Julias Revenge
The autumn rain tapped at the window, not daring to fall harder as I looked through the streaked glass of the minibus taking me home. Well, what I called home now was the sprawling, noisy citymy little studio flat on the ninth floor of a tower block, where Id lived for years. The place I’d grown up just didnt feel like home anymore. That was where my folks still lived, where I went to school, but once I left for university, I got used to the big city, the bustle, and the relentless pace.
At twenty-seven, I was proud of what I’d achieved. Id studied medicine, found a position at a reputable beauty salon, and I’d never stopped improving my skills, always at one seminar or another, always busy with something to further my career.
I wouldnt have come back if I hadnt begun noticing odd things between Mum and Dad. Every time I called, Mum was vague, and Dad was never around or, oddly, if I phoned him, it was Mum who was always absent.
Mum, is everything alright? I asked more than once.
Shed only ever answer, Were fine, all in good health, nothing to worry about.
From the regional airport, it was only a two-hour drive home; Id long ago gotten used to bigger distances, so the ride felt short.
The minibus pulled up to the coach station. I recognised everything immediately; the shop sign opposite the station had changed, and the trees were taller, but it was much as I remembered. No rain here, just the sun pushing through clouds. Id let Mum know I was coming, but hadnt given her a precise timedidnt seem necessary.
A local taxi driver, with a face that hadnt changed since my teenage years, ambled over. Where to, love? he asked, dragging my suitcase over the jagged tarmac.
52 Ascot Road, I replied.
Dads house still stood proud, blue shutters wide open, bird cherry growing in the front garden, and three birches stretching beside the gateplanted by my father when I finished school.
Julia! Mum rushed from the window to the door when the taxi pulled up. Julia, darling, at last! She was smiling and crying at the same time.
Oh, Mum, Ive missed you too, but you dont have to get in such a state, I protested.
Its just happiness, my lovethree years since Ive laid eyes on you.
I dumped my suitcase by the door, pulled off my coat and boots, and dropped onto the old settee, stretching out after the journey. Mum sat beside me, arms around my shoulders, and for a couple of minutes we just sat, holding each other.
Eventually I asked the question I felt she dreaded: Mum, wheres Dad? Not at home?
She dodged, Come on, lets get you something to eat and then well talk.
The new tablecloth caught my eye, as did the floral china I didnt recall from before. The place felt familiar but strangely foreign nowmy city flat was sleek, modern, nothing like this.
Mums homemade rissoles were as good as I remembered; fluffy and tasty, with a salad from the garden, cheese scones, and a never-ending parade of homey dishes.
Mum, is Dad away for work or what? Youre being awfully mysterious.
Hes out on a job just now, Mum finally admitted, becoming serious. We both wanted to talk with youbut not over the phone. Its awkward for me I know youre always busywork, seminars, no time for a chat. Im sorry; we shouldve told you earlier. But your father and Iweve separated.
Hang onseparated? I stared at my cup of tea, gone cold, got up and peeked into their bedroom. The wardrobe was half-emptyDads clothes gone.
So, where is he living now?
Just listen to me for a moment, Mum pleaded. People split up, even after years together. Your dad and I, well it was time.
Mum, how could you just split up? You two were always fine! I felt my lower lip stick out in a childish sulk.
I was their only child, a little spoilt, I suppose. Id ask and I’d get, but I was also driven and always good at school, which made my parents proud when I got into medicine. When I wanted a new bike, there was a new bike. When I was thirteen and asked for a stereo, they even took extra shifts to get me one.
No, I wasnt over-indulged. Id always used money wisely, never lazed about. And after uni, I didnt start from scratchDads salary mostly went on me, Mums kept the house running. But as I grew, I stood on my own feet.
You split up and didnt tell me?
It was recent, Mum said quietly. But our lives just werent working anymore. It shouldnt affect you. Youre still our dearest. Dad loves you as much now as ever.
So, did he move into Grans old house?
Where elsehis parents place would be empty otherwise.
I need to speak to himnow. I stood up, stomping across the room.
Julia, calm down. Hes only at work, back tomorrow.
Mum, this is ridiculous. After all those years and suddenly you split? Has he got someone else?
Mum sighed, Yes, hes not alone. I suppose I shouldnt be surprisedhes not old yet.
Who is she?
You dont know her, shes from a neighbouring village.
So she lives there now, in Grans?
Well, yes, of course. Where else would he?
I clutched my head. And youre so calm about this, as if someone nicked your chicken, not your husband!
Julia, please, dont take this to heart. This was coming for a long time. We parted without anger. No point in fightingwhat good would it do?
Mum, youre too soft. Im not like youIm just. If someone betrays you, you make it right. I dont want to see Dad. I dont talk to traitors.
