I never thought Id see the day when my world fell apart in such a way. My wife, Frances, whom Id always believed to be my rock and my guiding star, looked at me this morning and said, I dont love you.
The shock froze me, and I mustve looked ridiculous, just sitting there as she dashed around, grabbing her things, keys jingling in her hand. As if I didnt have enough troubles already. Only a few weeks ago, my father passed away suddenly, and I have had to pull myself together to support Mum and my younger sister, Ruth, who in her teens suffered a brain injury and has needed our care since. They live in Cambridge, not far from us. My son, Charlie, just started primary school. To top it all off, my company closed in June, leaving me jobless. And now this with Frances.
I sank down at the table, clutching my head, fighting back bitter tears.
Dear God, what am I supposed to do? How do I keep going? Oh, Charlie! Mustnt forget to fetch him from school!
No matter what, lifes demands refuse to wait.
Mummy, have you been crying? Charlie looked up at me with those big eyes.
No, darling, I havent.
Are you crying for Grandpa? I really miss him, Mum.
I miss him too, love. But weve got to be strong. Grandpa was always so brave. Im sure hes happy now, resting at peace, finally taking a break he never did relax while he was with us.
Wheres Dad?
Dad? Oh, hes probably off travelling for work again. How was school?
And so, I pushed through. If she doesnt love me, theres nothing I can do. Cant force affection. I must have been blind to it in the midst of everyday chaos.
While Charlie ate his lunch, playing with his toy soldiers, I found myself at Francess computer a first for me. Getting into her mail was easy shed left it open. She hadnt deleted the most recent set of messages yet. There it was: her new romance in full colour. And me? No longer beloved. For ten years I was her dearest sunshine, and after eight tough years trying for our son, became the best mum. Now everything had changed, and Id have to find a way to come to terms with it.
But first, I needed work. No one cared about my fancy degree. The couple hundred pounds from the Jobcentre for unemployment barely covered anything.
What happened to Frances so sensible, steady, and caring? How did she change so quickly, become a stranger overnight? My only explanation was that shed truly lost her mind. The house wed been building, brick by brick, was unfinished. At least there was a roof over our heads, and one room fit for living.
Oh, how I need a job! The tears threatened again, but I couldnt afford the time to wallow. I needed work, desperately.
I hunted for days, with no luck. Charlies school hours and my new single-parent life narrowed my options to nearly nothing. One evening, as another exhausting day ended, the phone rang it was my mate, Tom.
Steve, has Frances come back?
No.
Could you work as a stock clerk at the warehouse?
Youre serious?
I know you need the cash after everything. Its part time, split shifts, so you can still pick up Charlie or sort out after-school club. Pay is £1,000 a month. Not a lot, but better than nothing. Well bring you some potatoes, onions, and a chicken tomorrow.
Tom, Ive still got my own hens. They lay eggs, keep us fed!
Well, keep the hens never for meat! Anyway, let them be.
Hows Sally?
Shes holding up. Shes a star.
Tom was always like that. Sally had major surgery and was undergoing chemo, yet Tom never complained about carrying the whole load. He always managed, bless him. I took a breath perhaps I wouldnt go under just yet. Thank God for dependable friends.
The work was manageable, and I found snatched moments to compose myself, reflect on everything that had happened.
Days slipped into weeks and months. A year later, I found I could laugh, eat, sleep, and delight in Charlies small victories. The wound from Francess betrayal reopened every time Charlie went off with her for the weekend. I didnt stand in their way children shouldnt bear the brunt of grown-up heartbreak. Part of me always wanted to ask what Id done wrong, though deep down I knew it was nothing to do with me, only Francess sudden infatuation with someone else. I remembered something from a film: Love takes you to the first bend; after that, real life begins. For me, love and life were one and the same. For her?
This autumn stretched the warmth of summer, trees still green, kids laughter ringing in the streets, gardens ablaze with asters and chrysanthemums. One afternoon, I noticed a man, Michael, watching me closely the day was much like any other, maybe with a brighter sun and livelier tunes from next door, but perhaps it was simply time for providence to introduce two solitary souls.
Let me help, miss, he said, as I struggled with heavy shopping.
Im used to it.
Its a shame, really, when someone as beautiful as you gets used to carrying burdens.
And do you help all beautiful women you see? Do you just stand outside the shop all day?
Just about. Been standing here that long, and finally spotted the prettiest one around.
I couldnt help but laugh, and we laughed together until tears pricked our eyes.
Michael, he said, offering his hand, smile still in his eyes.
Frances, I replied.
Frances, Frances, not someone elses wife, are you? he teased.
No, Im not a wife.
Wow, lucky me! Finally found a woman I would only dream of, and shes single. Everyone else must be mad or blind.
Youve got quite the wit! How are you when it comes to being serious?
Absolutely solid. How about we go to the cinema tonight, have a proper chat?
Sorry, Ive got to pick up my son from after-school club.
