Not Quite Jenny
Jenny! Again?! Oh, for heavens sake, youre not a child, youre an absolute muddle! However do you manage such things?!
Mum, I dont know. It just happened.
Her mother stripped off Jennys muddy coat, her soaked little wellies, and the bobble-less hat that had somehow survived the day.
Other peoples children are just children, not Jenny! How many times, honestly?
Jenny studied the torn hem of her dress and sighed.
But it had been a good day! The train theyd built from planks in the playground had been brilliant! Only Sasha had pulled her skirt too hard and, snap, there it went. And Mrs Catherine Michaels had declared she wasnt paid to mend dresseslet Jennys mother sort it out. Fair, really! But that meant Jenny had to spend from afternoon snack until sundown sitting quietly in the corner. She wasnt about to flash her undies at the boys! That would be most unseemly! Grandma always said so, and Grandma knew all sorts.
Like how Jenny was one of a kind. Mum never seemed to think so, but Grandma never minded.
Enough of the pecking, leave the child alone! Whats this nonsense of a habit?
Mum, you raised me the same, so why now say its wrong? If I dont teach Jenny, whatll become of her?
Shell grow up clever and lovely, just like youwhats wrong with that?
Oh, do stop! I dont have time for your daftness. Jenny! Get yourself changed, right this instant!
Jenny let out a sigh of relief as she dashed off to her room. The bickering between her two favourite people could continue without herthats all she ever seemed to be: the excuse.
Once, Jennyd asked her grandma what an excuse was. Her gran had just chuckled.
Rowing is rather dull without a reason, pet. Doing it for a proper cause, thats more engaging!
Im the cause?
The biggest one! You are all we have, so we fret about who youll become. Your mums strict because shes sure you need it. Me? I used up all my strictness on her. Now Im left searching for other ways, like a nice biscuit.
I dont even like biscuits!
Fine, then. A sweet.
Thats better! Gran, does Mum love me?
Oh, more than anything! More than I do, and thats saying something. Dont you doubt it.
Why does she shout at me then?
Thats exactly why
Funny way of showing it You love me and you dont shout.
Im your gran, not your mum. Shes got more on her shoulders. So her love is different, you see?
I dont.
Then its not time yet. One day, you will.
Except that one day seemed a long way off.
Jenny waited and waited. But her mum only got sterner with each year.
What am I supposed to do with you?! Wait till you bring shame on us with some disaster?
Jenny heard this phrase regularly, though it was years before she understood it. Shed just giggle nervously and remember the torn hem from nursery. Shed been tempted to ask how anyone was meant to bring trouble home with a skirt full of holes, but thought better of itno sense winding Mum up even more.
But her mums worries turned out to be quite unfounded.
Clumsy, and not the prettiest either, Jenny certainly didnt think much of herself. Never mind what Grandma saidmirrors didnt lie!
And her reflection not much to write home about! Tiny eyes, scraggly brown hair in a stubby ponytail, a dusting of spots on her nose. Not much of a beauty!
Jenny accepted her hard truths long ago and stopped fretting about her appearance. It made things easier, for everyone. Fewer demands for fancy clothes or trainers (her tatty plimsolls served most purposes, except, perhaps, for rare theatre trips with Grandma). Not that they could afford moremoney was always tight. Grandma put away a few pounds from her pension every month, but still Jenny even took to babysitting the neighbours twins to earn some extra shillingsa win, since she enjoyed looking after the excitable pair.
There was a real joy in itplay, feed them some porridge, then off home. No sharing rooms or scribbles in her exercise booksbliss!
Jenny wasnt selfish, but she knew well enough: raising two kids took money, proper money. All they had was Mums nurses pay from the Royal London, plus Grandma’s pension. And, of course, her dad was absenta ghost shed never met nor missed.
Jenny kept these musings about her father to herself. Why put Mum through more worry? There was enough to go round: Jenny herself, and Grandma, whose memory flitted in and outsometimes her own name got lost.
Fortunately, Grandma remembered Jennys dad long enough to tell the tale while Jenny was still small enough to listen.
He didnt want your mum.
Why?
Hes a rover. Girls trailing after him like a maypole. I did warn her! But who listens? She was smittenswore hed marry her, that the others were just youthful blunders.
