Posh
Oi, would you look at her! Normal people, you know, are up at the crack of dawn shuffling off to work, and this one? Who swans about our muddy high street in white trousers?
She doesnt walk anywhere! Always swanning about in that car of hers! Its like a bus, that thing!
You should count your blessings shes even got clothes on! Did you clock what shes got round her neck?
No, what is it?
A tattoo, thats what! Who does that to themselves? She looks like shes done a stint inside, I swear! Young as she is, already covered in ink. Whatd her mother say if she saw it? No keeping an eye on herpoor lost lamb, she is…
The bench outside the block came alive with speculation as Jane walked off.
But, with shopping bags parked at their feet and no particular hurry to retreat indoorswhere only chores lay in waitwhat else was there to do but natter away? A little gossip was a breath of fresh air from the monotony. Kids, small or grown-up, cooking, cleaningno real excitement, only the rare holiday to spice things up. Wheres this elusive joy supposed to come from, eh? For regular folk, delight doesnt swing by that often. Most days you muddle through, feeding the kids, helping out if theres trouble. Sometimes you get to spoil the grandkids, and thats the sum of happiness. Not that everyones so lucky. Take old Mrs Green over there, her two said not to wait for any grandchildrenreckon its not the done thing to have babies these days. No, apparently its all about jetting off to Spain and not having a care in the world. How do they manage it, these modern sorts? Probably like Jane here, Nicolas daughter.
She was a decent enough girl, wasnt she? Always polite in school, always had a smile and a please or thank you. Now what? Since her mum passed, shes done nothing to look after herself. Wanders about all day and doesnt have a job, not even at university or college like she ought to be. Rumour has itvia Mrs Barkers daughterthat Janes doing something positively shocking: tattooing people. Apparently, shes got her own little studio. In this towncan you imagine?
When a few years ago Janes dad suddenly reappeared, everyone assumed hed set her straight. Guide her a bit. What happened? He bought her that monstrous car that blocks half the driveway, then promptly vanished again, leaving the girl to fend for herself. And shes only just twenty! You cant just leave a child like thatwhat if she brings home the wrong sort? Then what? Shell lose the flat her mum left her and that wretched car everyone complains about.
There she goes! Off again! Where to now, eh? Not even a backward glance! Posh, that one. Really, she is. Swanning about in white trousers
Of course, Jane hadnt any timeor interestfor the neighbours griping. She had enough of her own troubles. Her day was booked to the minute. So much to do she wished there were a few extra hours in the day. Mum always said Jane had no concept of time management and simply had to learn.
Jane, its crucial you sort this out! Some people flail about, never catch up, always moaning nothing goes their way. They envy those whove got it together, but the secret is simple: people who make friends with their time get things done, sometimes everything.
How do I make friends with time, Mum?
Dont waste it. Dont upset it. Decide what matters and spend as much time on it as you see fit. Leave some room for fun or rest as wellthats important! No one can just work and work. If you never let yourself unwind, youll run yourself ragged.
Why?
Because youre not a machine! Push too hard and wherell that get you? Exhausted, grumpy, cross And thats exactly how itll be, duck. If you never take a breather, youll suffer. Nonsense to say all you have to think of is work! Therell always be more things to do. Get through these, more will crop up. But sitting around all day isnt right either, youll stagnate and lose yourself. Pick how much downtime you need and dont overdo it. Its lovely, seeing everything stacked on nice neat shelves
Jane remembered her mums advice, but it was much easier said than done. Shed even bought herself a diary, but that didnt always help much. There were so many things that needed doing, none of them willing to wait their turn. That day, she had three lectures but could only make it to oneshe had two clients booked in back-to-back, plus she needed to pop over to Kates. And where theres Kate, theres bound to be Sasha. Thats never a five-minute stop. Then shed promised to help Arthur pack. Oh, and she still had to chat to the newbies going away next weekhadnt even learnt their names yet! If only she could squeeze it all in…
The traffic jam Jane was crawling through shuffled forward an inch, so she tapped the accelerator. The car responded in that comforting, dependable way cars do, as if saying, Well get there, dont panic! Im here to save you timewhat else did your dad buy me for?
Jane patted the steering wheel.
Thanks, Dad!
A few years back, if youd suggested shed ever thank her father, Jane would have laughed in your face. Shed loathed the man for as long as she could remember.
It wasnt Mums faultshe never said a bad word about him. Always insisted he was clever, said Jane took after him entirely.
But Jane simply couldnt fathom how such a supposedly clever man could abandon his own child, never think of her, never call.
