My husband and I have been together for almost five years. But our relationship cannot be called perfect. He was the first man I started to live with. The first man with whom I had a serious relationship.
I left my parents and we started renting an apartment. I have a secondary education, I do not earn much, I cannot afford to rent by myself. But from the beginning we had a common budget and I had money saved up. So when he lost his job and spent six months looking for one, we lived on mine. I supported him in every way I could, I had no doubt that I had found my man. He was always very caring, attentive, always happy to help me with cooking, cleaning, which was important to me, always happy to spend time together.
It went on like that for two years. Then, my parents moved closer to the sea and left us an apartment to live in for a while. I personally do not have any shares in it or property at all, we were told it was temporary, then it was planned to sell. But we were happy about that. The apartment is large and with a good repair.
But now, a little over a year ago, problems began. My husband became very nervous, angry, irritated about everything, constantly reproaches me. It comes to quite absurd things. For example, when I was cleaning, I wanted to play music, I asked what he wanted to listen to. He named a song. I first turned on mine, said that his song will put on the second. A scandal broke out. He said I was selfish and thought only of myself, and that he didn’t want anything at all. I had to turn off the music altogether.
Or when I cleaned the whole apartment by myself, washed the floor, cooked, did the laundry (washed the clothes). And he was asleep, because he woke up at 9, went on some errands for a couple of hours and was tired. Although we had agreed to clean up together that day. I tried to raise him, but heard only: “You only think about yourself, I feel bad, I want to rest. But he says it every time. Every weekend. He considers it a feat to go and help, to go shopping with me, to pour water from a heavy canister. She considers it a huge job.
Recently she said she needed to go to the fair, to buy cheaper ispovedi.com nuts, honey. Asked him to remind me, since it’s not the first week I forget. And he replies: “what’s in it for me?” I: “I’ll say thank you.” He replied, “that’s not enough, you need it, and why do I have to remind you?” And so on with everything. When I ask for help with cooking, at least to peel vegetables, he sometimes says he won’t, doesn’t want to, or is just tired. He’d rather sit on noodles than help me cook. And defiantly does not eat my soup, which then disappears, because I can not eat so much.
I could give you many more examples. I don’t recognize my husband. Sometimes I follow him all day, I ask what happened, why he is angry, I offer to massage, pour tea. What’s wrong? In the end, I am always wrong, and I am to blame. When did he have time to change so? I do not understand. I try to reach out, to show the situation from the outside, to no avail. Now he has even begun to accuse me of quarreling with him on purpose in order to postpone intimacy. We have nothing for a long time, as I am in a terrible, depressed mood all the time. Yes, and he does not want to do anything in this regard, thinks that I should be ready at any time. But it wasn’t like that before!
What else can I do? I love this man, I try to understand him, I offered to go to a psychologist, involve a third person to listen to us and reason. He does not want to. Says I am to blame for everything. Not approaching, not kissing, not hugging, not affectionate. So he’s the same way! Even when I was lying in bed with a fever of 39, he took care of the cat for me for a day. Thanks for going to the drugstore at least. No pity, sympathy, or understanding. Where am I supposed to get it from?
It’s a long way to divorce. Of course, I can barely survive on my pennies alone. I wanted to go to school, but we decided that first there would be a baby. Wanted to even take out a mortgage (saved). But the point now? Everything is going down the drain, and I do not understand how to save it all. He can easily send me away, call me names. I try not to get on a personal level. He blames me for sleeping apart. Well, I can not sleep with him. He snores terrible and even the surgery did not help. Accuses me that I have a TV in the bedroom and I watch what I want. Although I always offer to join me, but he always refuses. Will sit on the phone in the other room, and I’ll still be a priori guilty. For what? He says, “for not turning on what I want.” I suggest we choose something we both like. There is no such thing. As a result, we go to the movies that he wants, and I will be frankly bored at it. My favorite genres he won’t even consider. It’s either his movie or no movie.
But there was no such thing before, we always agreed. I knew how to convince him somehow. For example, if he watched this movie with me, I would give him a massage, or relax him in some other way. So there was always an alternative. But if he doesn’t want to watch it, I won’t insist, and no offense. But the way he’s acting with me now, I can’t take it anymore. Do I deserve it? But with what?
What can I do to get my husband back? That old one? What can I do? Who’s to say.