I cant believe it. You have a son? You look barely twenty! After-school club?
Im thirty-five.
So am I! What a coincidence. You really dont look your age.
And now?
Still processing. Every man hopes for a son, and here you are, telling me you have one and youre single. Wheres his dad?
Id rather not talk about it.
Fair enough. Shall we meet at the weekend? I could go with you and your son to the childrens showing.
Charlie’s with his dad on weekends.
Frances, I dont want to trouble you. If you find a spare hour, ring me. Look, heres my card. Im actually a doctor paediatric haematologist.
Serious career.
Leaves very little time for chasing beautiful women.
Ill call if I can, I told him honestly.
Ill be waiting.
That autumn felt like a blessing. Soft sunlight, vibrant colours, the citys parks opening their arms to us. The tenderness between us seeped through our old wounds, sweeping us up in a golden dance. As we approached one another, I realised how drawn I was to this extraordinary man. A month and a half after we met, I shyly invited him for tea.
Frances, promise you wont mind? I wont come over today. This means too much to me. Id rather wait.
That weekend we escaped to a country estate that Michael booked it looked just like a tiny castle. Inside, it was bright and comfortable, but I only saw Michaels deep brown eyes and got lost in them.
I couldn’t believe how sweet the most intimate moments could be.
Michael, where am I? Whats happening to me? I feel like Im dying. I love you so much. How did I live without you?
Youre wonderful! Im so lucky.
A couple months later, we couldnt bear to part.
Frances, will you marry me?
Michael, my divorce comes through at the end of the month.
Lets marry straight away. I couldnt stand to lose you.
Im not about glitzy ceremonies. Lets just register the marriage and return to our castle as man and wife.
Of course, darling, whatever you want.
Tom and Sally were our only witnesses. Mum and Ruth sent over an exuberant congratulatory note. Not long after, we moved into the flat Michael rented for us a modest place, but together we poured love into it, painting and fixing it up. Michael paid special attention to making a perfect room for Charlie. Theyd met before, though Charlie, whose whole world consisted of his mum and dad, was slow to warm to Michael.
Frances, please dont worry, but lets get Charlies blood checked. He seems awfully pale to me.
Nonsense, Michael. Hes just been through a lot; the divorce was so hard for him. I read that a split hurts a child more than losing a parent.
Youre right, my wise woman. I remember when my own parents divorced it was earth-shattering. Still, lets check, ok, mate?
Michael came home from work that day with his head bowed. I knew there was trouble.
Frances, please keep calm. Charlies blood tests show changes. My instincts were right, unfortunately. Ill take him to the hospital tomorrow.
How cruel it felt to pay so dearly for happiness. Leukaemia. The word sent chills down my spine.
And so, a new life began. I took unpaid leave from work no way could Charlie handle endless tests and needles without me holding his hand. I whispered, Hold on, my boy! Youre so strong. Youve always been my closest friend, and Ill always be by your side.
When exhaustion hit, Michael would send me to bed and take over with Charlie. Often, I just lay staring at the ceiling.
Then Francess ex rang. He wanted her name off the deeds to the unfinished house.
Ill take care of our son myself. He should come to mine.
You should visit him, really.
I cant right now. Off to work.
After she hung up, Michael put a gentle hand on her shoulder.
Frances, well build our own future. Dont cling to whats gone.
Its just hard, Michael I put all my savings into that house. Now to be cut off
Let it go. Focus on Charlie. Well manage. Ive always longed for family, and God wont take you from me.
How are the results?
The treatment goes on. Not great yet.
Frances wept quietly, out of earshot of Charlie.
Uncle Michael, what’s wrong with my blood?
Well, lad, therere red and white ships sailing around in your blood. Theyre battling at the moment.
Whos winning?
The white ones, for now.
What happens next?
Help the red ones fight on.
Mum, can we go somewhere? Im so tired.
Frances, lets take Charlie out to that little estate. Weathers good some nature will help.
Spring adorned our haven with blooming trees and bushes. The three of us wandered the woods, cherished every flower and each blade of grass. Sometimes Charlie would focus, perfectly still.
Whats wrong, my boy? Feeling ill?
Shh, Mum. Im having a naval battle.
The holiday didnt last long, but Charlie changed: fresher, even with a hint of colour in his cheeks.
Mum, wheres Dad?
On another work trip, son.
Again? Alright.
Back at the clinic, new tests were done. The head of the lab came herself.
Dr. Michael, where did you take your son?
To that estate nearby. Why?
His counts look brilliant. Hes in remission.
Michael burst into the ward, beaming.
Charlie, what were you doing? Youre getting better, son. Dont cry, Frances! Hes healing. How did you do it, lad?
Dad, you remember those ships? I won every battle for the reds in my head.
Through loss, heartbreak, and hope, I learnt that real strength is in carrying on, in cherishing the small miracles that come after the storm. No matter how heavy the burdens or how bleak the odds, kindness and steadfast faith will see us through.
