In the past, I had a beloved husband who passed away when our daughter was one year old. It was hard for me to recover from his death, as if the ground had been knocked out from under my feet. I had to learn to live again.
For five years I was focused on raising a child and working to provide for us decently. It was hard, lonely and sad on my own. There was a man at work who tried for a long time to pay attention to me. At first we just chatted, then it dragged on. He suggested we be together. I felt the emptiness and pain recede a little, making room for a new feeling. I said yes. We started dating.
At first I saw our relationship as something light, a flash of passion, but he declared his love for me and told me he wanted to start a family. And I said yes, believing that we could start over. By the way, he was married, divorced, and had two daughters. I introduced him to my child, got to know his children. Everything was accepted by each other adequately. My daughter knew about her own dad and perceived him as an uncle, but without negativity. I was glad to have a normal relationship between everyone.
He started staying with us on the weekends. I tried to take care of him, to create comfortable conditions. Things seemed to be going well. I loved him, maybe not as much as my late husband, but still. He convinced me of his love and made many promises. According to him, I was the center of his life and the meaning of his future. He kept talking about family, that he needed us. But gradually problems arose, sometimes with alcohol on his part, then with a lack of money. I tried to be loyal, but I did not like a lot of things. We never fully started living together. He behaved in such a way that he stopped taking the initiative at all, I always had to ask him for everything.
In September it was my birthday, an anniversary, and he congratulated me by text message, didn’t even call me and didn’t come, I was shocked. After that I was very offended. He wrote me some excuses that made no sense. I told him it was better for us to take a break from the relationship and think about everything. He convinced me that he loved me and couldn’t live without me. So this week I decided it was worth trying to save the relationship after all. Last night he texted me, “I’m sorry, I have someone else, I cheated on you, my heart is being glued together by someone else.”
This is something I did not expect and I was in a lot of pain. I didn’t respond to that message in any way. Why would you even come into my life with your lies about some kind of love? Why waste two years of my life? Why did he have to tell me about the affair? He could have just told me that the relationship was over. I wouldn’t have pressured him and run after him unequivocally. Apparently he decided to humiliate me one last time.
I’m sorry I believed him. I betrayed my husband’s memory, I let him and the baby be together. It’s disgusting. Now I know for sure that I should never trust anyone. And I will never get into a relationship with any man again.
What I wrote is just a cry from the heart, because it hurts so much.
