When I was seventeen, my dad passed away. My mum worked herself to the bone at two jobs, but honestly, we hardly scraped by. We pinched every single penny we could. Fruit and sweets were a treat just for Christmas in our house. I never had the nerve to ask mum for anything extrajust felt too guilty. So, I tried to earn money for myself, to help out wherever I could. Ive got a younger sister, and together with mum, we did everything we could to make sure she didnt feel like she was missing out.
But losing Dad wasnt the end of our troubles. Not by a long shot. Mum had a stroke and landed in hospital. From then on, she couldnt walk anymore. She got a disability pension, but it was nowhere near enough for all the bills and things we needed. It was tough, but I tried to keep the faith that things could get better.
I ended up leaving college because, after that, I was the only one bringing in any money for the family. Taking care of mum while looking after my little sister was really hard. Loads of people offered to help, but I always turned them down. Before she got sick, mum was the kindest and most genuine person I knew. But after the stroke, she changed.
She started off moaning about her bad luck, but soon she was upset with both my sister and me. We werent cooking right, or we werent cleaning properly, or we were spending too much on ourselves. Nothing seemed to please her.
I tried not to take it to heart. I knew she was unwell, and I did my best to understand. Still, it stung. I was running myself ragged for her, and she didnt seem to notice. Friends kept encouraging me to hire a nurse for mum and move jobsI couldve earned much more somewhere else. But honestly, how could I let a stranger look after my mum? She had two daughters. It just didnt feel right.
The complaints only got worse over time. Shed scold us for any shopping at all, even though we were barely spending a thing.
For ages, I put up with it. Kept my head down, tried to be patient. But there was one moment that finally changed how I felt about mum, and its something Ill never forget.
I ended up really ill. My head was pounding, I had a temperature, coughI couldnt sleep at all that night. By morning, I decided enough was enough and said Id see a doctor. My sister saw how rough I was, got ready for school, gave me a big hug, and begged me not to wait to get checked out. Mum, on the other hand, just came out with, You dont need any treatment. Youre youngyoull get over it. Im in a much worse state than you. We need the money. Now youre going to waste everything on tests and appointments, and its probably just the flu. You dont care about me, you probably want me gone.
I just sat there, listening, quietly cryingI hadn’t any energy left for more. Id dropped out of college and took on hard work, just so I could care for her. Maybe I was just too exhausted, but I snapped and told her everything Id been holding back.
Turned out, it wasnt just the fluit was pneumonia. The doctor said I should stay in hospital, but that wasnt an option, not with my sister left at home with mum. So, I picked up my prescription and went to stay at my friends place.
Eleanor opened the door and gave me a proper telling off for wandering out while poorly, instead of bundling up in bed. We sat and talked for hours. I told her everything about the situation at home and asked if she could help me find a nurse for mum. I also needed somewhere to staythere was just no way I could go back that night.
Eleanor offered to let me move in with her, at least for a bit. Said I should just pop home for my things. When I got back, mum started yelling the second I walked innever even asked how I felt, just kept going on about money. I made her some food, then went to my room to rest. In my head, I knew: I couldnt keep living there.
Eleanor was a lifesavershe sorted a nurse for mum and let me stay with her. I got a new job, and now I dont visit mum anymore. It might sound harsh, but I honestly did everything I could. Not once did she thank me. Was it worth all the effort? I really dont know. But Ive still got my whole future ahead of me.
Each month I still send over money to help pay for mum and the nurse. In fact, I send more than I need to. Victoriathe nurse looking after mumtells me that shes forgetting us more and more. She doesnt remember our birthdays anymore, even though my sister and I still send cards. But, to be honest, thats not what matters. I managed to change jobs, and soon my sister and I will get our own flat. She always tells me, You should look after your parents, just not if theyre slowly destroying you.Sometimes, I walk past my old street and see the lights in our windowwarm and golden, just the way they used to be at Christmas when fruit and sweets filled our stockings. I remember how it felt back then: wishing for something more, but also huddling close because that’s all we had. I wish things had turned out different with Mum. But at long last, Ive realized letting go of the past is its own kind of love, one that gives you a chance to breathe.
Now, I look at my sister, smiling, full of hope, and I know we gave each other the best we could. We lost a lot, but we both made it through. Sometimes thats what family meansnot just holding on, but knowing when to let go and start again.
So we do. Step by shaky step, together, we build something newthis time, for ourselves.
And for the first time in years, I finally feel the future getting brighter.
