Broken Dreams

I’ve been on this site for a long time, I read a lot of stories, I didn’t even assume that I would write here. My topic is trivial – adultery. But I never thought it would come to our family. Some people would laugh and think, “Oh, you’re naive!” I believed and trusted my husband, considered him the best friend, partner, husband, father. But, first things first.

He met me a little over 6 years ago, immediately courtship, flowers, gifts, we never parted for a minute, he said that I was the woman of his dreams, in front of strangers called his wife. I envied myself, a well-off man of 35, no children, no marriage, I was 30 years old, of course, I melted quickly. After two weeks we started living together, first at my place, then we moved in with him. He said right away that he wanted a family and a child, and somehow we started working in that direction right away.

The pregnancy didn’t happen so fast, I had a little problem, I had to take some treatment, but a year and a half later my son was born. My husband endured both pregnancy and birth of a child very hard, he wanted a son very much, helped me a little, but mostly he worked, he had his own business and our duties were distributed between us: my husband earns money, I take care of the house and the baby.

My life was turned upside down. There was no job I loved (since I worked unofficially, there were no guarantees and all clients were transferred to other colleagues), a small child in my arms all the time, but my husband earns good money and I did not need anything. The baby was sick a lot, then colic, then teeth, one thing or another, everything like everyone else, and my husband went to sleep in another room to sleep. And this circumstance dragged on for 4 years, at first it was so comfortable with the baby, and then the child became a habit.

We lived very well, we did not need anything, we went on vacation, our communication was confidential, we joked. My husband was always at home, he had no friends, he did not drink. Intimate life, of course, became more mechanical, or something like that. But in the beginning of our relationship he was not distinguished by any tenderness, ardor, he liked everything quickly. But my husband began to hint that it was time for me to work, at least for myself, for communication, because I was withdrawing only at home. I tried to go to his old job, but the client base did not work to gain, because I was tied to the child, a garden has not yet given, tried to leave him then with his mother, then his mother-in-law, and then his employer has put more stringent conditions on the number of clients and the family decided on the board was a decision to me not to work there, and to look something else. Well, I started looking for something, but I still could not find his niche so to speak, it bothers me a lot, I’m already used to spending large sums (gym, cosmetologist, salons), and wages were low everywhere, and somewhere my husband laughed that for such money can work. And I listened to him and kept looking for something, then abandoned these attempts.

Our relationship began to cool down a little, my husband began to say that I was degrading and not developing, although I read a lot, cooked deliciously, the house was clean, the child was completely on me, and he only lay at the TV after work. I saw no support from him, but I still continued to trust him and consider him the best. He began to have conversations in joking form that he wanted to live alone, we should get a divorce, and he always laughed, and we jokingly discussed our divorce and living apart. It’s true, how naive I was, it was such a bell, almost a bell to me.

Well, the trouble came, just the classics of the genre – his employee. It all came out trivial, I got into my phone and saw there such a correspondence that the whole world turned upside down. I immediately threw him out, but he did not leave, neither on the first day nor the second, then we tried to talk, he denied everything and again put it all in some humorous forms, that they just correspond as a joke. Apparently under stress and sedation I believed everything, but continued to dig further and began to learn more and more details. And my eyes were finally opened. This girl writes to him and inclines him constantly to divorce, says she will not be with him without a divorce, he promises her a divorce, but he does not bring up such topics at home and said that he stayed in the family because of the child, I have not loved for a long time, but insinuates me that he stopped communicating with her. I told him that I will not give him a divorce and I will not leave my child without a father, even though he said that he would come to him every day, but I do not believe in such fairy tales.

What now? After a month and a half of hell in which I live, my inner state is undermined very strongly, my nerves are on the limit, I already understand that I drive myself into a corner. He has never once apologized for his actions, yet he writes words of apology to her for dragging her into everything.

I can’t find a way out of this situation, my hands have dropped completely, I stopped looking for a job, I don’t want to do anything. I want him by my side, as if I cannot imagine my life without him, although I understand in my mind that he is a liar, a traitor and not worthy of a good relationship. The world just collapsed, and only a child somehow keeps me still in this world.

Maybe someone knows effective ways to get out of this state, how to shake things up and go on confident and not a battered victim?

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Broken Dreams