Did he marry her?
He did, because your mum always gets what she sets her mind to. But what use was it? As soon as he found out she was expecting, he vanishedlike smoke on a Sunday morning. Gone, left only a note.
What did it say?
Never mind, love, thats their business. Let them keep it so. What matters is you were so wanted, your mum tiptoed through the whole pregnancy, cradling you like delicate bone china. Afraid to blink in case something went wrong. Even now, shes not over it. Why do you think she fusses and frets so?
Is it that?
Of course! Shes so frightened for you, Ive seen her sat up at night, whispering and stroking your hair, near tears. But ask her and she just barks back! Thats her wayprivate things, all tangled up. She loves you as best she knows how, Jenny. Got it?
Got it Gran, did you scold her just as much?
And how! All mums do such things, out of heartache for their childrenand later, we all regret it.
But why be so afraid?
No one knows, love. No words for it. When youre a mum yourself, youll understandperhaps.
Jenny said nothing but made vows in her head. Shed bring up her own kids differentlyno shouting, no nagging. Naive, maybe, but who isnt, at that age?
Though kids of her own felt a long way off, and Jenny doubted shed ever have any.
Who would choose a scrawny, awkward, stubborn girl like her? A proper nuisancelike a burr where you least want it.
After college, Jenny started at the very hospital where Mum worked. And straight away, everything was wrong! Jenny was too lively, too considerate with patientsa mistake, apparently, as they’d take advantage. She worked her socks off, but what was the point? One waved goodbye, another rolled in. Dont overdo it, you can’t save everyone! Be calm, they said. You can’t take all the world’s troubles to heart.
But Jenny just couldnt be like that. She ached for her patientshow can a jab or a plumped pillow possibly be too much? Even a kind word matteredeveryone needs kindness, after all.
Even Mum warned her.
Jenny, dont put yourself out! They dont take kindly to that sort. Youll fall out with everyone and wholl it help? Me? You? Your gran? We need your pay right now! And we cant put your gran in a care homethe cost of a carer is through the roof and someone has to look after her!
I cant help it, Mum! Some of the staff snap at patients, shout
Its hard work, Jenny, not everyones got it in them to be kind. You should try, but few can do it always. Anyway, youre not the only gentle one in your wardthe matron says she’s glad of the three of you, but begs you not to stir things up. Teach by example, gently, not forcefully. Thats the only way.
But it takes forever
Oh, Jenny, what am I going to do with you?
What?
Youre so stubborn! Whose side did you get that from, I wonder?
Yours, probably.
Jenny!
Yes, Mum?
Nothing. Just do as youre told, wont you?
Mmhm
Jenny avoided arguments, though she didnt always follow her mums advice. Maybe Mum was right sometimes, but what about the mean, prickly woman in Bed 3, who always smiled at Jenny in the mornings? Never complained about her injections, though she did about the other nurses. It wasn’t just herplenty of pensioners, tired, aching, clashing with their own kids. Jenny noticed everything. Relatives came grumbling, bickering over inheritance or nonsense, and the patients were left to cry or seethe. How could you not understand them?
Mum never wanted to hear it. All she cared about was that Jenny was fine, but how could she be, when others werent?
No, you cant mend everyones world, but you can at least brighten someones day.
And if her fellow nurses thought she was daft, bound for a conventfine by them! Gran always said, Let the caravan move on, whatever the dogs may bark. And Jenny kept on marching, kicking up sand, even when it was lonely.
Its hard, not being understood, and even harder when you dont have anyone to tell you, Youre just right as you are.
Not that Jenny longed for approvalshe was used to going without. But with Grandma now more lost in her mind than ever, Jenny barely had anyone to talk to. Mum still sighed and nagged her to go make friends, get out more, but what was the point? Jenny became the classic spinster in traininghad no taste for romance or domesticity.
Mum, if you want grandchildren, just say the word! Ill have a couple, theres ways and means.
Jenny! Dont be so cynical!
Whats wrong? There arent enough princes for everyoneits the law of nature! What do you want from me?
I just want you to be happy
Then stop harping on about settling down. My life doesnt want to be settled. It likes things as they are! Leave it be, please!
And her mum would sigh and give up, saving her last matchmaking schemes for another day.
