Diagnosis: Betrayal
So, youre seriously together now, said Patricia calmly but quite insistently, eyeing her probable daughter-in-law, When are you two planning to get married then?
Maybe its not quite the right time yet, replied Sophie with a tight smile, her words gentle and careful, not wanting to upset the future mother-in-law. Weve only been living together a month. We need some time to get to know each others little quirks at home Who knows, maybe well start bickering over the washing up!
Patricia arched an eyebrow but wasnt about to drop it. Truth be told, she liked Sophiecertainly more than her sons last girlfriend. Harriet was unbearable and really quite cheeky! Good thing William got rid of her.
And hows Jamie getting on? she asked with a purposeful shift, though her look was as sharp as ever. Hes become quite the grown-up boy, but still
Warmth crept into Sophies heart at the mention of Wills son. She was taken back to those first awkward days, worrying endlessly: how would a teenage boy feel about a new woman in the house? Would he think she was trying to replace his mum?
Hes lovely, she answered, her smile relaxing for the first time. Admittedly, I was quite nervous to start with. I worried Jamie might resent me, or at least be very wary. But no, it couldnt have gone better. Hes genuinely friendly and welcoming.
She paused to recollect the time Jamie came home from school, tasted her shepherds pie and immediately announced that at least thered be proper food in the house now.
In fact, Sophie said, chuckling, he all but cheers at the idea of someone else cooking. Claims Im a much better cook than his dad. Sometimes he even asks me to show him new recipes.
Will, whod been quietly listening, glanced up for a moment and nodded, with a shy smile that made it clear he was pleased his girlfriend and son got on so well.
Has he asked for a little brother yet? asked Patricia, outright.
Will winced and shot his mum a warning glancehere she goes again, he thought. Shed always loved a nosey question and wasnt afraid of crossing the line, even when it made others squirm.
What? Patricia said, completely unfazed, sounding as if it was the most ordinary thing in the world. Jamies brilliant with his younger cousins. And youre only thirty-five, Soph, still plenty of time for a couple more kiddies!
Sophie felt a wave of discomfort flutter in her chest. Shed known this chat was coming, but having it here, with someone barely more than a stranger, made her hands clench in her lap. She forced herself to sound calm.
Im afraid thats not an option, she said as evenly as she could. The doctors have advised me, very strongly, against having children.
There was a brief pause while Patricias expression shifted from politely interested to something much colder and more distant.
Oh its a womans thing then? Patricia said, that practiced sympathy just a bit patronising. Well, medicines so advanced now. What seemed impossible before is sorted quickly.
Sophie exhaled. She wished she could shut this conversation down, but she knew Patricia wouldnt let it go. She threw a glance at Willhoping for supportbut he only shrugged, as if to say youll have to handle this.
Its nothing that can just be fixed, Sophie said, eyes fixed ahead. Why did she have to explain? But if she didnt, Patricia would make her own assumptions. Its my eyesight. I was diagnosed at eighteen. The risk is enormousthe chance of losing my vision completely if I get pregnant is unacceptably high. Its not worth it. Theres no point in having a baby you cant ever see.
Patricia stilled. For a moment, she looked genuinely stumped.
But whats that got to do with your eyes? Patricia said, stumped. She didnt see how on earth it was a reason. Im sorry, I dont really get it.
Sophie inhaled, picking her words carefully. God, she hated this.
Ninety percent likelihood Ill go blind. Pregnancys a huge stress, and for me, it could mean total blindness. Its just too big a risk! Ive made my peace with itit isnt about not wanting a child. Its real.
She fiddled with her glasses, anxious that Patricia might just see her as selfish, but this genuinely wasnt vanityit was protection.
Patricias mood darkened. She dropped the subject, though every so often Sophie caught a frosty, judging glance from across the table. That was that. Sophie knew now: She fell miles short of this mother-in-laws picture-perfect visiona robust woman to give her grandchildren as soon as possible.
But Sophie felt no shame, no urge to justify herself. She and Will had been through it, thought through every angle, sat up late with the leaflets, talked things throughadoption, surrogacy, all that. No one wanted to risk her health. At worst, theyd look at other routes. It wasnt even that difficult these days.
Later, when it was time to go, the tension thinned ever so slightly. Patricia gave Will a brief hug at the door, nodded to Sophienothing more than formality, really. As they pulled their coats on, Sophie caught Wills eyes; the silent Im sorry was almost tangible.
Outside, they both sighed in relief. The evening air had never felt so good after such a heavy chat. Sophie laced her fingers through Wills, and he squeezed back. Not a word about what had just happenedbut they both knew: Meeting the parents had been a disaster. Still, it was just noise. Their plans hadnt changed.
*************************
Three months later.
By now, Sophie was certain something was off. At first she just blamed long work hoursa silly bug, maybe. But the tiredness, the queasiness each morning, the sudden irritability at familiar smells it all stuck around. She tried to fix it herself: paracetamol, early nights, tea with lemon. But nothing changed. She was easily distracted at work and flopped into bed exhausted.
Chatting to her mum on the phone one night, Sophie let something slip.
