Fairy
When I grow up, Im going to be a fairy!
Rosie, why do you want to be a fairy?
Because I just do!
Rosie slid down from her mothers arms, where shed been taking in birthday wishes on her fifth birthday, and fluffed out her full tutu.
Mum, fairies are always beautiful and clever! And they can do anything! So I can too!
Of course you can! Emma reached out to hug her daughter, but Rosie pulled away and skipped off.
What about the cake?
Its not quite ready yet! Go and play with your friends, Rosie. Ill call you when its time, alright?
Okay!
Watching the carefully curled ringlets bounce over Rosies shoulders, Emma smiled.
Shes so determinedand such a bright spark! Who else her age can express themselves so clearly? Incredible, isnt it? She really believes she can do anything!
The main thing is not to crush that belief, nodded her best friend, Sarah. Some people would hear something like that and say, You need to be realistic, or Life is hard work. But really, you just have to believe in a child and theyll surprise you. I know for a fact. When my little Amelia went to model classes for the first time
Yes, yes, Amelia is a real treasure, Sarah. Girls, will you help me? Its time to cut the cake. Emma twirled on her heels and made her way towards the kitchen.
The big, airy house buzzed with the laughter of children. The parquet floor was littered with colourful confetti and the popped remains of balloons. A haphazard bouquet of tulipsher mums doinglay tossed in the corner; as she passed it Emma frowned. Her own mother, Margaret, had ordered those flowers especially to congratulate her granddaughter. These days she lived nearby, but once shed only rarely visited Emma, much preferring to have Rosie at hers.
It doesnt feel right here, darling. Im worried Ill break something, or mess things up. Its all a bit much for me.
Mum! Thats nonsense. Its not too muchits what weve earned! John works around the clock, and so do I. So if we can afford nice things, why shouldnt we have them?
Even so, Im more comfortable at mine.
Fine, Mum, as you wish. The main thing is that Rosies happy.
Margaret had cared for Rosie since birth.
I never have a spare moment, Mum. Emma dabbed on her lipstick before heading to work. If I slow down now, everything Ive built for us for the last five years will just slip away. Thats how things are now. Its all go, go, go. And its not just about my salary. I have people relying on me, and while thats important, Rosies future comes first, always.
Isnt it more important for her to have her mum around while shes still so little?
Mum, please! I know what Im doing. Who else is going to make sure my child is looked after, if not me?
And what about John?
Oh, dont even, Mum! Of course, as her father, hell always help, but hes a man. Here today, off with someone else tomorrow. And then what?
Where do you get these funny ideas, love? Margaret sighed. Are you worried about someone else?
How would I know? I havent had time to check! Maybe he does, maybe not. I was so caught up with pregnancy and Rosies arrivalI fell out of touch with everything. Im trying to catch up, Mum. And youre going to help me. Right?
Of course, I will. Margaret bent over the cot, examining her granddaughter. Shes so tiny You were a bit bigger.
So what? Shell catch up when shes older.
Rosie had always been frail and often poorly. Margaret, no longer panicky as shed been in those first anxious days, would ring her trusted GP when needed. Emma, always busy, didnt have time for such things.
Mum, her temperature isnt even forty! Look after her, Ive got a meetingI cant talk.
Rosie would cling to her grandmothers neck, head buried on Margarets shoulder, sniffling softly.
There, there, sweetheart. Ill make you a nice cup of squash and youll feel better after a nap. Want me to read you a story?
One about a fairy?
Of coursewhy not?
The pretty picture book, with its bright illustrations, had been a gift from her dad, brought back from London.
John, its all in English! Margaret flicked through the pages.
Whats the problem? She can start to get used to the language. You taught at university for years! Surely you can manage a childrens book?
I can, of course. Looks like Ill have to start teaching Rosie earlier than I planned.
Her granddaughters joys and woes now filled Margarets life, and to her, that was wonderful. She finally had purpose againa reason to carry on.
