Thank you for the experience I am gaining from my marriage to your son. I am taking him back to you.
Dear Motherinlaw,
I am sorry I cannot call you Mum, as I had hoped when we first met and when your son proposed to me. Of course I wanted to get married; my close friends have been wives for years and I watched them with a twinge of envy, seeing how they look after each other, show respect and share love.
I have dreamed of a family where a man is always by my side, where I can lean on him, where children grow up and we look after them together. I have also dreamed of caring for my husband, of him feeling my love, of being able to talk to him about anything.
When I first saw the way he behaved toward you, I thought you had raised exactly the kind of man I was looking for. Before the wedding you said one sentence that hinted at the future that awaited me. You may have forgotten it, but I still remember it and I regret that I did not give your words the weight they deserved. It was: My son is used to looking after just one woman. That short remark sums up the care you have given him since childhood.
Your son never refuses to pop down to the chemist for your tablets, even though the shop is only a few steps from your front door and buying the medication is not difficult. If the front door squeaks, my husband rushes to oil it, so you never have to worry about such a serious problem. The fact that every door in our flat creaks in a different pitch, or that the wardrobe doors sag, never bothers him.
When my husband drove me home instead of taking you for a walk in the park, you made a scene, accusing me of being lazy, apathetic and accustomed to a comfortable life. And why not? It is certainly easier to travel by car than by train, and hauling heavy suitcases alone is hardly a brilliant idea. Yet you wanted a breath of fresh air.
My husband is a wonderful son. When you could not sleep and, in the early hours, shared your malaise with him, not thinking about our jobs the next morning, he hurried to catch a cab because he had had a few drinks the night before and didnt want to risk his licence. Instead of thanking him, you said there is nothing wrong with abstaining from drinking with his wife if his mother might need help at night. Of course you can abstain from anything, not just alcohol, because he is your son and I am just his wife.
I congratulate you on not giving me any ground in your relationship with your son, though it is absurd to share a man. You do not want to share him with anyone.
Thank heavens we have no children yet. They would not notice straight away, but they also could not ask for daddys time, because granny gets priority. Your caring son did not support me even when I truly needed it; my friend Sarah stepped in, understanding that depression would bring me no good. I had hoped for at least a few words of support, compassion and understanding from your son, but instead he once again turned his attention to you.
Yes, I admit I have lost; I could not become for him what you are, despite my best efforts. It is a shame that all my endeavours go unnoticed by your son. He is truly in love with one woman you. The declarations of love he made to me were merely formalities, part of the engagement protocol.
I want to be needed by a man, not a shiny, perfect husband who arranges everything in strict order the way your son does. Let him sometimes return home after a few drinks with his workmates, something your son never allowed himself. Most importantly, I need him to care about my failures, to rejoice in my successes.
I am relieved to realise my husband will never be that kind of person. We have not had children, because you do not need strong emotions; your son has been saving his heart for you alone. It was this economy of affection that prompted me to consider pregnancy. Now I have another person in my life and a little boy who will be born in three months.
I promise to raise this boy as a proper man, but not in the way you understand the word. Thank you for the experience I have gained in my marriage to your son. I am returning him to you, healthy, caring and devoted. May you both be happy.
Your former daughterinlaw, Emily.
