He Thought She Was a Terrible Mother and Wife
A friend of mine, a mother of three, recently remarried. How she managed it is a mystery to me. It’s not that mothers with multiple children can’t find someone; they do, if they’re loved! But as long as I’ve known her from her first marriage, she was always the “worst mother and wife.”
I visited her home several times during her “previous” life. She was always exhausted, overwhelmed, and bewildered.
Sometimes the oatmeal was burnt, or the youngest was in a wet nappy for an hour while she juggled his needs, the middle one’s homework, and dinner, not having time to change him. On top of that, there was dinner to prepare before her husband got home. She scrambled to tidy up because he liked everything in order. She’d gather toys, shove them into boxes, and the little one threw them around again.
She simultaneously worked online, sending emails—she had a side gig because her husband’s salary wasn’t enough… Everything turned into endless, monotonous chaos. Her husband would come home, glance at the mess, and offhandedly remark, “At least give the cat some water! Do something useful…” Half-jokingly, half-seriously. But I remember his words well.
My friend would drop everything, the emails, the spoon, the wet nappy, and with an apologetic smile, fill the cat’s bowl. To do at least something useful that day.
I made a foolish suggestion back then, trying to lighten the mood, and jokingly proposed leaving everything—the cats and the half-cooked dinner—taking the kids, putting on makeup, and going out to a café. “I’ll bring my kids too.”
“She’s too old for makeup!” her husband retorted. Also jokingly… I looked at the woman and realized with horror she was actually younger than me. If she’s old, then what does that make me?
She apologized and said they liked homemade meals. She started setting the table while her husband waited, and nearby, the children scattered toys again, which she gathered with a “third” hand because he liked order. Her phone chimed, probably work emails.
“Stop spending all day online,” her husband said. I said my goodbyes and left.
“I’m to blame myself…”
No, she never complained to anyone. Never! Whenever asked, everything was fine. The grayer and greener she looked, the more confidently she said, “Everything’s fine!”
But we always had many mutual acquaintances. I’d hear from them that her mother-in-law was very dissatisfied. The daughter-in-law was a bad mother because the little one fell off his bike and split his eyebrow. It needed stitches. She should watch over them, not waste time on trivialities… A bad wife because the house was a mess and the family poorly fed.
Once, her husband went to the school, and there was a scene at home afterward. The eldest had gotten into trouble, supposedly because the “bad mother” focused on everything but childrearing.
Rumor had it she started taking antidepressants because, yes, she was a bad mother and wife. Doing nothing, with no energy to do anything… Even the kids realized it.
“Mum, you’re awful!” the youngest yelled when we were out together. “You don’t read me stories.” She would then pull the book from her bag and begin to read, defeated and weary, wanting so much to be a good mother.
Eventually, they divorced. Her husband met another woman. Probably a better wife and homemaker. To be fair, though, he did pay child support regularly and stayed in touch with the kids.
“Well, that’s how it is,” my friend said when I asked. “It’s probably my fault.” They exchanged homes after the split, and we didn’t see each other for a long time.
“From Ugly Duckling to Swan”
Time passed, and recently we “found” each other on social media. She reached out to me.
I was astonished. A different woman stared back from her profile picture. Bright, beautiful, happy, and full of energy. Out of curiosity, I suggested we meet up.
We caught up at a café. I couldn’t believe my eyes. She was an entirely different person. So assured in herself, in life, in others. That’s when I learned she had remarried.
“I still don’t know why he noticed me,” she mused. “I wasn’t even looking for it. Just trying to survive…”
But this man was persistent, courted her, befriended her kids, and proposed.
It turns out she is the best mother and wife. Made a slightly burnt fried egg? Best homemaker. And the next day, she was baking pies because she wanted to bring joy.
A messy house? Wonderful mother and wife. Because, it turns out, you can clean together and have fun chatting.
It turns out you don’t have to carry bags from the store alone, only to be reminded of what you forgot again, while supposedly doing nothing worthwhile. You can go shopping together, laugh if something’s missed. Turns out she’s not an old woman but the most beautiful woman on earth. Now she does her hair in the evening, just to greet the one who thinks she’s gorgeous when he returns from work.
It turns out she’s doing great because she even manages a side job too, but doesn’t have to unless she wants to.
She discovered she’s not the worthless being she thought she was for so long. All because someone loves, praises, and values her instead of belittling her.
…I listened in wonder. Then her new husband arrived to pick her up. And I understood everything. You know, he looked at her in a way that made her truly bloom. She had no choice but to blossom. He spoke and cared for her in a way that couldn’t help but make her the most amazing woman on Earth.
He brought along her three children. I caught a glimpse. Even in that brief moment, I saw she is the best mother. Judging by how her kids behaved.
All because she had someone beside her who helped her believe it. Someone who turned that ugly duckling into a beautiful swan… It’s crucial to have someone who helps you become that swan. Because a swan needs time, strength, and love to spread its wings.
No, I don’t mean to pinpoint anything specific. I don’t wish to blame anyone. Life can be unpredictable. But that’s the story. And I do wonder what her first husband thinks now.