She festered about it for years. The anger just grew.
At school concerts shed sit in the corner, dry-eyed, while all her friends danced with their dads on stage. She didnt get to participatenot onceand for some reason that stung more than anything; so much so she couldnt even cry.
When she got picked on at school, shed grit her teeth and fight back, always a bit envious of the girls that could yell, Ill tell my dad and youll be sorry!
Before leaving school, Jane had a blazing row with her best mate, Anna, after Anna breezily mentioned, Dad says I can go to any university. Hell pay if I dont get in, and if I do, hell buy me a car with the spare money. Theyd been friends since nursery, but in that moment Jane knew it was over. It wasnt jealousy, just a deep, burning hurt. Anna knew everything about Jane, including how desperately she wished she had a fatherand still, she never missed an opportunity to prod at that sore spot.
But Jane never really envied anyone. Why should she? She and Mum lived well, travelled abroad now and then. She had nice clothes, a decent phone for her sixteenth birthday.
Actually, the phone wasnt even the highlight. The real surprise came that evening, when the person shed dreamt of seeing just once finally turned up at her door.
Shed made a dreadful sceneyelling, crying, completely inconsolable. She pushed her mother away, shouting in her face, Youre a traitor! Whys he here? I dont want to see him!
She never knew her mum was holding test results that would change both their liveswould put their existence right at the very edge, ominous and dark as coal, before everything came tumbling down in a landslide, taking with it every foundation stone she thought solid. After that, nothing felt certain. Life became like a jelly puddle, pooling underfoot, pulling them under faster and faster, until all hope had goneand Mum finally sat Jane down:
Its my fault, Jane. That you and your dad lost touch. You blame me
Why, Mum? Why take my father from me?
I was angry
About what? Mum, please, just tell me What on earth for?
Ill explain. Just listen. No interruptions. Its difficult for me
And Jane learnt the truth.
That her parents married young and silly, that her mum carried the weight of two families disapproval on her back. Jane was unwanted, evidence of a mistake. Her dad had to leave university to provide for the family; her mum dropped out and never returned. Grievances piled up; the final straw, Jane being a girl and not a boy, and Mum left to live with her aunt, Dad none the wiser that hed just lost his family.
He looked for you, wrote, rang I told him you werent his.
For goodness sake, Mum, why?
People kept saying as much, so I let them have their way…
Who said? Who wanted that?
Everyone Im sorry. I know its stupid now. At the time, I thought I was right. I just wanted to keep you safe from hate. I did the best I could I see now I did it all wrong.
Jane finally wrenched her hand away and punched the windowsill. The cactus Anna had given her jumped, spilling black crumbs of soil everywherejust like Mums words, dirtying up the place. Another mess to clean. Though, this one was no easy sweep away.
She fetched a damp cloth all the same.
Once shed tidied up, she sat at Mums bedside, dry-eyed like years before, and demanded, Tell me everything. No lies this time.
And she did.
The years passed, but Jane still wasnt sure if shed fully forgiven her mother. Probably, she thought. Maybe. But she was grateful, at least, Mum hadnt taken her secrets to the grave. And Jane suspected the most important confessions were left unsaid, behind their bedroom door, in her fathers steady hands holding Mums thin wrists, in the quiet tears Jane spotted him wiping away.
Whatever was said there, Jane never asked. No need. They were learning to live together now, after all; her dad refusing to leave her with anyone else.
Ill leave once you ask me to. But not before youre eighteen. Ill keep out of the way till then.
Dont you dare! Youve been gone long enough. Stay in the picture! I want you here, Dad.
Nicola, Janes mum, lived almost two years longer than the doctors predicted, and while that time was terribly hard, Jane could call it the happiest and the saddest time in her life. She ached at how pitiless time had been, giving so little.
Thats when she started drawing.
Why hadnt she before? She didnt know. The odd doodle here and there, but never seriously.
You know, youre not half bad.
Her dad whistled one day, catching sight of her sketchbook.
Here, look at this!
He yanked his T-shirt up, and Jane gaspeda stunning, full-colour tattoo covered his back, making her little drawings look like childish scribbles.
Mate of mine did it. Want to meet him? He can see what you can do, maybe teach you a thing or two.
Would I ever!
No one in the block even noticed when Jane left. She spent close to a year in London, learning the craft from her fathers friend, then decided it was time to come home.
I miss it, Dad
To her surprise, her father agreedno begging, no guilt trips. He just asked her to wait a week, disappeared, then came back to help pack her things. He unloaded boxes in her flat and thunked his car keys on the table.