Life, though, had its own plansand rewarded Jennys kindness in a way shed never dreamed.
It all began with that same spiky old woman in Bed 3, Mrs Mary Ellis. Twice a year, shed show up at Jennys wardevery time, the staff would groan.
Here comes trouble again! Jennyits your favourite. You deal with her.
Mary Ellis would brighten at the sight of Jenny darting down the ward.
My dear girl! Thank heaven, a friendly face amongst vampires!
Now, dont say that! Were all decent here.
Youre young, youll learn! Ive lived a life, dont argue with me!
I wouldnt dare! Come on, lets get you settled before you give everyone a fright.
They could use the fright! Do them good!
Youre a devil, Mrs Ellis!
Too right! But youve not met my catthat ones enough trouble for ten!
Jenny would smile and forget the warning, but she shouldnt have. Shed soon be meeting that cat.
After Mary Ellis latest admission, she was quieter than ever, simply shuffling to her bed and facing the wall.
Jenny learned the diagnosis later that shiftMrs Ellis had come to hospital on her own.
Fell out with her children, and now shes beside herself with regret. Typical! Mums can be so cold, then wonder why no one brings them a cup of tea in old age.
Jenny let such clichés pass. Who could know what family dramas lived behind closed doors?
After her shift, Jenny checked in on Mrs Ellis.
How are you feeling? Can I get anything for you?
Mrs Ellis stared for a long time before speaking.
Jenny, Ive a favour to ask but Ive never been good at asking for things. My mum was tough as old boots, raised me to fight. Want something? Dont stand aboutget it yourself! But what if you cant anymore? She never taught me that bit
Whats the favour, Mrs Ellis? Go on!
Ive a mountain of family, Jenny, but no one I can really lean on now. Lifes been a grind, not much to smile about in the end. Work, duty I tried to see my children did better, but I only spoiled them rotten. Now, with me not even in my grave, they bicker over my flat and things. I worked myself ragged for their sake, brought them up right, helped with grandchildren Now, Im just not needed. But my cat, Maisiemy Maisie, shes all Ive got. Will you take her in?
Your cat?!
Oh, shes a clever girl, a bit sharp perhaps, but sharp as a tack and loyal as anything. Understands every word. When I left, she tried to stop me! Please, Jenny.
Jenny hesitated. She loved animals, but she and her mum had never kept onenot with Grandma to think of, not with money so tight. It seemed an impossible ask.
But Jenny looked at Mrs Ellis and saw sheer desperation. Maisie the cat was her only joy left. As odd as it seemed, Jenny wouldnt judge. Who could know another soul inside out? If you can bring a little light, why withhold it?
At the end of her shift, Jenny checked with Mum, then set off to fetch Maisie.
Ill look after her, Mrs Ellisbut only until youre better! Then you can have her back.
Mary Ellis nodded, and for once seemed like any frail old lady, not an ogre.
Standing outside Mrs Elliss flat, Jenny held the key in her hand but didnt want to go in alone. Summoning her nerve, she knocked next door.
Yes, love? The woman on the doorstep balanced a toddler on her hip.
Sorry. Mrs Ellis asked me to take in her cat while shes in hospital. Could you keep an eye out while I catch her?
You dont want to go in alone, eh? Sensible! She is a dragon, that one. We all know it.
Oh, shes harmless, really. Were hardly all made of sugar!
True enough! the neighbour grinned. Go onwell keep watch, wont we, Archie?
Archie burbled a reply, and Operation Maisie began.
It also ended abruptly: as soon as Jenny opened the door, a black streak flashed through her legs and shot down the stairs.
Shut the door, quick! came a yell from next door, but Jenny was already in pursuit, hoping the main door was shut.
Alas, it was wide open. A pair of removal men were lugging boxes out to a van.
Seen a cat? Jenny asked, more out of hope than expectation.
One of the men nodded towards the trees. Up there, love!
The others laughed as Jenny dashed over and peered into the branches, where Maisies yellow eyes glowed and an angry yowl filled the air.
Maisie, here, puss puss!
Maisie answered with an unearthly growl.
Well, youre a right minx! muttered Jenny.
Time to climb. Nothing else for itMaisie wasnt coming down on her own.
