I can’t live with my husband anymore, but I can’t leave yet either

We have been living with my husband for 10 years. During these years so many things have accumulated, and every day the resentment grows like a snowball.

First of all, my husband is greedy. At the very beginning of the relationship and the first couple of years he did not spare money on me. During my pregnancy (I got pregnant almost immediately) and the first year and a half after my son’s birth everything was fine financially. Then his business declined and he closed it. For a year he looked for a job and lived on his savings. Initially I worked until I gave birth and from three months of the baby (from home), the income was small, but it was there. At that time, we shrank, we bought only the bare necessities. But I’m not offended, everyone has difficulties with finances.

Then he found a high-paying job, and after a few months he was like a substitute. By that time my little business had folded too. But the family council decided that I wasn’t working and was taking over the house and the baby. But then the drastic cuts in finances for me and the baby began. Even for household needs. Well, you can’t survive on a small salary per month for three people and a dog, including household chemicals. And even that money I had to beg and explain, humiliating myself, where I spent it in two weeks! I’m not even talking about clothes and other necessities.

I got fed up with it, so I got a job. My work was physically hard (a stablehand), I worked twenty-four hours a day, and the child was with my grandfather all day. I worked that way for three years. I started to give up, and the child went to school ill-prepared. I am still reaping the benefits. My husband got angry and thought that I was cheating on him all night long. I got tired and quit. I thought I would endure, as I need to take care of my son, and working is not going to work, and the school is in another area (of registration).

My husband earns good money. Much higher than the average for our region. He drives a new car, right out of the salon. Last year he bought me a car, which is 21 years old. And he only bought it because his friends had already laughed at him, saying that he was driving an expensive car, while his wife was driving an old, leaky, rusty, right-hand drive car. To this day he reprimands me that it is his car, because he bought it for me (although 50% of the money was mine from the sale of the old car, which I bought at my own expense seven years ago). Rented me a garage next to his. Not to take care of me, but to better control me (when I leave-arrive), there is a camera on his garage. If I say, “in my garage,” he always corrects me: “in my garage.” In general, everything has become his and mine.

Once I took his bicycle, on which he had ridden once in 8 years, to go for a ride with a friend, so in the evening I was waiting for an ugly scandal, why I took his thing without asking. Recently, I had to have a complicated tooth treated (I can treat simple ones for free, too), I told him I needed money for the treatment, and he replied that he had no money. A couple of days later we went to buy him clothes, and he spent a lot of money. On himself. In response to the sales clerk’s suggestion to pick something up for me, he said: “Today’s my day.” He didn’t spare anything on his daughter either. Clothes, gadgets, entertainment. This is all in addition to a lot of alimony.

We don’t go on vacation. For these years, last year for the first time I flew to the Sea with my child (I secretly took a few thousand from his savings). When he found out, he almost pulled me down the stairs. And he has enough savings to buy two more of his cars.

I don’t understand what happened to him in terms of money. Yes, I’m sitting on my neck, I don’t work. But I completely took over the household and the child. Even his 13-year-old daughter from his first marriage is often on me. Take her here and there, do her homework, and stuff like that. He does nothing at home. From the word go. Cleaning, laundry, cooking, ironing, dog, homework, child’s section. His car to take away to the service, his documents to bring it to work and a bunch of other errands. Even the men’s work, such as nailing, drilling, crane repair, the cellar with vegetables – all on me. Thanks to my dad, he taught me everything in his time. I also have the house and the vegetable garden, which was inherited from my grandmother.

And still bad. Leaves in the morning, complaints. Comes in, no time to undress, complaints. I do not say anything, I have no strength to swear. I also buried my father a year ago. My husband did not offer a penny for the funeral. In May I buried my grandmother. Did not go to the funeral, was also insane.

When he drinks, he does not control himself, insults, humiliates, does not let him sleep until 5-6 in the morning. Normal people look forward to the weekend with joy, but I am terrified. For the last year I try to go with the child to his mother for the weekend.

I write and myself horrified as I live with him. I want a divorce. For a year now, if not more. I am burned out emotionally. No strength. The uncertainty and possible poverty scares me. I will not be able to earn a lot, I have no education, I left, after two courses, and now I regret it. I can’t afford to go to school now. My son is studying in another area and he has to be driven. With regard to alimony, my husband constantly threatens that he will show me the minimum wage and I will get pennies. I say, what about my daughter? After all, then she will also receive pennies. He says I can help my daughter without alimony.

And so every day I think in my head how to do it.

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I can’t live with my husband anymore, but I can’t leave yet either