real. She missed the old places and her friends back home. Sometimes, in the dark, she dreamed of Jackhe smiled, encouraged her, and she woke up with her face wet from tears.
But gradually, she started to notice the smallest details. Tulips flowered in the nearby park. The barista at the corner café learned her name and smiled when she returned for her second cup.
Slow steps, but each one counted. Sophie would never forget Jackshe couldntbut she began to realise that continuing to live wasnt a betrayal of his memory, but carrying out his final wish.
She started going to college prep classes, helped her mum tidy the new flat, took walks with Elliot down unfamiliar roads. Every day was a struggle, but every day brought some tiny new thingnot in place of the old, but alongside it.
And somewhere, deep inside, she knew: Jack was watching.
And hed be proud.
Because she was trying.
Because she was living.
