Monday, 12 April
Ive been in bed for days now, unable to summon the energy to get up. Theres no pain, really, just this endless fuzziness in my head and a tiredness I cant shake. I cant even find it in me to want to move.
Whats the point? I thought, staring at the ceiling covered with delicate threads of cobwebs dangling from the corners. Ive done everything that life asked of me: raised my children, said farewell to my parents. Now here I am, all tasks done, and practically redundant. The years have slipped past, quietly and in a rush.
I looked around my room, my eyes finally resting on the window. Beyond it, my back garden, now overtaken by weeds, stretched out in the dim morning light. As dawn crept in, I closed my eyes and drifted off.
I dreamt of Mum last night. It caught me entirely off guardId only dreamt of her once since the funeral three years ago. She looked at me with that gentle kindness, arms outstretched, as if wanting to hug me and stroke my hair, just like she used to. But there seemed to be some invisible barrier between us.
My sweet girl, Mums voice echoed through the dream, tomorrow will be your last day…
I snapped awake, heart pounding, shaken right to my core.
Last day? Is that it? Already? So soon? I shouted into empty air.
I could see it all so clearly: me, already gone, stretched out on this very bed. The children, family, and neighbours gathering in the mess of my house, the abandoned garden, nothing in the fridge to eat. I bolted upright, running about the house not knowing where to start.
In the kitchen, I began kneading dough as fast as I could. Itll rise by this evening, and if I live long enough, Ill bake pies, I muttered.
I fetched a bucket of water and a rag and began dusting every corner, clearing up clutter, and then scrubbing the floors on my hands and knees.
There! The house is in order,” I sighed, breathless.
Next, the garden. I toiled, pulling up weeds until my legs buzzed. The only thought pounding in my mind was, Last day! Last day!
When the final weed was wrangled from the beds, my whole body ached. I told myself to rest but rushed inside instead to check the dough.
Soon, pies sat cooling on the table.
The children will come tomorrow, have a cuppa with pies, and remember their mum, I said to myself, voice trembling. I tried a piecesoft as a cloud.
I sat at the window for a moment, looking out and reflecting quietly.
How lovely life can be, I mused.
But I suppose there was nothing left to be doneI ought to prepare for the journey ahead.
I rummaged through my wardrobe for something suitable to wear, settling on a new dress Id never found an occasion for. I did my hair, put on a bit of makeup, and admired my reflection.
Beautiful! Hardly looks like someone going to her grave, more like someone off to get married!
But fates not mine to argue with… and so I lay down, preparing for the end. Only, as I was getting comfortable, I heard a car outside, stopping by my house, the horn beeping.
Probably for the neighbours, I thought. Visitors were common next door.
A few minutes later, there was a knock. Then another.
Could it be the children? I peered outno, it was a car I didnt recognise.
Thats a right fancy motor! I thought, maybe someone got lost. I opened the door to a handsome, well-groomed mandressed to the nines, as if for a wedding.
Are you Ann? he asked.
Yes…
Im here to see you. Sorry, I was delayed on the way.
Do you need something? I asked, rather bewildered.
Yes he stalled, unsure.
Must be a mistake.
No, not a mistake at all. Forgive me for the surprise.
Its late for visitors. What is it?
Youre rightI misjudged the time, came from far away, and got turned around.
Noticing my confusion, he went on, Im Simon. I wanted to meet you.
I really had different plans today, I thought.
How do you know me? I pressed.
I sent you a friend request on Skypeyoure hardly ever on, so I tracked you down. Ill explain sometime. I decided to pay a visit.
Well, what am I supposed to do with you? I wondered.
Simon, Im sorry, but I havent met anyone new in quite some time and dont wish to change my life now. You should really go home.
Youre probably right. I should have called. Goodbye, Ann.
He turned to go, then spun around halfway to the car and handed me an expensive-looking box of chocolates.
Forgive me.
And he left, heading for his car.
I felt awkward, suddenly sorry for the stranger who had spent his day on the roadhes probably hungry, poor man.
Simon, wait. At least come in for a cup of tea.
His face lit up as he hurried back to the door.
With pleasure, Ann.
