Hello Harry?
This isnt Harry. Its Emily
Emily? And who are you?
Madam, who are you? Im Harrys girlfriend. Did you want something? Harrys not here, hes held up at work
I felt so dizzy; I noticed drops of red on the kitchen floor. My stomach twisted painfully I was doubled over. It was clear the baby was about to arrive.
My husband, Harry, has been working abroad for five years now. First it was truck driving in Germany, then odd jobs in France. He went for the money. We have two sons, and we wanted to give them the best future. We knew full well there was no getting ahead in England without sacrifices.
Funny enough, things went well for him there. Hed send us packages once a month tins, flour, tea, biscuits. Hed put money on my account, and I put it into a savings account at the bank. We managed to save enough to buy our eldest a flat.
On the surface, everything seemed fine. But a few months ago, I started feeling strange. My first thought was the menopause, but it didnt fit. I was putting on weight, forever tired, hungry all the time, mood all over the place. The Internet insisted I was pregnant. Pregnant at forty-five? Absurd. Still, I did a test. Sure enough, those two blazing red lines stared right back at me.
I kept the news from our boys and their wives. What for? So my own children could laugh at me? So theyd say their mother had lost her marbles late in life? No thanks. I hid my pregnancy. It was the start of winter thick jumpers and coats camouflaged everything.
Truth is, I didnt want another child. People will say Ive no heart, no faith. But Im forty-five, far from young. I have sons and grandchildren who need my time, not nappies and sleepless nights. We couldnt afford a third child anyway. Harry wouldnt have a choice but to go off abroad again, and I just cant do life without him.
The doctors said it was much too late to end the pregnancy, far too risky. I tried talking myself into thinking it would turn out fine. Maybe Harry would be happy, even over the moon at the thought of a new baby. I decided to call him over Skype, break the news. I left the camera off, just voice.
Hello, Harry
This isnt Harry. Its Emily.
Emily? And who might you be?
Madam, who are you? Im Harrys girlfriend. Did you want something? Hes stuck at work, wont be home yet.
I hung up instantly and sobbed bitterly. Sometimes a husband will betray you anywhere, anyhow. I wanted to file for divorce right then and there, chuck all Harrys things out for good, disappear from his life.
But somewhere in my mind I still hoped hed come back to us once he heard about the baby. I knew hed be home in February it was our sons birthdays and hed wrangled a bit of time off. I dreamt once wed all walk together in the park, with Harry holding our daughters hand on one side, and me on the other.
On Valentines Day, Harry came back. I made a romantic dinner, set out candles, put music on. Everything felt gentle and calm.
Harry, Ive a surprise. Im pregnant. Supposed to be a girl.
You wretch! he shouted.
He went bright red with fury, overturned the dinner plates, thumped the table:
So Ive slogged my guts out abroad and youve been off with other men? Now you want me to raise some bastard child?
Harry, let me explain
Dont come near me! he shoved me, and I hit my stomach on the sharp corner of the table, collapsing to the floor.
Harry stormed out, grabbed his bag, slammed the door. I was dizzy, saw blood drops on the floor, pain gripped my belly hard. Somehow, I reached the phone and dialled for an ambulance. But I knew the baby was coming right then.
By the time the paramedics arrived, I already held our daughter. She lay quiet, didnt cry, fast asleep in my arms.
Well then, Mum, are you coming with us?
No. Take the baby. I dont want her.
What do you mean?
Just that. Take her! This child broke up my family. Maybe someone will love her, but it sure isnt me. Just take her I never want to see her!
No guilt, nothing. I gave my child to the medic. They checked me over at home no tearing, calm birth. When the ambulance left, I tidied up, had a shower, went to bed.
None of my sons know I gave the girl away. Every day I go to church, pray for her health, for a loving family to find her. I know I can’t do it again. All I want is Harry home, but he’s off in Germany again, only calls our sons.
Say what you like maybe I am a terrible woman. But I choose my husband over a child. And God is my judge.