Mum looked so crestfallen I almost felt sorry. She dropped the subject, hoping Id cool off after a rest.
I did. Changed into my tracksuit, zipped up a hoody and set out. The air was intoxicating after city smog; I remembered my old classmates, but Id never bothered keeping in touchnot enough time, too much work. The city had changed me, shifted my priorities.
Mum, Im off to the river for a bit.
It looks like rain.
Ill be quick.
Grans old house was still standing, though weathered. I let myself in the gate, stepped up onto the porch. In the scullery, a woman of maybe forty was stirring something on the hob.
So youre the new mistress, then? I asked, giving her the once-over.
You must be Julia? she said, startled. Vernon showed me your picture. Come in
Ill not make myself at home, thank you. This is my grandparents houseI dont see myself as your guest.
Her face fell. Why are you being like this? Vernon was looking forward to seeing you Ill put the kettle on.
Lets be clearwhats your name?
Helen, she replied, wary.
Well, Helen, pack your things and be off. You’ve no right here.
Vernon brought me. I wont leave without him. Youre wrong about meI didnt break anything.
But I had no interest in her story. Just then, a boy about twelve came in, looking at us with wide blue eyes.
Matt, go to your room, Helen said.
But I wanted to play outside.
Alright, off you go.
As he passed, he stared at mecurious, maybe confused.
Youre not staying here, I told her after hed left, and went back out into the chilly dusk.
I made my way home briskly, hunching my shoulders against the damp. Thanks, Dad. Now some complete stranger lives in Grans house, I fumed, angry with both of them. I wanted to yell at him, let him know how Id misjudged him. I wanted Helen goneand hated that I was powerless to make it happen.
City life had made me tougher, always in a rush, used to fighting for my place, used to taking care of myself. Now home seemed distant. It was the warmth, the closeness, the comfort I missed. Id hoped to come back, sit at the old table, look at photos, laugh and reminisce. Divorce was a punch in the gut. Despite growing up, there I wasdefenceless, left only with the weapon of anger. Thats why I went looking for the woman whod taken my father from my mother.
Where have you been? Mum asked, anxious as she saw me return. All the way at the river?
I saw her, I spat, that woman. And her son. Now Dads raising someone elses kid.
Mum blanched at the news, hand at her throat as if choking on words.
Why did you do that? she rasped. Why? Did I ask you to?
Mum! I snapped, my eyes burning. How can you be so calm? More than twenty-five years you were together! Dont you want to get your own back? Its not fair!
Dont, darling. Ive already made my peace with it. I dont want a row. Vernon stayed for you. That was all we had in common at the end. We both loved youin the end, maybe not each other.
Youre just making excuses for him! I accused.
No, she answered gently. Truth is, I chased him when we were youngwanted him to myself. Fell in love, married him. Had you out of love, you grew up in a loving home. When you left for the city, the only thing bonding us was you.
Why didnt you ever tell me all this? Im not a child anymore.
How could I? Youre always moving too fast, never here And I didnt want to worry you. When that woman arrivedwith her own sonI knew right away. Your father always was honesthe told me everything. I couldnt keep him, even if it hurt.
Maybe you shouldve talked it through. Gone somewhere together, seen a counsellor
Julia, in London, thats trendy. Here in a small town, everyone knows everyone. Counsellors dont exist! Of course it was painful realising he was with someone else, but you cant turn back the clock.
He made his choice, I muttered. I kind of get you, but its sad You fought so hard for him when you were young, now you just let everything go.
Im tired of just being friends, Mum choked. I want to be loved! Im not that old, am I? Or do you think I am? Her voice finally broke, and she wept loudly as if she needed to get it all out.
Oh, Mum, I held her tight, dabbing at her tears with my sleeve. Dont cry. Youre not old. Youre beautiful and kind. I wont let you fade awayyoure my mum, after all.
There, there, she sniffled, blowing her nose. Still, you shouldnt have gone to see Helen. She did nothing wrong. Vernon met her when things were long since over for us. Shes not from here, and they say she ran away from a bad marriage. Her boy was hit by his father.
Dont try and make me feel sorry for her, Mum. I only care about you.
This is how it is now, Julia. What, are we to spend the rest of our lives enemies in the same village? People need to forgive.
I cant, I said. Not just like that. I never want to see him again.
And me? Are you going to stop seeing me too?
Mum! Of course not!
Well, I could meet someone too. What then?
Meet someone if you want. You let Dad go easy enough, I replied.
Maybe I already have, Mums voice quivered. Do you remember Hannah Williams from your class?
Of course, I remembered Hannahshe was my best friend once. After school, we lost touch, but I always remembered her.
