A friend of mine didn’t wish me a happy birthday. I am very offended. And I don’t know if I should wish him a happy birthday now.
It would seem that everything is simple. Well, the man forgot for some reason. In principle, it’s nothing. You can forgive, do not hold a grudge for life and congratulate him at least as a courtesy.
But it’s not that simple. I call him a friend. But in reality he is something else. I don’t even know what to call him. We worked together for ten years. I was his subordinate. He is 20 years older than me, but a very handsome and nice man, easy to talk to. With him I easily forgot about the age difference and felt that he was the same age as me, or even younger. He has a soft character, and I was always protecting him as much as I could, although I myself am not so formidable, strong and scary.
At first I was in love with him and ran after him and tried to win him over. He apparently noticed this and kept his distance from me. It hurt me painfully. After four years in this mode, I realized that it was time to leave him alone, that he didn’t like me as a woman. And that maybe it was even good that it didn’t work out and we weren’t together, because I loved him so much that I would just dissolve and lose myself in a relationship with him. I would have spent the rest of my life dusting him off, and he would have cheated on me, putting his friends first and me tenth.
In short, I changed my attitude toward him. I still loved him, but it had become platonic. On duty I stayed with him for six more years, took care of him as much as I could, was glad of his success and hated his enemies, but no longer wanted to be with him and at the same time I built my personal life. I got married and went on maternity leave.
During those 6 years at work his attitude towards me changed. Some events at work brought us closer, he trusted me more, we started to talk informally every day at his initiative. We shared gossip and stories about ourselves. He singled me out, and most people probably thought we were having an affair. I would let him in on my personal problems (advising him on whether I should get married, complaining about my husband, giving him advice on work). We congratulated each other on holidays. I thought it was a friendship.
When I went on maternity leave, there was a change at work. My friend was laid off. He’s not poor and well-connected and I think he’s doing well. Nevertheless, I was worried about him, although I couldn’t do anything to help him. I tried to find out how he was doing. But our communication after my maternity leave was only on the phone in text messages, he became distant, yes, and me too. I was uncomfortable being friends with a man during my pregnancy, especially since he, I think, understood that I had been running after him in the past. And he probably guessed that he still cared a lot about me, even though I wasn’t running after him so obviously anymore. And I know almost nothing about him now. He seems to be doing well, according to his last messages. But he didn’t wish me a happy birthday. Although I congratulated him last year and even called him. I thought he was pleasantly surprised that I remembered, calling to talk live and not writing.
Could he have forgotten my birthday? If he could, then it wasn’t a friendship at all. So I was nothing to him. Just with the boredom of communicating, and stopped communicating, and immediately forgot. But that’s nothing. And what if he had not forgotten, but simply did not consider it necessary to congratulate me? During our work, there were two episodes when he really screwed me. I was very hurt by his actions, but I tried to forgive him. Maybe this means that he just had a consumerist attitude towards me? As long as I was needed and profitable, he congratulated me. When he resigned, was no longer needed, then you can not congratulate. Maybe that informal communication was just for me to try harder, to give my all in taking care of him, not to harm?
Very bad at heart. And I do not know whether to congratulate him now. His birthday is in a month. I can just write an sms, I don’t want to call something, though I promised myself that I would call him on his birthday all my life. But to impose, since he may not congratulate on purpose, I can not.
How better to do? To congratulate him by sms or not to congratulate him at all?