He washed his hands, and I poured the tea, setting out pies.
Are you hungry? I asked.
If you dont mind, he replied.
Of course. Help yourself.
I realised I was starving too and set more food outthank goodness Id cooked plenty.
Bon appétit, we wished each other, breaking into laughter.
It was the best meal Id had in ages. I felt comfortable, even peaceful, with this total stranger. Simon turned out to be a great conversationalistwithin an hour, it felt as if wed known each other all our lives.
If you ever need anything, just sayIll help in any way I can, he offered.
I eyed his smart outfit and smiled.
You want to help? Well, theres plenty: the sheds falling apart, the back fence is nearly down
He grew thoughtful.
All right, Ann. Leave it to me, Ill sort it all.
He got ready to go.
Thank you for everything. I wont impose and stay overitd be improper. Good night, Ann.
Goodbye, Simon. Safe journey!
I cleared the table and finally went to bed to, well, die.
Sleep overcame me quicklyexhaustion, probably, after being busy all day.
That night, Mum appeared once more in my dreams.
Darling, why did you run off yesterday, without listening? Today was your last day of loneliness. We know how hard its been for you alone, so weve sent an angel to help you. Dont push him away; hell care for you, and you must do the same for him.
Mum, who am I to care for? Your angels already leftfrightened off by too much work.
She smiled, blessed me, and faded into light.
Tuesday, 13 April
I woke at first light to the sound of lorries outside. Peering through the window, I saw a huge truck loaded with building supplies draw up, then another. Men began unloading planks and tools in my garden.
What on earth… I havent ordered anything!
I went to shout at them to take it all away, but there was Simon, giving instructions about where everything should go.
After the men had left, and the work started in earnest, more supplies arriveda lorry carrying steel panels and more.
A new fence, I realised at lastjust like the lovely one my neighbour had put in.
The men worked all day, and among them was Simon, sleeves rolled up, working as hard as any of them. I stepped outside.
Simon, you really shouldnt I tried to protest.
Dont fret, Ann. Everything will be all right. Do get insideits nippy.
I felt utterly lost. Life had taught me not to trust menId known two, and neither worked out. I had always sorted things myself, with no one to take care of me. I didnt know what to make of any of it.
But the work pressed on. In a few days, a new fence and shed were finished, the kitchen floor was replaced, and the fireplace repaired. Still, I couldnt quite believe or understand Simons motives.
What does he want? Should I offer to pay?
Not that I have much.
Ill give what I have, the rest as I can.
When Simon finally came in, tired but pleased with the work, I said,
Simon, Im deeply grateful. I dont even know why youve done all this for me
Oh Ann, please. Thats not what this is about.”
I pushed what little money I had into his hand.
Take it. Its not much, but Ill repay you every penny.
Oh, Ann. No, please, thats not necessary!
You must. Work should be paid for.
He left, and minutes later I heard his car drive away.
He didnt return the next day, or the next, or even the next week
I was all at sea, the ache in my chest growing as I realised Id fallen for a man like a lovesick girl.
Why did I hurt Simon? How will I carry on without him? It felt as if Id known him my whole life.
Lost, I wandered out along the lane. My neighbour, Mrs. Bennett, called to me.
Ann, dont push that man away! Look what hes done for youhes a good bloke!
Hes long gone, I said, trying to hide my disappointment.
She smiled knowingly. Oh, you can fib all you likebut hes been parked round the corner all night.
Really? Where?
Just by the village turn-off
I was off before she finished, running as hope flared in my chest. But neither Simon nor his car was there.
She was teasing me, I realised, trudging home, dejected.
That night, sleep evaded me. Wrapping myself in a blanket, I stepped out to the doorstep. The air was cool but I didnt mindI huddled in the blanket and let myself cry.
Why am I so unlucky, and so foolish? I whispered aloud, tears streaming.
Suddenly, someone rushed up, swept me into an embrace, and kissed memy cheeks, my lips, wet with tears.
Ann, please, dont cry, Simon begged. I never leftI couldnt. I love you.
And I love you, more than life, I replied, clinging to my angel sent from above.
Thank you, Mum, I murmured, tears spilling againbut this time, only from happiness.