The past ten years, since Emma had graduated and married, had slipped by in a blur for Margaret. Her daughter was always too busy to visit, and Margaret, tired of Emmas sharp retorts, had long since given up asking. She longed for the days when Emma would return home from school or uni, curl up on the little kitchen sofa with a cup of mint tea, and share every detail of her day. For Margaret, Emma had always been her whole world, her entire existence.
Emma had been born when Margaret was just nineteen, the result of a hasty wedding to a coursemate that had brought no one happiness. Her husband left a year later, leaving tiny Emma as the only reminder of that whirlwind of emotions Margaret never experienced again. By the time Emma was two, Margarets own mother was bedridden, her memory failing, and for the next twelve years Margarets life was a constant struggle: looking after her invalid mother and a young child. There was never time to think of herself. Shed look in the mirror and turn away. Shed never been prettynature had dealt her an unremarkable hand. Still, there was a certain strength in her cheekbones and nose that demanded attention.
What Margaret had only hinted at, Emma inherited as full-blown beauty. Margaret bit back her smile when looking at her daughter: shed turned out so well! All that was left was to ensure that beauty wasnt wastedto give Emma every opportunity. She took Emma to ballroom dancing, music lessons, studied with her in French and English. By the time Emma left school, Margaret truly felt shed raised the perfect daughter. The only thing that niggled was Emmas unyielding natureshe never tolerated rudeness and always put her own interests first, even if it meant the family had to tighten their belts for a while.
Mum, I need those shoes. Honestly, I cant go to that interview in what I have. I need to look the part. It matters!
Margaret would hand over the money shed saved for her own holiday. Who cared about the sea? All that mattered was Emmas success.
Emmas wedding to John was the culmination of years of effort. Wiping away bittersweet tears, Margaret watched her beautiful daughter walk arm in arm with her groom through the grandest hotel in town. Margaret couldnt claim John delighted her at first. Something about him unsettled her, but she told herself that people are different and shed simply never met anyone from the world of big business before. Anyway, Emma had put her mind at ease right before the wedding.
Mum, this marriage is about more than feelings. Theres an agreement. That matters. Marriages built on practicalities last longer.
Do you really think so?
I do.
Whats the agreement, then?
That were equal partners. From the wedding day on. His assets from beforeI dont touch. All I have to do is one thing.
Whats that?
Give him a son. Then the agreement is reviewed in my favour.
It sounds awfully odd
But Mum, its modern and right. The worlds changing, peoples attitudes change as well.
I just want you to be happy.
And I will be!
After that, Emma threw herself into the business John set up for her, and struggled with health problems which delayed the main point of their agreement.
Rosies birth came as a shock.
So much for all these newfangled scans! shed fumed, folding away the blue blanket bought in certainty itd be a boy. Three times, Mum! Three times I was told a boy! Well? Does she look like a boy to you?
Darling, is a baby girl such a bad thing?
Oh, Mum, noof course not! Just Not what I expected. Thats why Im upset. And its the time
Youll have a son yet, Emma. Give it time.
I hope so
But nothing changed. Emma flitted between clinics, visiting specialists between board meetings, but to no avail. After trying every new centre that popped up she shrugged.
I dont know what else to do, Mum. Ive tried it all.
Maybe its time to focus on the child you do have?
Mum!
What did I say? Rosies four, nearly five. Shes wonderful. And who says a father only loves sons? Youre a smart girl! Change the focus of your agreement.
Emma grew thoughtful. Perhaps her mother had a point.
In that case, Rosie must come home.
Emma
Mum, thats not up for debate. She spends too much time at yours.
Shes so used to me!
No one said that will stop. Emma flicked through Rosies drawing book. She draws quite well. I should sign her up for art classes.
Shes been seeing a tutor for a year now, Margaret nearly burst into tears.
No point making a drama, Mum. Youll still see her. No need to hire a nanny when she has a granny. Well get a driver, anything you need. Maybe youd like to move in with us? The house is huge.
No! Margaret shook her head. Not a good idea. But I do want to stay close to Rosie, same as always.
And life, of course, had its own plans. Rosies first fever after the move led Margaret to temporarily relocate to Emmas house.
