“It Doesn’t Look Right That Your Kids Will Have Homes While My Son Won’t—Let’s Get Him a Flat with a Mortgage!” Recently, my husband Anthony pointed out that my children have homes, but his son does not, so we need to figure out how to get his son a place to live too. Let me explain: my children are both mine and Anthony’s, while Anthony’s son is from his first marriage. Why am I the one expected to worry about finding his son a home? Of course, I always knew Anthony had been married before and had a child. That’s why I wasn’t in a hurry to marry Anthony. We lived together for three years before getting married. I paid close attention to how he felt about his ex-wife and son. A year later, I gave birth to our son. Two more years passed, and I had our second son. I’m happy with Anthony—he’s a good husband and father. He spends plenty of time with me and the kids and earns a good salary. Of course, we have the occasional disagreement, but that’s normal in any family. We lived in the flat I inherited from my father. My mother divorced him when I was still in nursery school. She’s since remarried but didn’t have any children with her second husband. Anthony and his first wife always rented. They saved for a mortgage for years but never managed to get one. After their divorce, Anthony’s ex-wife moved back in with her parents. Anthony rented on his own until we got married, and then he moved in with me. We never really discussed who owned the flat—we just lived there together, did renovations, and bought new furniture for the place. About a year and a half ago, both my grandmothers—my mum’s mum and my dad’s mum—passed away. They both left me their flats in their wills. While my sons are still young, I decided to rent out those flats. Later on, I’ll give each son one of the flats. At the moment, I give the rent from one to my mum as a supplement to her pension, and the other supports my own income—extra money is always useful. Anthony never involved himself in my property matters; after all, it’s none of his business. I made it clear that, when our children grow up, each of them will receive one of the flats, and he agreed. That was that—the topic was closed. Then, out of the blue, Anthony said to me: “My son will be finishing secondary school in a few years. He’s an adult now—he needs to think about his future!” I didn’t know where he was going with this, but listened anyway. “Your kids have homes! My son doesn’t! Let’s buy my son a flat with a mortgage!” he suddenly declared. I was simply stunned and had a million questions. First, I asked: why are our kids suddenly just mine? Anthony asked me not to nit-pick his words. “But my son will never inherit anything. I want him to have a home of his own!” “That’s great that you care! But your son has a mum and a dad—shouldn’t they be the ones to handle that? Why doesn’t your ex sort it?” Anthony explained his ex-wife doesn’t make much, her parents help her, and he himself can’t afford a mortgage alone. But, he said, if I help, everything will work out. Apparently, I’m expected to co-sign for a mortgage so Anthony can buy a flat for his son. The flat would be in the son’s name, but we would pay off the mortgage. “Between our two good salaries and the rental income, we could do it!” Anthony insisted. We could, but we’d have to save pretty hard. Plus, Anthony pays child maintenance for his son. When the boy goes to university, Anthony will help again, as his mum has no money. So, in the end, my children and I would have to give up holidays, trips to the seaside, and generally scrimp and save. For what? Just so Anthony looks like a good dad? I’d understand if Anthony had provided homes for our children and wanted to do the same for his eldest. But I’m the one who secured the homes for my children—Anthony had nothing to do with the properties. Why should I pay for his mortgage? I told Anthony straight away: if he’s so worried about his son, his ex should take out a mortgage, and they can pay it off with the child maintenance. “But I won’t have anything to do with it!” Anthony is furious and hasn’t spoken to me in a week. It’s a shame he doesn’t understand my point of view.

It doesnt look right that your children will have homes and my son wont. Lets sort him out with a place of his own, even if it means taking out a mortgage!

Recently, my husband Edward mentioned that while my children will have homes of their own, his son wont, so we need to think about what to do so that his son can have somewhere as well. I should explain that my children are mine and Edwards, but his son is from his first marriage.

Why am I the one who has to worry about this? Of course, I knew Edward had been married before and had a child, which is partly why I wasnt in a rush to marry him.

We lived together for three years before tying the knot. I made sure to keep an eye on his feelings toward his ex-wife and son. A year after marriage, we had our first son together. Two years later, our second son arrived.

Ive always been happy with Edward, both as a husband and a father. He puts time into us and the kids. His salary is very good. Naturally, we argue every so often, but which family doesnt?

We lived in the flat I inherited from my father. My mum divorced him when I was still at nursery, and she later remarried, though never had more children.

Edward and his first wife always rented. They spent years trying to save for a mortgage, but it never came off. After they divorced, his wife went back to live with her parents, and he ended up renting again.

When we married, he moved in with me. Neither of us fussed about who technically owned the flat; we both chipped in for things like new furniture and renovations. About eighteen months ago though, both my grandmothers passed away within weeks of each othermy mums and my dads mumand I was left their flats. Both had left them to me in their wills.

As our boys are still small, I decided to rent those flats out for now and give each one to my sons when theyre older. For the time being, I give the rent from one flat to Mum so shes got a little extra on her pension, and the other bit of rental income tops up my own wageyou can never have too much money, after all.

Edward never interfered in my affairs regarding the properties, since none of them have anything to do with him, not really. From the beginning, I told him once our sons came of age, theyd get one flat each. He agreed. That was that. The matter seemed settled.

Then, out of the blue, Edward said to me, My sons nearly finished school. Hes grown up now and ought to be thinking about his future!

I wasnt sure where he was going with this, but kept listening. Your kids will have their own homes and mine wont! Lets get my son a place with a mortgage, he suddenly announced.

I was completely stunned! I had so many questions. First of all, I asked him why our boys, who are both of ours, had suddenly become just my children. Edward pleaded for me not to twist his words.

But my son will never inherit anything. I just want him to have a place of his own!
Well, its great youre thinking about it! But your son has both a mum and a dadsurely thats for you and your ex-wife to sort out. Why hasnt she sorted this?
Edward explained that his ex doesnt make much money, her parents help her out all the time, and he cant afford a mortgage on his own. But if I help him, everything would come together quite easily. It quickly became clear that what he really wanted was for us to take out a mortgage for his son, with us making all the monthly repaymentsand the property itself put in his sons name.

We have two decent salaries plus the rental income! Edward tried to reassure me. We can do it!

Sure, we could, but it would mean scrimping and saving everywhere. Edward already pays child maintenance to his son, and once the boy heads to university, Edward wants to help out with that too, since his ex hasnt got the funds. So basically, to help his son, my boys and I would have to skip holidays, not visit the seaside, and be pinching pennies all the time. For what? So Edward can look like a brilliant dad?

Now, I would totally understand if Edward had provided our childrens homes, and simply wanted his eldest to have the same. But I am the one whos provided for our boys; Edward had nothing to do with me getting those flats. Why should I pay for a mortgage for his son?

I told Edward straight out, if hes so concerned, he should talk to his ex-wife about taking out a mortgage, and let her pay it through the maintenance payments.
But I wont have any part in this whatsoever!

Now hes furious and hasnt spoken to me for a week. It really is sad he doesnt see where Im coming from.