Ill always be here for you
Oh, not this again! Weve been over it a hundred times, why bring it up now? Emily could barely keep the exhaustion from her voice as she turned back to the stove.
It was one of those grey, dreary mornings. Her day had started at five, when her son Oliver shuffled into her bedroom, tapping her on the shoulder.
Mum, my throat really hurts
Half-awake, Emily pressed her lips to Olivers forehead and at once the haze of sleep was gone.
Youve got a temperature, sweetheart. Come on, lets get you sorted. She scooped Oliver into her arms and left the room quietly, closing the door behind hershe couldnt face having Tom moan at her about missing sleep later.
After checking his temperature and giving him some Calpol, she tucked Oliver back into bed and, realising it was too late to try and go back to sleep herself, decided she might as well wait for the surgery to open and ring for an appointment. Once she was sure Oliver had drifted off, Emily went to the kitchen, made herself a strong cup of coffee, and gazed out at the garden.
This winter had been exceptional for snow, and the whole garden was buried under a thick, fluffy blanket. The only marks were the odd set of footprints from early morning commuters navigating the crunchy drive. Then, out of the corner of her eye, Emily caught sight of a sudden movement and couldnt help but let out a chuckle. Mrs. Evans’ cat, Percy, was having the time of his life, leaping through the snowdrifts and all but disappearing in the deeper patches. The cold didnt seem to put Percy off one jot. He was famously independentrefusing to use a litter tray, so poor Mrs. Evans was left with no choice but to let him out, however outrageous the weather. If she was slow to open the door, Percy would yowl so loud the whole block would hear. But, to his credit, he never left a mess indoors. In fact, just the evening before, Emily had seen Percy parading out as shed been on her way to collect Oliver from nursery, meowing grumpily the whole way.
Go on, keep on complaining! Good afternoon, Emily! Look at this scamp! Sometimes I feel like he owns me, not the other way round. Such a little sergeant! Mrs. Evans had quipped, rolling her eyes as Percy led the way.
Afternoon, Mrs. Evans! Hes quite the boss, isnt he?
Oh, Ive got a knack for bringing up men with opinions! Must be my fate… Mrs. Evans said with a sigh, half-amused, half-resigned.
Emily smiled, nodded, and moved on. She didnt know how to answer. Mrs. Evanss son, Matthew, was the sameserious by nature, but clever and quietly funny. Not that many people noticed. Most folk saw only the bookish, short lad in glasses, not exactly a magnet for the girls. Emily had been friends with Matthew for as long as she could remember. Hed always been thereher constant. When her mother died, it was Matthew who kept her afloat.
Emilys mum, Irene, had been hit by a car on a zebra crossing. Shed been doing everything right, crossing where she should, but it hadnt saved her. For Emilya rule-follower by natureit hit hardest. How could the world still go wrong when you did everything by the book?
She and Matthew had both been ten. Emily, who hadnt known real loss until then, shut downshe hardly spoke, just cried in silent agony. Shed shake her head at attempts to comfort her and hide away in the bathroom, or squeeze herself into corners to cry herself to sleep. The psychologist her dad found started to worry that the stress was putting Emilys health at risk.
But Matthew helped. Hed lost his dad two years before, so he understood better than any adult what Emily was feeling. He spent most days at Emilys; Mrs. Evans never mindedshe was always kind to little Emily, and neighbours did what they could, bringing over casseroles and keeping her company when Emilys dad was busy. Not once did Mrs. Evans complain when Matthew came home late, having spent the day helping Emily with homework, reading stories aloud, trying to tempt her to play, or holding her hand as they walked to ballet and gymnastics classesher mums dream for her daughter. Slowly, this serious young boys patience and care worked. Emily thawed. When they found a half-blind kitten on the way home and took him in, it was the first time Emily spoke since her mums deathasking Mrs. Evans for some milk for the kitten. Mrs. Evans handed the bottle over and whispered quietly, Thank heaven, shes back with us.
The kitten, in the end, stayed with Matthewturns out Emilys dad, Philip, was allergic.
And so Matthew continued to be the steady presence in Emilys life, wherever he was needed. Shed become so used to having him around, she couldnt imagine life any other way. The only children in their families, theyd found the sibling bond they were both missingunderstanding each other sometimes without a word. Emily could start a sentence and Matthew would finish it. Adults found it odd but left them to it, knowing they both needed the friendship, to get through their pain.
Things only got tricky at the end of school. Emily grew up into a beautiful and confident young woman, never short of admirers. Matthew quietly watched from the sidelines. But Emily didnt really notice anyone until Tom came along. She met him when she slipped on the icy steps outside the sports centre after gym.
