**Diary Entry 25th November**
I froze by the stove, clutching my plate. The last traces of gravy from the beef stew still clung to itthe stew Margaret had just finished cooking. One by one, the pieces of meat vanished back into the pot, as though she were counting them out deliberately.
Youre not family, she said, wiping her hands on her apron before turning to face me. We never invited you in. You forced your way into our home.
The kitchen went so quiet I could hear the soup bubbling on the hob. I set the plate down, tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear. My hands shook.
Im sorry? I couldnt believe what Id just heard.
Whats unclear? Margaret folded her arms. We never accepted you. Five years of marriage, a granddaughternone of it changes the fact that you dont belong here.
The door creaked open, and in walked James, his shirt rumpled, hair tousledhe mustve dozed off after work.
Whats going on? His eyes darted between me and his mother. Why the shouting?
Were not shouting, Margaret said smoothly. Just talking. Explaining how things work in *this* house.
James frowned at me, but I stood there, lips pressed tight, too numb to speak. How could I explain that his mother had just made it clear I was nothing more than a guest? That even a plate of stew was too much to ask for?
Mum, what did you say?
The truth. That meat isnt for just anyone. Family comes first.
The lump in my throat nearly choked me. Five years. Five years Id spent thinking I was part of this family. Five years biting my tongue, swallowing every snide remark, hoping things would get better.
James, Im going home, I whispered. To Mums.
Home? Margaret scoffed. This *is* your home. Or do you think you can come and go as you please?
Mum, enough. James stepped towards me. What happened?
I didnt answer. How could I? Instead, I turned and left, heading upstairs to pack.
In the nursery, three-year-old Lily was feeding her doll. She beamed when she saw me. Mummy! Look, Im feeding Emily!
Good girl, I murmured, crouching to hug her. Are you hungry?
Yes! Granny said were having beef stew!
We are, sweetheart. But were going to have dinner at Grandma Susans instead.
Lilys eyes lit up. Yay! Is Daddy coming?
No. Daddys staying here.
As I packed her clothes, James appeared in the doorway. Lena, this is ridiculous. Youre leaving over a few words?
A few words? I straightened, gripping a tiny jumper. Your mother told me Im not family. She took food off my plate! Is that just *words* to you?
Shes stressed, thats all. Works been hard. She didnt mean it.
Didnt she? My laugh was bitter. Five years of stress? Five years of her picking me apartmy cooking, my cleaning, the way I raise Lily? And youve never once stood up for me.
He scrubbed a hand over his face. What do you want me to do?
I want you to *choose* me.
Silence.
From the kitchen, Margaret called, James! Dinners ready!
He hesitated, then left.
I rang Mum.
Susan? Its me. Can we stay a few days?
Of course, love. Whats wrong?
Ill explain later. Were leaving now.
Alright. Ive made shepherds pieplenty to go round.
I nearly cried. *Plenty to go round*. Mum never counted portions.
Lily chattered the whole bus ride, swinging her legs, thrilled at the adventure.
Mummy, why didnt Daddy come? she asked as we reached Mums doorstep.
Hes working, sweetheart.
Mum greeted us with open arms, scooping Lily up. Look at you, my darling! So big!
At the table, she piled our plates high. Eat up, Lena. Youre too thin. Arent they feeding you?
Ive not had much appetite lately.
Well, youre home now.
*Home*. The word settled in my chest. Here, no one called me an outsider.
Later, over tea, I told Mum everything.
And James? she asked softly.
He says Margaret didnt mean it. That I should ignore her.
Mum stirred her tea. Are you happy in this marriage?
The question caught me off guard.
I dont know, I admitted. I feel like a stranger in my own family.
She sighed. Love and respect, Lena. Without those, its not a family. Its just suffering.
James called that night. Lena, come home. Well talk.
Talk about what? Your mother doesnt see me as a person.
Shes sorry!
Is she? Or is she just sorry youre angry?
A pause. Then, quietly, Are you leaving me?
I dont know.
The next morning, he turned up on Mums doorstep with flowers.
I rented us a flat, he blurted. Just for now. Well live separatelyjust us.
I stared at the keys in his hand. A chance. A real one.
Mum set the table, serving us all equallyno one left out.
Well, she said, smiling, shall we toast to your new beginning?
I looked at James, then at Lily, happily buttering her toast.
Yes, I said. We shall.
Tomorrow, wed see our new flat. *Our* space. Where no one would count portions or decide who belonged.
Where thered always be a place for everyone at the table.