Mum, I just cant shake this fatigue, and I keep feeling sick every morning
A pause.
Sophie, love, her mum said carefully, Are you sure youre not pregnant?
Sophie laughed, surprised. Not a chance! I never miss my pills. Im meticulous about itdoctors orders.
Her mums tone was gentle but persistent: Just pick up a test, darling. Youll feel better once youre certain.
And Sophie hesitated. No way, she thought, but what if, just what if? Itd take a minute. Its better to know.
Alright, Ill pop over to Boots now. Wills at workits fine.
She grabbed her bag, threw on a jacket and headed to the corner pharmacy. She was there in five minutes, walking faster than usual, trying to stay ahead of her own worries. Her brain wouldnt stop: Surely not, but what if?
The pharmacy aisle was full of choices. So many kinds! Sophie glanced helplessly at the pharmacy assistant, then picked up two reasonably-priced tests. She wasnt pinching pennies on this. Shopping paid, home in minutes.
Heart jittery, hands shaking, she did the test, then sat, eyes flicking between the clock and the window.
Eventuallytwo red lines. Very clear. She checked the second the same.
How is this possible? she said out loud. I was so careful!
Just then, the doorbell went offso loud it made her jump. She checked the time. It could only be Jamiehe was forever forgetting his keys after school.
She quickly tossed the tests into the kitchen bin, straightened herself, and opened the door. Sure enough, Jamie, out of breath with his backpack.
Locked yourself out again? she said, raising an eyebrow but grinning.
Yeah, he nodded sheepishly. Was in a rush this morning
She dashed into the kitchen to feed the teenagerand didnt notice shed dropped one of the tests on the floor right in plain sight.
*****************
Ill be gone for about a week, Will, Sophie told her fiancé, not quite able to meet his eyes. Mums not been feeling well. I want to make sure shes alright.
She hated lying to the man she loved, but she just couldnt tell the truth, not now. Shed decided what she had to do.
Will immediately put his laptop down, genuine worry on his face.
Do you need me to come? Bring some groceries? Shall I drive you?
Sophie managed a grateful smile. His offer was so heartfelt, but having him around would only complicate things more.
No, thanks. Ive got it covered. If anythings urgent, I promise Ill call.
She finished stuffing a few clothes into an overnight bagjumpers, jeans, T-shirts, knickers, toothbrush. She double-checked her train times. Mum was picking her up at the stationthank God. At least someone who wouldnt ask awkward questions.
Keep your phone on, yeah? Will said quietly as he hugged her, his arms gentle and close. Call if you need anything. I can be there in no time at all.
Ill be back soon, Sophie promised, kissing his cheek. You wont even have time to miss me.
The journey to the station passed in a haze as she checked her phone every few minutes: no new messages from Will or her mum. Her plan was simplego, sort things out, and come back. Once the dust settled, shed talk things through with Will. Calmly, honestly, with no half-truths.
The next day, Sophie visited a private clinic, having booked online after reading reviews. Shed arranged everything to be quick and discreet. The appointment was over in a flashconsultation, tests, ultrasound. The doctor, a pleasant woman in her forties, checked and rechecked the findings, asked the right questions.
Yes, youre pregnant, she confirmed quietly. Its early days, about five or six weeks.
Sophie nodded, her insides twisting. Shed hoped, somewhere deep down, that the tests were wrongthat something had got mixed up. But it was all real.
I took the pill! How did this happen? Sophies voice was a mixture of confusion and barely contained panic. Shed followed every instruction to the letter.
The doctor folded her hands calmly. Sometimes the pill isnt absorbed, maybe you were unwell or on antibiotics, or it was a dud batch. These things do happenrare, but possible.
After a pause, the doctors voice softened, I take it youre not planning to continue the pregnancy?
Sophies eyes closed. Shed agonised over this question for days. She remembered everything the specialists had said all those years ago; the warnings, the graphs, the irreversible statistics.
Theres about a nine-in-ten chance Ill lose my sight, she said, as firmly as she could. Would you risk it?
The doctor nodded, understanding. Of course. This is your call, and its absolutely the right decision for your health. Well get some more bloods today, and go over the options tomorrow. If you have any worries in the meantime, ring the clinictheyll put you through to me.
Sophie gathered the paperwork and left, steadying herself in the corridor outside. One thing at a time, she thought. Tomorrow was another day, and shed get through it.
**********************
Hey, Sophie! Wills voice down the line was so cheerful it made her stomach drop. Why didnt you tell me?
Her heart lurched. She gripped the phone to stop her hand shaking.
Tell you what, Will?
That youre pregnant! he said, almost bursting with excitement, as if already imagining their joint future.
Sophie closed her eyes for a brief second.
What makes you think that? she managed to say evenly, though she was shaking inside.
Jamie found a pregnancy test in the kitchen two red lines. Ive already made us an appointment with a really good doctor. Come on, lets go togetherIll be with you, all the way.
Sophie took a measured breath. She had to tread so carefullyhow to shut this down gently?
Will, dont get carried away, she told him softly, but firmly. Im on the pillmeticulously! Theres got to be some mistake.
