I can’t get rid of toxic friendship.
I got used to my friend over the years of friendship, but now I already understand that this friendship is toxic, and does not bring me anything positive. There is passive aggression from her side, and veiled devaluation, competition, looks at everything through negativity, unless it does not concern her. Some strange prickly phrases (but veiled and implicit, so you can’t make a claim), such as, “yes, you don’t look good, but here, what were we talking about. And these phrases, oddly enough, here’s a coincidence, always fly exactly when I have good news, and I’m happy. Good it will not notice, will not say, only to the unpleasant changes.
I also do not want to tell her about anything, at least about the good, because when I look at her, I see a strange face, as if I am speaking Chinese and she does not understand. It feels like she compares me to herself and is angry, though she tries to hide it. Once, in response to the fact that I’m going on vacation, she said: “but why?” And this comes with a scowl on her face, and I had to justify myself. In front of her no longer want to say something nice. This is despite the fact that I’m not at all chatty and do not bog down my stories. But all this she does unconsciously, and consciously she shows friendliness. So to tell her about it, there is no point, she does not recognize these qualities in themselves (already once tried to hint).
Having stopped sharing anything of her life with her at all, we now talk about either her problems or something neutral, and sometimes it seems that there is not even anything to talk about. Neutral isn’t much to talk about either, she criticizes all people, everyone is stupid to her, other people’s girlfriends’ boyfriends are crooked and slanted and stupid, other people’s jobs aren’t prestigious enough, other people’s accomplishments are garbage. And she projects her problems in life onto other people. For example, she hates her parents, and she speaks the same way about other people. And similarly in all the other threads (no boyfriend, all other people’s boyfriends for no reason, as if she’s self-righteous that they’re all bad).
I know I’m not an angel right now either, writing behind my back, but I needed to vent. In real life, I won’t let someone say bad things about her. So I made a decision to minimize communication for my own good, but then I realized that I was probably too weak-willed, because I was falling for her sweet tone. Writing, where I disappeared, offers to meet (she also wrote my name in a diminutive way). I feel guilty that I do not want to communicate with such a good person, and I agree to a meeting. And after the meeting I was emotionally exhausted and regretted that I had gone. And so on in a circle. It is very annoying.
Once the third person hinted to me that I am convenient for her, too resourceful, listen to her problems 24/7, understand them, and keep quiet about myself, so she manipulates me. But I do not know how true this opinion.
How do I get out of this circle? What to do? I can not just abruptly interrupt, I would feel sorry for her, her life is really not sugar.