Thats yours. And this.
A bundle of documents landed beside the keys, Jane raising an eyebrow.
Whats this?
Your own studio. Sold my flat and bought the space in townsmall, but itll do. Les, your teacher, sorted the kit. Itll all be delivered soon. So, work, keep studying. A-levels arent enoughyou want more, right?
Jane nodded in disbelief. Even when shed opened up shop, showed off her first piece to the local, bearded bikerhe loved itshe still couldnt believe her luck.
Her dad handled renovations, set up advertising, and once everything was sorted, packed his bags.
Where to now?
Parents place, Jane. Complicated times and Im needed there. You know, dont you?
I do Youre here for me. But Dad, stay!
I wish I could, love. But Ive got to go.
So Jane threw herself into work and studying, and business boomed so much she had to employ two assistants to keep up.
Thats when she met Kate.
A well-dressed young woman waltzed in near closing, just as Jane was glaring at the clock, fed-up waiting for a late appointment.
Sorry, is it possible to speak to the artist?
Jane looked up from her laptop and revision notes and nodded.
Thats me.
Oh, come along now, enough jokes! Is there a grown-up about?
Jane now studied her properly. The posh suit and quality haircut were in sharp contrast to the tired eyes, lifeless face, bitten nails, andabove alla sadness so familiar Jane wanted to reach out an arm. Without a word, she found her portfolio and passed it over.
These are my pieces. If you find something you like, tell me what you want.
The name Here, please
Kate rolled up her sleeve and turned her wrist upwards.
Here, so I can always see it
That was the last of her composure. Jane watched as she clenched her jaw and blinked back tears, quietly walked to the door and turned the lock just as a clients car pulled up outside.
Sit down! snappy, Jane closed the blinds. Coming right up.
It hurts? I know.
Kate collapsed into the chair, adding, just before Jane started:
Sasha.
Jane didnt ask; she found out who Sasha was days later, bumping into Kate at the hospital while visiting her aunt.
Oh, its you.
Me. Thank you.
Dont mention it. Turned out lovely.
It did. Sasha loved it.
He…?
She. My daughter.
Kate eyed Jane strangely, then reached out with a handshake:
Kate.
Jane.
Want to meet Sasha?
Jane barely hesitated. Of course, she didnt know yet how life-changing that meeting would be.
Id love to.
Sasha turned out to be a tiny, bespectacled girl with one lens patched up, utterly without shyness. She grabbed Jane by the hand, pointing excitedly at the trees:
Got any nuts? Sunflower seeds? Nothing? Howre you going to feed the squirrels, then?
What squirrels?
All of them! With bushy tails! They’re everywhere in this park! Mum says Ive fed them so many nuts soon theyll drop out of the treesget all fat!
They wont. Squirrels keep moving, so they never get fat.
Really? She squinted up, then laughed. You must be clever!
Not especially.
Why not?
Still studying.
Oh. Makes sense. Oh, hang on!
The girl solemnly offered Jane her hand.
Alexandra Nicola Green.
Gorgeous Jane shook her hand carefully, minding the medical tape. Jane Andrea Smith.
Now were friends!
The pairs laughter echoed through the hospital park, and Jane noticed how much lighter Kate seemed after.
From then on, Jane always arrived with squirrel snacks.
Kate didnt talk much about Sashas treatment at first. The two women behaved as though stepping tenderly on thin ice, afraid even to scuff the delicate trust between them.
Can something be done?
Yes. Its not a death sentence. Not now. Kate cupped a mug of tea. When I came to you, the doctors said she had no chance.
I see
Then a new surgeon arrivedArthur. He said it wasnt hopeless.
So why the tears, Kate? Isnt this great?
Yesterday, Sasha had her op. Shes in intensive care. They kicked me out. Told me to come back tomorrow. Im frightened, Jane. More frightened than Ive ever been. And Ive no one to talk to.
Just you? Wheres her dad?
Left before she was born. Im no angel, Jane. I had Sasha for me, chose her father carefullybut I didnt love him. He knew. So he left, and thats that. You understand?
Not really. But whats done is done. You have Sasha now.
Yes, I do
Dont you dare! Shes here, and shell stay! You dont have the right!
The right for what?
To give up, thats what! Jane brandished Kates wrist. You see the colours? That tattoo I did? If you let your daughter be nothing more than a memory, Ill be cross!
Dont shout I hear you
Good. Stop moaning. Get on with it.
Kate sobbed but Jane stood guard, fending off curious waiters with a steely glare.