Mum, its comfortable, lots of space. And youll be near Rosieno stress!
Margaret looked around the room shed been in for a week and reluctantly nodded.
Yes Rosies close by
Focused on her granddaughter, Margaret ignored the tension in the house. She saw that Emmas marriage to John was wobbly, but she preferred to leave it to the grownups, who barely noticed the little girl with flyaway curls darting about.
Gran, theres so much more room here than at yours! Rosie spun round the sitting room. Can I get a dog now?
I dont know, darling. Thats something to ask your parents.
Why? Rosies gaze was searching. Isnt this your home too?
No, love. This house belongs to your mum and dad. My flat is my own, and there I can make the rules, not here.
So you cant even say no?
Depends. I can say no to you spilling milk on the breakfast table again. But I cant let you get a dog.
I see.
Rosie plopped onto the floor, deep in thoughta look Emma wore when wrestling with something tricky. It nearly always meant Emma would get her way.
Im going to ask daddy! Rosie finally decided, standing up.
That very evening, she did. Rosie walked into her fathers study, ignoring his impatience.
Do you love me?
John faltered. The little girl in his study was practically a stranger. He rarely saw Rosie, their exchanges usually limited to a brief, Hi, poppet! Margarets requests for him to spend time with her never amounted to anything. Rosies question caught him off guard.
Of course. All parents love their children.
I dont care about all of them. I want you to love me.
So what do you want? A new toy?
No! Rosie frowned. I want a dog!
A robot dog?
Rosies eyebrows shot up under her messy fringe.
Why a robot? No! I want a real, live puppy!
John sighed, closed his eyes, and pinched the bridge of his nose.
A big one?
Doesnt have to be! Just as long as its good.
You picklet me know and well get one.
Emma didnt support the idea. She and John argued for ages behind closed doors, unaware that Rosie was eavesdropping in the corridor. Margarets blood pressure soared, and she put Rosie to bed early, unable to guess that Rosie wasnt sleeping at all.
Shes not ready for a pet! A dog isnt a toy. Wholl look after it?
Your mother is around. So is the housekeeper. Pay her more. Where theres a child, theres room for a dog. Theyll be healthier for it.
And the vet? Training? All of that?
There are plenty of vets about. And, anyway, just get a rescue dog and thats one worry gone. What do you want from me, Emma? I hardly see RosieIm always busy. But I can grant a simple wish. Why not?
Because it isnt simple! Its work. And its about wanting everything right away.
And is that so badfor my child? Why cant she have whatever she wants?
Emma was silent. Rosie quietly stood up and slipped away from the door. She was getting her dog, that much was clear. What more the grownups argued about was of no interest.
A little Pomeranian arrived within days. Two months laterjust a week after Rosies birthdayshe and Margaret moved back to Margarets flat. Emma, suddenly a mere shadow of herself, would sip strong coffee in silence each morning before disappearing all day, barely speaking to her mother or child.
Gran, whats wrong with mummy?
I cant tell you yet, darling. Your mum will explain when shes ready, Margaret would say, stroking both the granddaughter and the puppys silky ears.
Why are we moving back to yours? Just for a little while?
No, Rosie, for quite a while now, I think
Margaret barely understood herself. When Emma came back, days after Rosies big party, and silently wheeled out Margarets suitcase, something twisted inside Margarets chest.
Pack up, Mum. Were leaving. And pack Rosies things as well. No time to lose.
Margaret wanted to ask, but one look at Emmas face was enough.
Ill get on with it, Emma. Give me half an hour.
That evening, pouring Emmas favourite tea, Margaret tried to catch her daughters gaze as Emma, legs curled under her in the old familiar way, stared into space.
Dont ask, Mum. Were getting divorced.
Margaret gasped and glanced at the door. Rosie was watching cartoons, oblivious.
Hes got someone else. And a son, too
Emma hid her face in her knees, but stopped when Margaret moved to comfort her, giving a jagged little laugh.
