My husband in his youth had quite patriarchal views, he said he wanted a big family I agreed with him on everything. I love children, the house, housekeeping, cooking, cleaning, having guests. I left the institute when I went on my first maternity leave, and then a year later I went straight to my second one. I had no time to study. My husband provided for the family.
Of course, we were never rich, but we had enough money for everything we needed. He always gave me money for my expenses, too. It was hard, but we got through it. My husband’s business was a success, too, with varying degrees of success.
After the second child I was a bit exhausted, I took a longer break, but our parents helped me morally and in general, so only two years later I had my third child. My husband could not rejoice, he liked to feel like the head of a big family. He even seemed to have a little more solidity.
Our fourth child was also born two years after our third. And I didn’t think I could take it physically anymore. I wasn’t ready for a fifth one and was putting it off as much as possible. When I turned 30, the “gift” for me was another two lines on the test. It was the hardest year at all, I couldn’t handle it psychologically, and pregnancy was harder than usual.
My daughter was born (after four boys). My husband seemed incredibly happy. And when she was six months old, he suddenly announced that he was leaving me. He said that he had realized his mistake, a big family was kind of nice, but he hadn’t had time to enjoy life properly, and he had only one, and he wanted now, while he was still young enough, to have time to live.
I didn’t understand this turn of events at first, I thought that this was just a phase in his life, and that everything would pass. But he decided everything seriously. He divided the property, gave me a monthly allowance and filed for divorce. My parents are not just shocked, they are in gigantic shock. I have an infant and four other children in my arms. All attempts to talk to him hit a wall, he just won’t talk to me about the relationship, he hangs up right away. He only discusses baby issues and money matters with me.
I’m in a complete state of confusion. What happened, how to realize it, what to do and what is my fault?