Are you okay? Need a hand? A tall, attractive lad offered her a hand up. Those steps are treacherous today! Are you alright? Nothing broken?
She looked up into his eyes and was speechless. Shed always scoffed at love-at-first-sight, but suddenly, here it was.
Matthew, Im done for, Emily confessed afterwards, a little dazed. Hes just… the best!
The best, eh? Matthew frowned, but Emily was caught up in her own thoughts.
She started seeing Tom, and after a few years they decided they were grown-up enough to get married. They dutifully informed their parents and picked up the paperwork at the registry office.
Why do I always need a maid of honour? Why cant I just have a friend by my side? Emily twirled in her wedding dress at the fitting.
Matthew, whod driven her to the boutique, lounged on the sofa, watching. When the seamstress fussed about him seeing the dress, Emily laughed: Hes not the groom; hes my mate.
Mate, is it the seamstress murmured, raising an eyebrow.
Oh, come off it, Matthew grinned. Cant a lad and lass be friends? Emily, we should hurry upneed to sort the cake next, and Ive got work today.
Right behind you! Emily called as she disappeared to change.
Looking back, Emily sometimes wondered how she hadnt noticed the things about Tom that would eventually drive her up the wall. Maybe shed been lulled by always having a loyal knightassuming shed stay the princess forever, waiting to be rescued and looked after. But it turned out, not all princes are alike.
The first warning signs came when she got ill six months after the wedding. A dose of tonsillitis, which she managed to ignore while trying to be the perfect wife, landed her with more serious health problems. When her doctor told her some tests would be private, Tom complained:
But weve been saving for our holiday! Youre young and fineno need for all this fuss, surely?
Emily stared at him, stunned.
Are you for real?
Of course!
Tom, is your holiday really more important than my health?
Youre fine! Stop panicking. A bit of sun will do the trick. Youre just tired! He tried to hug her, oblivious to the fact that, for the first time, she didnt hug back.
Her dad covered the medical bills in silence and quietly made his own judgements.
It was almost a year before Emily felt herself again. Some of the health issues never quite went awayher heart especially. So, when she found out she was pregnant, they immediately put her on a high-risk register.
Dont take this the wrong way, her doctor warned gently, but you do need to think carefully. Pregnancys tough on your body, even if you feel alright nowthe risks are higher for you.
No question: Im having my baby.
Well then, lets do our very best.
And they did. Emily spent the last three months on bed rest, and when Oliver arrived, right on time, he was healthy, although only Emily andperhapsMatthew and her dad knew what it had cost her. When Tom heard shed given birth, he celebrated so hard he disappeared for three days, leaving Emily in tears and her dad scowling in concern, telling her not to worry.
That was the moment she realised her fairytale was overand after that, only Toms genuine affection for Oliver stopped her leaving then and there.
Tom adored Oliver, doted on him, and was happy to take night shifts, change nappies, and take him out. But sometimes, unpredictably, hed get fed up with the noise and ask Emily to take Oliver away for a bit, then hours later, be the doting dad again. It unsettled her. Was this love or just mood swings? Still, the good moments outweighed the badfor a while.
Between Emily and Tom it became more like they lived parallel livesbarely crossing paths, each doing their own thing.
Oliver was often poorly as a toddler, which didnt leave Emily time to dwell on their strange marriage. She dashed from one appointment to another, rarely wanting to trouble Tomunsure what kind of reaction shed get. Would he be helpful or throw a tantrum about having to drive them to the GP? Tired of the ups and downs, Emily tried to do it all herself. Her dad helped her learn to drive, looking after Oliver while she practiced, and later bought her a cheap but trusty second-hand motor, so she didnt have to rely on Tom.
Emilys dad saw through Tom a long time ago but kept his counsel, waiting for Emily to make up her own mind. Once, after a week of sleepless nights with Oliver burning up with fever, Emily handed him over to her dad and passed out on the lounge floor, too exhausted to climb onto the sofa. When she woke up, her dad simply said,
Em, Im not going to nag or push. Just rememberyoure not on your own, alright?
Thanks, Dad. I do know Im just not ready to… you know. I cant talk about it yet. Toms still my husband.
Her dad nodded, pulling her in for a hug.
All the time Emily was fighting to keep Oliver well, Matthew somehow turned up whenever she needed him. Picking up medicine when Tom was busy, giving them a lift to the doctor’s when her car packed in, running errandshe never failed her. Emily sometimes worried she was leaning on him too much, but she couldnt help it. He was the one person she trusted absolutely.
