We have been married for 6 years and together for 9 years. My daughter is 1.5 years old. A very welcome and long-awaited child.
I have three higher education degrees, fluent English, three-room apartment in the city center, driver’s license. I work as a civil servant with a good salary and prospects. I am 34 years old, a million complexes from childhood about appearance (although quite attractive), intelligence (with three university degrees and Ph.D.), health (here, yes, I admit trouble – a tumor in the brain, benign to date).
He is 35 years old, his education is vocational school, his intellect is so-so, but his hands are golden, it is a fact. He does not have his own place, he comes from a dysfunctional family with many children. We met, he knows how to rub dust in the eyes, was insanely affectionate and loving, fire in bed. Marriage. He changes, s#x becomes less frequent, he’s rougher.
After 5 years, he started to raise his hand on me (without marks or consequences, a slap or a shove), insulting. When we reconciled, he blamed me for it (I took him out). I can really be unrestrained in my emotions. So I forgave and thought I was guilty. I considered it a crisis of 3, then 5, then 7 years. Looking for problems in myself, working two jobs, trying to support him with everything – cooking, adult toys.
He’s getting laid off from his job (worked in a factory with a pretty small salary). He is going through a crisis. I suggest starting a business, persuade him that he deserves more, I invest both financially and physically – I provide legal support (he had problems with the law), bookkeeping, office work, advertising. I combine all this at first with my work, then with maternity leave.
Things got better, he started earning more than me, and “starred”. He became indifferent to my opinion, insults again, phrases like “this is my business, you are nobody here”. Today the conflict arose again, he threw the phone at my head and I lost consciousness. I woke up on the floor, he was pouring water on me from the shower (it was near the bathroom). My daughter was screaming nearby.
Then he apologized and said, “I’m sorry. And I got scared. I have a tumor in my brain, this situation is already “on the verge”, I want to live until my daughter comes of age, my head – my weak spot, he knew it perfectly well. What if he had had a knife under his arm instead of a phone? Would a knife have gone flying at me?
I chased him away. When he left, he took the keys to both cars, and all the money. He had 2,500 in my wallet. He took my card, too. My daughter is running out of porridge, milk, and meat (she is allergic, and has a peculiar diet). I basically know where to get the money, I’m a smart adult woman, I can do it. For my daughter’s sake, I can handle it. But the situation. How it happened. An hour later he started calling (I did not answer), texting apologizes.
I do not want to, I am scared. A terrible headache, I hold my frightened daughter in my arms. I so dreamed that she would live in a full family, that she had a loving father, and my complexes were not. Why did this happen? I know it was my own fault, I made the wrong choices.
The business is registered in my husband’s name completely (I can not, I am a civil servant), he has a major competitor, I had the thought of offering him a partnership and surrendering all the weaknesses of her husband. I do not want my husband to live and enjoy the fruits of my labor, while I thought about what to feed the child.
I am afraid that he will come back, afraid that on Monday I will go to work and he will take my daughter from day care (he doesn’t need her, just to get back at me) and take her away. I’m stumped.
I need advice, an outsider’s perspective, and just to talk it out at the same time.
