So, a marriage certificate is sturdier than just living together, isnt it? the men teased Nadia at work.
Im not going to that thirty-year university reunion.
Ill just sink into depression afterward.
Let those who go every year turn upwont even notice how much they’ve changed, Nadia practically shouted into her mobile when her only friend rang.
But what do you look like now that youre so worried? Margaret sounded baffled.
Didnt we meet five years ago?
You looked absolutely fine.
Have you ballooned or something?
Its not that, Rita.
I just dont want to go, so stop trying to talk me round!
Nadia was desperate to finish the conversation, hoping Rita would get the message and start calling through her contact list.
This time, though, Rita refused to let it drop.
Nadia, our numbers are thinned out anyway.
What, has someone shuffled off this mortal coil? Nadia was startled into a cold dread.
She didnt consider herself particularly young any more, but surely it wasnt yet time for their university mates to start dropping like flies.
No, nothing of the sort.
Some just left the country.
The only one whos passed away is Andrew Bush, and that was twenty-five years agoyou know, I told you about this.
So dont fuss, the whole cohort is coming.
Four classes, but only about thirty people in reality.
You managed to marry your son off at last, didnt you?
Well, now you can properly let your hair down for once.
Margaret kept chatting, but Nadias mind wandered back to Andrew Bush.
He always had heavy shadows under his eyes and a brooding look the others called weak.
Turned out, he really did have a weak heart.
Hed wanted to build one of those beautiful cable bridges in town, but never had the chance.
What had Nadia achieved?
Shed fallen for Ian, the site foreman at the building firm she joined after graduation.
He spent months working nearby, then travelled home between shifts.
They went out for ages.
Ian even called Nadia his wife in front of everyone, always insisting that living together was the truest sign of love: people stay together out of love, not because of some bit of paper
But when Nadia realised she was having a baby, it coincided with Ian suddenly not coming back for his next shift.
She found out by chancehe had three children, and his wife had fallen ill.
Ian quit for personal reasons and didnt even bother telling Nadia directly.
She knew thenshe couldnt very well demand anything from a man with a sick wife and three kids, could she?
Nadia left building work herself before people put two and two together.
Of course, a few of the men joked as she turned in her helmet:
So, in the end, marriage paperworks tougher than just shacking up?
But Nadia no longer cared.
She took a job at the corner shop, set up by a neighbour from her block.
They agreed Nadia could manage two shifts a week, even once the baby cameher mother would help out with little Jimmy during the day, convinced her daughter had ruined her life by losing a good job.
You went and made me this way! Nadia finally snapped at her mother during one of their rows.
I built my hopes up that youd turn out welldragging you through years of study and now this.
Youre hopeless, Nadia! her mother raged.
Like mother, like daughter, what did you expect? Nadia replied, instantly regretting the words.
They both ended up in tears, holding onto each other, not knowing what to do next.
So, when Rita called to invite her to the five-year reunion, Nadia didnt bother going.
Theyd all talk about jobs, show off family photos.
What could she say, cleaning floors in three placesflats, the school, and the nursery?
What did she have in common with them?
What, really, would they say to her?
She threw herself into raising Jimmyher only joy.
Especially after her mother, now that hed started school, decided shed done her bit and moved to the countryside to live with her sister, citing poor health and a need for fresh air.
Unexpected good fortune struck, thougha part-time job in her field became available.
Jimmy was at school now, she could manage it all: pick him up just after lunch, leaving other mums jealous.
Later, a man from work tried to get close, but Nadia shut him down.
She had her son; he didnt need a stepdad.
No one could replace Jimmys real father, and she had no energy for headaches.
By the time Nadias son got older, shed managed to go full-time as an engineer.
She was earning decently.
But she never felt wholealways looked a little beaten down.
She wore plain clothes, didnt bother with hair dye, and after forty, let the greys creep in.
She felt shed forfeited any right to happiness, having lived with a married man, nearly destroying another family.
Chasing after happiness felt greedy, even dangerous.
She never believed in happy endings anymore.
Plenty of divorced women were about, and, if anything, she felt even lower down the ladder than them.
Despite everything, Jimmy grew up into a decent young man, grateful for his mothers sacrifices.
Hed spend summers in the country with his grandmothers, digging and planting potatoes and carrots, helping with the preserves in autumn.
He was strong, always chopping wood and stacking logs.
Even her mother, softened with age, told Nadia what a blessing he wasa joy for both her and Aunt Liz.
What did Nadia need with cafés or reunion drinks now?
These familiar thoughts flickered through her mind in a single breath.
Suddenly, she realised Margaret was still on the phone, repeating herself:
So, youve got it?
The café opposite the old halls, next Friday at three.
Please comefor my sake.
Otherwise, theres nobody for me to chat to, and you know what its like.
Will you come?
Ritas voice wobbled, and before Nadia could stop herself, she agreed, Yes, Ill come.
As soon as she put down the phone, regret swept in.
She stood by the mirror, phone in hand, ready to ring back and say shed made a mistake.
But the number was always busy, and Nadia suddenly felt embarrassed to call.
Late at night, she opened her wardrobe and took out the royal blue dress her son had insisted on buying her for his wedding.
Jimmy and Natalie had practically dragged her to the shops; Natalie marched her into a salon for hair and makeup as well, refusing to take no for an answer, until even Nadia had to admit the dress suited her.
That had been a year ago.
Jimmy lived with Natalie now, both radiantly happy.
The greys had grown backshe hadnt bothered dressing up for anyone since.
Still, Nadia set her hair, pulled on the blue dress, and touched her lips with a hint of colouronly to wipe it away again, fearing she looked too bold.
The café was packed and buzzing when Nadia slipped in a few minutes before three.
Rita spotted her instantly and dashed over, beaming, You look gorgeous, Nadia!
Im so glad youre here!
Rita had filled out, but it made her look younger, softer almost.
They caught up at the little table until Rita was called away.
Nadia sipped her juice, gazing around and listening to musica playlist someone had cleverly filled with tunes from their student days, songs that reminded them how young theyd once been, and all the dreams theyd had.
May I have this dance? a voice asked through the hubbub.
Nadia glanced up with a shock of recognition.
It was Alex Sharpe, from the parallel class.
Hed married in third year, to Nadias quiet regretshed fancied him, back then.
Nadia, youre radiant.
This is my first reunion, and I didnt recognise half the people here.
But youId know anywhere!
Alex offered his hand, and she took it.
As they danced, she caught Ritas delighted gaze.
They danced several songs together without speaking.
Then Alex suddenly said:
Nadia, can I walk you home?
I should say straight outIve been divorced for ages now, but if someones waiting for you Ill just walk you to the door since its late, nothing more.
Alex did walk her home, and the next day they met again.
From then on, they were inseparable.
Natalie soon helped Nadia choose a wedding dress and shoes.
She was glowing by thensoon to make Nadia a grandmother.
Nadia felt embarrassed being a bride again, at her age.
But this time, she let herself be happy.
At the registry breakfast, Natalie whispered, You know, Mrs.
Sharpe, you really are beautiful.
Jimmy and I are over the moon for youand its never too late to be happy, you know that?
That thought finally landed: sitting beside Alex, her eyes shining, Nadia realised that happiness truly isnt off-limits at any age.
Shed forgiven herself at last.
She was allowed her own joy.