Now, as she stared out across the white garden, Emily found herself thinking thankfully of Matthew againhed be back from a work trip today, and if she couldnt get a GP home visit, she could ask him to drive them over. Her car was on the blink again, and money was tighter than ever. Tom said every penny went into his business, and Emilys salary barely stretched far enough, with all the time off work to care for Oliver. Good thing they lived in her dads flat, since hed moved to the house in the countryside, loving the quiet and fresh air.
With a glance at the clock, Emily rang the surgery. For once, luck was on her sidethe family doctor was back from holiday and took her call straight away.
She set her phone down and started making breakfast, just as Tom drifted into the kitchen, looking bleary.
Again? What were you up to half the night?
Olivers unwell, she said simply.
Right, thats why you had to keep clattering around? Whatever. I need a quick breakfastloads on today.
Emily turned silently back to the stove, cooking up breakfast for Oliver. He always liked recovery food, as she used to call it. Today she was making drop scones, knowing Tom liked them tooso at least breakfast wouldnt spark another argument.
So, have you spoken to your dad yet?
No.
Why are you dragging it out?
I told you, Im not asking him to put the flat in our names. And Im not talking to him about it.
Your stubbornness is driving me mad. I pay the rent, live here with zero security, and all you ever do is ask for moneyfor you, for Oliver! I work myself into the ground, havent had a break in a year, and nothings ever enough!
Tom kept on, but Emily stopped listening. She frozeinside, something snapped. She realised the thread that had bound her to Tomthe memory of their first days, kisses, wedding, the birth of Oliverthat thread was gone.
She very calmly set the spatula down, turned to Tom, and said, Im only going to say this once, so listen: Youre packing your things today and moving out. Were getting a divorce, Tom. I dont want this life any longer, and youre sick of it toodon’t pretend otherwise. We are not having any more fights about who pays for what. What matters now is Oliver. We both need to make sure he grows up with both parentseven if were not under the same roof.
Tom stared at her, mouth open, then tried to interrupt but stopped, tossing his fork on the table.
Done? Think about what youre saying. Ill come back later and hope youre thinking straight.
No, Ive decided, Tom. We both know what that means.
Youre mad. Whos going to want youwith a kid? Suit yourself. Lets talk when you come to your senses. Ill be at my parents.
If you say so. Emily turned away, blinking back tears. She heard the front door slam a moment later, then sat down and let herself sob while Oliver slept. When his little feet pitter-pattered along the hallway, she wiped her face and set out his breakfast.
Hows my favourite convalescing gentleman? Hungry?
Not really, Mum. My head hurts now, too.
Maybe some scones would help?
Yeah! With jam! Oliver grinned, a cheeky twinkle in his eye.
Of course!
After the doctor had beengiven her prescription and allEmily got ready to pop to the chemist. She was about to ring her dad when there was a knock at the door. It could only be Matthewhe never used the bell; it was their little sign.
Hey there!
Hey! How are you guys? Matthew appeared, holding a box with a toy car inside. Emily realised she couldnt recall the last time Tom had bought Oliver a presentevery Christmas, every birthday, it was always down to her, while Matthew never turned up empty-handed.
Olivers unwell again. Mind watching him for a minute while I nip to the chemist?
Absolutely. Or give me the listIll go.
Emily passed him the list from her bag.
The moment the door closed, her phone rang.
Hello, is that Emily Phillips?
Yes.
This is the hospital. Your fathers been admitted.
What happened? She gripped the phone so tightly it hurt.
Hes had a heart attack. Still very poorly at the moment.
Im on my way.
She darted around, grabbing her coat, panickingher dad had never had trouble with his heart. Suddenly she understood just how quickly, and easily, she could lose someone so precious.
Automatically, she called Tom.
Tom
What? Changed your mind? Well Ill
Tom, my dads in hospital. Heart attack.
And? What do you want from me? Were divorcing, remember?
Emily stared at the phone, then hung up.
Matthew returned from the chemist to find her buttoned up and ready at the door.
Where are you going?
My dads in hospitala heart attack.
That was all she needed to say. Matthew went to fetch his mum and Mrs. Evans came and sat with Oliver, while Emily and Matthew drove to the hospital.
They sat in the family room, waiting for news the whole evening. For a long time, they just sat together, silent, until Emily spoke quietly,
Thank you God, Im so glad youre here.
Ill always be here, Em.
I know, Matthew. Now I know, more than ever.
When the doctor came out an hour later, he found Emily fast asleep, her head on Matthews shoulder. Matthew gently woke her.
Weve moved your dad to a ward. Theres a long road ahead, but hes past the worst. Go home, restfind out visiting times and come back tomorrow.
Emily wrapped her arms around Matthew and let the tears fall, feeling the heavy load of pain and worry finally start to slip away.
