Youre always hopping around, like a spring lamb
Well get up to such big things together, Lucy just wait and see! Sarah was gesturing wildly as she perched atop the windowsill of their dormitory room. Youll head off into consulting, Ill dive into marketing, and then bam! well have our own agency. Its all ahead of us!
Lucy glanced up from her notes and laughed, tossing her thick ponytail back.
Sarah, exams are in a week, and youre already building an empire.
What, arent we allowed to dream? Sarah hopped down from the windowsill and landed beside Lucy on the sagging bed. Seriously, Luce. Were not like the rest of those hens in our year. Were clever, you know? Were going to make it, you and I.
Lucy put her pen aside and looked at her friend dishevelled, in a faded t-shirt, but with eyes burning bright. And in that moment, she believed Sarah completely.
Well make it, of course we will, she agreed softly…
Ten years flashed by in the blink of an eye…
Lucy fought tooth and nail through the years. An internship at an international firm, sleepless nights agonising over reports, business English at dawn, Mandarin lessons at weekends. Forums, conferences, new connections. She scrambled upwards, scraping elbows and knees, but never stopped. By thirty, Lucy wore sharp suits of British wool, flew to Tokyo for meetings, and couldnt recall the last time shed cried from exhaustion she just hadnt the time.
Sarah met Victor in their third year. He worked as a mechanic, carried the scent of petrol, and looked at her as if she was the only woman in the universe. By fourth year, Sarah was pregnant; by fifth, she dropped out of university. The marketing agency faded somewhere between her daughters first teeth and the birth of her second child. Now, her empire was a three-bedroom flat on the outskirts of Birmingham, where she ruled over saucepans, tantrums, and a forever-leaking tap.
They still met sometimes less and less often.
Lucy brought gifts from her business trips: a silk scarf from Milan, a set of high-mountain tea from the Yunnan province. She dug out photos, showed Kyotos temples, and shared stories of tricky negotiations with Japanese partners.
They never say anything directly, can you imagine? Everythings hints, subtleties. I spent three months learning their etiquette just to avoid blundering in the first meeting.
Sarah nodded, fiddling with the tea packet in her hands, and stayed silent. Eventually, she sighed heavily.
Youve got it lucky. Meanwhile, Michaels brought home another bug from nursery, Victors always at work, moneys forever short
Lucy couldnt find the words. It seemed a wall had grown between them built from different lives, different languages, different scents: her designer perfume worth £200 against Sarahs baby powder.
On Sarahs birthday, Lucy arrived straight from the airport. Navy suit, heels, hair styled at the business lounge. She slipped easily into the party, laughing, chatting about her new project, catching mens interested glances and womens respectful ones.
Sarah sat off to the side
Her dress was old, the one shed worn to Victors work party three years earlier. Her hair pulled into a simple ponytail this morning there hadnt been time for even a hairdryer, Michael had acted up again. She watched Lucy glow at the centre of the room, watched everyone hang on every word, and felt something dark, bitter, sticky rising inside her. It wasnt envy. It was worse
Lucy wandered into the kitchen for a glass of water and stopped at the threshold. Sarah stood by the window, clutching a wine glass, staring out with an unfocused gaze.
Sarah, why are you standing here on your own? Lucy stepped closer, touched Sarahs shoulder. Come out, theyre bringing in the cake.
Sarah shrugged off her hand.
Go on. Theyre waiting for you.
Lucy frowned, but didnt give up. She poured herself water, took a sip, and gently began:
Look, Ive wanted to bring this up for ages You miss working, I can tell. Theres a position in our firm starter level, but with good prospects. I could talk to HR, theyd take you on for an internship, and then
Sarah banged her glass down so hard wine splashed across the countertop.
An internship? She turned, and Lucy recoiled from her expression. For me? An internship?
Sarah, I just wanted to help
Help? Sarah burst into laughter, but it was harsh and fractured. Do you hear yourself? Mighty Lady Lucy descending to bless her miserable old mate thanks for your kindness!