Water, please.
That night, they stayed in Janes studio, talking and laughing, weeping and silent. In the morning, Jane bundled her friend into the car.
Im coming with you.
Youve got time?
Youre peculiar Jane dug into her rucksack and flung a hairbrush at Kate. Here, tidy yourself! Dont want to scare the kid.
Sasha came through surgery fine, thanks to Arthurs skill.
Can I see the squirrels soon? Sasha pouted from her hospital bed.
Soon. Once youre out, well head up to London with Jane. You know how many squirrels there are in Regents Park?
But why?
Why what?
Why London?
Because you need your eyes retraining. Arthurs mate Les, you know, Janes friend, will take good care of you.
Retrain? Thats a funny word. Never mind, Ill ask Jane later!
Sasha didnt care for explanations. It was the leaving that excited her: a journey with Jane, away from dreary hospital, rainy trees and not a squirrel in sight.
Mum!
Yes?
Is Arthur coming with us?
No, love. Hes too busy. And, Sasha, you mustnt call grown-ups by their first names!
I can!
Whys that?
Because he loves my Jane! Sasha grinned as Kates jaw dropped.
Blabbermouth! Whered you get that idea?
Isnt it obvious? Youre so slow, Mum. And sos Jane. I keep telling her, but she just wont believe me! Sasha shook her head knowingly. Kate was yet again amazed by what children picked up on.
It was impossible to miss Arthurs feelings for Jane as she came visiting. But those two clammed upeven with themselves. Theyd greet each other politely, have a dry chat about the weather, pass on Sashas well-wishes, then flee in different directions. No first moves from either side.
They kept in touch after Kate and Sasha left. Jane set up trips for more children to London clinicsLes helped, Arthur quietly sent off kids too, marvelling at Janes devotion, but never admitting his feelings.
If it werent for Sasha, they might never have got thereSasha, who, after rehab, persuaded Kate to make a trip.
Why, Sasha?
I need to tell Arthur something.
What?
Oh, Mum, you dont get it! Grown-ups are so thick. I just want to say something!
And me?
Youll find out later.
Arthur heard his petite patient out.
So why dont you tell her, Arthur?
Who, Sasha?
Jane. That you like her.
Its not that easy
Not that easy? You grown-ups are weird. She likes you too!
I noticed.
Well then?
You see, Sasha, Ive got nothing. Barely a bedsit near the hospital. Itll be years before I can give her a proper place. Jane shes sorted. Have you seen her car?
So what?
A fella should have something to offer.
Isnt love enough? Or not?
Sometimes its not
Sasha didnt stick around. Tugged him down and whispered something, making Arthur chuckle and shake a finger.
Cheeky! Off you go then.
Come on, Mum! Were off to Janes!
Shell be busy!
Shell want to see me.
Kate gave in and called a cab.
Jane got a talking to as wellthat evening, locking up the studio, she was finally ready. If a little girl could see what shed been hiding from herself, maybe it was time to stop wasting time.
She almost missed Arthur, a long-legged shadow on the path.
Evening!
Six months later, the bench outside Janes block was buzzing again.
Got herself a bloke! Who is he, then? No one knows much about him. Turned up, moved his things in, nowt known about the man. You never know, do you? Shes still on her owntheyll fleece her, just wait and see!
Seems respectable, though.
Oh yes, Mrs Evans, youre such a good judge, arent you? Yours look decent too, except for when they dont!
We ought to call Janes dad! Hell sort it.
Hes here!
You dont say! When?
Saw him the other day. Mark my words, somethings brewing!
What, then?
Wait and see!
And they did.
There was Jane, in a shimmering white dress, her back tattoo on proud display, even earning an approving gasp from modern Mrs Green. There was Arthur, leading his bride, wagging a finger at cackling Sasha, who was radiating with pride over selling off Jane to Arthur.
There was Kate, bawling her eyes out and fussing with Janes veil, brushing off well-wishers.
Let me blubber in peace, will you? These are good tears, for a change.
And there were all sorts of odd people, arriving with bouquets, hugging Jane as if she were familyand who they were, no one ever figured out.
And finally, Jane gathering up her skirts, shedding her posh heels and demanding trainers instead, declaring, You cant drive a car in bridal shoes. Who invented those, anyway?
Arthur just scooped her up, sat her in the car, then tied her borrowed trainersKate had smuggled them in the boot, just in case.
Nothings ever normal with her! exclaimed the bench.
Thats Jane for you!
Aye, posh as ever!