Hannah Williams? Of course! I smiled for the first time that evening, warm nostalgia flooding in. Used to wear a ponytail, then ended up with a bob
Well, her mum passed away three years ago. Hannahs a mum herself now. Andrewyou remember Andrew, her dadstill helps with the house
Shes got a child? So shes married?
Yes, shes got a little one. Andrews always in and out, helping them out Do you judge me?
No, Mum. I just always thought you and Dad were my family, always together. Id come home with my kids, youd visit me. Now its all changed. I know Im grown up, I keep it together in business but this is different. I’ve got friends, a man, and I thought we loved each other, but after you and Dad, Im not sure anymore.
Dont doubt, love. Youll be alright. Shame Hannahs away visiting her aunt right nowyoud have seen her.
Hannah would be lovely to see. But DadI really cant. Please dont ask me.
Dad was delayed another three days on his trip; he rang several times but I wouldnt answer. Part of me knew it was pride, but I only had to picture Helen and my anger flared again.
Eventually, Dad returned and came straight over. I saw straight away how much hed aged: thinning hair, tired eyes red from sleepless nights.
No words for your old dad? No hug? he said softly, looking straight at me.
Why should I? Youve got a new family, a new child.
Thats Helens boy, not mine. You, Julia, youre my only one. Sorry I didnt say sooner.
Goodbye, Dad, I said and went to my room.
Mum and Dad spoke quietly in the kitchen, then he left again.
The next morningmy last before heading backI went out to the river. Along the way, I spotted some boys racing their bikes. In one, I recognised Helens son, Matt. Suddenly, a clashshouts, then cries of pain. I sprinted over and saw Matt lying amid a pile of wood, his bike askew. His blue eyes were wide with fear and shock.
Hed gashed his right leg on a rusty nail sticking out of the planks, possibly twisted his left ankle. I slid off my jacket, made a pad for his head, did my best to offer first aid.
Youll be alright, I assured him, dialling Dad. Hurry, hes hurt.
Five minutes later, Dad skidded up in his old car. Helen, hair all over the place, came running in her housecoat. Matt, darling! Whats happened?
In the carquick! I instructed.
She rounded on me. What did you do?! she shrieked, panic-stricken.
Dad lifted Matt into the car. I slid in next to them, barely aware of why I was offering help.
At the town hospital, it was close to closing time but we were lucky; a nurse and a doctor hurried out, wheeled Matt in. Hell be OK; just needs the wound cleaned, maybe a check on his ankle, I said.
Helen sat, unmoving, staring at the wall. Dad looked at me, nodded his thanks. I left the hospital without glancing back, river walk forgotten.
***
Next day, come lunchtime, Mum and I stood by the coach station. Grey skies hung low, threatening rain. Everything felt dull and lifeless. This wasnt how I imagined leaving, not how Id expected my visit would turn out.
A small red Ford pulled up. Out hopped a man with a toddler, and a woman I recognised even after all these years.
Mum beamed. We made ityou see, Julia, its Hannah!
Hannah! For a second, I was a schoolgirl again, all awkward smiles as we hugged. Shame its so short, she said.
Julia, do you remember me? the man asked, holding the little lad. AndrewHannahs dad. I remember taking you two to your first class, she gripped my hand, you hung onto Vernon.
Yes I remember that. I managed a genuine smile.
As we swapped numbers, Dads car pulled up. Vernon and Helen helped Matt, awkward and pale but standing.
Matt cut through the silence. Look, Julia, I can stand on my own now!
I had no doubt. You were brave and barely cried, and you can just call me Julia, I smiled, surprising myself with the warmth I suddenly felt.
Helens voice was trembling. Julia, Im sorry about yesterday. I wasnt myself. Matts all I have, the way you are for Vernon.
Looking at them allold friends, family, newcomersI realised that in this little town, whether by blood or just by sharing a life, everyones kin. The minibus drew up. Mum started to cryquiet, heartfelt.
Mum, come on, Dad said gruffly. Julia will be back, wont you? He caught my eyeeyes the same hazel as hisand somehow I managed to step forward into his hug, feeling tears prick. He swept me up, like I was little, kissed my cheeks.
Just come back, please, he begged, and forgive me, if you can.
I will, I promised, hugging both Mum and Dad, hugging Hannah, I will come back. I climbed into the bus, watching faces I loved, and a few I would learn to accept, as we pulled away.
Even through the window, I could hear the chorusCome back soon!
I will, I whispered, tears drying on my face as the late sun finally burst through the clouds, spilling its warmth over us all.
Now, sitting alone heading back to London, I realise: forgiveness doesnt always come easy, nor does family. But we can choose to leave space for both.