Youre misreading me, Lucy tried to keep calm. I see you hurting, I know you want more, so I offered an option.
Did I even ask you? Sarah stepped closer, Lucy instinctively took a step back. Youve changed, Luce. Used to be normal, now youre proud and aloof. You look down your nose at everyone with your Tokyo trips and fancy suits.
Thats not fair.
Not fair? Sarah yelled, someone peeked from the lounge and retreated quickly. Is it fair that you plaster your perfect life everywhere? Each day on Instagram here I am on a plane, here at the conference, heres my £500 smoothie! Think its nice to watch that?
Lucy was caught off guard, breathless…
Im sharing my happiness, Sarah. Thats normal.
Happiness? Sarah snorted. Youre just showing off! Making sure everyone knows how successful you are, while were left as failures. Normal women have families at thirty, raise kids, what about you? Leaping about the globe like a lamb, no husband, no children. Empty!
That word struck Lucy deep, in her most vulnerable place.
I worked hard, Lucy strained to keep her voice steady. All night long, while you watched soaps. I learned languages while you made stew. I chose this. I have the right.
Oh, spare me! You trampled over everyone, thats what. Think I dont know how you elbowed Mary out for that job? Selfish always thinking of yourself!
Lucy fell silent, watching her former friend. Her trembling lips, the red patches on her cheeks, the festering anger accumulated over years finally spilling out.
Suddenly, everything became terribly clear.
You dont hate me, Sarah, Lucy said quietly. You hate yourself. For not taking a risk. For letting go. Its easier to blame me than admit you were afraid.
Sarah paled.
Leave!
Already gone, Lucy set the glass down and moved towards the door. Goodbye, Sarah. Best of luck with your cosy routine.
Lucy grabbed her bag from the hook and swung open the front door. Cold rain lashed her face, but she didnt flinch, stepping into the grey curtain.
Heels clacked across wet pavement. Her expensive suit soaked, mascara surely streaked down her cheeks, but it didnt matter anymore. Lucy walked to the tube, breathing lighter with each step.
Odd she expected pain. Expected the ache of fifteen years of friendship, the loss of the girl with wild eyes on the dorm window, their shared dreams and plans. But what came instead was relief, dull yet shamefully freeing.
Their friendship hadnt died today. It faded little by little, year by year, conversation by conversation. Each time Lucy shared joy and received only pursed lips. Each time she spoke of plans, Sarah rolled her eyes. Each time she tried to pull her friend out of the mire, and Sarah clung tighter, dragging her down.
Lucy descended into the Underground and sat on an empty seat, not caring about the wet marks she left behind. She pulled out her mirror from her bag, glimpsed her reflection smeared mascara, unruly hair, red eyes. She smirked and tucked the mirror away.
Tomorrow she would rise at six, fix her hair, put on another suit, and head off to work. Because her life wasnt defined by someone elses resentment
A month later, Lucy was summoned by the managing director. She walked in, ready for anything a new project, critique, another marathon of negotiations. Mr. Mitchell silently handed her a folder, Lucy scanned the first page.
Appointment as Regional Director for Asia.
A year-long contract in Singapore.
Youve earned this, Lucy, he leaned back in his chair. The board was united in their choice. Flights in three weeks, will you be ready?
Lucy looked up from the documents and nodded.
Yes. Ill be ready.
She left the office, clutching the folder to her chest, and paused in the empty corridor for a few seconds. Outside, November sun was setting, streaking the sky with gold and crimson. Somewhere in Birmingham, Sarah was probably preparing dinner and grumbling to Victor about the worlds injustice.
And Lucy was packing for Singapore.
And not once, not for a moment in her whole life, did she regret her choice. As the English say you reap what you sow.
In the end, your happiness isnt measured by others expectations. Its built by your courage to follow your own path, however lonely or uncertain it might seem.