There was a brief silence as Will digested that.
Okay, but he hesitated, uncertainty in his voice. You know, Mum was over the other day. She found your pills, and started going on about how your diagnosis probably isnt that bad really. Said loads of women have kids with much worse conditions, and that medicines moved on. I suppose well, she talked me into it.
He stopped, waiting for her reaction. Sophie listened, stunned and sick inside. On one hand, she got that Will wanted the bestbut on the other, the fact that anyone, anyone would interfere like this
Wait, what exactly do you mean? Sophies voice was shaking now, low and level, but icy cold.
No, I didnt put anything weird in your pills! Will hurriedly protested. Its just she convinced me that its worth a try, that maybe youre too strict with yourself. I didnt really think it throughsorry.
Sophie felt ice run down her spine. She could barely speak, but forced herself to ask, Will. What did you do?
He hesitated, then confessed, quietly: The pills fell out the other day. When I picked them up, I thought maybe its fate? So I swapped them for vitamins. Mum said itd be fine. I just really, really want children, Sophie.
Absolute silence.
Sophies hands clenched into fists. For years shed explained to him over and over how critical those tablets were, how missing even one was catastrophic.
Youre joking, she whispered, stunned. You KNEW the risks, and you listened to your mum and did it anyway?
He shifted, staring at the table. I just I wanted a family. Thats all.
For a FAMILY?! The word caught in her throatall she could do was force herself to speak calmly. Will, you made this decision behind my back. You knew about my diagnosis. You deliberately put my health at riskbecause your mum wanted grandchildren.
She took a minute to collect herself. Her head throbbed with rage and anxiety, but she needed a second.
I cant talk now, she said in clipped tones, voice almost steady. Can you meet me near the main gates at Regents Park in two days, at noon?
Of course, absolutely! he jumped in, hope sparkling through his voice. We can sort everything, Sophie.
She didnt argue or explain. She just hung up.
Fury boiled inside her. She replayed what Will had saidhow hed accidentally dropped her pill pot and swapped out her medication for vitamins, just because his mum said it would be okay. Hed known every risk, the warnings every year from the eye doctors, the statistics. Yet, hed thought his mothers opinion meant more than her right to decide about her own future.
How dare he? How could she ever trust him again, knowing hed take everything into his own hands, make decisions about her body without her even knowing? She wasnt going to let this go quietly.
Two days later, Will arrived at the park half an hour early, clutching a bunch of white rosesher favourite. Nerves made him check his phone every two minutes. He rehearsed what hed say, how hed explain that he just wanted a family, surely she could understand.
When Sophie came up, her brother Charlie by her side, her face was pale and set. She didnt even look at the flowers he held out. Instead, she offered a folded piece of paper.
Whats this? Will asked, feeling completely lost.
It means theres no baby, Sophie said coldly. You knew my diagnosis. You deliberately risked my healthegged on by your mother. Ill never, ever forgive you for that. Tomorrow Ill come for my thingsCharlie will be with me.
Before he could reply, she turned away. Will tried to follow, calling after her.
Sophie, waitlets just talk for a minute!
She walked faster. Charlie stepped between them, blocking Wills way with a steady, unblinking stare that said, Dont even think about it.
Will tried to dart around, but Charlie held his ground, one solid arm in front.
Youre lying! Will shouted, his voice cracking with anger and panic. I asked the doctors. They said the risks are minimal nowadays. You just dont want a childyoure making up excuses!
Sophie turned, her face strained but composed.
You went to the doctors without me?! Did you even know what to tell them? Or did you just say my partners scared of going blind and hope for the best?
Will blinked, off guard, clenching his fists.
I want a future, a family with you, he said, desperation in every word. Didnt you say we could think about adoption, or a surrogate?
Sophies eyes flashed pain, but she stayed calm.
This isnt a game, Will! Its my life, my body, my eyesight! Do you understand what it means, to lose your sight? To live in darkness, need help with everything? Did you ever think about that?
She paused, waiting to see if any of her words landed. But Will tried to butt in.
But the doctors
What doctors? she snapped, pure frustration in her voice. Did you look up any actual figures, or just listen to what you wanted to hear? Do you know how many women lose their sight in pregnancy with this condition? Noyou only asked the questions you wanted answered!
Will quieted. He looked wounded, but something in his posture admitted hed crossed a line.
You broke my trust, Sophie said softly, but firmly. You knew how important those tablets were. You threw away everything I worked forall because you wanted a baby.
Charlie stepped closer, fists clenching, but held back as Sophie had asked.
I cant be with someone whod put me in danger again, Sophie finished coldly. I wont live every day wondering what decisions youll make for me, without my say.
Will could only stare, mouth opening and closing as he scrambled for any words that might undo it all. But Sophie was goneturning away, moving quickly up the path alongside her brother, not once looking back.
Will dropped to the bench, still clutching the white roses. He watched them, limp and unused, and it finally struck him that hed lost more than the child hed wanted so desperately. Hed lost Sophiereally, truly lost her.
And for the first time, one sharp thought pierced his head: What if she was right all along? But it was too late.
