Hey love, its me, 55 now and finally living for myself. No more guilty thoughts, no fear of being different or trying to please anyone. My little flat in the Cotswolds feels peaceful, soft and almost quiet. All those draining emotions that used to wear me out are gone. Nobodys telling me how to live, what to wear or what I should dream about. Im back to being my own person again.
Mornings start slow, no rush. If I feel like it, I put on some classic Beatles tracks; if not, I just soak up the silence and the smell of freshly brewed English tea. I look out the window, watch the world wake up, and think how lovely it is to be in sync with yourself. No one scolds me for staying with a book too long or for the dinner not being ready on time. The quiet isnt scary any more its become my best mate.
I used to think a life without a partner was incomplete. Were taught from a young age that a woman should be with someone, keep the hearth warm, melt into the family. I lived like that for years, putting myself last, trying to be nice, caring, proper. But as I got older I realised love isnt selfsacrifice. Its respect, calm and acceptance. The first person I need to love is me.
Sometimes a thought flickers: Maybe I should open up to a relationship again? But the moment I recall how much energy and nerves were spent on other peoples moods, expectations and hurts, I just want to hug my freedom again. It feels light as a morning breeze, it asks for nothing, and its easy to be with.
Now I can do whatever I want, whenever I want, with whoever I want. Fancy a stroll through the park? Im out. Want to stay in, wrap myself in a blanket and watch some old British films? Im happy. I can be silent all day, or ring up my friend Poppy and laugh until were gasping. No ones controlling, no jealousy, no reports to file. Its an amazing feeling freedom on the outside and inside.
I love the simple version of life: we meet, share a grin, enjoy a lovely evening, then each of us heads home to our cosy, quiet space where no ones waiting for explanations. No drama, no relationship debriefs, no emotional rollercoasters. Just genuine warmth, lightness and mutual respect.
I choose ease. I choose me. I finally get that happiness doesnt come from anyone else its born inside. To feel it, you just have to let yourself be real, no masks, no roles, no fear of being alone. Being alone isnt a punishment; its a luxury once you learn to be selfsufficient.
Im 55. Im not hunting or running away. Im simply living. Every day is another chance to thank life for the peace, the experience, the freedom and for finally being at the centre of my own world.
