When there is a wedding in a family, it brings a whirlwind of emotions for everyone involved. Marriage fills the air with anticipation and happiness.
Yet, for some reason, people always seem to look at things from just one side, forgetting that, like every coin, life has two faces.
No, I dont believe marriage itself is a dreadful thing. Its just that many women still hold to the idea that happiness can only be found through marriage and starting a family. Often, young girls dont truly grasp what marriage entails or what it demands from you.
For many, the main objective is simply to get marriedand afterwards, they believe all will fall neatly into place.
Let me tell you about my own experience, remembered with the clarity that only distance brings. I once believed that if I married the man I loved and had a child with him, I would be the happiest woman in all of England.
But, alas, marriage brought a host of new troubles into my life. We hadnt even begun to save for a house when I learned I was expecting. These days, raising a child is no small expense in pounds and pence.
We were delighted at the news of the baby. My husband was running his own little shop at the time, while I was on maternity leave, plagued by deep financial uncertainty. Even saving up for our own home was a dream too far. Motherhood, too, proved a steep hill to climb. Our son was fretful and always poorly, and I couldnt seem to get enough sleep. My nerves were so frayed I scarcely recognised myself, and at times, I considered packing a bag and running off. Not every woman, I realised, is cut out to be the keeper of home and hearth.
I wish I had understood that sooner. When my son was two, my husbands business went under. He fell into a cloud of misery. And in England, as anywhere, despair has a habit of leading a man to the bottle. With no other option, I took matters into my own hands. I sent our boy to nursery school and found myself two full-time jobs. I worked myself to the bone just to keep our heads above water, whilst my husband lay in a drunken stupor in bed. The weight was so crushing at times, I thought I might simply break apart. Left alone, I could have managedno trouble with the money, the exhaustion, or even my own mind.
One afternoon, at the end of my tether, I asked my mother-in-law to speak with her son and help set him straight. It isnt fitting for a man to simply give up on his family, nor to ignore his responsibility. In that moment, I bared my heart to her, confessing how terribly hard it all was, how close to breaking Id come.
I hoped for kindness, for comforting words. Instead, she told me this: You must remember, youre not the only one whos suffered hardship. But you are a womanyoure meant to shoulder these burdens, for it is unbecoming of a woman to appear weak.
It is usually a woman who holds a family together. So bite your tongue when you want to scream, and wipe your eyes dry before the tears fall. Whatever fate hands us, take it and press on. Dont go complaining!
Truly, her words pierced me like a cold, sharp knife.
She, too, is a woman, and I know she has suffered as well. Her own husband is idle, yet instead of leaning on one another, she only told me to bear it and turn a blind eye. But how much more can I bear? We have only one life, and surely it ought to be lived with some ease and some laughter. Of course, there will be stumbling blocks along the waybut not like this. Surely a womans lot is to be cherished and joyful, not to merely endure.
