I am 21 years old. Yesterday I got a second boyfriend. I feel terrible. Disgusting. But I can’t do anything about it.
I am a socially active person, I love to be in the center of attention, I feel like a fish in water in large companies. I have a good tongue, and with almost every person I can find a common topic of discussion. Nine months ago I met a young man, the complete opposite of me. He is withdrawn, shy, hates big companies. He has two close friends, and one of them studies very far away, so they can’t contact each other, and the other is always studying. As a matter of fact, the only friend he has is me.
I didn’t fall in love with him right away, it took me a while to go from “I will change you and you will be my ideal” to “I won’t change anything, because it is useless, I will accept you as you are and everything will be fine. He’s got a dead grip on me. He can’t imagine his life without me. And, you know, I did fall in love with him. But I felt uncomfortable in the relationship, I was always missing something, and I was the initiator of quarrels, for some time I humiliated him a lot, I deliberately hurt him.
In June we broke up at his initiative. Most of all it was bad for me. I realized that I cared about this man and I would not humiliate him anymore. I understood that the problem was in me, and if I wanted to change something I had to start with myself, so I went to a psychologist. The psychologist systematically led me to the conclusion that this man was not mine. For some reason I realized this particularly vividly.
It was the third week after our breakup, and another young man appeared in my life. The complete opposite of the first one, a vivid addition to me. I felt comfortable with him in everything, in communication, he was very sensitive, immensely caring, not afraid of society. He began to get closer to me, and I found out that he had been in love with me for about two years, and then I, and I broke up with my first boyfriend. Fairy tale.
It didn’t last long, as the first young man realized that it was hard for him without me, I melted, and we decided to continue our relationship. The second young man, on the other hand, receded into the background. He was very upset about the failed relationship.
As time went by, he was calming down, but I could feel myself drawn to him. With my boyfriend we had built a better relationship than before, but I was scared of the fact that we often fought and quarreled. And then the second guy invited me to one out-of-town celebration. Big company, alcohol, in general, all the benefits. And then I spent the whole evening with him, and he with me, and we were so good and wonderful that my boyfriend took a back seat. A day later, I made the decision to break up with him, reasoning that: “Time will pass and you’ll understand why I did it.” I thought he had just become a habit of mine over those nine months. That day we met. He cried for a very long time, then I cried for a long time. Another day went by, we chatted on social media, and yesterday the devil drew me to tell him I loved him.
There you go. The second guy knows about the situation and hopes to start a great relationship with me, and I went back to my boyfriend. Second time around. No one knows about each other. And it seems like I really love both of them. But by virtue of my helpfulness, I made everyone around me feel comfortable again. Everyone but me.
