**”Youre Not My Wife: We Never Went to the Registry Office, Did We?”**
*”What kind of wife am I to you? Did we stand in a registry office? Exchange rings? Sign anything?”*
Emily lowered her gaze. She had dreamed of all this, but the years slipped by, and life carried on without formalities.
*”No! No! And no!”* barked Daniel. *”Youre nothing to me! What makes you think you can call yourself my wife?”*
*”Danny, please, talk to me!”* she pleaded, reaching for his hand.
*”What more is there to say?”* He pulled away. *”Youve already said too much!”*
*”I didnt say anything wrong”* Emily muttered.
*”Mark my words: silence is golden! Especially for you!”* He turned sharply toward the window.
*”Stop sulking, love!”* She inched closer.
*”You shouldve kept your mouth shut!”* Daniel threw his hands up. *”How do women have this knack for ruining everything with one sentence? Is there a class on driving men mad?”*
Emily assumed he was still cross about that mornings rowDaniel had smashed two mugs, his and hers.
*”How could you?”* shed fumed. *”Most people have hands, but yours might as well be rakes! Break yours, fine, but why touch mine? Did you want to leave us with no decent cups?”*
Just a silly domestic spat. The sort of thing you brush off. But Daniel had stormed off to work and returned in a frosty silence, ignoring her calls to dinner. Time to make peace.
*”Come on, well buy new mugs at Harrods on Saturday! And your handswell, practice makes perfect!”*
*”This isnt about mugs!”* His eyes flashed. *”Do you even realise what youve done with your loose tongue?”*
*”I can apologise”* Emily faltered. *”Dont be angry.”*
*”Apologise?”* He let out a hysterical laugh. *”If sorry could erase your words, Id be over the moon! But youve just finished me off!”*
*”For heavens sake, what did I even say?”* It finally dawned on herthis wasnt about crockery.
*”Who told my boss today that she was speaking to Daniels wife?”* He trembled with rage.
*”You were in the shower, the phone rang”* she babbled. *”I answered, said to hold on. She asked who I was. So I said I was your wife. When I passed the phone, shed hung up. Whats the crime?”*
*”Youre really asking?”* Daniels face darkened, a vein throbbing at his temple. *”What wife? Did we sign papers? Exchange vows? Slip a ring on your finger?”*
Emily swallowed. Shed dreamed of it, but
*”No! No! And no!”* he roared. *”Youre nobody! What gives you the right to call yourself my wife?”*
***
*”How long will this pantomime go on?”* smirked Margaret.
*”Mum”* Emily frowned. *”Times have changed. You of all peopleafter Dad, you played the field!”*
*”Dont slander your mother!”* Margaret kept smiling. *”At my age, gossip slides right off. But youre youngthink of the future!”*
*”Mum, fifty-five isnt ancient! You could still remarry!”*
*”If a decent man turns upwhy not?”* She smoothed a silver streak in her hair. *”Till then, Ill manage with stand-ins.”*
*”Youre impossible!”* Emily snorted.
Then her mother turned serious.
*”Love, I get itcouples live together, have kids. But legally? Its a flimsy arrangement. No security!”*
*”If theres love, who needs guarantees?”*
*”Love fades. Whats left? An official husband means alimony, a share in assets. Without that? Youll get nothing, not even in court!”*
*”Daniel and I are fine! Six years together. Why force a stamp? We earn the same.”*
*”Weak argument!”* Her mother wagged a finger. *”Drop hints! Call him hubby, joke about wifely duties. Ease him into it. Thenwalk him down the aisle!”*
*”What if I scare him off?”* Emily shook her head. *”Happiness is fragiledont tempt fate.”*
*”Your life,”* sighed Margaret. *”But remember: commitment marks maturity. What youve got? A shambles.”*
***
Her mothers advice gnawed at her. Marriage was insurance. Even her friend Charlotte agreed.
*”Imagine you take a mortgage. Its in Dans name. If you split?”*
*”Pessimist!”*
*”Say he gifts the flat to his nephew. You wont get a say! Courts a waste without a certificate.”*
*”Ill save receipts, find witnesses!”*
*”Or”* Charlotte grinned slyly, *”just sign with him.”*
*”Mum said to tease him as hubby. Ease him in.”*
*”Well, get on with it!”*
***
Emily began calling Daniel her “husband” at every chance. At first, he chuckled, then grew used to it. She almost believed the charadeuntil she told his boss that fatal line: *”This is his wife.”*
***
*”Weve been together six years!”* Her voice quivered. *”I thought we were family. Kids, growing old together”*
*”You shouldve stayed quiet!”* He paced furiously. *”Why meddle with Sarah? Now Im sacked!”*
*”But I always call you my husband!”*
*”The difference is, youve wrecked my career!”* Daniel hurled his keys onto the table. *”I wouldnt marry youI wont even live with you! Packing my things!”*
*”Youre serious?”* She gaped. *”So I said wife”*
*”Sarah kept me on out of personal interest! Now she thinks Im marriedyoure a thorn in her side!”*
***
A week later, Sarah herself rang the doorbell.
*”Sorry to intrude,”* she said, *”but I wanted to explain. Not about the sackingabout your years of delusion. We all thought he was single”*
*”We never signed anything,”* Emily whispered.
*”A live-in girlfriend,”* Sarah corrected. *”But now youre free. And you know”* Her lips twitched in a smile. *”Hes not the one. Not a husband, not a partnerjust a prat with a D.”*
Emily nodded. There was nothing left to say.