I thought you were crying
He wishes! Thats that, Mum. I guess I just couldnt pull it off
How and why John chose a new family remained a mystery to Margaret, but she was grateful he handled the split neatly and without fuss. Within six months, Emma bought and renovated her own three-bedroom place a stones throw from Margarets home and their lives settled into a new, narrower grooveless straight, less comfortable, but at least familiar.
Rosie continued to grow, smart and stubborn. The family revolved around her interests, no questions asked. Emma long ago gave up reining her in, indulging nearly all Rosies wishes.
Emma, thats not on.
Mum, what do you want from me? Shes clever and determinedshell always get whats hers if she sets her mind to it. Thats the essential life skill nowshe puts herself first.
I cant agree. It scares me for Rosie.
Well, it doesnt scare me. If Id always put myself first, maybe Id still be with John. I spent too long worrying about what he wantedso foolish
Its foolish not to see your child needs you! Margaret would burst out. She has desires and needslike her mum!
Shes got you.
And thank goodness. Itd be best if she had you, too!
Why? She only listens to you, anyway.
Thats because I say no when I have to! Something youve never managed.
I want her to know that if she wants somethingreally wants itshe can have it. I dont want to be the parent who always says no. Id rather be her friend than her jailer. Is that so wrong?
Margaret would sigh and let it go. What was the point? Emma wouldnt change her mind. And Rosie didnt care for grand arguments; her mum was on her side, and her granny loved her, so what more was there to worry about?
Emma barely noticed Rosie, immersed in work. Occasionally, shed sweep Rosie up and take her shopping.
You need to look your best, Rosie. Nature didnt give you everything, but the right clothes and makeup can work wonders. Pay attention. It matters.
On this point, Rosie would listenEmma had impeccable taste. Though Rosies face was quite different, her figure echoed Emmas and she soon raided her mothers wardrobe for outfits.
This, this, and maybe that. Dont touch the rest. Youll grow into it. Enough is enough. Emma would select, indicating what was suitable.
Other girls were envious of Rosies expensive makeup collection.
Your skin matters, dont mistreat it. Cheap rubbish is no good. Emma would bin the budget mascara a friend had given Rosie. You thank them and toss it. Always value yourself, Rosie.
Margaret saw what was happening and didnt even try to intervene. She simply tried to soften Rosies charactera battle she rarely won. Rosie sailed through school and went to university, to the same department as her mother and grandmother. Student life swallowed her up, and Margaret hardly saw either of them. So she was the last to hear about the change in Rosies life.
Mum, Im getting married. To who? Margaret fumbled her favourite cup and pieces skittered across the kitchen.
William Francis Rosie sang, scrunching up on the sofa while Margaret swept up the shards, but hes just Will to me. My Will!
Who is he, Rosie?
Oh, hes just a lecturer. Not mine! Dont look at me like that. He just works at the uni.
Hes
No, Gran, hes not old. Quite young, actually, not bad at all.
Margaret later learned from Emma that Will was married.
How could you? she clutched her head. And youre so calm about it?
Why should I worry about his wife or child? I care about Rosie! Shes in love and she wants THIS man.
Emma Lord, where did I go wrong? Margaret braced herself against the table, struggling to clear her head. You cant do that
Do what?
Take a husband and father from his family!
Hes not on a leash, Mum! No ones taking anyone. Dont be silly. Emma handed Margaret a glass of water. Calm down and think about your granddaughters happiness.
But will she be happy? Margaret finished her water and hurled the glass at the wall.
The wedding was a gloomy affair. Wills family refused to attend, declining even to meet their relatives. John, long since moved away, sent a cheque for a new flat instead. Emma had the place furnished without asking Rosie what she wanted, but Rosie didn’t care.
Mum, look! The dress is perfect! I want this one! Rosie twirled in front of the mirror.
That dress is called Fairy, the boutique consultant announced, smoothing out the veil for Emma. She seemed to know whod be making the decision.
Its a sign, Rosie! Remember when you dreamt of being a fairy as a child?
Yes! Rosie grinned. And now I will be a fairy. My life will be a dream come truejust wait and see!
