Soulless
Susan returned home after her trip to the hairdresser.
Despite recently celebrating her 68th birthday, she still made it a point to treat herself to a regular pampering session.
She was always keen to keep her hair and nails tidy, and those simple rituals gave her a lift and made her feel good about herself.
Susie, someone came by for youa relative of some sort, her husband, David, said as she walked in.
I told her youd be back later, so she said she might pop back.
What relative? Susan scoffed.
Ive got no relatives leftmust be some distant cousin twice removed, probably wants something.
You should have told her Id gone off to Timbuktu!
Come on, love, why lie?
She seemed like proper familytall, elegant, reminds me a bit of your late mum, God rest her soul.
Anyway, she didnt look like the sort to be begging.
Well-spoken, dressed to the nines, David tried to reassure her.
About forty minutes later, the doorbell rang and Susan answered it herself.
The woman truly did resemble her motherbeautiful coat, stylish boots, gloves, tiny diamond earrings.
Susan, of course, noticed these things straight away.
She invited her guest to join her at the kitchen table, already laid out for tea.
Right, lets introduce ourselves, if were family.
Im Susan, no need for formalitieswere close in age, Id say.
Thats my husband, David.
Now, how exactly are we related? Susan asked.
The woman hesitated, her cheeks reddening.
My names GraceGrace Wellington.
Were almost the same age, really.
I turned fifty on 12 June.
Does that date ring any bells for you?
Susan went white.
I see you remember, Grace said softly.
Yes, Im your daughter.
Dont worry, Im not here for anything from you.
I just wanted to see my mother.
I grew up not knowing anything.
I could never grasp why Mum didnt love me.
My mother passed away eight years ago now.
And why was it only my father who cared?
He died just recently, two months ago.
It was only at the end he told me about you.
Asked me to forgive him, if I could, Grace said, nervous and emotional.
Whats going on?
You have a daughter? David blurted, floored.
Seems so.
Ill explain it all later, Susan replied, barely louder than a whisper.
So youre my daughter?
Brilliant!
Had a look?
If you think Ill sit here and beg forgiveness, youre wrong.
Ive nothing to be sorry for, Susan answered, unyielding.
I hope Dad told you everything you needed to know.
And if you expect me to suddenly feel motherly, not going to happen.
Sorry.
Could I maybe visit again?
I live just outside town.
Weve got a big two-story house, you and David could come over.
You might get used to the idea that Im here.
I brought photosmy son, your great-granddaughter, maybe youd like to see? Grace asked, timid.
No.
I dont want to.
Dont come here again.
Forget about me.
Goodbye, Susan said abruptly.
David rang for Graces taxi and went outside with her.
By the time he returned, Susan had cleared away the tea things and was back in front of the television, calm as ever.
Youre tough as old boots!
Youd be well suited to leading armies.
Do you really not have even a spark of warmth?
I always thought you had a hard streak, but I didnt know you were so cold, David said.
We met when I was twenty-eight, right? Susan said.
Listen, darling, my soul was lost long before that.
I was a village girl who always dreamed of escaping to the cityworked harder than anyone, got into uni, first in my class.
I was seventeen when I met Vincent.
I adored him.
He was nearly twelve years older, but I didnt care.
After a childhood of poverty, living in a city where everything felt magical, I was constantly skint.
Always hungry, so I loved going out to cafes and ice cream shops with him.
He never promised me anything, but with that sort of love, I was certain hed marry me.
When he invited me to his countryside cottage one evening, I didnt hesitate.
After what happened, I was sure he was mine for good.
These visits became regular, and it was not long before I realised I was pregnant.
I told Vincent.
He was over the moon.
Soon my condition would be obvious, so I asked him when wed tie the knot.
I was eighteen by then, old enough to register at the registry office.
Did I ever promise to marry you? Vincent replied with a question.
I didnt, and I wont.
Im already married, he carried on, just as calmly.
But the baby?
What about me?
Youre young, healthycould be a model for a girl with a paddle, really.
Take maternity leave from uni, keep studying for now, and later you can come live with me and my wife.
We cant seem to have a baby ourselvesmaybe because shes quite a bit older.
Once you give birth, well take the baby.
How we sort it all, thats not your concern.
Im not just anyoneIve connections at the council.
My wife runs a ward at the city hospital.
So dont worry about your baby.
You rest up after, get back to uni, and well even pay you.
No one back then had heard of surrogacy.
Really, I reckon I was the only surrogate mum around at the time.
What was I meant to do?
Go back to my village, shame my family?
So before the birth I lived in their big house.
Vincents wife never spoke to me, maybe she was jealous.
I gave birth at home, brought in a midwife, all above board.
Never breastfedmy daughter was taken away instantly.
Never saw her again.
A week later, they politely sent me off.
Vincent handed me some cash.
I returned to uni, then worked in a factory.
Got a room in family lodgings.
Started as a basic supervisor, then became senior quality inspectormade lots of mates, but nobody asked me to marry until you came along.
I was twenty-eight then, supposed I should get married, really.
The rest you know.
Weve had a good run together, swapped cars three times, a lovely house, tidy garden, holidays every year.
Our factory survived the 90sbecause the tractor parts are only made in one workshop, and nobody knows what goes on in the others.
Surrounded by barbed wire and watchtowers, still is.
Retired with perks.
Weve got everything.
No kids, and thats just fine by me.
Watching the kids these days I dont know, Susan finished her account.
We havent had a good run at all!
I loved you.
Spent my whole life trying to soften your heart, never managed it.
Not just kids, you never even cared for a kitten or a dog.
My sister asked you to help her niece, and you wouldnt even let her stay for a week.
Today your daughter came to see youand how did you welcome her?
Shes your flesh and blood, and you Honestly, if we were younger, Id be filing for divorce, but now its too late.
Its cold next to you, freezing, David said angrily.
Susan was a little scaredhed never spoken like that before.
Her uneventful life had been thrown off course by this daughter.
David moved to the cottage.
Hes spent his last few years living there.
He has three dogs nowall rescued straysand an unknown number of cats.
Hes rarely home.
Susan knows he visits Grace and her family, and hes completely smitten with the great-granddaughter.
Hes always been a soft touch.
Let him live how he likes, Susan thinks.
She still has no desire to get to know her daughter, her grandson, or her great-granddaughter.
She holidays alone at the seaside, resting, recharging, and feeling perfectly wonderful.