The courtyard was empty, drizzle had started to fall, making everything miserable. Jenny longed to go home, wrap up with a cuppa and her headphonesat least Mums nightly lectures were warm. Shed take shouting over tree climbing any day.
But a promise was a promise. Jenny shrugged on her backpack, grabbed a branch and hoisted herself up.
One branch, then another.
Maisie yowled nearer, her tail lashing. Jenny reached for her, only to have a paw swipe past her nose.
Maisie! Pack it in! Ill
Jenny bit her tongue. If the cat really was clever, best not threaten her tail!
Jenny edged closer, grabbed Maisie by the scruff at last.
Let go of the branch! Now!
Jenny spoke as fiercely as any stray, and perhaps Maisie saw a kindred spirit. The cat loosened her grip and let herself be tucked under Jennys coat, contented by the warmth and shelter.
But now Jenny had a problem: she could climb up, but looking down, her stomach dropped. The ground was very far away.
Rain came harder, Jenny clung to the branch and cursed herself for being so daft. All this for a catand no one to rescue me.
Her mobile rang in her pocket, but she couldnt reach it. No way would she call out for helpshed suffer in silence rather than look silly.
Hey there! You comfortable up there?
A voice made Jenny jump, nearly making her fall.
Whoa, easy! Hold on, dont fall! Ill get you down, hang on a sec.
As if she was going anywhere.
Right you are! Terribly sorry to keep you!
Her sarcasm drew a soft hmm, then the lad vanished and Jenny cursed her sharp tongue.
He was back with a ladder, which he braced against the trunk.
Down you come! Or are you planning on bedding in for the night?
Jenny screwed her eyes shut and shook her head, before remembering that was pointless.
Imscared.
But before she finished the sentence, a hand held her ankle, and she somehow found herself standing shakily on the ladder, her rescuers hands steadying her all the way.
There you go! Take it slow.
On the ground, Maisie tried to bolt, but Jenny was ready. Quickly she bundled the wriggly cat back under her coat and zipped it up.
Stay put and behave! I promised Mrs Ellis Id look after youand I will!
Youre determined, Ill give you that.
He was an ordinary-looking bloke, skinny and pale as the weather, but with a cheeky grin.
Shall I walk you home?
Ill be fine! Jenny snapped instinctively, then immediately regretted it.
What a state of things! Here she was, a rain-soaked girl, cat in tow, and hed fetched a ladder to help herdidnt he deserve some gratitude?
Sorry And thank you. Id have rotted up there till dawn if not for you.
Why climb the tree, if youre scared of heights?
The cat Needs must! Sorry, I should gomy mum will be worrying.
No need to be so formal! After seeing your muddy backside and braving hypothermia, I reckon you can call me Tom. Ill walk you to the Tube. Or home, if youre not far.
Not too far.
Suddenly, Jenny didnt feel cold at all. An unfamiliar warmth fluttered inside, and she couldnt help but smile at everything Tom said.
Maisie sat quietly under Jennys coat, as if afraid to disturb the gentle spellher purr barely a whisper.
Tom walked Jenny to her front door, and next day, waited for her after work in the hospital garden. They went shopping for cat food, discovering Maisie wouldnt touch anything below her particular high standardbetter a fast than a bowl of rubbish, in her opinion.
Jenny cared for Maisie for just a week. On the seventh day, Mrs Elliss daughter turned up at the ward.
Mum misses her so, will you give her back? Its all she talks about.
Youll take Mrs Ellis home?
Of course! Shes my mother, after all. Shes always been strong-willed, but its time I looked after her. Thank you for everything.
Jenny handed over the purring cat and watched them go, thinkingonce againhow strange other peoples families can seem. You never really know the darkness or warmth inside someone elses heart; things are rarely as simple as they seem. If even grown children can weep over a mums cat, then maybe things werent so clear-cut from the outside after all.
In the end, she thought, whats the use of guessing others lives? Better to get on with building your ownespecially if theres someone youd like to share it with. Then it wont matter who says what first, or who makes the grand gestures. What will matter is this: the right person will always find the time and the ladder when you need it mostand never ever call you strange or not enough. Because to them, youll simply be the best in the world.
And that was the truest lesson of all.