It will Emma echoed, running her fingers over the delicate lace.
Margaret barely managed the registry office, then quietly called a taxi and left.
Im not feeling well, dears. I dont want to ruin your big day.
She kissed Rosie and walked to the waiting cab. Just before getting in, Margaret turned. Rosie was prancing next to Will, waiting for the cue to release a dove she held. Margaret shivered: Rosie looked like that frightened white birdlonging to escape the fingers clutching her.
Lord, what can I do now? Just give me strength. Im going to need it yet
Rosie separated from her husband in under a year, almost immediately after her daughter was born. Wills next beloved was one of Rosies classmates. Heavily pregnant, Rosie dropped by the university for paperwork and found her husband and his new friend alone in an empty lecture room. She stepped away, holding the door, but couldnt resist slamming it so hard the windows rattled and others peeked out in alarm.
Whats wrong, Rosie? Everything alright?
Time for a bit of pest control. Rosie waved towards the room shed left. Theres a cockroach in there
Afterwards, she called her father and asked for help.
So, run away when things get tough? Emma chided. Didnt you try to sort his head out?
Whats the point, Mum? Rosies eyes were cold as she folded her daughters clothes.
Because its yours. Because its right.
Right? Whats right, Mum? When its thrown back in your face? I always thought Id get what I wanted. I never considered others want things, too
What do you mean?
I mean the woman before me probably wanted her child to have a father, wanted to be loved. But along I camejust like a fairyand thought she didnt need any of that. And now someone else thinks the same about me. Thats right, isnt it, Mum?
Nonsense! I never thought youd behave like a sulky child in a crisis.
No, Mum, you dont get it. Im not a child anymore, thats the problem. The little fairys grown up wings dont work anymore. Im much too grown up.
Emma kept talking, but Rosie had already tuned out. She needed to work out how to live her life from now on.
Margaret packed boxes, wiping away tears as she rocked her great-granddaughter.
There, love, your mums strong. Well get through this
Emma didnt come with her daughter. Margaret, leaving the keys with Emma, almost told her to keep an eye on her plants, then shook her head.
It doesnt matter. Take care of yourself.
Years later, a young woman strolled along a leafy park path. Her daughter, darting ahead and then grabbing her hand, looked so much like her there was no doubtthey belonged together.
Mum, look what we made at nursery today! The little girl, Lily, rummaged in her backpack and pulled out a wand tipped with a crumpled foil star. Oh! Its squashed
Whats this, Lily?
A magic wand! Like a fairys. Only a bit squished.
So what? It still works! Rosie straightened the star and waved it. See? Nothing to worry about!
How do you know it works, Mum? Lilys eyes widened. What did you wish for?
For everything to turn out alright. For everyone to be healthy.
It hasnt worked Gran is still in hospital.
Oh, no, shes home now.
Really? Lily bounced on the path.
Really. Well see her soon.
Give it here, I want a go! Lily snatched the wand and mumbled her own wish.
What did you wish for?
Im not telling!
Thats unfair! Rosie laughed, tucking a stray curl behind her daughters hat. I told you mine.
Fine! Ill tell you one, but not the othersI made lots.
Alright, what is it?
That well always be together Lily almost whispered it, and Rosie knelt down.
You mean about Gran, Lily?
Lily nodded.
I cant promise you that, Im not a real fairy. Not quite. Not everything is in our hands in life. But well be together as much as we canand love each other even when were apart. When youre at nursery or Im at work, we still love each other and think about each other all day, yes?
Lily nodded, gripping the wand.
Ill try again, okay?
Whatever you like!
I wish Gran would get all better, and that we could all be together for ages and ages. Is that okay, Mum?
Rosie stood, brushed off her skirt, and nodded seriously.
Its the best wish you could make, Lily. Now, lets go show your magic wand to Gran. Im sure shes got a wish of her own. Shes the real fairy, after all.
Really?
Of course! The very best fairy in the world.
And Rosie smiled, realising that sometimes, the true magic in life is loving and supporting one anotherno matter how squashed our wands, no matter how grown up we become.
